The Guide to Getting It On (47 page)

A Little Help from Your Friends:
If you have a friend who is more experienced at giving blowjobs, consider asking her (or him) for pointers, but keep in mind that you will soon be evolving your own personal style. What you do will also vary depending on the guy you are doing it with.

Oral Sex with Men of Size

Oral sex may be problematic if your man’s salami is on the enormous side. Never fear. The illustration at the end of the “If You Don’t Like the Way He Tastes” section shows how you can still lick and kiss it into submission. Use your hands while focusing your efforts on the frenulum.

Cojones with Hands

Using your hands is as important to blowjobs as it is to sign language. Be sure to include lots of finger and hand work. At the same time that your mouth is on his penis, try caressing your partner’s testicles. The part of his penis that is covered by the scrotum might respond nicely to fingertip massage while you are giving him oral sex. Massaging this area with your free hand can substantially increase the sensation. If you make hand play a part of the blowjob, he’s not as likely to notice when your mouth needs a rest.

Cojones by Mouth

“I love my boyfriend’s testicles. I like taking them into my mouth one at a time and sucking on them. The skin on the sack is really soft and feels great in my mouth.”
female age 23

Some men will be highly appreciative if you take one or both of their testicles in your mouth. Don’t fear doing this. Just go slowly the first couple of times until you get the hang of it. The skin around the testicles (scrotum) also loves being licked and kissed. The sensitivity of the scrotum has been compared to the lips of a woman’s genitals. If he doesn’t have an erection, you might be able to fit his testicles in your mouth as well as his penis.

Right before He Comes

There might be certain things that you can do just before a man starts to come that will increase his pleasure. Some women wrap a hand around the bottom part of the penis so the entire shaft feels like it’s inside a vagina. Others place their fingertips along the seam on the front side of the penis and apply a bit of pressure. They might be able to feel the ejaculate surge through the penis when they do this. Some men appreciate it if you increase the vacuum in your mouth as they are about to come, but be careful about sucking the surge of ejaculate into your sinuses. Some men enjoy it if you hold or caress their testicles or massage the part of the shaft that’s beneath them. Since this is a highly individual matter, let him know that you would like to experiment with a couple of new things and seek his feedback.

An experienced prostitute who consulted on this chapter said she finds that many men like to have their nipples pinched as they are about to come.

Learn When He’s Coming

If you know the right signs to look for, you can often learn when your man is about to come. This will give you options to get your mouth out of the line of fire if you don’t want to swallow.

Until you learn his body’s signs, ask him to tell you when he’s about to ejaculate. You might notice that his penis starts to swell and contort just before it spurts. You can feel this in your mouth. A hand over the testicles may be a good source of information, as testicle tend to draw closer to the body when a man is about to ejaculate. Also, his buns or abs might tighten up or his hips might give a thrust when coming is inevitable.

If You Don’t Like the Way He Tastes

If you know you’re not going to swallow, keep a hand around the base of his penis while you are sucking on the upper half. As the signs of ejaculation present themselves, free your mouth from the line of fire, slide your hand up the shaft, to just below the head, and start pumping for Old Glory. Be sure your grip is firm and pump fast and furious. This is no time for a gentle touch. And don’t stop pumping just because he starts to ejaculate. This would be like the cable or satellite signal going dead during the last two minutes of your favorite show. Keep stroking until you have milked out the lasts drops of ooze.

Here are some other suggestions that you might find helpful:

• Toothpaste, Mints, or Sweet Liquor:
  Sticking a dab of toothpaste in your mouth before inserting a penis can improve the taste greatly. Or try sucking on a mint beforehand. The flavor of blowjobs can also be enhanced by sipping on your favorite sherry or liquor, unless you are a confirmed whiskey or Scotch drinker. Most of these will drown out any flavors from your man’s wild turkey. Or you might try glazing his yam with things like honey, jam or whipped cream. Champagne blowjobs can be fun, although they can result in nasty hangovers. If you enjoy experimenting with minty liquors such as creme de menthe, do a small test patch on the side of the penis beforehand. While a little menthol on the skin can feel great, especially when you blow on it, too much can burn. It takes a few minutes for the full intensity of the burn to peak, so wait before declaring your test a success.
  
• Slobber and Punt:
  When Old Faithful is about ready to blow, start to mobilize a pool of slobber in your mouth. When he comes, let the floodgates loose. The saliva will help thin the ejaculate, making it run out of your mouth faster. And don’t worry about the mess. The more goo and slime running down the shaft, the better.
  
• To the Rear:
  If you are going to swallow but want to decrease the taste, place his penis as far back in your mouth as you can while still being comfortable. Then start swallowing fast. Unless he comes in buckets, it should decrease the amount of ejaculate that hits your taste buds.
  
• Sublingual Ejaculation:
  This tip is in the excellent book
  Tricks — 125 Ways to Make Good Sex Better
  by Jay Wiseman. When it feels like a man is close to coming, put your tongue over the head of his penis. He won’t know the difference, but the first splash will hit the underside of your tongue where there aren’t any taste buds.
  
• Let Him Help:
  Some guys won’t mind finishing themselves off with their own hand if you have taken the time and energy to give them a really good blowjob. It might be a special treat if you kiss or suck on their testicles while they pump themselves to orgasm.
  
• Bag It:
  Not only will putting a condom on a penis before a blowjob protect you from getting sexually-transmitted infections, but they allow you to bring him off without swallowing a drop.
  

Jewelry on Your Tongue or On His Penis?

If you have jewelry on your tongue, experiment with ways of focusing it on certain parts of his penis for an added effect. If he has jewelry on his penis, explore ways of using your tongue or mouth on it that he finds pleasurable. For more on sex with piercings, see Chapter 44:
Tattoos and Piercings
.

Putting a Condom on with Your Lips

An experienced partner can slip a condom over a man’s penis with her mouth and he will never know it is there. This suggests that the problems some guys have with wearing condoms might be mental. (What else is new?)

In her book
The Ultimate Guide To Fellatio
, Cleis, Violet Blue suggests that you wet your lips and put the unrolled condom up to your mouth. Pull just enough vacuum to suck the reservoir tip of the condom into your mouth a bit. This should hold the rest of the condom, which is still rolled up, against your lips. Bend over the penis and pop the unrolled part over the head. Then walk the unrolled part down the shaft either with your lips or fingers. You might want to practice alone once or twice on your favorite banana.

A key to all of this is getting non-lubricated condoms. Condom lube tastes absolutely awful, as do spermicides. As of press time, the word on flavored condoms is that they were pretty dreadful except for the Trustex, although some people will beg to differ. Either way, the flavor is just coated on and goes away fairly soon.

Also, if you don’t mind the taste of the lubricant, the condoms made of polyurethane might transmit the warmth of your mouth better, and the warmth is one of the things that feels extra nice about receiving a blowjob.

WARNING! Do not use the same condom for intercourse that you use for a blowjob. You are probably making micro tears in the condom with your teeth, which will make it less effective for birth control.

Dealing with Condom Balkers

Here are two approaches to consider if you want a man to use a condom while blowing him but he balks.

1. In a loud and clear voice, say, “Forget it, Charlie! If you think it tastes THAT great, suck on it yourself.” Actually, he probably would if he could, and has maybe even tried a couple of times.

2. Try making the whole process of oral sex more fun and pleasurable for both of you. If he knows that the blowjob is going to be lots of fun, putting a condom on won’t be such a big deal. You might hawk a small wad of spit on the head of a man’s penis right before bagging it with a condom. This will help the sensations translate through the condom better, although it might be a way of transmitting some viruses to his penis from your mouth. If you are really prepared, use a drop or two of water-based lube on his penis or put it in the condom before rolling it on. Once you have rolled the condom over his penis, squish the lube around the entire head.

While He’s Coming, and Afterward

At the end of a blowjob, there are two events that happen in rapid sequence: the time when he is coming and the time after he comes. If you keep his penis in your mouth while he is coming, find out what he wants you to do while he’s in the process of ejaculating. Does he want you to suck harder, suck less, pump his shaft with his other hand?

Then try to get a sense of how soon after he ejaculates the head of his penis starts to get extra sensitive. For some men, the head of the penis can become painfully sensitive. What you were doing before he came might have felt great, but actually hurts after. Does he want you to keep his penis in your mouth, but to slow the action way down? Or maybe he’s got callouses on the thing and wants you to keep going as if nothing happened. Another option is to keep the penis in your mouth, but to stop the sucking action and instead pump the shaft with your hand. Pumping by hand usually is no problem for a sensitive head, as the foreskin acts as an insulator. The only way to learn this is from experience and plenty of helpful feedback on his part.

Clearing the Pipes After He Comes

When a man is masturbating, right after he comes he might reach into the perineum area (between his balls and butt) with his fingers to sort of push out any cum that’s still in the pipes. Or he might push into the hidden part of the penis that’s between his testicles to do the same thing. It’s the post-jerk-off equivalent of wagging your penis after you pee.

While this would certainly be an advanced oral-sex technique that he wouldn’t expect of most women, you might ask him about it and see if he can show you how to do it, assuming it’s what he does.

What If He Doesn’t Come?

This is a situation where one woman’s blessing is another woman’s curse. More guys than you think don’t come from oral sex no matter how great your blowjob. If that’s the case, you and he will need to settle on how long the blowjob should last. You will also need lots of reassurance from him about just how good the blowjob feels, and that he’s just wired in such a way that this is not how he has an orgasm. The chances are good he loves the feeling of receiving a blow job as much as men who come, so the last thing you want to feel like is a failure.