The Guide to Getting It On (5 page)

Readers’ Smooch Advice: The Basics

“Please don’t eat my mouth. A good kiss can make me wet with desire, with only the softest touch.”
female age 23

“Start really light. Barely brush your lips against hers. Be very aware of her response. Increase the pressure ever so slightly when she begins to meet your lips. Eventually, touch the tip of your tongue to her lips. If she opens her mouth, you can let your tongue enter just the smallest bit, but try not to force her mouth open.”
male age 25

“Kissing is not just a preliminary to fucking. Gently explore with your tongue, lightly suck on her lips and tongue. If she is into it as much as you, kiss with good suction, not lazily.”
female age 45

“When you’re kissing, be gentle; don’t swallow a woman’s entire face or dig your teeth into her cheeks.”
female age 36

Breathe or Die, and Don’t Forget to Swallow

People who are new to kissing sometimes ask if they should kiss with their eyes open or closed. We don’t know.

Another question is what to do with your nose. When you are kissing, your mouth is often busy, while your nose is mostly in the way. Breathing through your nose gives it a purpose and keeps your partner from feeling like you are attempting mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Tilting your head to the side can help avoid a collision of oncoming beaks.

You might find it helpful to take an occasional pause in the make-out action. Maybe you need to catch your breath; if you’re a guy, maybe you need to adjust your erection if it’s pointing in an uncomfortable direction. You can keep the momentum going during these intermissions by gently stroking the side of your partner’s face with the back of your fingers, or you can tell them how much they turn you on or how lucky you are to be with them.

As for whether to swallow often, take these comments to heart:

“Try not to slobber!”
female age 25

“Turn off the water works! There is nothing worse than a big slobbery wet kiss.”
female age 27

“An overly wet mouth is a turn-off.”
female age 32

“Girls love slobber. At least that’s what they tell me. Maybe that’s ’cause I slobber. Hey, wait a second!”
male age 22

French Kissing

French kissing is the oral version of spelunking. The reason it is called “French kissing” is that French women found it to be an effective way to make French men stop talking.

French kissing is not a tongue-to-tonsils regatta. Try swallowing first, and go gently. Pretend your tongue is Baryshnikov instead of Vin Diesel, and you will do just fine. There is always time for tonsil-sucking later. (Baryshnikov is one of the most famous male ballet dancers in history. But if you prefer your tongue to be a Nijinsky or Nureyev, no problem.)

Mouths enjoy variety. Don’t occupy your partner’s mouth like it’s a New York City parking space. Bring your tongue out for air. Try changing the pace by kissing your partner’s neck before re-probing the deep.

Some people think their tongues should act like a penis when they are French kissing. A penis gets hard and likes to thrust in and out of anything that will have it. It can’t help itself. But a tongue shouldn’t thrust in and out like a penis and you shouldn’t try to deep throat a partner with it.

“Take it slow and easy, but not too easy.”
female age 26

“Don’t jam your tongue down someone’s throat until she invites you in.”
female age 38

“Getting deep throated for fifteen minutes at a whack is no fun.”
female age 48

First Time French Kissing Advice

No one wants to jam their tongue down a partner’s throat if it’s not welcome. But how do you know? It’s not like many people would feel comfortable stopping and asking, “Is it okay if we French kiss now?”

Fortunately, you don’t need to leap from closed-lip kissing to tonsil hockey in one fell swoop. If you’ve been kissing for awhile and your partner is still into it, you might try opening your mouth a bit so there’s a space between your lips. You can then gently run the tip of your tongue around the edge of your partner’s lips. That way, you’re not invading their open-mouth space, but you’re not being a weenie either. See how your partner responds. If they want your tongue, they’ll let you know. They might even put their tongue in your mouth. Or maybe it will feel nice to gently suck on an upper or lower lip without anyone’s tongue leaving its bullpen.

Once your tongue gets the green light, you might want to explore a partner’s mouth with your tongue, including the sensitive corners of their lips, the ridges on the roof of their mouth, and their gums and teeth. But how do you do this without them feeling like you are performing an oral strip search with your tongue? Your best bet is to forge ahead in small steps, seeing how your partner responds each time before exploring further.

Tongue Sucking

There’s not much to say about sucking on each other’s tongues except that you might find it to be really enjoyable. Tongue sucking can also be wildly sensual and suggestive. Some lovers get very turned on by doing it as well as by having it done to them.

You are basically doing the same thing to your partner’s tongue that you would to a lollipop. Sometimes you can actually suck your partner’s tongue into your mouth, which can be kind of cool. Be gentle and brief your first few times as a tongue sucker to see if your partner likes it.

Only Two Tongue Tips

Books on kissing list dozens of different types of kisses and tongue tricks that you’re supposed to remember and utilize in moments of passion. More power to you if you’re able to do that. As for this guide’s tongue tips, there are only two. The tip of a pointed tongue is hard, and a flat tongue is soft. Experiment with hard, flat, and whatever feels good in between.

Hands on a Partner’s Breasts and Butt and In Their Hair

What you do with your hands when you are kissing can put a kiss into hyper drive or can mess everything up. Here are some things to consider:

• Hair:
  Once you’ve been kissing for several minutes and the situation is warming up, a partner might enjoy it if you run your fingers through their hair while you are still kissing. But if a woman has a head full of hair extensions or serious moussing has been done, she might grab your hand and pull it away. Respect this. Run your fingers through a partner’s hair once and see what their reaction is. Also beware that hair follicles are more like nipples then meets the eye. Some partners will want you to approach them with gentleness, others will appreciate a firm and confident grip.
  
• Breasts:
  Just because a woman might have her tongue down your throat far enough to tickle your nipples from the inside, don’t assume you have a free pass to be groping her breasts. A guy should never assume it’s okay to put a hand on a breast just because they are locking lips. Women often say that if a woman wants a man’s hands on her breasts, she should grab them and put them there. Unfortunately, not all women have read books like this one. They don’t realize that if they want something they need to speak up and ask for it. So if it seems like a woman’s breasts are calling you to grope them from under her shirt but she won’t put your hand there, you might try sensuously running your hand up and down her side. Go slowly and stay away from her breasts. Don’t move your hands closer until you get a loud and clear signal to do so. Otherwise, you risk totally killing the moment.
  
• Backs and Butts:
  It can feel really good when a partner gently runs a hand up and down your back while you are kissing, as long as it’s part of the making-out synergy instead of competing for center stage. The same is true with a hand on the butt. However, the butt crack and the area under the butt cheeks is best left for couples who have made out before.
  

Body Contact vs. Dry Humping

Unless you are leaning across a table and kissing, it’s pretty hard to ignore that your chests and crotches are speaking to each other when you are making out. You don’t want to stop the conversation, nor do you want your partner to feel like they’re being humped by a giant poodle. (There will be times when making out turns into dry humping, but kissing passionately and dry humping are not the same.) The safest and smartest route is to let your partner be the one who leans into you.

Flossing, Brushing and Death Breath

It is raunchy to kiss with pieces of food stuck in your teeth. Flossing and brushing can make you far more attractive than wearing cologne or sucking on breath mints. If you are concerned about bad breath, check with your dentist. Dentists know all about bad breath, as many of them have it. Ask if you should scrape the surface of your tongue with the edge of a spoon. The white gooey stuff that the spoon picks up is said by some to cause certain kinds of bad breath. But it’s only a temporary fix and won’t take the place of brushing.

If you are eating food with garlic or onions, make sure the person you plan to smooch shares some big bites. Flossing and brushing won’t put a dent in breath that is laced with garlic. Your only defense is to share the offense.

Kissing when You Are Wearing Lip Gloss

Some partners will refuse to kiss a woman who is wearing lipstick or lip gloss. They prefer lips that are natural. Others like it when a woman is wearing a particular flavor. You usually can’t go wrong with a natural hydrating beeswax gloss like Burt’s Bees, but the greasy glosses can feel gross.

Plenty of women will pull out a tissue and do a quick lipstick wipedown or wipeoff when they’re about to start kissing. This can be a wise maneuver if you are kissing someone for the first time. Once you get to know them better, ask what they prefer. Try out your favorite flavors and see if they bite.

As for glitter gloss, there aren’t a lot of guys who enjoy being asked about the glitter trail that was left behind. Just sayin’....

Out Darn Gum!

Even if you just popped in a new piece of gum and it’s still bursting with flavor, do not try to hide it in the back of your mouth when you are making out. There are couples who have no problem passing a wad of gum back and forth. But until you and your partner are that kind of couple, remember that’s what the undersides of tables and chairs is for.

If You Are Wearing Braces

For people who have braces with rubber bands, consider taking the rubber bands out ahead of time. One reader barely escaped mid-smooch tragedy when a rubber band on his sweetheart’s braces came unhooked and nearly shot him in the uvula. A direct hit would have triggered the same reflex that causes vomiting.

Also, an incoming tongue might get scratched or caught on metal edges that don’t pose a problem for you. For a practical but sexy come on, tell a new partner that you are concerned about this and would feel better if he or she slowly and thoroughly explored the inside of your mouth with a tongue.

Putting the “Neck” in Necking

In hundreds of sex surveys, both male and female readers of
The Guide
have said that they wished their partner would spend more time kissing them on the neck. Lots more time.

So while lips, eyelids, ears, noses, cheeks, and foreheads are excellent areas to kiss, don’t forget the neck. Few wanted vampire action, but something this side of raising a hickey might help create a welcome reception in parts of the body that are further south.

What about Hickeys?

Hickeys are what happen when a lover sucks on your neck or other body parts with enough force to cause internal bleeding. The hickey is the resulting bruise. Some people love the feel of getting hickeys. Some are proud of their hickeys and display them the way bikers do tattoos. Other people feel mortified and even wear turtlenecks in the middle of summer to cover hickeys up.