The Harder I Fall (7 page)

“I have to go; they’re taking me back to the holding cell,” he said.

“I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you, too. Thank you for helping.”

I put my phone on the table and let the tears that I had been holding in fall down my cheeks. “What is it?” Levi swooped me into his arms and held me while I cried.

“Chad’s been arrested, and I don't know what I’m going to do.”

“What’s his bail?”

“I don't know. I have to call and find out.”

“Okay, well once you do that, we can come up with a game plan to help him. One thing at a time; don’t get yourself too worked up until we know how bad things are.” He rubbed my back as he spoke.

I let him wipe the tears from my cheeks and kiss me. “I’m going to see what I can do from here.” I got up and went into my room so I could calm myself down before calling to see what could be done for Chad.

I was torn between sadness for him and a burning anger toward my mother. What kind of person would let her child sit in jail? I shouldn't have to be the adult; I should be allowed to be a teenager for once in my life.

With shaky hands, I picked up my phone again and made the necessary calls to get Chad out of the mess he’d gotten himself into. An hour later, I found out that he couldn’t be bailed out until he had his arraignment, and that wouldn’t be until Monday since it was a holiday weekend. One of the sucky things about living in a small town is that pretty much everything shut down. Chad was going to have to stay in jail until at least then. They also told me that he would need to be released to a responsible person when and if he was let out on bail. My stress level skyrocketed when the man said those words.

Levi must have come in at some point, but I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear him until he touched my shoulder and scared me to death. “Sorry, thought you heard me come in.”

“No, it’s my fault; I was just trying to figure out what to do. They said Chad won't be arraigned until at least Monday. I don't know how much it will cost, or if they will even let him out. I think I have to go home, too; he needs to be released to someone responsible. They won’t just let him walk out.”

“Start packing then.” He got up and went into the other room.

“Levi, I need to figure all of this out before I make a decision on anything. I don’t even know if I can afford it.”

I could feel myself breaking down again, knowing that the money I had in my savings account would not cover any of this. “Just pack, I’ll take care of everything else.” He came back in and hugged me tightly against him. “Let me help.”

I wanted to argue, and say some crap about how I could do it all by myself, but I was too tired and stressed out to say it. I grabbed my duffel bag and tossed some clothes in at random, not caring what they were. I heard Levi on the phone in the other room, but I couldn't hear what he was saying.

When I was all packed, I walked back out to where he was.

“We’re all set to leave from New York in a couple of hours,” he said. “We can book a hotel on the way to the airport. I need to run and pack, but I’ll be back in a few.” He kissed me and left. It was times like this that I wished I had friends back home. Someone who would have looked after Chad for me and kept him out of trouble.

I was a ball of energy. I paced the floor waiting for Levi to come back. I couldn't stop thinking about Chad, and what he must be going through. I was so mad at him for getting mixed up with drugs, and even angrier at my mom for once again failing to be a parent.

Levi was back before I had too long to think. “Ready?”

“I guess so.” In truth, I wasn’t ready. I didn't want to bring him with me to the one place I had run from.

There was a car waiting for us when we got out to the street. “Um, whose car is this?” It was a sleek town car.

“It’s from a service; don’t worry about it.” He slid across the seat and beckoned me in with him.

“You keep saying that.”

“Saying what?” he asked.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I guess now is as good a time as any to have this conversation.”

My heart sped up a bit when he said that and I wasn’t so sure I would like where it would go.

“I come from money, but not in the sense that my family is comfortable. We’re more than rich. I would never have to work a day in my life if I chose not to,” he said.

So my new boyfriend owned the world; that was sort of scary.

“Are you okay with that?”

“I guess so. Not much I can do about you being richer than half the population, right?” I laughed nervously.

“There’s a bit more. I was going to talk to you about this earlier tonight, but I don’t know, I chickened out, I guess.” He looked out the window. “I’m not a stranger to your brother’s situation. I’ve been arrested a few times, and I even did a stint in jail.”

This shocked me; Levi did not seem the type at all. “Really?”

“Yeah. I was a drug dealer at the private school I went to. I pretty much thought that, because my family was rich, I was above the law. I didn't even try not to get caught. I’ve done every drug you can think of, and most of them before my fifteenth birthday. I’m not proud of my past, but it’s made me who I am. I can appreciate how fortunate I am now, and I’m not the same spoiled rich kid from the good part of town.”

I wanted to hold him, to tell him that I didn’t care about any of that. The words wouldn't come, though, and he wouldn’t meet my eyes. The drive to the airport was silent and uncomfortable. I knew that I probably ruined things by not saying anything.

We were ushered onto a private plane at a small airfield outside of the city. Levi didn't say anything as he helped me with my bags. I was too tired to do anything so I curled up in my seat and drifted off to sleep.

“If you tell anyone about this, you’ll be next.” His voice was scratchy and icy cold next to my ear as I held Frannie’s lifeless body against mine. Chad was crying next to me and I clung to him with my free arm. I watched as my dad sat down in the corner with my mom and shot some more crap into his veins. If the drinking was bad, the drugs were worse. The violence was normal, but the indifference that followed always sliced through me like a knife. Just like always, he didn’t show remorse for what he’d done. He didn’t care that he had beat his eight-year-old daughter to death and was covered in her blood.

In that moment, I was brave, and I did the one thing I could for Frannie.

“911, what is your emergency?” A friendly voice said from the other end of the phone.

“It’s your fault he’s gone. You should never have said it was him who done it.” My mother’s eyes were cold, and the sting of her hand against my cheek was searing hot. “You ain’t no daughter of mine no more.” She walked away from me, clutching Chad’s small hand in hers.

I looked at my hands, still covered in Frannie’s blood. The smell of death and alcohol was strong, and it made me want to throw up. In that moment, I knew her love for my father would always outweigh anything she felt for us.

Levi was shaking me. “Wake up, Becca.”

“What time is it?” I blinked at him, trying to accustom my eyes to the light.

“We’ve only been in the air for an hour, but you were screaming in your sleep.”

“Sorry.” I looked away from him.

“Are we going to be like this from now on? All weird and uncomfortable around each other? Did I ruin it by telling you about my past?”

“No, I ruined it by not saying anything after you told me. I’m sorry. I’ve always been up front about how bad at this I am.” I shrugged. “I can understand if you want to end this and just be friends.”

“It was a fight, well not even really a fight; it was a speed bump. Don't try and run from me already.”

“I’m not scared away by what you told me. My life hasn’t been easy, either, and I haven't always made the right choices. I’m here still, and I’m not trying to run. This is all just new to me. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time,” I told him,

He pulled me to my feet and claimed my lips with his own. His hands twined in my hair, holding me tightly against him. I sighed against him and let him take charge, wrapping my arms around his body. His lips were everywhere, streaking kisses from my lips down my jawline to my neck. I shivered against him, reveling in the new sensations he was bringing about.

I took a step back and shrugged out of my jacket; the temperature had risen a few thousand degrees. Levi looked at me and licked his lips before pouncing on me again. His hands slid up the back of my shirt, his fingers gliding along my skin. He devoured me, and I followed his lead. My hands fisted in his hair. I wanted to feel him, needed to be close to him. He had my shirt half off before I stopped him.

“I’m not ready for this. It’s all too much. Everything with my brother… I just need to slow down. Is that okay?”

“Of course it is. I'm not saying that I don't want to go further, but we have plenty of time for that in the future. Believe me when I say that I wasn't trying to have sex with you on my father’s jet with a whole flight crew in the other room.” He grinned.

I laughed; of course I was overthinking things as usual. Maybe one day I would just be able to feel instead of thinking things to death.

Levi sat back in his seat and I did the same. “What do you want to do about Chad when we spring him?” he asked.

“Honestly? I have no idea. I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to stay in school; he obviously needs someone at home who is responsible.” I could feel my dreams slipping away, but I pushed the sadness aside. Chad needed my strength, not weakness and self-pity.

L
EVI HAD CHECKED US INTO
the only decent hotel in my small town; it was a Best Western or something like that. I didn’t really care, as long as there was a bed and a shower I was happy. We crashed as soon as we stumbled through the door. There was only one bed, but I was tired and didn’t care that we shared it. After quickly brushing my teeth and washing my face, I curled up in a ball on my side of the bed and passed out.

I woke up with Levi’s arm slung across my back and his leg draped over one of mine. He was a human heater; I had no blankets on me and I was sweating. “Morning.” He rolled off of me and laid on his back.

I groaned and pulled a pillow over my face. Two hours of sleep was not enough to face the day. I needed a million more. I felt the mattress shift as he got up, but I didn’t move. The sound of the shower running lulled me back to sleep. An hour later, Levi woke me up again with coffee and donuts.

“Feeling any better?” He smoothed the hair away from my face.

“Not really, but I know I need to get over there and check if they’ll let me see Chad.”

“I made a few calls while you were sleeping. I think I’ve got a lawyer who will take Chad on as a client.”

“You did?” I asked.

“He owes me a favor. I think he’ll be here in the morning.”

I nodded, not really sure what to say. I bit into a donut and the sugar assaulted my taste buds; I had to force myself to swallow. “Who is he?”

“My brother, Joseph.”

I smiled weakly, really nervous about meeting his brother in these terrible circumstances. “It’s really nice of him to come all the way here to help us.”

Levi barked out a laugh. “Nice isn’t what I would call it.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Why do you say it like that?”

“Joseph doesn’t do anything out of kindness. He’s doing this because I asked him to do it. But don't think he won’t do everything in his power to do right by Chad. He’s great at what he does, I promise”

I nodded and made my way into the bathroom to get ready for the worst day in history. All I could think about was Chad, and what he must be going through. In spite of the worry, though, I was angry, but mostly with myself for leaving him to begin with.

Levi was sitting on the bed talking on the phone when I finally came out showered and dressed. “Mom, I have to go; I’ll call you later.” He smothered a smile. “Yeah, love you, too.” He turned to me. “Ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I mentally shook myself.

“It’s going to be fine.” He kissed me softly.

We walked out of the room and down to the car. I gave him directions to the jail.. “Are you going to tell your mom you’re here?” he asked me as we drove.

“Nope. She doesn’t care anyway. If she cared, Chad wouldn’t be sitting in jail.” I turned away from him, not wanting my bitterness to burn him like it burned me. He let it drop; he didn’t try and have small talk, or get me to reconsider. He just left me alone with my thoughts.

The jail was a drab concrete building with little slits for windows, attached to the courthouse and police station. I had spent more than my fair share of time here as a kid. Coming with my mom to bail out my dad when he got into a fight at one of the bars he haunted. Then when I testified at his trial. That was the last time I had been there. I suppressed a shiver as we walked up the steps.

My hand found Levi’s as we walked through the doors. The pressure of his fingers against my own was reassuring.

“Hi, I’m here to see Chad Langer.” My voice shook.

The woman behind the desk flipped through the papers on her clipboard. “Only one of you can go back.”

“I’ll be here when you get back,” Levi said and squeezed my hand.

I walked behind the woman, through a series of locked doors. She left me in front of another desk, telling the man behind it whom I was there to see. “Do you have any weapons on your person?” He didn’t even bother to look up from his computer screen. I had a fleeting semi hysterical thought that I should say yes just to see what he would say but I smothered it and told him no. I really hated that Chad was in there with people of all ages. Part of the problem with living in a small town is that they don’t have a separate place for everyone. They had the jail connected to the courthouse, the prison was not anywhere near town.

“Empty your pockets into this bin and wait in front of the door.” He shoved a plastic bin across the counter and waited for me to fill it up. The metal door I stood in front of was scratched up and dented. I hated to think of what had caused all the dents.