The Hardest Part (19 page)

"
You're going to need a dress for the event." She was arguing with my reflection before finally turning around to face me. "I think it will look beautiful on you. Blue is definitely your color."

"
It's sweet of you, but that dress probably costs more than I make in a month."

"
Just try it." She clasped her hands, pleading.

"
Fine," I said, getting up. "I'll try it on just so you will try on the red one."

Pleased with herself, she turned around and headed into the dressing room while I went to get the navy-blue dress Lexi had picked out for me.

The silk dress was beautiful. I held it out at arm’s length before carrying it back to the dressing room. Before trying it on, I glanced at the price tag and nearly fell over. Twenty-three hundred dollars.

When I exited the dressing room, I found Lexi standing in front of the mirror, fidgeting with the sleeves on the red dress. They hung off her shoulders, revealing the majority of the scars on her chest. Despite that, the dress looked amazing on her. She had a slim, petite figure and it fit her like a glove.

She saw me as I approached the tall mirrors and turned around to face me.
"Oh my God, Emily, you look beautiful."

"
Me? Look at you. Lexi that dress is beautiful. Red is definitely the way to go."

"
I do like the color." She turned back around to face the mirrors. "But I'm not so sure about the neckline. Her left hand ran across the scars on her chest as sadness overtook her eyes. I stood beside her and placed my hands on both of her shoulders, forcing her to look at herself in the mirror and not allowing her to turn away.

"
You look absolutely stunning in that dress, Lexi."

Her eyes ran up and down the length of it a few times before I saw a tiny smile break on her lips.
"It is really pretty, isn't it? What do you think…? A simple pearl necklace?"

"
I think that would be perfect," a deep voice spoke up behind us. Lexi and I both looked over to Reed's reflection in the mirror. While Lexi smiled, I couldn't force myself to crack one. Things had been uncomfortable between Reed and me over the past week or so, and that was putting it mildly.

"
Every year, you and Mom would go to half the stores in New York, but you would always end up in this store and find the perfect dress." Reed stepped forward and handed Lexi a box.

"
What's this?" she asked, furrowing her brow. "Reed, is that what I think it is?"

He nodded.
"She would've wanted you to wear it."

Lexi shook her head as she stared down at the box.
"I don't think I can."

"
Here, let me help you." He took the box from her and pulled out a pearl necklace. Lexi held up her hair as Reed wrapped it around her neck and fastened it.

We all stared at Lexi's reflection. I had to try my hardest to hold back the tears. She looked so pretty, but that wasn't the thing that brought actual tears to my eyes. It was the fact that I think for the first time since I'd met her, she was seeing herself the same way, too.

"
You look just like Mom right now," Reed said as tears spilled down Lexi's face. She turned around and hugged him, and seeing their embrace almost brought tears to my eyes. Wanting to give them some space, I walked back toward the dressing room. I changed back into my clothes and handed the beautiful navy gown back to the sales lady. There was no way I could afford it, not even if I ate Ramen noodles for a month.

Lexi was still getting changed and Reed was nowhere to be seen. For all I knew, he had already left. I browsed around the store, admiring all of the beautiful gowns while waiting on Lexi. My stomach was still twisted in knots from seeing Reed and the awkwardness between us. I cursed myself a hundred times in the dressing room for ever getting physically involved with him.

"
How have you been?" Reed asked. I turned around and found him just a few feet from me.
Where did he come from?
Lexi's red dress hung over his shoulder and he was wearing a ghost of a smile. God, it was a sexy smile. What that smile did to my heart and other parts of me was difficult to put into words.

"
I've been good." I tried to keep my voice even, but I was pretty sure the crack in my voice was obvious. Those were the first words I had spoken to him since the night he stopped by my office… after the same morning I walked out on him. "How are things with you?" The casual questions that were being asked were ones you would only ask an acquaintance, and it felt strange. I felt like we were more than that. Or maybe it was, deep down, I wished we were more than that.

"
I've been trying to keep busy and my mind off things. I'm leaving for London tomorrow and I'll be there for a few days, so that should keep me occupied."

I nodded.

"
But don't worry. I'll be back in time for the Black and White event." He gave me another smile. My eyes seemed to have a mind of their own. I couldn't control them as they drew down to his mouth and that dazzling, sexy smile.

Oh, man, what is he trying to do to me?
That smile was even sexier than the one from a minute ago. My heart sped up to a rapid beat. From the look on his face, he knew exactly what he was doing to me.

"
Are you guys hungry?" Lexi asked, snapping me out of my locked stare on her brother’s lips.

"
I'm starving, actually," Reed answered, still looking at me and still smiling.

"
Um, I think I'm going to pass on dinner," I said, finally looking away from him and over to Lexi.

"
No, you can't. I owe you dinner. It's the least I can do after all the torturous dress shopping I put you through today."

"
It wasn't torture. It was actually a lot of fun." And that was the truth. Today had been great.

"
Please come to dinner," Lexi begged me. "Reed will be a third wheel with just Brandon and me."

I gave a sideways glance to Reed. The smile on his face had disappeared.
"It's just dinner, Emily, but if you don't want to go, I can have Robbins take you home," he said, his face serious, his hazel eyes searing into me.

I wasn’t sure how long the two of us stood there staring at one another. It was only when Lexi cleared her throat that I finally snapped out of his spell.

"
So are we ready to go?" she asked with a cheesy grin on her face.

I didn't even have a chance to respond before Reed and Lexi started to walk out of the store. Still in somewhat of a trance, I quietly followed them out.

W
E WALKED
out of the restaurant with Brandon leading the group. Lexi followed him, then me, and finally Reed.

"
So Brandon's going to walk me home. Reed, do you mind giving Emily a ride?" She gave me a small grin and then a wink.
What was that for? Does she know what happened between us or is she wanting something to happen between us?

I started to speak up, but Reed cut me off before I could get any words out.
"Of course."

Reed gave Lexi a hug and then shook hands with Brandon before I hugged them both good-bye. There was no point in arguing and telling Reed I could find my own way home, especially in front of Lexi. She would insist on making sure I got home safely, and from past experience, I knew Reed would, too.

Besides, there wasn't anything wrong with getting a ride from a friend, right? I knew if I wanted to remain friends with Lexi, then I couldn't allow what happened between Reed and me to get between us. I was going to have to get used to being around him. Lexi and Reed were close and, from what I could tell, they always would be. They really only had each other.

A black suburban was sitting a few feet away from us. Reed opened the back door and I climbed in.

"
Did you enjoy dinner?" Reed asked when the car started moving.

"
Yes, it was nice. Thank you." Reed insisted on paying for everyone's dinner tonight.

"
It was nice of you to go with Lexi today. I wasn't sure she was going to get through the day, and she probably wouldn't have without you."

"
I'm glad I went. I actually had a lot of fun."

"
But you didn't find a dress you liked?" he asked.

"
Not really."

He nodded and then turned to look out the window. The tension in the air was thick and it, along with the growing lump in my throat, made it difficult to swallow.

I was beginning to think that being friends with Reed wasn't going to be easy… not when he was making my body feel like it was on fire with just one look. Not when I spent the entire dinner trying not to think about the night we shared last weekend. Now, sitting beside him, close enough to touch, it was pure torture. My body ached to touch him, to be touched by him. I didn't know how I would make it through the drive to my apartment.

When we pulled onto my street, I scooted closer to the door, ready to jump out of the car the moment it stopped. The last few seconds were the worst. My chest was getting tighter and I knew I needed fresh air, quick.

Finally
, the car came to a stop and I pushed my door open, welcoming the cold air. Taking in a deep breath, feeling the air hit my lungs, I was able to snap myself back into the present moment, not lost in the fantasizing reverie.

After catching my breath, I turned around to tell Reed goodnight but found the backseat empty.

"
I was going to walk you to your door." He was behind me, his voice soft and deep. Why did he have to be so sweet and charming?

Turning back around, I looked up at him through my eyelashes and then quickly looked away and started toward my apartment. The quicker I could get inside, the better.

We approached my door, where I put the key in my lock and then stopped. Leaving the key where it was, I turned around to face him, leaning against the door for support.
"Reed, I want us to be friends. I want us to be able to hang out and not have this awkwardness between us." I’m not sure why, but at that moment, I felt like that needed to be said. I wanted him to know where I stood. Even though deep down, I was crying out that I wanted more, I knew that being friends was the only option.

"
You call it awkwardness but I think it’s something else.” He tried to hide his smile but failed. “Is this what you really want? Friends?" He pulled me against him, taking me by surprise. As he studied my face, I felt the intensity of his gaze. I couldn't find my voice. It was lost somewhere inside me, along with all the other feelings that were swirling deep down inside me
—
the feelings I’d been fighting the entire dinner and ride home. Being this close to him, it was hard to concentrate on anything except for how his body felt against mine.

I felt my eyes drifting downward to his lips. I only stared at them for a split second before raising them again to meet his gaze.

"
Emily, I've tried to give you your space this week. I've been patient, hoping you would realize you feel the same way I feel about you. I don't want to just be friends with you, but if that's how you feel…" His voice drifted as he searched my eyes. I wasn't sure what he was expecting or hoping to see. I also wasn't sure what my eyes were telling him right now. "I just want to know how you really feel."

"
I-I don't know… not right now at least," I mumbled, glancing to his lips again.
Eyes, Emily. Look at his eyes.
Damn, that didn't help me much either. Instantly, I was aware of how dangerous our closeness was to each other. I could feel my resolve slipping again. He bent down and softly brushed his lips against mine. My eyes closed and a small moan escaped my lips as they parted. Damn, this wasn't going to end well.

"
Tell me what you want," he whispered softly. "If you just want us to be friends, I'll respect that. I just want to hear you say the words."

"
Reed." I breathed, almost telling him I wanted him
—
right here, right now
—
but I was able to come to my senses. Forcing my eyes open, I gently pushed him away from me. "I can't do this. Not right now."

His eyebrows furrowed. I wanted to pull his lips back to mine, anything to erase that look of pain on his face.

"
I don't know what I want right now." I continued to gather myself.

"
So just friends for now, then?" he asked.

I nodded.
"For now. It may not be the answer you want to hear, but it's the best answer I can give."

"
So you need more time and I need to be more patient?" he asked. The pain he wore vanished and a tiny smile appeared on his lips, causing the ache in my heart to ease a little. "Or maybe I should be more persistent?"

My heart squeezed at his words. Did I want him to be more persistent? Or did I want him to honor my request and give me some space to figure out what I really wanted? My mind seemed to be torn on that decision as well.