The Hazards of Mistletoe (12 page)

“It’s also good company.”

“I’m glad you think I’m good company.”

“How did you know I wasn’t talking about Winston?” She laughed.

“He won’t be there so I hope that isn’t who you’re coming to see.”

She paled slightly. “So we’re going to be alone?”

“Is that going to be a problem?” I held onto her hand for dear life. Here came the million dollar question, did she trust me enough to spend time alone with me?

“We’ve been alone together plenty of times.”

“We have.” Of course the last time we were alone together changed our friendship forever, but tonight would be different. I didn’t actually expect to get her in my bed again yet, but if I did, she wouldn’t be leaving it until the next morning after I’d had a chance to explore every last inch of her.

“How was your day?”

I smiled. Leave it to Savy to cut potential awkwardness by asking such a typical question. “It was fine, just dragged on too long.”

“Don’t you get cold?”

“Cold?”

“Standing out there all day.”

“I don’t mind the cold like you do.”

“Everyone always says that, like something’s wrong with me because I get cold easily.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you. You just weren’t bred for the cold.”

“Bred for it?”

“You know what I mean.”

“And you’re the one who said I should have looked at Boulder.” She glanced out the window.

I was glad she hadn’t. How much worse would everything have been if she’d been there and I’d left? “It’s good you didn’t. You’re where you should be.”

“Where I should be?” She turned back toward me. “Meaning over a thousand miles away from you?”

“No.” I squeezed her hand. “That’s not what I mean at all. I wish I got to see you more.” Every night and every morning.

“Then what do you mean?”

I pulled into a parking spot and turned off the car. “I’ll explain everything inside.”

“All right, but the list of what we need to talk about is getting long.”

I reluctantly dropped her hand so I could get out. “Luckily we have all night.”

Her eyes widened. If I wasn’t imagining things, those words were bringing the same images to her mind as they brought to mine.

I walked around the car and opened her door. She was still sitting there. Savy was the type that usually bolted from the car, so her reluctance meant something. I hoped she was just nervous. But she didn’t need to be. She never had to be nervous with me.

I held out my hand. “Let’s get you warmed up inside.”

“The car was warm enough.” She accepted my hand and got out.

I closed her door and led her up the stairs. I took a deep breath before opening the door to my apartment. I really hoped when I walked out with her she’d be holding my hand again.

She walked in and started glancing around. “Nice place.”

“It serves its purpose.”

“As a bachelor pad to bring girls home to?” She arched an eyebrow.

“You’re the first girl I’ve brought here.”

“That makes sense. You probably hook up with the tourists and go to their hotel rooms.”

“Why are you talking like that?” I tried to keep my anger from bubbling to the surface. Was she trying to make me mad?

“I’m kidding.” She unzipped her coat and folded it over one of the chairs at the table. “I do that when I’m nervous, you know that.”

“Are you kidding?” I put a hand on her hip, needing to touch her in a more intimate way than hand holding. “Or is it something else we need to add to the list? I’m not okay with you thinking of me that way.”

“I was kidding, but what does it matter what I think of you?”

I tugged lightly on her hip, and she lurched forward into my waiting arms. “Because I need you to see me for who I really am. To understand how ridiculously deep my feelings are for you.”

She shivered in my arms, and I sensed it wasn’t from the cold.

“You mean a lot to me, Savy. Maybe I haven’t done the best job of showing you lately, but that doesn’t change anything.”

“How doesn’t that change anything?” She didn’t move away from me, and her breath was warm on my face as she spoke. “How can you say that? We haven’t spoken in a year.”

“Maybe not, but I’ve thought about you constantly.”

“I know that feeling.” She started to pull away.

I couldn’t let her. I wasn’t ready to feel the emptiness in my arms. I held on tighter. “You feel it too.”

“Feel what?”

“It’s still there. If anything it’s even stronger now. It’s like a year apart intensified it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She looked down.

“Yes you do.” I brushed my lips against hers. “You know exactly what I mean.”

She closed her eyes. “I don’t want to know it.”

“Want has nothing to do with it. This is about need. There’s an electricity. It’s always been there, and I’ve never felt it with anyone else.”

“Me either.” Her words were whispered and she leaned forward, resting her head on my chest.

“Too bad it can’t do all the talking for us.”

“It can’t.”

“I know.” I reluctantly pulled away, but only long enough to take her hand and walk her over to the couch. “Can I do anything to make you more comfortable?”

She sat down on the corner cushion stiffly. “I’m fine.”

“I figure we can wait on dessert.”

“Probably a good idea.”

“Where should we start?” I sat down next to her, purposely leaving almost no space between us.

“Why’d you do it?”

I exhaled loudly. “Why’d I leave last year?”

“Yeah. Why did you walk out like that? I was offering myself to you, and I don’t care what you say, you rejected me.”

“I wasn’t rejecting you. I know that’s how it felt, and I can’t sit here and tell you not to feel that way, but I really was doing it because I thought I had to.”

“But why?”

“Because my life was falling apart, and I couldn’t take you with me. I couldn’t use you. I knew I couldn’t give you what you needed.”

“So why all this effort now? We both know we can’t just be friends.”

“Tell me one thing before I answer that.”

“What?” She kicked off her boots before curling her feet up next to her on the couch.

“Are you happy?”

She shrugged. “Define happy.”

“That’s why I’m not staying away from you. I saw it in your eyes. You aren’t happier without me, so why stay away? Why make us both miserable?”

“You haven’t explained everything yet. You knew how I felt about you. Why couldn’t you just be with me? Were you afraid I wanted something long term, and you didn’t want to do long distance?”

I laughed dryly. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. I mean why else would it be using me?”

“Because you were going away to school. I couldn’t hold you back out of my own selfish needs.”

“What about my needs?”

“What are your needs?” I rested a hand on her leg. I’d have given anything to get her jeans out of the way so I could touch her skin.

“To feel. To feel like myself, to feel love. To feel like I’m doing more than just fumbling my way through life.”

“I wish I could take care of all those needs for you.”

“I’m not asking you too.”

“No. I’m the one asking you to let me.”

“What if you change your mind again?”

“I can’t. I can’t change my mind. I can’t get you out of my head, out of my dreams. I was being serious when I told you I haven’t brought a girl back here. I’ve been so messed up about what happened, about not having you. I’ve refused to settle for anyone else.”

“Why are you here? I still don’t get it.”

“I got kicked out of school.” I settled back against the couch.

“Why?” She leaned forward. “What happened?”

“They said I broke the honor code, and I guess technically I did, but all I was doing was helping a friend.”

“They kicked you out for helping someone?”

“It was a take home exam. It’s a long story, but I got kicked out for it.”

“How about the friend you were helping?”

“He’s still there. He let me take the fall.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah.” My anger about it had started to fade. It was nothing compared to the regret I had about how things went down with Savy. “I can start classes again next year, but I’m not going to. I’m not going to go back there after everything.”

She put her hands on both sides of my face. “When did you find out?”

“While we were here last year. I was going to tell you after you went back home, but then everything happened.”

“That’s why you seemed weird that night.”

“I was trying to figure out what to do. I knew my parents were going to flip out.”

“How did they react?”

“My dad immediately pulled strings to get me in somewhere else, but I said I wanted to take time off. They cut me off, but I was able to find a job here.” I had no interest in going to school anywhere yet. I was burned out on the whole situation and needed a break. Working in Vail just made sense.

“And you’ve been living here this whole time?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. That’s kind of crazy.” Her expression was unreadable, but I saw no judgment. She was just trying to wrap her head around everything.

“Now, it’s your turn.”

“My turn?” She put a hand to her chest.

“Yes. What have you been up to?”

“I’ve been in school at Harrison.”

“And that crack about older guys, that was just to make me mad, right?”

“Kind of.”

“Meaning?”

“I’ve spent some time with older guys. You’re supposed to date, so I have. I never let it go far though.”

“Never let it get far… meaning you don’t sleep with them?” I needed her answer to be no. I needed to know that my stupidity hadn’t sent her running into the arms of men who had no right touching her.

“No. I’m still at the one time spot. Or I guess one time and one almost.”

“I’ve filled in the blanks a lot.”

“Filled in the blanks?”

“Of what it would have been like if I hadn’t walked out of that room.”

“Yeah? And how was it? Is the fantasy good?”

“Perfect.” I pulled her up onto my lap so she was straddling me. If she minded she didn’t show it. She just kept her blue eyes fixed on my face.

“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed how easy it is to talk to you.”

“I’ve missed it too.” I ran my hand through her hair. “I’ve missed the way you’re looking at me.”

“So what now?”

“I think most of that is up to you.”

“What do you mean?” She adjusted herself on my lap making it nearly impossible for me to stay in control. I had exactly what I’d wanted forever literally on top of me.

“You have to decide if you can forgive me. Whether you can get over how much of an idiot I was last year.”

“You were trying to protect me. I get that. It just hurt. I thought there was something about me you didn’t like.”

“Something about you? Meaning your body?”

She shrugged. “You’d never seen me naked before.”

“Your body is perfect. Absolutely perfect. I can still picture every inch of it.” Thinking about her naked body had me even more turned on, and I knew she could feel it.

“I don’t have body issues. I don’t know why my dad is so worried, and Dalton practically accused me of having an eating disorder or something. I was just determined not to gain the freshman fifteen. Do I love my body? No. But what nineteen year old really does?”

“Well, I love your body.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“If you’d let me, I’d show you just how much I love it.” I waited nervously. It was a risky move, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold myself together. My jeans were my biggest enemy as she shifted on my lap again.

“It’s only happening on one condition.”

“What?” I’d have said yes to anything at that moment. I needed her. I needed her naked and beneath me. I needed her to be mine.

“You have to finish what you start this time. No stopping and changing your mind. I’m not letting you touch me, or remove any clothing until we get that straight.”

“I’m not going to be able to stop myself if I know it’s what you want. But those rules definitely don’t apply to you. It’s all in your hands. You want to take things slow, just say the word.”

“I don’t want to take things slow. I want to get back to exactly where we left off.”

I didn’t think. I let my emotions take over, and I pushed any shred of common sense out of my head. I wanted Glen. I needed Glen, and I was going to get him.

“Are you sure?” His eyes didn’t agree with the words coming out of his mouth. They were running up and down my body greedily. Now I just needed his hands to follow suit.

“Yes. I’ve waited a year for this.”

“Well, I’ve been waiting about five.”

“Then stop waiting.” I took a deep breath and mustered every ounce of confidence I had. I pulled off my sweater and tossed it onto the couch next to us. I was still wearing a cami, but it didn’t exactly hide the pink bra I was wearing underneath.

“I like the color.”

“Really? I guessed right that pink was your favorite color.” If I could keep things light everything would work.

“You know me too well.” He slid one strap of my tank top down my shoulder and brushed his lips over my skin.

“Mmm.”

“Your skin is so soft.”

“So are your lips.”

“As are yours.” He kissed me lightly.

Something snapped. Why was I rushing this? Why was I doing exactly what I’d done the year before? I needed to put on the breaks before I ruined what could be a good thing. If this was meant to happen, it needed to be more natural. “I changed my mind.”

“About this?” He sat back.

“Not completely. But maybe we should take it slow.”

“Do you want me to take you home?” His face fell.

“No. I actually want to spend the night.”

“Uh, Savy. You’re confusing me here.”

“I want to spend the night without sex. I want to see what that’s like.”

“Oh. That’s fine with me. I want to spend any and all time with you I can. Obviously I want you…”

“Yeah. I can tell.” The bulge in his pants was kind of hard to miss.