The Heart Knows What the Heart Wants (2 page)

One week later, Estelle's bruises had faded to ugly greenish-yellow reminders of Derek's latest drunken rage. It was Estelle's first Saturday night off from Crow's Landing in seven months, and she was looking forward to this night.

She had spent all week daydreaming up elaborate plans on how to get rid of Derek. She thought about poisoning the bastard. Or electrocuting him while he bathed. Even super-gluing his penis to his thigh while he slept, waiting for his screams when morning wood set in.

By the end of the week, she made up her mind and decided she'd rather just run away from home. Go someplace new, where nobody knew her or her story. Become the person she'd always wanted -- but never had the chance -- to be.

She dressed in his favorite dress, the only decent one he hadn't tossed out, it hugged her curves like a second skin. She made him his favorite dinner, a bloody steak and mashed potatoes, and a Jack and Coke laced with two sleeping pills. When that didn't do the trick, she put two more in the next drink. By eight-thirty, he was drooling like a baby, passed out in his mashed potatoes. As soon as his head hit his plate, Estelle dragged her bags out the front door.

Estelle put the key into the ignition of her Honda, and for the first time in her life, she felt hopeful. She was finally doing it. She was leaving West Memphis, Arkansas, once and for all. She'd decided earlier in the week to drive north through Missouri and visit her aunt in Iowa City. But first she wanted to say good-bye to Taylor and let him know she'd be in touch once she got where she was going. She turned into the parking lot of Crow's Landing.

There was no live band, so the place was fairly quiet for a Saturday night. She hadn't been to work all week. She'd taken the time off while her latest batch of bruises healed and to figure out when and how she planned to make her escape from Derek.

Taylor's face lit up when he saw Estelle walk through the door. "Damn, girl, If you ain't a sight for sore eyes," he said with a grin.

Estelle smiled a sad smile. "I'm leaving Derek," she told him.

Taylor nodded and threw the bar towel over his shoulder. "'Bout friggin' time, girl."

Estelle quirked an eyebrow at him, wondering how much he suspected about what went on behind her closed doors. "That obvious?" she asked.

With his warm, oven mitt-sized hand, Taylor gently cupped her cheek. He brushed his thumb across the discolored skin beneath her left eye. She tried not to wince, but admittedly, it still hurt a little bit. "Say the word, Stelly, and I'll teach that asshole a lesson he'll never forget for doing this to you."

She blinked away the tears and told him, "It'll be okay now."

"Stelly girl, as long as he's still breathing..." he stopped, reluctant to put voice to his thoughts. Taylor dropped his hand from her face and shook his head. "Where you headed?"

"North. I have some relatives in Iowa City," Estelle told him.

"You got cash?" Taylor asked her.

She nodded. "I've got some money that my biological bastard of a sperm donor set aside for me. It was supposed to be for college. I guess it's safe to say college just isn't in the cards for me. It'll be enough cash to let me start fresh somewhere else."

Taylor's chocolate eyes studied her as though memorizing every crease and freckle. "Stelly, you can be whoever you want to be, wherever you want to be," he paused for a second before his lips stretched into a wide grin, "no matter what the stars say."

"Such a Sagittarius," she teased, swatting his hand away. "I better get out of here before he wakes up and figures out I'm gone." She stretched up on her toes, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him on the cheek. Pulling back, she wiped a stray tear. "Ain't one stinking thing worth missing in this God-forsaken hell hole of a town...'cept you. I'll miss you, Tay."

"Go, before I start blubberin' like a big ol' baby," he said. He put his hands on her shoulders, and turned her around, aiming her toward the exit. He gave her a gentle nudge toward the door. "Call me when you get things figured out, okay?"

She snorted. "I thought you wanted me to keep in touch? If I wait until I get my shit together before I call, we'll both be six feet under in Rock Hill Cemetery, and it would be contact from the great beyond."

"You're going to be just fine, Stelly. Better than fine, I promise." He smiled and waved good-bye as she disappeared out into the dark.

Taylor knew she was putting on a brave face for him. He also knew that he'd do anything for her and that it would only be a matter of time before that lowlife ex-boyfriend of hers came sniffing around, asking questions. Taylor aimed to do everything in his power to make sure he never laid another finger on Stelly again.

Estelle fastened the seatbelt, leaned her head back, and stared at the roof of her car. Taylor's words came back to her:
You can be whoever you want to be, wherever you want to be. No matter what the stars say
.

She tipped her head forward and blew out a deep breath between clenched teeth.
I'll drive until I don't want to drive anymore, and when I stop, I'll find a place to live. When I get settled in, I'll change my name and buy myself a puppy
. She smiled to herself.

Estelle started the car and revved the engine. She sat up tall and peeked in the side mirror at her reflection, musing to herself.
No more Estelle Falconé, illegitimate daughter of the Italian SOB who impregnated my mom. From this moment forward, I'll be Star Lambert
. Star because that's what her first name meant and Lambert because that was her mom's surname.

She threw the car into drive, stepped on the gas, and said, "Let's do this, Star Lambert."

For the next four hours, Star drove north along Interstate 55. Just south of St. Louis, she started to get sleepy and decided to stop for a few hours sleep. She thought about pulling off at a rest stop to catch a catnap in her car, but it was too cold, so she pulled into a Super-8 and got a room instead.

Once in her room, Star tried to get some rest, but her thoughts wouldn't shut up long enough to let her sleep. She sat up in bed and stuffed the pillows between herself and the headboard. She took out a pen and some paper and started to make a list of things she planned to do, in no particular order:

1. Get a new pay-as-you-go cell phone. Trash old one.

2. Give up swearing, drinking, and bringing home stray men.

3. Stay away from all members of the opposite sex, especially bad boys.

4. Get a respectable job, in a respectable establishment.

5. Find a place to live that has a view of the stars.

6. Resume studying astrology.

7. Learn to play the guitar.

8. Start making jewelry again.

9. Drop the Falconé surname.

As soon as she was satisfied with her list, she picked up her phone and sent a text to Taylor. It was late, so she didn't expect him to respond, but she wanted to let him know she would be out of touch until she got a new number. As soon as she sent the text, she pulled the SIM card from the phone.

Star wondered if living a life of constantly having to look over her shoulder, trying to think one step ahead, had caused her to become paranoid. It wasn't like she'd done anything wrong or broken any laws.
Not that she hadn't considered it
.

Changing her name was part of her plan to reinvent herself. Gain some independence in her life. She had always been Astrid's little girl. "Poor thing doesn't even know who her daddy is," people whispered behind her back. The things they said about her mom were even worse.

She knew exactly who her father was and that she had been an "oops" in his affair with her mom. It was unfortunate that her mom had fell for Tony Falconé, a married, Italian man from Chicago. He'd spent a little time in West Memphis about nine months before Star came into the world.

When Astrid gave Tony the news, to say that he was less than thrilled would be an understatement. He had begged her to "get rid of
it
," but Astrid refused. Once Tony figured out that Astrid had been determined to go through with the pregnancy, he took care of her...as much as he could without raising suspicions with his wife. Although Star had seen pictures of him, she'd never met him, nor did she have any desire to.

Regardless of his lack of participation in her life, she knew he still managed to see her mom from time to time. Star never understood how her mom could be happy having a part-time man. As she got older, Star began to wonder if her mom didn't have such a bad idea after all.

Star's luck in the romance department had been less than stellar -- no pun intended -- and she was definitely in no hurry to get back into another relationship any time soon. If ever. She was thirty years old and life had not been kind to her thus far. Running away from everything might not make things better for her, but she was bound and determined to remain optimistic, and do the best she could without relying on anyone.

When Star had told her mother she was leaving Derek, Astrid had the nerve to side with him. "Oh, honey, he wasn't always that way!" she had said. As though she blamed Star for causing him to turn from the guy she'd met in the beginning, to the mentally and physically abusive asshat he had become.

Her eyelids began to get heavy, and she slid beneath the covers. She drifted off to sleep only to be rudely awakened a couple hours later to the sound of someone pounding on the door to the room next to hers.

Star pushed back the covers and forced herself to sit up and stretch. She climbed from the bed wearily and took a quick shower. As long, and as thick as her hair was, it would take too much time to dry, so she tied it into a loose ponytail.

Her bottom lip quivered as she stared into the mirror, and she blinked her big brown eyes to keep the tears at bay. She looked more like her mom than she'd realized. She had always seen her dad's young face when she looked in the mirror every day, not her mom's.

Star felt her inner guidance urging her to get back on the road, so she gathered her things. She tossed the bags into the back of her car and walked across the lot to dispose of the cell phone before she headed out. She'd stop later to buy a new one and grab a bite to eat.

The temperature was holding steady at around fifty, and it was starting to drizzle by the time Star made it through the sparse Sunday morning traffic. She stopped to get something to eat in an effort to quiet her grumbling stomach. After breakfast, she ran over to the strip mall she'd spotted across from the restaurant and bought a new cell phone.

She wasn't in any particular hurry for a change, since she no longer had anyone to answer to. It was nice not having to constantly monitor the watch on her wrist, and she felt surprisingly at peace. Derek had probably begun to wonder where she was. Past experience told her that he'd call her mother first. Star wasn't sure whose side Astrid would take this time: hers or Derek's. Furthermore, she didn't really care.

She was determined to wash her hands of them both. The thought of Derek being the helpless one made her smile.

It wasn't long before Star was sitting behind the steering wheel of her car, heading north along the Avenue of the Saints. The rain had started coming down in sheets, and she switched her wipers on high. The white lines were a blur, so she eased off the gas, momentarily slowing to a crawl.

The car shuddered when she was in the middle of climbing a long, steep grade. The engine revved, and she watched with alarm as the RPMs climbed dangerously close to the red zone on the tachometer. It was as though someone had bumped the gearshift into neutral. She had no power, and the car stalled out. Star coasted off the highway to a stop on the wide shoulder and put the car in park. She cranked the ignition, but nothing happened.

Star pounded her fists against the steering wheel out of frustration and turned on the emergency flashers. Up until that moment, things had been going fairly smooth, and she should have known that the universe would figure out a way to screw her over, it always did. She stared out the window into the dismal afternoon. She had no idea how far it was to the next town. She huffed and collapsed against the car seat.

Maybe somebody will stop
.
Yeah with my luck, it will be Jack the freaking Ripper
. Star laid her head against the headrest and pondered her options -- which were slim to none.

Flashing red and blue lights reflected off of the rain covered back glass. She glanced in the rearview mirror as the black and white Dodge Charger pulled up behind her. Star tugged the elastic from her messy locks and lowered the window. "Car trouble, ma'am?" he asked. His badge read: Sheriff M. Caldwell, Pike County, MO., and in spite of her past experience with law enforcement being less than helpful, M. Caldwell appeared to be pleasant enough.

"Yeah," she nodded with a halfhearted smile, "I don't know what's wrong with it."

"Do you have someone coming to pick you up?" he asked.

"No, sir, I don't have anyone to call," Star told him truthfully.

"Can I see your license, registration, and proof of insurance, please?" he asked. She handed him the papers and rubbed on the lobe of her ear anxiously.
Relax. You haven't broken any laws. You're a grown woman, not some runaway teenager
. He smiled. "Thank you. Sit tight. I'll be back in a few minutes."

She followed him with her eyes as he trudged along the waterlogged shoulder, back to his car. He was gone for several minutes, and Star was starting to get antsy by the time he returned.

He handed her back her documents and asked, "Miss Falconé, where are you headed this afternoon?"

"I was on my way to Iowa City."

"There's a convenience store a few miles up the road, near Red Vale. I'll give you a ride. You can arrange to have a tow truck pick up your car and figure out what to do from there."

"Yes, sir, that would be great, thank you," Star told him as she climbed from the car. "Do you know if there's a hotel around here?"

He chuckled. "No. No hotel. But there is a small bed and breakfast in Red Vale."

"Okay," she said. A bed and breakfast sounded...
quaint
. She grabbed her purse. "Do you think I should bring my suitcase?"

"You'll be able to get your things once the car is towed into town. Red Vale's not a big city," he said. He smiled warmly and she willed herself to relax a little, in spite of the seemingly hopeless situation.

Standing next to the patrol car, her hand hovered over the passenger side door handle, and her eyes darted to the sheriff. He laughed and said, "It's okay. You don't have to sit in back. You can ride up front with me."

Star felt her cheeks heat up. "Thanks," she said quietly.

It was only a couple of miles to the convenience store he'd mentioned. The sign out front read Harper's General Store. "Is this Red Vale?" Star asked him.

"No, a friend of mine runs this place. She can help you arrange for a tow," he said. He nodded his head toward the north. "Red Vale's just off the highway, up that way."

He parked the cruiser near the front entrance and held the door for her while she walked inside. Everyone in the small store turned to stare. She felt like waving her hands in the air and saying, "Look, no handcuffs!" but swallowed her words instead.

A woman wearing a crisp, apple red smock and blue jeans smiled broadly at Sheriff Caldwell. "You're early," she told him. Her silvery, blue eyes danced, and Star got the impression that they were more than just friends from the glow on the woman's face.

"You know how it is, Neona. I was just out slaying dragons when I came across this pretty damsel in distress," he teased and pointed at Star. "Call Hank, tell him we got a dead Honda south on 61. He'll need to stop here for the keys. I've got a couple of things to take care of, but I'll be back before six."

"Will do," she told him. She turned to face Star, and a friendly smile crinkled the skin around her eyes. She extended her hand. "I'm Neona Harper and it would be my guess that Red Vale was not your travel destination of choice today."

"Star Lambert," Star shook Neona's hand, "and no, ma'am, it was not."

"Lord. Please don't call me ma'am. Makes me feel a hundred years old."

Again, Star's face turned bright red, and she fidgeted with the hem of her t-shirt. "Sorry, I wasn't implying..."

Neona waved her hand dismissively. "I'm teasing," she said. Star decided she liked the woman. She guessed her to be about forty-something. Her hair was the kind of frizzy blonde that comes with too much peroxide. She had it pulled back into a bun, secured with a pencil at the nape of her neck.

"Let's see about getting that car of yours towed to Galen's Garage." Neona started toward the back of the cramped, but clean store and motioned for Star to follow. Once inside the small office, Neona pulled out an old phone book from one of the desk drawers.

"Do you have a phone I can borrow?" Star asked. Neona nodded and reached into the pocket of her smock to retrieve her cell phone. Handing it to Star, she told her, "There's only one garage in town. Hank Galen's a nice man, but he's slower than the coming of Christ. He also owns the only tow truck. Now, you could have him tow it on up to Hannibal." She paused with a shrug. "I don't know how big a hurry you're in to get wherever you're going, but if time's not an issue, I'd consider just letting Hank see about fixing it for you. His prices are fair, and he won't take advantage of you just because you're a pretty young thing."

"The sheriff mentioned a bed and breakfast. How do I find out about a room for the night?"

Neona gave a little snort and an easy smile crept across her face. "You just ask me."

Star pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded. "Okay. Do you happen to know of a room I could rent for the night?"

"Of course. Although I have a feeling you'll be needin' it for more than just one night," she said. Neona reached up, removed the pencil from her hair, and combed her fingers through the unruly strands. "I'd call for you, but my shift's about over, and I've got a couple of things to look after before my replacement comes in for the night. Even though he technically reports to me, he still gets kind of crabby if I don't have the coolers stocked when he gets here. Take your time. Just come on out when you're done."

Star collapsed into the old, oak swivel chair behind large desk and buried her face in her hands.
Three steps forward, two steps backward. Saturn, Pluto, and Mars
.