The Heartbreaker Series: Books 1-3 (18 page)

I step inside and run into the bathroom. I lean against the counter and hang my head. No tears have fallen because I won’t let them until I’m in the safety of my own home. I try to rub away the pain that’s in the center of my chest.

I told Gabe that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see my father and what did he do? He did what he wanted without thinking about what I wanted. The fact that Jordan talked to the sperm donor too really, really hurts. I pull out my phone. I see missed calls from Gabe and Jill, but they’re not who I want to talk to right now. I dial Jordan and listen as it rings twice. Then it goes to voicemail. I don’t bother leaving a message because my brother is notorious for not checking them. Instead, I send him a text.

Jordan I need you to call me. I just ran into the sperm donor and I know you’ve talked to him.

I stand in the bathroom as I wait and wait for his response, but one doesn’t come. I did get a couple of texts from Gabe while I waited.

Baby please let me know where you are. Please let me explain. I love you.

Please let me know you’re okay.

Dammit Jasmine, I’m sorry. I thought I was helping.

I ignore him and call for a cab. While I wait, I order a coffee and grab a seat toward the front.

I see the yellow car roll up in front of the shop and step outside. I slide in and give the driver my address and watch the passing scenery with a heavy heart. Why would Gabe do that behind my back? In no time, we pull up in front of my apartment building. I pay the driver and climb out of the cab.

When I reach my stairs, I look up and see Gabe leaning against the wall. I pull my keys out and unlock my door. Neither one of us says anything as he follows me inside, shutting the door behind him. I stew silently as I walk into my bedroom and begin stripping out of my dress. His presence is felt the moment he’s in my room.

“I told you I didn’t want you to find my dad. I told you,” I shout. I whip around to face him. “You blindsided me. I had no clue what I was walking into and what? Jordan’s met him? Now, all of a sudden, he wants back in our lives after he turned his back on us when we needed him most.” I pace back and forth in front of him.

“I thought I was helping. I thought if it looked like a random meeting, that you’d be more open to it.” He grabs my shoulders, turning me so I’m facing him. “Baby, I’ve talked to him. There is so much more to the story than what you know. Think about it. Your mom and dad were kids when they had you and your brother. Your brother wanted to meet him when I told him about my desire to find him for you. It’s been good for Jordan to reconnect with him. It could be good for you too.”

“That was my decision to make. As far as Jordan goes, I say fuck him! I’ve tried and tried to be there for him and all of a sudden he wants nothing to do with me. Let him have his relationship with the sperm donor. I’m not doing it.” I pull away from him.

He grabs me and pulls me to him, but I fight him. “Babe, sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning. No one says you have to have a relationship with him. Just get the answers you want. You never have to see him again after that.”

I bury my forehead in his chest and mutter, “That boy was my little brother, wasn’t he?”

“His name is Jacob and he’s twelve.” I feel the first tear leak out of my eye and my body shudders. “We’ll get through this, baby. I promise.”

***

Gabe

My feet pound away on the treadmill and I start to get more and more pissed off. Ever since that night two weeks ago where I tried to set up a meeting with Jasmine’s long lost father, I’ve felt her pulling away from me. We still have amazing sex and sleep together almost every night, but I feel this distance. I can’t really describe it, but it’s there. It makes me feel something I have never felt before—insecure.

I know I’m trying too hard to make her happy. I’ve showered her with gifts and flowers and constantly take her on dates to fancy restaurants, but none of these things seem to help matters.

I know, for a fact, that she hasn’t tried contacting Jordan either. He actually called me, concerned that he hadn’t heard from Jasmine at all.

Her dad had actually been really easy to find. Jasmine and Jordan don’t have his last name—they have their mom’s maiden name—but it was easy to check public records to find out what his last name was. As luck would have it, the guy lives about twenty minutes from Jasmine. I checked him out myself because there was no way I was going to unleash that man on her if he wasn’t a stand-up guy.

The Internet was certainly a great place to gain information. There I learned not only that he lives close, but that he’s married and has a twelve-year-old son. He’s a manager for the St. Louis water department and began working there shortly after he turned nineteen. Mike and his family live in a nice upper middle class neighborhood.

When I called him, I told him immediately who I was and why I was calling. The man broke down and wanted to meet and talk about his kids. He and his wife met me at a bar and grill by their house. When I entered the place, Mike was easy to spot. He looked like an older version of Jordan. It was easy to see that the guy lived with a lot of regret when it came to the decisions he made. So many times, the man had attempted to reach out to them but chickened out. Then time just kept flying by until he figured it was too late.

Nicole had known from the start that Mike had been married before and was the father of two children that he didn’t have a relationship with. He asked if I had recent pictures of them. All I had were ones on my phone from the night Jasmine sent me the sexy lingerie picture. Jordan and Jasmine were both wearing hats and being goofy.

“They’re beautiful. Jordan and Jacob look so much alike,” Nicole said as she looked over at my phone. “Jasmine is stunning. I can see why she’s a model.”

“She’s beautiful. Just like her mother,” Mike said. Nicole didn’t seem upset that her husband said that. Instead, she snuggled deeper into his side.

We talked for a long time. It appeared that Mike was living with a mountain of guilt because of it. After hearing his explanation, I could vaguely understand. The guy had turned to drugs and alcohol for a short time to self-medicate after he walked away from his family. I texted Jordan and asked if he wanted to meet his dad and he didn’t hesitate to say yes.

I didn’t want to, but I went behind Jasmine’s back and went with Jordan to meet his dad. It was emotional but positive. The three of us sat and talked for hours. I tried to leave, but Jordan asked me not to. I’m becoming Jordan’s surrogate big brother.

I hated keeping things from Jasmine, but I hadn’t totally worked out how I’d get her and her dad to meet. To keep her from asking questions, I kept her fucked well and good.

The ‘accidental’ meeting at the restaurant had been a last minute decision and now, as I pound away on my treadmill, I realize how bad I messed this up.

Chapter Eighteen

Jasmine

I don’t know what to do about my dad. I don’t know what to do about Gabe. I want to be so mad at Gabe for going behind my back when I told him I didn’t want anything to do with my dad, but it’s hard because I love the jerk so much. I know I’ve been distant and it’s bothering him, but I need time to work this out in my head.

I know he’s right, that all I have to do is hear my dad out. I don’t have to have a relationship with him at all, but I don’t know if I even want to hear him out. Jordan had no problem talking to the guy. Well, good for him.

The past two weeks, I haven’t bothered contacting my brother. What’s the point? He doesn’t answer, he’s short with me, or he claims he’s busy. I’m tired of trying. He can just call me when he’s over whatever snit that has him all pissy with me.

I pull into the parking lot at my office even though I’d rather be anywhere but here. “What the hell,” I whisper to myself. Where did that thought come from? I grab my satchel and make my way inside. I pass Jill, who’s on the phone, and give her a little wave. I feel bad that she’s been kind of put in the middle of this whole thing. We’ve only talked about what’s bothering me a little bit, which is fine by me, since I’m not sure what I’m going to do about anything.

I sit down at my desk and see I have a voicemail. I punch in my code and listen to the message with a smile on my face. “Hi, Jasmine, it’s Randi. I just wanted to let you know that I got into Northwood! I can’t believe it. I’m going back to school. They’ve even accepted Poppy into their daycare and preschool program. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done. I’ll talk to you soon.” I wipe the happy tears that fill my eyes away.

I get online and order Randi some congratulatory flowers and a cookie bouquet for her and Poppy. At least one thing seems to be going well. I try to call Randi back, but I can’t reach her, so I just leave her a message.

“Hey, Randi, it’s Jasmine. I got your message and I’m so excited for you and Poppy. Let me know if I can help with anything else.”

The rest of my day is spent making calls and setting up follow-up visits with a couple new cases I’ve taken on. I’m just getting ready to leave when my phone rings. It’s Randi and I can hear the excitement in her voice.

“Randi, I’m so happy for you guys. What does Poppy think of her momma going back to school?” I hear Poppy’s happy chatter in the background.

“She’s super excited since she gets to come with me. The lady in the office was really nice and I’ve got an appointment on Friday to go fill out all of the financial aid stuff. Jasmine, I just…I just don’t know h-how to thank you.”

“Inviting me to your graduation is the only thanks I need. I’m serious, though. Call me if you need help with anything. Oh, and expect a special delivery tomorrow for the two of you.”

“Okay. Thanks, Jasmine. I’ll never be able to show you just what it means to us that you believed in me.”

I hang up with a smile on my face. This is exactly what I needed after the past couple of weeks.

On my way home, I’m tempted to call Gabe and ask him to come over to talk, but I decide not to. I’m hoping for a little space tonight. I just want to enjoy the high I’m still experiencing from helping Randi and not having to think about any of the Dad drama.

I pull into the parking lot of my building and see my brother’s car sitting in the guest spot. I’m not really up for this right now, but there is nothing I can do about it. Of course I’d like to tell him to fuck off, but I won’t because that’s just not my style. I grab my satchel and salad and make my way up to my apartment.

When I reach the landing, I find my brother sitting in front of my door. He looks up at me and gives me the first genuine smile I’ve seen since he was mugged. Honestly, I don’t know how he can smile at me and look all nonchalant when I’m so pissed. He stands up and gets out of my way as I unlock my door. He follows me inside, shutting the door behind him. I place my salad in the refrigerator and grab a soda for both of us.

Jordan sits on my couch and stares at the wall. I hand him the soda and sit on the opposite end of the couch. Neither one of us says anything at first, but I’ll be damned if I speak first. He’s the one who all of sudden quit talking to me.

“I’m sorry, Jazz,” Jordan whispers. “I know I’ve been a grade-A asshole to you lately. I’ve just been going through some stuff from when I was jumped. It wasn’t fair to shut you out when all you wanted to do was help me. I know it hurt you that I let Gabe help me.” He takes a deep breath. “Jazz, I wasn’t mugged. They’re classifying it as a hate crime. The guy acted like he was into me and then lured me outside, where he and his friends jumped me.”

I don’t even know what to say. My eyes immediately fill with tears. I reach out to try to grab his hand, but he jerks it away from me. I wipe away my tears and suck in a breath.

“I-I’m sorry that happened to you. Did they ever catch the guys?”

“No, they haven’t.” He’s silent again.

“Why are you here, Jordan? I’ve tried to be there for you over and over and you push me away. Then, all of a sudden, I find you sitting in front of my apartment door. You waited all this time to tell me you were involved in a hate crime. What am I supposed to do or say? What do you want from me?”

I look at him and see the tips of his ears are red and know I’ve pissed him off.

He gets up and starts pacing in front of me. “I don’t want anything from you. I’m tired of you babying me. I’m not your goddamn kid. All you fucking do is hover and stick your nose in my business.”

I jerk back like he slapped me. This is all out of left field. I didn’t know he felt like this. “I’m sorry. I love you and want to take care of you. I’m a caretaker. That’s what I do.”

“I never asked you to!” He roars in my face. This has gone downhill, fast.

I can’t help it when the tears leak from my eyes. “What do you want me to do, Jordan? Pretend I don’t give a shit? Pretend that I don’t worry about you?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I want. Stop worrying about me. I’m a grown ass man who doesn’t need his fucking sister babysitting him.”

“Fine, I’ll stop. Go ahead and keep whoring yourself around St. Louis.” I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth, but I don’t have a chance to do anything when his open palm connects with my cheek.

Tears fill my eyes immediately. He hit me. My brother just slapped me.

“Jazz, I’m so sorry.”

“Get out.” My voice is scary calm. Then it’s not. “Get out!” I scream.

“Please, Jazz. I’m sorry. Let me look at your face.” His eyes are glassy as he reaches for me, but I slap his hand away.

“Don’t touch me. Please just go.”

I push past him, head straight to my room, and lock the door behind me. I hear the sound of breaking glass and then my front door slamming. I slide down my wall until I’m sitting on the floor as the tears flow.

I’m not sure how long I sit here, but the sun’s gone down and my room is blanketed in darkness. I hear my front door open and Gabe’s voice call out to me. I ignore him and close my eyes as my cheek begins to throb again. I hear my doorknob turn, but I make no move to unlock it.

“Baby, open the door. Jordan called me and told me what happened. Sweetheart, please let me take a look at your face. I want to make sure you don’t need to go to the hospital.”

I blindly reach up until I feel the lock on the doorknob and turn it. Seconds later, Gabe is turning on the light and down on his knees in front of me. He tips my face up and curses under his breath while he examines my face.

“I know he’s dealing with some shit, but this is not okay.” He helps me up and over to my bed. “Sit here. I’m going to get you some ice.”

I watch his retreating back and turn to look in the mirror in the corner of my room. Both eyes are swollen from crying and I’ve got the beginnings of a bruise on my cheek. I close my eyes. I can still feel the sting.

Jordan and I have had our share of fights growing up, but they’ve never ended like the one earlier did. I feel physically ill thinking about it. Gabe comes in a minute later and sits down next to me. He holds a towel filled with ice against my cheek. It’s cold but feels good against my skin.

Neither one of us speaks as we sit on my bed until he finally breaks the silence. “I’m gonna beat his ass for this. I don’t care what your fight was about. You don’t ever hit a woman, and especially not your own flesh and blood. I know he feels guilty. I could hear it in his voice, but this is not okay. He’s a lot bigger than you and he could’ve really hurt you.”

I nod in silent agreement with Gabe because he’s right. Jordan could’ve hurt me worse than he did. I grab the ice pack from Gabe and ask him to get me some Ibuprofen. After I’m all taken care of, he helps me get changed into my pajamas. I didn’t need help, but he felt I did. While he locks up my place, I brush my teeth and try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror. My cheek aches and I know I’m going to have to get up early to try to cover the blossoming bruise.

I make my way back into the bedroom and find Gabe stripped down to his boxer briefs. I should tell him to go home since I’m still mad at him, but I really need him to hold me right now. I climb into bed and snuggle up. He wraps his body around mine and I immediately feel better. As my eyes drift closed, I can only pray that tomorrow will be a better day.

***

After working on my face and hair for an hour, I was able to hide my swollen and bruised cheek. Fortunately, I don’t have any home visits today, so I don’t have to worry about any of the families I check on seeing my cheek. My brother had flowers delivered to me at work and left me several voice messages, but I haven’t responded to him. I’m just not ready to go there yet.

I should’ve called in sick today. I was not motivated to be at work. My attitude sucked and all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry. Jill tried to get me to tell her what was going on, but I’m not ready to talk about it. It’s still too raw. Randi called earlier, thanking me for the flowers and cookies. That was about the only bright spot in my day.

I stare at myself in the mirror. As I get ready for bed, I examine the dark circles under my eyes and my bruised cheek. I sigh and crawl into bed. I hate how quiet it is. I’ve gotten so used to being around Gabe every night that now I can’t stand the silence, but luckily it doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep.

I wake up before my alarm goes off. I start a pot of coffee and then go through my whole morning routine, which takes me about an hour from start to finish. Once I’m done, I pull out my laptop and check my calendar. I have a few home visits this morning, so I won’t make it into the office until around lunchtime. I drink my coffee and eat a piece of toast as I go through my papers for the two visits I’m doing today.

I don’t know what my deal is, but I can’t bring myself to feel motivated to go to work today. All I want to do is go back to bed. I shake my head and refocus. I made a commitment to these kids and I need to make sure I’m on top of my game for them.

***

I make my way back to the office and feel a sense of frustration. My first home visit was a standard foster child check, but quickly became a Department of Children and Family Services check when I stepped into the home and immediately didn’t like the vibe I was getting from Pete, the foster dad. He was not happy when I didn’t acknowledge his inappropriate behavior and lewd comments. The pig hadn’t bothered to tell me that Danny, the boy I was coming to visit, was gone with the foster mom at the store. I did not like being in there alone with him. I got nervous when I could tell he was trying to corner me, but I was on to him. My phone rang and distracted him long enough for me to make my escape.

On the way to my next case’s house, I stopped at a coffee shop and grabbed an iced mocha. I sat inside for a few minutes to let my nerves calm down. That guy really freaked me out. Now I’m going to need to ask to be reassigned and have Brian go back as soon as possible.

The next stop I made went well. It was just a standard visit.

I pull into the parking lot of the office and notice the parking lot is full. Everyone must be here. Did I miss the memo about a meeting? I know, occasionally, the managers call impromptu meetings, usually because something bad has happened. Hopefully that isn’t the case today. It’s been a shitty couple of days and I could really use some good news.

I step inside and feel the heaviness in the air. My stomach starts to twist. I make my way to my cubicle and I find Jill with tears running down her cheeks. My heart stops. Feeling sick, I whisper, “Gabe?”

“No, sweetie, he’s fine. Honey, come sit down for a minute.” She leads me to my desk chair and I sit down.

“Jill, you’re scaring me.”

“Last night, Randi’s body was found in the alley behind the grocery store. They don’t know yet if it was her being in the wrong place, at the wrong time or an OD.”

“No, you’re wrong. That wouldn’t happen to her. She’s going to school. She’s going to be a graphic designer. Are you sure it’s the right person? Maybe they got her mixed up with someone else.”