The Heaven I Found In Hell (31 page)

"I invited you, so it's my duty to pay. And besides, a skeleton like you didn't eat that much, anyway," he teased. "Paying for your food wouldn't really hurt me."

"I'm not anorexic. If you were implying that."

He paid for the food, and handed the bill back to Maria, our attendant, before he turned his attention back to me. He looked serious now, and I finally realized what he wanted.

He wanted to know if I liked him back.

The sky was getting darker, but the streetlights were enough for Nathan and me to take a walk in the park. The sun was about to set, and the wind was starting to get stronger, but that was what I liked, a little bit of a breeze. Too much was just annoying, while too little was dehydrating.

We walked around side-by-side, but he stopped when we reached the man-made lake. He sat down on the grass, and patted the space beside me, telling me to sit. I did what he told me to do, and the conversation started.

"Alex, you still haven't told me how you feel," he said, as he tried to avoid my eyes. "Do I have to tell you I like you over and over again?"

I shook my head.

"I just don't know."

I heard him exhale deeply, before he let out a grunt. He told me he wasn't going to force anything out of me, and I thanked him for that. I could have easily said yes, but I wanted to think of the consequences of my actions, or in this case, my words. Tired, I let my arms fall to my sides, as I leaned my whole body on him. He surrounded my neck with his arm, before he rested his head on top of mine.

"Can I take this as a yes?" he asked.

Even though he told me he could wait, I knew he didn't want to, that he was just trying his best to control his feelings for my sake. And the more I liked him. He wasn't forcing me to give him an answer. He questioned me from time to time, but I didn't feel any pressure come from him.

"Nathan…let me think first," I said, asking a great deal from him.

He simply nodded in response, and again, awkward silence fell upon us. After a few minutes of quietly counting the birds that flew past us, we decided to walk again. He would comment on something that we'd pass by from time to time but the jokes and the games were non-existent at this moment. The both of us knew that this wasn't the time to be funny, and I had no intention to. I knew how much a 'yes' or a 'no' would mean to him, and vice versa.

I started reminiscing. From the first day I had arrived in Ridgeway until the present, now. I remembered the times when we spent numerous hours alone acting like a couple, and that made me think about the time I got mad at him. That argument, I clearly kept in mind, resulted to Nathan asking Cindy to the dance, and after those thoughts, the rest of my experiences with Nathan Adams just came flowing back. The tease-fests, the debates, the sweetness, the dance, the confessions…

I finally knew my answer.

"Nathan…" I said slowly hoping that second thoughts wouldn't come to me.

We stopped in our tracks, as he turned around, so now, we were facing each other. I exhaled slowly, taking my time, so my brain could process my thoughts before I did what I should have done a long time ago.

I stepped closer, until only a few centimeters separated us from each other. I circled his neck with my arms, as I inched my face towards his. We were getting closer, and I started to feel his breath on my skin, as his arms found its way around my waist. I was going to close the gap between our lips, but then I heard the sound of cameras clicking. I hoped that was just my dream…

But it wasn't.

Before I could even finally give him just a little peck, pictures were being snapped, and now our privacy was totally…well…publicized. I pulled away from him, and got a hold of his hand, before the both of us started to escape the pack. We entered the mall, and in to the parking lot, before we got into our respective cars. I started the engine, and drove home quickly with motorcycles behind me.

The thought of the paparazzi itself made me want to gag ever since my first experience with them, but with what just happened now, I felt like murdering them. Here I was…finally deciding to tell Nathan that I liked him, but they just had to break the 'moment'. And now…I didn't know what was going to happen.

One's never enough, two's just right…

Alexandra Levi just can't get enough of boys, and hot alpha-males for that matter. Just two days ago, she was seen holding hands with her ex Be My Girl star, Dylan Cyrus, and the next day, locking lips with Nathan Adams, son of oil tycoon Brian Adams.

Who said only Hollywood celebrities get all the fun? Well this girl is definitely in for some of it. She's dated a ton of supermodels, multi-millionaires and billionaires, and A-list actors which include One Tree Hill star Chad Michael Murray, Smallville superhero Tom Welling, NFL star Tom Brady, Laguna Beach alumna Stephen Coletti, and a lot more gorgeous men.

But according to her rep, she denies the rumors that she's been two-timing. Her manager explained to us, that she was just running away from photographers when the pictures of her holding hands with Dylan were taken, but what about the rumors with relation to her having a relationship with the son of multi-billionaire Brian Adams? Her rep had nothing to say about that.

After reading the Entertainment section of today's newspaper, I felt like screaming my lungs out until I lost my voice. I wanted to be mad, but I didn't know whom I was supposed to direct my anger to. The photographers were just doing their job by taking pictures, while magazine writers were simply doing what they had to do by making up stories. But still, everything was just too much. Before I attended Ridgeway, I never really gave a crap if I saw a picture of myself displayed on the front cover of some gossip magazine, because I used to be someone who was too carefree, she never realized that people were already making fun of her since she was too busy enjoying her privileges. It was only when I took a break from the limelight that I started to see how people treated other people. I was seeing Hollywood from a different perspective, and I didn't like it. I saw how much of a fool I used to be, and how harsh the world had become.

To make matters worse, the screen of my mobile lit up, and along with it, came my ring tone. I got out my cell, which was starting to annoy me because of its vibrating, and before I looked at the screen, I realized who was calling me. My mom. I pressed the green button, and held the phone up to my ear. I greeted her in a voice that made me sound uncertain, which I knew would make her think that something was up, because something really was up.

"Hey mom," I greeted, waiting for her to say something.

"I read something I hoped to never read. Is it true?" she asked, without even giving me a simple 'hi.'

I could foresee the future already. I was already picturing her shouting at me in my head, while all I did was just listen, as I tried to control myself from bursting. She knew me too well, since of course, she gave birth to me. She knew how I always answered back, when things didn't go my way, and how I would usually hang up if ever I got frustrated up to my limit. We were like two plates colliding, stubborn as hell.

"Of course it's not! Do you think of me as a slut?" I said a little bit too calmly to my surprise.

Apparently she didn't like the word I used, which was 'slut' because she ended up reprimanding me. She started to go on and on about how wrong it was for ladies to say words such as 'slut.' 'whore,' and a lot more other things which sexualized women. I hated it whenever she'd start ranting about how much of a mess my life was, because really, she was the one who had a messed up life. Well, not really…but I'd like to think that way.

"Mom, since when did you believe the tabloids?" I asked, my cheeks starting to burn.

"Ever since I saw pictures of you with two different guys. Haven't I taught you anything? Didn't I tell you that you're not supposed to parade around with different men, because you aren't a prostitute? If you need money, you just have to tell me."

What the…?

"Do I look like a prostitute to you?" I asked, my voice starting to match hers already.

I didn't expect her to go this far, and start thinking of me as someone who'd sleep around just for the sake of having money. Hello? Do you think I'd be able to go around malls, and buy stuff worth thousands of dollars if I slept with different men every day? Hell! If ever I did, I'd probably be too tired to go on a shopping spree!

"I never called you one, and don't use that tone on me, Alex!" She said, raising her voice even higher so as to show me that she was being serious. Wake up mother dearest! I'm being serious too!

"But you're implying that! I never expected a mother to think of her daughter like that," I told her, sounding a little bit solemn.

She sounded so heartless at this moment that I wanted to cry already. I never really had a good relationship with my mom since our usual conversations consisted of arguing and degrading one another, but I never thought she'd go this far.

"I saw the pictures, so don't try to get out of this mess. I saw what I saw."

I totally lost it.

"I wasn't humping any of them! I was just holding hands with one, and about to kiss the other! But no! Because they came, and I wasn't going to profess my love for a guy in front of the world! I -"

She cut me.

"You love someone…?"

Oh…shit.

"It's none of your business," was my pitiless answer.

"I wanted you to go to Ridgeway because I wanted you to make your life more useful, but instead you go around making-out with guys you barely know!"

"Mom, I know Nathan more than I know you! So do-"

"You mean Nathan Adams? The son of Brian?"

"No, shit."

I heard her let out a grumble, before she spoke up. I knew she wanted to hang up, I did too, but she wanted to finish this talk. She wasn't going to let this go, and the more minutes I wasted talking to her on my mobile, the more I felt angry, low, and useless.

"You are a total disgrace," she said placidly, and her calm voice surprised me. "Because of what you did, you will stay there until you graduate, if you ever graduate…"

Can she still go lower than that? Because I swear, I get it. I get it that I'm a no-good daughter who goes around humping hot guys…

"If I don't…?" I said, trying to challenge her.

"Then you can say goodbye to your career," she said, hanging up.

Before I could curse my own mother mentally, the tears started coming out, and I couldn't stop myself from crying. She knew what mattered the most to me, and she knew how to bring out the worst in me. She wasn't the type who'd feel guilty after seeing her daughter acting all miserable, and now I really didn't know what to think of my mother anymore. I hated her, but I didn't hate her. That's just how I felt at the moment, and I couldn't really explain it.

I closed my bedroom door as I lay down on my stomach, and buried my head under the pillow that was nearest to me. I didn't stop myself from crying, because I enjoyed 'letting go' from time to time. It was relieving to just have it all out through tears, even though it made you look like a zombie the next day. After a few minutes of hating the world, my door opened, and Riley entered my room.