The Hidden Heart of Rico Rossi (20 page)

‘How did you know Sofia was the right one for you?’ Rico asked his best friend, turning his wine glass round in his hands. He couldn’t look Giuseppe in the eye. They never talked about this sort of thing, about emotions and love
and family. But Rico really needed to know, and his best friend was about the only person he could ask.
How
did you know someone was the right one for you?

‘Because life without her was unthinkable,’ Giuseppe replied simply.

Yeah. That worked for him, too. Life without Ella … He’d been without her for three days and he was a total mess. He couldn’t wait to get back to London. Back to
her
.

‘Why are you asking? Is this the woman you borrowed the plane for?’

This time, Rico met his gaze head on. ‘Yes.’

‘It’s serious, then.’ Giuseppe raised an eyebrow. ‘I never thought I’d see the day. Are you OK?’

‘Yes.’ But Giuseppe had known him for years. And he was the only person Rico had let close to him. The only one Rico trusted, or he would never have started this conversation in the first place. ‘No.’ He sighed. ‘I hate this, Seppe. I don’t feel in control any more.’

‘Sounds about right,’ Giuseppe said. ‘If it helps, it does get better.’

‘Does it?’ Rico wasn’t so sure. ‘And what if I get it wrong?’

‘Then you learn to apologise. Flowers and chocolates usually work.’

Rico smiled wryly. ‘I’ve already sent them.’

‘And the words?’ Giuseppe asked. ‘Because that’s what Sofia expects more than anything. The words.’

‘What words?’ Sofia asked, coming in and leaning on her husband’s shoulder.

Giuseppe stretched up to kiss her.
‘Ti voglio molto bene. ’

She smiled. ‘I love you very much too, Seppe.’ She looked at Rico. ‘I only caught the last few words, but
does this mean you’ve finally stopped dating those awful women and you’ve found yourself someone nice?’

That wasn’t the half of it. He decided to cut to the chase. ‘How do you two feel about being godparents?’

Sofia’s jaw dropped. ‘You’re kidding! You … baby … You …’

He’d never seen his best friend’s wife lost for words before. Sofia could talk the hind leg off a donkey. Rico grinned. ‘Yes. I’m going to be a dad.’ It was the first time he’d said the words out loud. And something cracked inside him; his skin felt too tight. As if he were going to burst with love and pride.

Ella was having their baby
. And the world, which had seemed so messed-up the last few weeks, tilted and righted itself. Except everything was different. Like walking from a monochrome into full, vibrant colour. Because the woman he loved was giving him the most precious gift in the world. And now he knew what to tell her.

‘I was intending just to offer to get you two some more wine and leave you both to another boring conversation about cars,’ Sofia said, ‘but not now.’ She took a glass from the cupboard and topped up their glasses as well as filling her own. ‘I want to know
everything
.’

‘Uh.’ Panicked, Rico looked to Giuseppe to rescue him.

Giuseppe simply spread his hands. ‘You heard the lady.’ He smiled. ‘I want to know, too. But I do know one thing. She has to be special.’

Rico frowned. ‘Why?’

‘To make you fall in love with her. Because you always keep people at a distance—even us, to some extent,’ Giuseppe said gently.

‘Yes, she’s special. And yes, I love her.’ Actually saying
the words made him feel a whole lot better. Rico smiled. ‘OK. You want to know about my Ella
bellezza
. I’ll tell you.’

Later that evening, when the horn beeping outside signalled the arrival of Rico’s taxi, Sofia hugged him. ‘Stay happy,’ she said. ‘And next time you come to Rome, bring Ella with you.’

‘Or you could come to London to meet her. I know a nice little hotel where you could stay,’ he said with a smile. ‘And bring the children. I know some places they’ll love.’

Giuseppe patted his shoulder. ‘I never thought I’d hear something like
that
from you. But it’s good. You’ve finally put the past where it belongs. And, for what it’s worth, I think you’re going to be a great dad.’

‘Not perfect,’ Rico said. He knew he was very far from perfect.

‘Nobody’s perfect,’ Sofia said gently. ‘Just do your best. That’ll be good enough.’

Rico only hoped that she was right.

Back at the hotel, he glanced at his watch. Even allowing for the time difference, it was late. And pregnancy had made Ella sleepy. It wouldn’t be fair to ring her and wake her up, just to tell her that he loved her. He didn’t want to say it in a text, either. These were words he needed to tell her out loud. In the end, he just sent her a text.
Back tomorrow
.

And in the morning he’d make time to go shopping. For something he should’ve bought her weeks ago.

This was the fourth day without a single word. Rico hadn’t even sent her a text today.

Ella had to face it. He wasn’t ever going to be able to
love her. Sure, he’d sent her gifts—thoughtful gifts—but that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted his heart, and he’d never be able to give it to her.

Which meant their marriage was going to be loveless.

Promise me you won’t make the same mistakes I did, Ella
.

Falling for a man who couldn’t love her back? A good man, but nevertheless that was exactly what she’d done. So very, very stupid.

No way could she marry him. And, even though she knew he was probably busy, in a meeting or something, she needed to tell him.

But when she called, his phone went straight through to voicemail.

She knew she should leave it until she spoke to him in person. Doing this by voicemail was utterly selfish. But she also knew she was weak, where he was concerned. If she left it until she saw him, she might not have the courage to tell him how she felt. And that wasn’t fair on either of them. ‘Rico, it’s Ella. I’m sorry. I can’t do this. Obviously you’ll have access to the baby, if you want it—we’ll sort that out so it’s fair for all of us—but I’m sorry, I can’t marry you.’

When she hung up, she drew her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms round her legs. Though she couldn’t cry. Sometimes pain went way too deep for tears.

Rico was glad he’d brought next to nothing back to London with him. Just one piece of hand luggage and his laptop case. He would’ve gone crazy if he’d had to wait at baggage reclaim.

Customs seemed to take for ever.

But finally he was through. He switched his phone on, intending to ring Ella and tell her he’d be home in less
than an hour, when his phone beeped to let him know there was a voicemail.

Well, it could wait. Ella was more important.

But her mobile phone was switched off, and there was no answer from her landline. That meant she was either up to her eyes in the kitchen, or she was out on a delivery and had forgotten to switch her mobile on. She’d become incredibly scatty over the last couple of weeks and had to leave herself sticky notes all over the place.

Smiling at the thought, he listened to the voicemail. And his blood went cold.

I can’t marry you
.

What?

Why?

He tried her mobile again, and her landline, still with no result.

Oh, hell. He needed to see her, find out what was going on. Why couldn’t she marry him? A seriously nasty thought struck him. Had she met someone else? No. Ella wasn’t like that. Though she’d said that her ex had talked her round before. Had he talked her round again? Was Ella still in love with him?

He drove too fast on the way back to London, and only a near miss when someone pulled out in front of him made him slow down. It felt like for ever until his key was unlocking the front door, and he took the stairs up to the flat two at a time.

She wasn’t there.

And her mobile phone was
still
switched off.

He paced the flat. Made himself coffee. Paced the flat. Tried her phone again. Paced the flat. And he was a hair’s-breadth away from going insane when he heard the front door being unlocked.

Thank God. She was home. And they could sort this mess out.

She looked wary when she saw him. ‘Rico. I didn’t know when you were going to be back.’

‘I should’ve told you. I’m sorry.’

She swallowed hard. ‘Did you … did you get my message?’

‘Yes.’ And it hurt like hell. ‘Why can’t you marry me, Ella?’

‘Because I’ve had time to think while you were away. You didn’t call me—and I don’t think you’re ever going to be able to love me. I can’t handle a loveless marriage.’ Tears shimmered in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry. I won’t ever fight you, the way your mum fought your dad. I want you to be as much a part of the baby’s life as you want to be. But I can’t do this any more. I can’t pretend everything’s OK. And I’m not going to make the same mistake my mum made, falling for someone who’s never going to love me back.’

Never going to love me back
.

Those words gave him the courage that her voicemail had leached away. She loved him. Right now, she didn’t believe in him, but that was his own fault for holding back. And he could do something about that.

‘You’re not making your mother’s mistake,’ he said. ‘You
haven’t
fallen for someone who doesn’t love you back. You’ve fallen for someone who’s totally rubbish at emotions and who isn’t very good at telling you how he feels. But I’m going to try to change that, Ella. I’ll need your help, but I swear to you I’m going to try my hardest.’

She stared at him as if he were speaking Martian.

He frowned. ‘I’m speaking English, yes? Not rambling on in Italian?’

That made her smile. ‘You never ramble, Rico.’

‘Maybe I should learn.’ He couldn’t stand being apart from her any more. He closed the space between them and wrapped his arms round her. ‘I’m going to need help with this. I’ve never told anyone I loved them before. Opening myself up like this—it feels weird. Scary. As if I’m standing on the edge of a precipice and someone’s about to shove me over. But I love you, Ella. I really do.’ He pulled away so he could look her in the eye. ‘It scares me to death. I’m so scared of failing you. But I love you.’

‘Really?’ Her eyes were full of tears.

‘I love you and I want to be with you. And our baby.’ He rested his hand protectively on her abdomen. ‘I don’t exactly have good role models when it comes to parenting. Except Sofia and Seppe—and Sofia tells me that nobody’s perfect and my best will be good enough.’

‘Sofia?’

Was it his imagination, or did she sound just the tiniest bit jealous? ‘My best friend’s wife. And I have a confession to make.’ He dragged in a breath. ‘I, um, asked them to be godparents, just as I’m godfather to their children. Except they’ll be better at it than I am. Do you mind?’

She blinked. ‘You told them about me? And the baby?’

‘Everything. They already know you’re special.’ He smiled. ‘Seppe says for me to let anyone close, she has to be seriously special. And you are.’

She swallowed hard. ‘You really love me?’

‘I’ve been trying to tell myself I didn’t. When I looked you up in London, it was to prove to myself that what we had was just sex.’

‘Acquaintances with benefits.’

He grimaced. ‘You’re so much more than that to me. I was in denial even then. The very fact I had to prove to myself that you weren’t special—well, it was because deep down I knew you
were
.’ He blew out a breath. ‘And
Rome—Rome isn’t home to me any more. I hated being there without you.’

‘Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?’

‘Because I didn’t even want to admit to myself that I needed you. But I do need you, Ella.’ He stroked her face. ‘And I’m sorry. I should’ve told you that first day I was away. But I didn’t know how to say it. And I didn’t want to send you a text.’

‘You sent me flowers.’

‘The nearest I’ve ever got to love in the past is expensive presents. And I know that’s not what love’s about. I got it so badly wrong. Will you give me another chance,
bellezza?
’

A tear trickled down her cheek. ‘You love me.’

‘And our baby. I can’t wait to be a dad. And I can’t wait to marry you. I know you said you couldn’t marry me, but that was when you thought I didn’t love you. Now you know I do … will you change your mind?’

Ella could hardly believe what she was hearing. Was she dreaming? Imagining the words she’d so longed to hear from him?

‘I went shopping this morning. For something important. I know you’ve been here before—but I’m not Michael. I’m not going to cheat on you. I’m not going to lie to you. And I might need reminding to open up to you, but I’m going to try my hardest to make you happy. To make you know how very, very much I love you.’ He dropped down on one knee in front of her and drew a box from his pocket; he opened it to reveal a very simple band of diamonds in what looked to her like platinum.

She gasped. ‘It’s like the Sisi star you bought me, all sparkly—it’s beautiful.’

‘I’m glad you like it, because I need to ask you something. Last time, I got it wrong. I demanded. This time, I’m
going to do it properly. I want to do it right.’ He took her hand. ‘Will you marry me, Ella? And I need you to know that I don’t want to marry you just because of the baby. I want to marry you because of
you
. Because my life’s a lot better with you in it. And you make me whole.’

She felt the tears gather in her eyes. ‘Oh, Rico.’

‘And I want to make sure that our baby knows from their very first breath that they’re loved for who they are. Just as I love you for who you are, and you love me the same way—at least, I hope you do.’ His breath caught. ‘And I’m not good at this stuff, so I’m going to need your help in getting it right. I need you, Ella. I love you.’

She blinked the tears back. ‘I love you, too. I love you for who you are. I don’t give a damn about your money or your status or any of that rubbish. It’s you I love. If you lost everything tomorrow, and my business went under, we’d still cope.’ She stroked his face. ‘Yes. I’ll marry you, Rico. I’ll be proud to marry you. And …’ She took a deep breath. ‘If you really need to go back to Rome, I’ll go with you.’