The High Calling (10 page)

“I got me a new job. I’m gonna start flyin’ the mail. I decided maybe it’s time to settle down a bit, get a good steady job. Probably gets pretty boring, though.”

“How come you didn’t tell me until today?”

“Aw, you know how I am. Impulsive, you might say. I only decided a couple days ago, and I leave tomorrow.”

Kat remembered a feature story she had read recently about the dangers of flying the mail. The death statistics were not favorable for the men who flew the lonely flights through all kinds of weather and over the highest mountains. “I wish
you had a safer line of work. I don’t think there’s anything really safe about flying.”

“Bother you if I went up the flue, huh?”

“Of course it would!”

“Well, that’s good news.” He reached over and took her hand, giving her that infectious grin of his. “You go on and become a nurse like you’re talkin’ about. Then I’ll pile myself up and get hurt real bad. You can nurse me back to health and fall in love with me. Nurses always fall in love with me. They just can’t help themselves.”

Kat laughed and slapped him playfully on the shoulder. “If I didn’t like you, Brodie Lee, I’d give you a piece of my mind!”

Brodie put his finger up in the air and pronounced seriously: “‘Dr. Brodie Lee’s guaranteed peace of mind for women with problems. We never close.’ That’s the sign I’m gonna hang up.”

They finished their milk shakes and left the store, still snickering over their silly conversation. Halfway home, Brodie pulled off the road and said, “My feets’ burnin’ off. Let’s go dip ’em in this here creek.”

Kat had no objections. They found a shady spot underneath some towering hickory trees and were soon dabbling their feet in the water. It was not cold but was still refreshing.

“We could move on down a ways where it’s private and do a little skinny-dipping,” he said with a straight face.

“I don’t think so.”

“I didn’t think you would.” He shook his head regretfully. “I remember once when you happened along when your brother and I were skinny-dipping. As soon as you figured out we didn’t have a stitch on, you ran off. You’ve always been too modest for your own good.”

She laughed. “You’re impossible, Brodie.”

“Reckon that’s the common opinion.”

A slight breeze stirred the branches, cooling them off slightly. They watched the minnows darting around in groups, making silver streaks in the clear water. “Now, how d’ya
reckon those fellas know to go in the same direction all at the same time?” Brodie mused. “It seems like they got just one brain between ’em. Look—there they go again.”

“I never cease to be amazed at God’s creations,” Kat murmured. “Like how He makes minnows that can think at the same time . . . and birds . . . why, they do the same thing. You’ve seen flocks of birds flying along, then suddenly every last bird will just turn together—as if they had some kind of signal. I could never believe in a thing like evolution to produce creatures like that.”

“Me neither. I reckon some Yankees might have come from apes, but we rebels didn’t.”

“You read that in a book.”

“No I didn’t. I made it up.”

“Well,
I
read it in a book! And it was a
Confederate
soldier who said, ‘I may have come from an ape, but Robert E. Lee, he didn’t come from no ape.’”

Brodie laughed. “Well, at least he was right about the Robert E. Lee part. He was one of my kin, you know.”

“No, I didn’t know,” Kat said, “and I think you’re just making that up too!” She kicked her feet to splash him good, and they both laughed and lay back on the grassy bank.

After a long silence, Brodie said, “Well, Miss Katherine Winslow, are you going to marry that limey?”

Kat had not mentioned Parker’s proposal to anyone except her parents, and she knew they had not mentioned it to Brodie. “What makes you ask that?” she demanded.

“He’s the marryin’ kind. I could see that right off.”

“That doesn’t mean I’d be interested in marrying him.”

“So you’re not going to marry him?”

“Well, I’ll have to admit, Brodie, he’s asked me to go with him to take the cattle back to England.”

“He’s lookin’ for more than a cattle herder, I reckon.”

Reluctantly Kat nodded. “Yes, he is,” she admitted.

“Are you going?”

“I don’t know. I can’t make up my mind.”

He sat up and picked up a stone, flipped it into the water, and watched the circles spread to the edges of the creek. Then he turned to her and reached out for her hand.

Kat let him pull her up but faced him warily, not sure if he intended to kiss her or was just watching her. She had to admire Brodie. Physically, he was one of the most attractive men she had ever seen. At six feet tall, he was lanky but very strong. His red hair and green eyes made a startling impression on women, and an intense masculinity seemed to flow out of him.

“I’m not very up on this sort of thing,” he said, still holding her hand, “but I think you and me would make a mighty good pair.”

For a moment Kat did not realize the import of his statement, and then she blinked with surprise. “Is that a proposal?”

“Yep, it sure is. I’ve known a few gals in my time, Kat, but never one I wanted to make the long haul with.”

Usually Brodie was teasing, but Kat knew he was serious this time. He was watching her carefully, his eyes half hidden behind his lowered lids. There was a relaxed looseness about him, even though his features were solid. His tanned, muscled body suggested a man turned hard by time and effort. Kat hesitated, not wanting to hurt his feelings. Still, she knew there was but one answer she could give him.

“Brodie, you know that I’m a Christian and that you’re not. The one thing I would absolutely demand in a husband is that he be a man of God.”

Brodie released her hand and looked down, lacing his fingers together. He stared at them for a long time—so long that Kat could hardly bear the silence. She knew she had hurt him, despite her good intentions. He was so tough outwardly, but he had a well-hidden tenderness in him, and she felt her words had struck him like a hard blow.

Finally he let his breath out in a sigh and turned to face her. He covered his feelings well, but she could see the hurt in his eyes. “Well, that rules me out.”

“Oh, Brodie, you don’t love me! We hardly know each other.”

He did not argue but instead picked up his socks and began to pull them on. “I guess we’d better get back.”

The two put on their shoes and walked back to the car. As he opened the door for her, Kat said, “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, Brodie.”

“I didn’t really have much hope, Kat, but I want you to know this: I’ll always be there for you.”

A lump came to her throat. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she knew better. “That makes me feel good.”

He drove her home but did not offer to get out when they reached her house. “I guess this is good-bye, Kat. I’ll be leaving in the morning.”

“Brodie, I’ll miss you so much.”

She saw a hopeful flicker in his eyes, but then his mouth grew tense.

“Take care of yourself, Kat.”

She got out of the car, and as soon as she’d shut the door, he waved and took off down the road, leaving a plume of dust behind him.

She watched the car disappear, feeling as if a giant weight had fallen on her. She had come to depend on Brodie’s friendship, and now it was over, just like that. Gloomily she went into the house, said hi to the boys, who were listening to the radio, and went directly to her room.

She closed the door and leaned back against it. Feeling desperate, she knelt beside the bed and buried her face in the bedspread. “I’m going to stay here, Lord, until I make up my mind one way or another,” she prayed. Realizing her words hadn’t come out the way she intended, she cried out, “I didn’t mean it like that, Lord. I only want to know what
your
will is for me. Please tell me.”

****

“I don’t know what’s gotten into Kat,” Lewis fretted. “She
hardly speaks to anybody anymore. Stays in her room all the time. Is she feelin’ poorly?”

“No, she’s not,” Missouri Ann assured him. “She’s been seekin’ the Lord. She’s tryin’ to make up her mind about whether to marry Parker.”

Lewis looked up quickly. “Do you think she will?”

“She will if she thinks God is telling her to. She’s got grit, that girl has! You might as well get used to the idea, Lewis. We may be losing her soon.”

****

Parker was gazing at Katherine, who had said very little during the evening. They had shared a fine dinner, expertly cooked, as usual, by Missouri Ann and Katherine. After dinner, he had played with the boys, who were fascinated by his accent and tried to imitate it. Afterward, he had spent some time in the parlor with the entire family, but finally Kat had risen and invited him to accompany her outside.

Parker stood beside her on the porch, looking out on the yard. The sun had settled westward, melting into a shapeless bed as it touched the faraway low-lying mountains. The air was getting cooler, and light northerly breezes touched them gently. Pearly shadows covered distant objects, and the dusty roads had taken on soft silver shadings. The peace that came with evening magnified distant sounds, and for a moment Parker stood there, savoring the moment.

He started to speak, but Kat turned and said in a rush, “I can’t go to England with you, Parker.” He saw that her lips were trembling, and there was a vulnerability about her he had not seen before. Her wide-spaced eyes seemed bottomless at that moment, and her tawny hair lay rolled heavily on her head. She was wearing a gray dress that deepened the color of her eyes. Her face was drawn with a determined look that told him she had made up her mind.

He admired her beauty but with a deep pang in his heart, knowing even before she spoke that it would never be for
him. “I thought you might at least go with me for a visit,”

he said quietly. “Where’s the harm?”

“I can’t go . . . because . . . because I love you, Parker.”

He had expected anything but this. He reached for her, but she put out her hands, fending him off. “Marry me, Katherine. I love you and you love me. What more could we ask for?”

“There’s more to it than that.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t feel that I have God’s blessing to marry you. There’s something else He has for me. And if I go with you, even just for a visit, I know I won’t love you any less. If I stay here, I can at least try to forget you, but if I were with you, sooner or later I’d give in to you.”

At that instant Parker Braden admired this woman intensely. She was freely expressing her love for him and at the same time was strong enough to admit that she could not trust herself.

Neither of them knew what to say. It was one of those moments in time that seemed to stretch out endlessly, and finally Kat knew she had to at least try to explain. Her voice was filled with pain as she said, “If I can’t believe God has put this in my way and intends for it to happen, what would going with you accomplish? It would only bring pain to both of us.”

Parker stood absolutely still. Arguments leaped to his lips, but as he gazed at her face, he knew that her mind was made up. He was flooded with hopelessness and disappointment. “I think you’re making a mistake, Katherine—one that will hurt both of us for the rest of our lives.”

For a moment Kat thought he would try to hold her and kiss her. She was afraid that if he did so, she would give in, for she truly did love this man.

But Parker did not move toward her, nor did he reach out for her. He spoke so quietly she barely caught his words.

“I’ll be going now. I think you’ve made the wrong choice, but I see I can’t change your mind.” He turned and walked
down the porch steps, his back straight. Kat wanted to cry out to him, but she bit her lip and kept her silence. She watched as he got into the car and drove away into the darkness, knowing she had lost him forever.

****

The next morning Parker came early to load the cattle, and he and Kat kept up the appearance of being amiable while she helped him herd the cattle into the truck. But Kat could hardly bear to look at him. When the job was finished, Parker said good-bye to Lewis, Missouri Ann, and the boys. Finally he stood before Kat.

“Are you sure you won’t change your mind and come with me?”

Her throat felt so dry she couldn’t answer. She merely shook her head.

“Will you write to me, then?”

“I’ll try, Parker,” she whispered.

“Good-bye.” With this final brief, almost harsh, word, Parker turned and got into the truck. The driver started it up, and Parker waved at the boys and her parents, but he did not turn to look at her. This hurt Kat more than anything else, but she knew it was her own doing.

Missouri Ann approached her as the truck rumbled away. She said nothing but reached out and put her arms around Kat. She continued fighting back the tears, all the time crying silently,
I love him, God! Why can’t I have him?

Finally she pulled away and walked blindly away from the house. She did not want to speak to anyone. As she retreated, she heard Michael ask, “What’s wrong with Kat?” She broke into a run before she could hear the answer. She crossed the field and didn’t stop running until she was in the woods. When she reached the river, she stopped and stared down into the flowing water, remembering the day she had walked along here with Parker. A frog let out a startled croak and plunked
into the water. She sat down on the ground, drawing up her knees and folding her arms around them.

She felt entirely drained as she thought about the days ahead. She pulled a snapshot out of her pocket. Earlier in the summer, she and Parker had borrowed a speedboat from a friend of her father and had taken it out on a nearby lake, laughing like children as he drove it full speed, making sharp careens and turns. The picture she had taken captured his essence, tall and fine featured, his eyes full of laughter.

From somewhere far off a mourning dove began cooing. Kat had always loved that sound, but now it seemed more sad than beautiful, matching her mood. She lowered her head against her arms and began to sob. She wanted to jump up and run after the truck, but she knew that wasn’t the right thing to do.