The Highlander's Runaway Bride (15 page)

‘Give her time,' Brodie had counselled him. Thinking on it now, it seemed a good plan, but he would not wait for her to come to him forever. He would not sit around pining for a wife who had no desire for him. She trusted him, at least in her sleep. He would use that as a starting place. If she was truly never willing, he did not know what he would do, for it was a situation he'd never faced before in his life.

He understood duty, and he understood his place in the clan. Personal happiness, as Brodie told him once, was not something that always followed duty. Satisfaction was all one could hope for in carrying out their duty to kith and kin. Even though he knew others valued him only for what they could get or do through him, he wanted it to be different with this woman, his wife. Though it had certainly begun as a political marriage, that did not mean it could not be more or be different.

Watching her now, he wanted more with her. In spite of his words to the contrary, she was brave and strong. She had passion within her and a strong sense of commitment, too. She was pragmatic and did what she needed to do to survive. But, he'd seen the longing in her gaze. And the sadness of loss.

Mayhap if he gave her more time, she would overcome the grief that had her in its grip and she would want more? Mayhap she would want...him?

He chuckled then at such a thought, such a need within him. Robbie Mackintosh, the chief's close friend and confidant. Robbie Mackintosh, leader of the clan's warriors. Robbie Mackintosh, who never knew an empty bed or left a lover unsatisfied.

And now, Robbie Mackintosh, a man who wanted his wife's attentions.

Oh, how far he'd fallen and how sad a man he'd become!

When Eva turned and, pressing her back and bottom against him, settled once more, Rob knew he would find a way to approach her. He must.

* * *

The rest of the hours between then and dawn were filled with strategies and plans, all focused on the woman who slumbered unknowing in his arms. She would discover that Robbie Mackintosh was a man who never lost a battle he set out to win.

Chapter Sixteen

S
he'd lied.

Eva had lied to Margaret about her menses. And about how much pain she was suffering.

She'd done it for one reason—she needed the oblivion of the concoction Margaret would offer her. Though she'd sworn to never again cede control of herself to such a potion, she sought it and savoured it that night to wipe away the memories and the pain. It was the running away that Rob disdained so much, but it had been her only choice. Well, other than fracturing into pieces that could never be put back in their places. Other than losing complete control of herself and revealing everything she could not reveal. So, she'd let Rob call Margaret, and she'd greedily accepted the small bottle. She drank it all, for the elixir offered the blackness she needed so much in that moment.

Now, two days later, Eva knew she must face the lady and her questions.

Pressing her palms on her gown, she smoothed it down as she stood. Nessa had cautiously approached her this morn to help her dress and fix her hair. The girl said she'd been sent away by Rob when he'd returned and found Eva so upset. Her husband had not spoken of it or anything else between them since then. He simply came to their chambers, enquired after her health and made certain that meals were brought and she was not disturbed. She knew he slept at her side each night. But, what he thought or what excuse or explanation he was giving the laird and lady and others, she knew not.

As she sent word to Arabella and asked for a moment to speak to her, Eva knew that what had happened had helped in some way to release all the pent-up grief and sadness she'd been carrying. Like a blister that finally broke and released its vitriol, her dammed-up grief was now free. Oh, she would bear the loss of her daughter's father and her inability to find the bairn and keep her forever. And she knew she must be strong if there was to be any hope of surviving such a loss as this.

When Nessa came to say the lady would receive her, Eva had still not decided what she would do when the inevitable questioning began. There was no doubt that Arabella knew the truth. She'd witnessed and heard Eva call the babe by a name. She'd seen Eva react to her advanced pregnancy, and she realised that Eva knew more than a maiden who'd never tended a birth knew. But, should Eva speak the truth or continue to lie as her father had made her swear to do?

Eva made her way to the lady's chamber and was surprised when Arabella opened the door herself and bade her enter. Eva prepared herself for the sound and sight and even smell of the new babe only to find they were completely alone.

‘I thought we should have some privacy to speak, Eva. Would you like wine?'

‘Nay,' she said. ‘Sit. I should serve you.'

‘All I have done is lie abed and be waited on these last two days. I need to move around a bit.' Arabella poured wine in two cups anyway and held one out to Eva.

‘How do you feel? Is the babe...?' Eva looked around again, surprised at the babe's absence.

‘She is well, thanks to your efforts.'

Arabella drank from her cup and then sat down. Eva sat on the nearest chair to the lady. After a few, heavy moments of silence, Arabella met her gaze. Eva tried to prepare herself for what the lady would say, but the words were a complete surprise.

‘I would never have been so cruel as to have you attend me these last weeks if I had known, Eva. Pray forgive me for causing you such pain.'

Whatever she'd expected, these words, this apology, was not it. Tears came unbidden at words of such kindness. No one had truly ever cared about her comfort or peace until she'd come here to this place and these people. Eva wiped her eyes and shrugged.

‘You did not know, Arabella. I knew you were not being unkind.' She could not pretend any more to this compassionate woman.

Arabella reached out and took her hand, entwining their fingers before asking the question that would lead to many others.

‘Your daughter—did she die?' she whispered.

Eva shook her head and blinked at the tears. ‘Nay. As far as I know, she still lives.'

‘How old is she?'

‘Nigh to three months,' she said. Had that much time passed already? Thinking on it, Eva realised it had—though much of it had been spent in a blur of loss and pain and confusion.

‘When did you last see her?' Eva fought for control now.

‘The day she was born.'

Silence met those words and then a harsh curse uttered by a woman who was known for her genteel ways.

‘Does Rob know?' Arabella asked. Eva stood then and paced around the chamber.

‘Nay. He thinks I mourn for a lost lover. I have not... I cannot tell him the truth.'

The lady grew silent then as though out of questions to ask, but Eva knew there would be more. There was so much yet unspoken over this matter, and the lady was a fierce defender of those she called friend.

‘Telling him now 'twill do no good, Arabella,' she said. ‘It will only cause more questions that I cannot answer. I should not even be telling you.' Her voice took on a sharper edge than she'd meant to do, causing Arabella to stare at her.

‘Your father?' Arabella asked or guessed.

‘He swore she would be safe and cared for if I did as he ordered. After he—' She stopped before the worst of it came pouring out. ‘If I reveal the truth about her, he will not protect her.' Eva twisted her hands and met Arabella's stare now. ‘I cannot tell.'

Arabella motioned for her to sit, so Eva did. Once again, the lady took her hand.

‘In these situations, there is nothing you can do. Oh, believe me, Eva, you are not the first noblewoman to have a bairn in secret and have to let it be raised by others. Unless you plan to challenge your father in this...' Arabella paused and Eva shuddered her response ‘...you must try to move on with your life. The life that your father promised would protect her.'

Eva knew the truth of her words, but her heart could not accept them. Not yet.

‘I think you should tell Robbie the truth of it,' Arabella said softly. ‘But I understand why you do not. He's a good man, Eva. An honourable man who will do his duty to his family and his clan. He would understand,' she urged.

But Arabella did not know the whole story. About Eva running away and trying to escape the marriage. About her suspicions of her father's part in manipulating Rob into it. It was Rob's honour that trapped him in this marriage, even if he did not know it. And his value to Brodie Mackintosh. So, in the face of all those unspoken secrets, Eva remained silent now.

‘Very well, I will accept your decision over this. And, have no fear—this all remains between us. I have not spoken of it even to my husband.'

Eva had some notion of how important that was, for Arabella held nothing back from her husband. She'd witnessed that many times since her arrival here. They valued each other's company and opinions and kept nothing from each other. She envied them that.

‘My thanks, Arabella,' she said, rising to stand once more. ‘In some way, just speaking of it, of her, with you has helped.'

‘Mairead? You named her Mairead?' the lady asked.

‘Aye.'

‘And Mairead's father? His name?'

‘I should not...' She shook her head. Speaking his name hurt so much. Especially knowing his blood was on her hands.

‘I will pray for them both, Eva. And for you, so that you have the strength you need to overcome the pain and grief that yet burdens you.' Arabella stood then and walked with her to the door of the chamber. ‘Come to me if you have need to speak of such things. Do not let the sorrow of the past destroy any future happiness you might claim, or your father has won.'

Her words were like those of someone who had suffered at the hands of their father. Eva searched the lady's face for some clue of it.

‘My father blamed me for my mother's death. We have only made our peace recently,' she explained.

‘Ramsey MacKay will make peace with no one,' Eva said. ‘I do not fool myself into believing that he would ever relent in this or forgive me for my...foolish and regrettable behaviour.'

‘Then,' Arabella whispered as they reached the door, ‘you must get revenge by living a life he would not want you to have. You must forgive yourself and move past this pain. Defy him, Eva. Defy him and live well.'

Eva smiled at the lady's determination and resolve. Without even knowing the MacKay, she understood. As Eva walked into the corridor, the other door in the chamber opened and Ailean entered, carrying the babe in her arms.

‘You do not have to attend me every day, Eva. Take some time to learn our clan and the village,' she said, loud enough for the maid to hear. ‘And your husband,' she whispered for only Eva's hearing.

Eva could only nod in reply. The lady's once-again unexpected kindness and consideration eased her pain. She pulled the door closed behind her and stood there, feeling somehow lighter than she had in months. Mayhap the fact that someone else knew about Mairead made it different? Mayhap finally being able to speak to someone as though she existed, that she did exist, would bring her some measure of peace?

For now, Eva went back to her chambers. She'd been so mired in sadness that she had never truly settled in her rooms. The last weeks had been as a guest rather than one of the clan.

Was Arabella correct? Would claiming a life here be the best thing for her? Could she do such a thing?

As she walked around the chamber, rearranging some of the furniture, Eva considered the possibility of it and what it would mean. The first thing would be to give up on seeking her daughter.

The thought of it made her stumble, and she grabbed on to the bedpost for support.

She could never do that. Never. And Arabella had not suggested forgetting her daughter, she'd suggested moving on into the life she had now.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out, Eva took a fresh look at the chamber and decided to make it more her own...well, and her husband's. From the look of it, he was still living partly here and partly in his old chamber. Calling Nessa to her, Eva set out to make this room more comfortable.

* * *

A few hours later, she was quite pleased with their efforts and felt better for the exertion of the work involved.

After a short respite and a light meal, Eva decided to speak to Margaret. She took the empty bottle from the place where it yet sat on the table and brought it to return it to Rob's sister. With no clear decision made, Eva only knew she wanted Margaret's counsel, too.

Not about the babe but about...her husband.

* * *

It was becoming a common occurrence, it seemed. For him to be wandering through the keep and the village searching for his wife. But, if he was honest with himself, it pleased him that she was not lying abed with that lost expression in her eyes. When Nessa told him that Eva had left the keep after midday meal, he smiled and went back to his duties with Brodie.

Although he spent a good deal of his time at Brodie's side, serving as a counsellor, much of his time was spent in charge of training the Mackintosh warriors so they would always be ready to protect the clan and its interests.

One of their best fighters, honed in battle and practice, Rob was seen as the one to beat in any training session or challenge. And that afternoon saw many challenges made and answered before he called a halt to it.

The physical work kept his mind busy trying to out-think his opponents. He spoke to the commanders and recommended changes to the training routines, suggesting a few of their warriors to take on new or different roles. Content at what he'd accomplished, he returned to his, their, chamber, seeking Eva.

Even now, hours later, she'd still not returned. Without much thought on it, he soon rode to the village, first to Margaret's cottage, to find her.

Unlike previous times, he worried more about her endurance than her disappearance. Which brought him up short. His horse snorted and blew beneath him, not happy with the curt pull on the reins that brought them to a halt.

'Twas natural, of course, to worry over her condition considering these last days. Even when she'd awakened after the long, deep slumber brought about by the laudanum, Eva had not spoken unless he spoke first. She'd remained in their chamber, in bed, since. Now to find her gone from the keep did worry him.

Which worried him.

He touched his heels to the horse's sides and rode to the village. Following the paths through, he soon sat before Margaret's cottage. No voices or sounds came from within it, so he climbed down and opened the door.

No one was home. Not unusual, considering Margaret's tasks as healer. But what was unusual was the sight before him as he stood there wondering where Eva was.

She walked at his sister's side, carrying a basket on her arm, along the road that led west. Though not animated, they engaged in some conversation as they headed for Margaret's cottage. Eva managed to keep pace with his sister, who could walk faster than most, and only slowed when she looked up and saw him there.

‘Good day, Robbie,' Margaret called out. ‘I am glad you have come.' Margaret threw her arms around him and hugged him. ‘Will you stay for the evening meal? 'Twill not be as grand as in Brodie's hall, but it will fill your belly.' At his hesitation, she nodded at Eva. ‘Eva would like to, if you agreed.'

‘Then we shall stay.'

He was transfixed by the hint of a smile that curved the corners of her mouth ever so slightly. Her cheeks yet bore dark circles under her eyes, but she seemed recovered or, at least, recovering.

‘Come, Magnus will return soon and you two can stay out of our way while I finish cooking,' Margaret said.

Rob opened the door and allowed the women to enter first. No matter when he came here, it felt warm and welcoming. Watching as Eva helped Margaret in sorting out the items in her basket before putting them away, ready for the next use, Rob thought her more at ease than when she was with him alone.