The House of Roses (31 page)

She disconnected the call prematurely. There were three more words she wanted to say, needed to say. They could wait until they were face to face. Once they were, she'd say them, and she prayed he would do the same.

“
Cate?”

“
Mom?”

“
I just called Liz. She said you were home.”

“
Yes, Mom. I'm home,” Caitlin said, realizing she was.

“
Are you all right?” Rita asked from the doorway.

“
Yes.”

“
What are you doing out here in the dark?”

“
Thinking.........., and calling Colin.”

“
How did that go, honey?”

“
He didn't answer. I left a message asking him to call me.”

“
Good. How was Ella?”

“
Stronger today.”

“
Good. She's a tough old bird,” Rita said, and although there was confidence in her words, even in the dim light, Caitlin could see fear in her mother's eyes.

“
She is,” Caitlin said.

“
It was a long day. I'm worried about you.”

“
It was all right. Actually, it was better than all right. I finally talked to Maria. I called her from the hospital.”

“
How is she?”

“
She's like Maria.”

“
I like her, Cate.”

“
Me, too, and I miss her. I invited her for the weekend. I didn't think you'd mind.”

“
Of course not. She can go to the festival with us.”

“
That would be nice,” Caitlin said softly. Neither woman spoke for over a minute, and the shop was filled with the gentle sounds of evening, and the soft hum of the refrigerated case.

“
Are we going to be all right, Cate?” Rita asked, breaking the silence.

“
I think so.”

“
You've really forgiven me?”

“
Yes, Mom.”

“
Thank you, Cate.”

“
For what?”

“
For your forgiveness. It sets a good example. Maybe now I can find a way to forgive myself.”

Thirty-six

Colin rose early on Thursday morning. He felt guilty about not returning to work, but he realized some things were more important. He had already spoken to his attorney who was forging ahead with the legal work, and Caren was helping with the many other preparations. Caren, he thought, was fast becoming his second favorite woman on the planet. The first, of course, being Caitlin. Caren had called at ten that morning to tell him a doctor he had worked with and respected had yet to sell the home he'd listed when he relocated to the west coast that summer. Caren had spoken to him and he was pleased to rent the property to Colin for as long as he needed it, with the hope that a sale would eventually be facilitated.

He was planning to pick Caren up in an hour and together they would look at the rental. She had already determined that it was in the same school district where Mia was currently in the first grade. He was relieved to know that the little girl he had begun to love deeply wouldn't have to be uprooted from the school she loved, and the children she regarded as friends. After looking at the rental at 2:00, Colin and Caren were meeting with a hospice nurse, who would assist in preparing the family and their home, for a dying woman.

He prayed he was strong enough to help Rosario and Mia with life's most painful transition. Although it was impossible to forget about the Grim Reaper's fast ascent into his normally orderly life, he was committed to helping Rosario live the last days of her life, and because of that commitment, he had asked Rosario if she and Mia would accompany him to the Oktoberfest in New Hope the coming weekend. Part of him wanted to ask Caitlin if she'd like to go, but he wanted to talk to her first, to see where they stood, and then he'd ease her gradually into his newly chaotic life. It was too much to spring on her all at once. Mia was excited to go, and her only concern was whether or not she could take Marvin, who Colin learned was a tattered bear the child had loved since infancy.

“
Of course,” Colin said out loud in the condo.

His life had deteriorated to the point where he had begun talking to himself, and although it should have felt abnormal, it didn't. Nothing felt normal, but his life felt fuller than it ever had, and he was surprised to think he had once felt fulfilled by the seemingly empty life he had lived for years.

The only thing missing was Caitlin, and Colin was amazed she hadn't called him back. He'd called her the night before after returning from dinner with Rosario and Mia. His call had gone to voice mail, and he chastised himself for calling back thirty minutes later, if only to hear her voice again on the cheerful recording. Both times he had left messages, the second time citing several minutes of no service in between calls, an excuse he had manifested for calling twice in the same hour. Some would call him adolescent. Some would call him lovesick, and Caren had, just that morning.

It was bigger than that, he admitted to himself. Caitlin was the love of his life, his soul mate, if such a perfect partner existed. He believed it did. He wondered again how it was that he had been able to leave her. He knew in his heart that Caitlin still loved him, and he knew she would love Mia, as if she were her own. And despite Colin's confusion about his own spirituality, he believed in heaven, a place where the good of heart and pure of soul were gathered after their earthly lives. He knew Rosario would be watching over them, and he knew he would make her proud.

Forty-five minutes later he was heading across town to pick up Caren. He stopped at the tidy apartment building where she lived, and she was already waiting out front. She smiled when she saw him, and Colin got out of the car to open the door for her.

“
My savior,” Colin said, holding the door for the woman who had become his confidant.

Caren watched with concern as he circled the car and climbed cautiously into the driver's seat, although it was obvious his battered knee was improving.

“
I wanted to thank you, Caren, for doing so much of this for me. I know you're juggling all of it it around your work schedule.”

“
It's fine, Colin. I enjoy chaos.”

“
Then you're hanging with the right guy,” Colin said, turning to smile at his passenger.

Colin drove toward the rental house. Once they arrived in Brooklyn, he began watching the street signs, trying to recall the directions the Realtor had given him, the directions he thought he had committed to memory.

“
Son of a bitch,” he suddenly said, and Caren gasped slightly.

“
Get that out of your system, young man. You can't be talking like that with that precious angel in your house.”

“
Sorry. I thought I remembered where this was.”

“
You didn't write down the directions?” Caren chastised.

“
No,” Colin groaned, sounding like a disobedient child.

“
Good thing I did. Turn left here.”

“
Thanks.”

Caren watched the scenery, alternately glancing into the notebook she held.

“
Turn right at the next light. It should be two blocks ahead on the right. The Realtor said her sign was in the front yard,” Caren offered, and Colin slowed the car as they both began looking for the house.

“
Yeah. I remember that part,” Colin said, wondering if the chaos in his life was affecting his short-term memory.

“
And that would be the Realtor standing in the driveway,” Caren said, as Colin parked the car against the curb.

“
We made it,” he said with relief. “Jeez, this is a hell of a nice place.”

“
It's what?” Caren asked, and Colin repeated what he said, cleaning it up a bit to meet a G rating.

“
It's a nice house,” he said, smiling at his companion.

“
That's what I thought you said,” she said, reaching for the door handle.

“
I'll come around and get you,” Colin offered, and Caren shook her head.

“
Don't worry about it. I already know you're a gentleman, Colin,” she said, laying her hand on his right shoulder. “It's only recently that I've seen what a great man you are.”

He watched as Caren got out of the car. He took the moment of privacy to wipe his moist eyes. He wasn't sure if he felt like a great man.
Am I, Dad?  Am I a great man? 

He sat for another moment lost in thought. He wasn't sure he was a great man, but he felt himself becoming one, and he felt whole, a feeling that satisfied him greatly. He sat behind the wheel, watching Caren and the Realtor greet one another. His eyes misted again as he thought of his dad and mom. More than ever before he wished they were still alive. He longed for their support, and he knew they would have made wonderful grandparents. As much as he missed them, he was finally coming to terms with their passing, and as a tribute to them, he would commit to leading a full life, one filled with love and family.

Colin stepped out of the car into the warm autumn afternoon. His eyes scanned the neighborhood, with its grand multi-colored trees, and attractive homes. He balanced on the cane, closed the door, and hobbled up the sidewalk. The knee felt pretty good, and his steps were slow but steady.

Caren watched him as he walked. She had only recently come to know this man whose voice she had heard on the phone every day for a year. Despite the newness of their friendship, she saw something in his eyes, something she recognized and admired more than he would ever know. Dr. Colin Thomas had been an adult for better than twenty years, but he was finally becoming a man. The good doctor was growing up. 

***

Caitlin Goodrich was finally beginning to feel alive again. Under threat of bodily harm, she had reluctantly moved the babies into her mother's bedroom the previous evening. It was only for one night, Rita had assured her daughter, and Caitlin had finally admitted she was exhausted and needed the sleep.

“
Just think of me as Rita Poppins,” her mother had said the night before. Caitlin smiled at the recollection, as she sat on the porch with a cup of coffee. She could hear voices from the shop, and she pictured her mother working, as the babies sat in the sun.

Caitlin made her way through the yard, to the side of the house, and saw Rita through the window. She held a baby on her shoulder, and was singing a song Caitlin recognized from her youth. She didn't know the name of the song, but it filled her heart to see Rita so  comfortable in her role as grandmother. As she watched, she had the urge to cry. Rita had changed, and Caitlin wasn't sure she realized it. The truth had freed her, softened her, and where there was once tension, there was now peace. Even the timbre of her voice had changed, and Caitlin saw refinement in her mother she had never known.

“
Hi,” Caitlin said, sticking her head through the door propped ajar by a large stone.

“
There's Mommy,” Rita said.

“
Hi, Hannah,” Caitlin said, taking the baby from the stroller, and moving to stand along side her mother.

“
How's he doing?” Caitlin inquired of her son.

“
Nathan was right. This one's gonna be trouble,” Rita said.

“
I know. I hope he'll be okay later. I'm taking the babies to the hospital to introduce them to Ella. The doctor said it was okay, but we just need to keep the visit short. Do you want to go?”

“
I don't want to intrude,” Rita said, not quite meeting Caitlin's eyes.

Caitlin let the remark pass. “Don't you be giving Grandma a hard time, Rogan,” she said, gently touching her son's cheek. Hannah had already fallen asleep in her mother's arms, and Caitlin bent down to shower her peaceful face with kisses. “I love you, baby,” Caitlin said, and Rita smiled.

“
You're a good mother, Cate,” Rita said.

“
I had a good teacher,” Caitlin said, as she laid Hannah in the double stroller that sat in the middle of the shop.

“
I can't imagine you really think that,” Rita said, laying Rogan beside his sister. Both babies dozed, as sun catchers in the shop window cast prisms of light across their tiny faces.

“
You really don't know, do you, Mom?” Caitlin asked, and Rita looked confused. “I know we weren't the perfect mother and daughter, but I knew you loved me, and I knew Daddy loved me,” Caitlin said. Her voice had broken at the mention of her father, and she paused to clear her throat. “I also knew something was different, but I was a kid, Mom, and I didn't know what it was. I'm not a kid anymore, and I'm a mom now too, and I think I know what it was. You didn't think you deserved me, and you didn't think you deserved my love.”  Caitlin looked at Rita, who had begun to cry. “You still don't.”