The House of Roses (14 page)

“
Well, you did realize you'd eventually go home, right?” the doctor asked, sounding amused.

“
Yes, of course,” Caitlin said with a weak smile, although she sounded tense.

“
I can't go home with you,” Rita mumbled, and Caitlin just stared at her.

“
Mom, you promised!” Caitlin said, sounding frightened again.

“
Cate, everything has changed,” Rita said defensively.

“
Oh God, you're right. What do we do?”

“
I'm going to leave you two young ladies to figure this out,” the doctor said, before disappearing into the hall.

“
Mom.....,” Caitlin groaned. “I counted on your help,” she whined, feeling guilty about the words the moment she'd spoken them.

“
You can come home with me,” Rita said, bracing herself for the fallout.

“
To New Hope?  Jeez, Mom, are you trying to kill me?” Caitlin said with a sigh.

“
I have to be in the shop, Cate. Everything's changed. There's plenty of room. You can stay in your old room, and the babies can stay right there with you. You might find it would be nice to get away. Besides, it's not like it's another world. It's Pennsylvania, Caitlin, less than two hours away.”

“
It feels like another world. What about Georgie, and all the stuff?”

“
Georgie is welcome in my home, and as for the stuff, maybe Noonie can get it. He's a good boy, Cate. I'm sure he would help.”

“
He's a man now, Mom, and he wants to be called Nathan,” Caitlin said, rolling her eyes. It actually sounded like a good idea, but she was hesitant to say so. Finally, she did. “I guess it would work,” Caitlin said in little more than a whisper.

“
I'm sorry, did you say something?” Rita asked, looking smug.

“
Yeah, I said I guess it would work,” Caitlin admitted with resignation.

“
Okay then. I'm going to leave you to be a mother, and go downstairs for a minute, and then up to see Liz. If Nathan isn't here yet, I'll give him a call.”

“
Are you walking out the door in that?” Caitlin asked in horror, staring at her mother's choice of garments.

“
What's wrong with it?” Rita asked. Her misshapen smock was even more wrinkled than it had been the night before, and her patchwork jeans were splattered with what appeared to be paint.

“
What exactly is it?” Caitlin asked, and Rita laughed.

“
I picked it up in a thrift store. I'm not sure what it is. I suppose it's a dress, but I like it with the pants. Don't you?”

“
Yeah, Mom. It's terrific. Look, if the fashion police stop you and you only get one call, you know the phone number, right?”

“
Yes, Caitlin.”

Caitlin watched as Rita plopped a knit cap on her head, only adding to the already outrageous fashion faux pas. Rita winked at her daughter, and Caitlin laughed.

“
Your grandma's crazy,” Caitlin whispered to her daughter, after Rita had disappeared into the hallway. Caitlin pulled the baby to her shoulder, and rocked her gently, as she returned her attention to the world outside her window. She was going back to New Hope, back to where she'd grown up, and left most of her hopes and dreams, at least the early ones. The later ones she'd lost when Colin left, and the future ones were left to be discovered. Caitlin felt surrounded by secrets, and she longed for answers to the questions haunting her. The questions seemed to stem from something that happened in New Hope. And so, Caitlin would search for the answers there.  

Seventeen

By 6:00 A.M., Colin Thomas was up and dressed, and sitting at the table near the window in his hotel room. He'd opened the drapes, but the world beyond his window was dark. He looked at the laptop in front of him, and carefully read the words he'd written the previous day. He wasn't sure of the speech. It looked more like a series of unfinished thoughts, and as he imagined sharing them with his esteemed colleagues, he felt like a frightened kid. Despite his discomfort, he felt confidence in what he'd written, in the emotion of his words, and he knew he was on to something. He didn't want to talk about AIDS, not the way he normally did. He didn't want to speak of the science of the disease, or what it had done to Rosario Mariposa, physically. He wanted to speak about the emotion of it, the duress of it, and how it impacted not only the patient, but their families as well. 

He wanted to call Caitlin. He felt a desperation to hear her voice that despite his heartbreak, he'd rarely felt. He needed her, and it was hard for him to admit. He closed his eyes and pictured her face, surrounded by the blond hair he could still feel in his fingers. He imagined her in the apartment they'd once shared, sipping coffee, as the sun rose in all its magnificence over Brooklyn. God, how he missed her. She was the voice in his head, the voice he couldn't quiet no matter how hard he tried. 

He pictured Mia, the beautiful child he would soon share his life with, and for once, he didn't feel the pain when he thought of her mother. He couldn't change what was happening to Rosario, no matter how much he'd be willing to, if only things were different. But, they weren't. Mia deserved a family, and not just him, although he knew he'd be a good father to the little girl. He would give her what she needed in life, and she'd bring a meaning to his life he'd never known, and while that might be enough, she deserved more. She deserved a mother, and he knew Caitlin would be wonderful with her. He checked the time, and then bravely, he opened the phone and scrolled through the list of saved numbers. Before he could change his mind, he chose one he'd dialed hundreds of times. The phone rang twice, and he heard the call connect. He had no idea what he'd say. Before he could decide, his call went to voice mail.

“
Shit,” he said, as he listened to her voice.

You've reached Caitlin Goodrich. I'm going to be away for a few days, and Georgie can't come to the phone. Please leave a message at the tone, or call my cell phone. Thanks for calling us, and make it a day to remember.

Colin listened to her even, melodic voice, and suddenly he realized he'd heard the tone, and he fumbled as he began to speak.

“
Cate, it's Doctor Thomas.”  He exhaled sharply through a weak chuckle. “It's Colin. I'm in California, and I was thinking about you. Honestly, I've been thinking about you a lot lately, and I just wanted you to know that. I really miss you, and I hope you're okay...........”  Colin paused for just a moment before adding three more words. “I love you.”

***

Four hours later, Colin Thomas stood at the doorway of the conference room after addressing his colleagues. They were beginning to file out, and he anxiously awaited their reactions. They'd applauded, for he was a leader in his field. Despite that, Colin still felt uneasy as he watched them approach. Had they applauded because it was respectful, or because they'd actually found some credibility in the words he had spoken?  He was about to find out. The first to approach him was a doctor from Seattle he had known for years. The older gentleman extended his hand, and the smile he flashed Colin reached his eyes. Immediately, Colin relaxed. It seemed he had done it. He had taken a more human approach to treating disease and it had been well received.

“
Fine job, Colin,” the doctor said, shaking his hand in earnest. “Give me a call next week. I'd like to talk to you more about this.”  Colin returned the handshake with equal enthusiasm.

“
They're just ideas for the moment,” Colin said.

“
Every great change starts with a great idea, Colin,” the doctor reminded him.

The remaining attendees all seemed to share in the sentiment, and when Colin was alone in the room, he smiled. He walked to the table where he'd left his laptop, and looked around the room. It was nondescript. It could have been any board room, any conference room, in any hotel, in any city. It wasn't anything special, but Colin knew he'd never forget it. He'd never forget the place where he'd taken a chance. He'd deviated from the mainstream of medicine, and instead of speaking from his head, from the depths of the scientific knowledge in his mind, he'd spoken from his heart. He hadn't admitted to a room full of colleagues that he was adopting one of his patients. Instead, he had spoken about treating patients by including their families. When the end neared, patients didn't need medical jargon. They needed compassion, and people who loved them. They needed help with planning, and someone to listen to their fears. He wasn't sure how to implement his ideas, but by speaking before his colleagues he'd put himself on the hook.

He felt good, and again, he wanted to call Caitlin, but he had no idea how to reach her. He wasn't going to call her cell phone. It seemed too familiar, reserved for friends and loved ones who hadn't abandoned her as he had. He had no right to call her there. He'd  have to hope wherever her “leave” had taken her, eventually it would lead her back home, and she'd get the message he had left there.

***

The truth of the matter was that Caitlin did not get Colin's message. Sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways, and this mystery was facilitated by Nathan Parker.

When Nathan Parker, “Noonie”, to his family, much to his forty-year-old dismay, was certain his beloved Aunt Ella was holding her own, he'd agreed to collect one ancient Persian cat from Caitlin's apartment, and all the baby implements he could carry.

The apartment was quiet when he entered, and he looked around for several seconds before his eyes met the cat's. Georgie hissed loudly and scurried as fast as his aging legs would allow.

“
Fucking cat!” Nathan muttered.

He was a dog lover, and had never had much tolerance for a feline companion. He found them annoyingly aloof and didn't have much use for them. But Nathan was a kind man, and as such, he'd have never lifted his hand nor any weapon to hurt a cat, no matter how much he disliked them.

“
Georgie........, kitty, kitty,” he said softly, grateful to be alone. For a moment he felt like an idiot.

The cat carrier was exactly where Caitlin said it would be, and he took it from the closet, opened its metal door, and set out in search of the frightened animal.

“
Georgie........., here kitty.......,”  Nathan repeated, and suddenly he spotted the cat lumbering from its master's bedroom. The cat moved slowly, and Nathan felt confident this would work in his favor.

Caitlin had mentioned the cat might be reluctant, and he supposed he was about to find out.

Finding no reason to delay the inevitable, Nathan tiptoed up behind the cat, grabbed him with both hands, and spun around toward the cat carrier. The cat hissed and growled, and maneuvered in his hands in a manner unlike anything Nathan had seen. The cat seemed to be without a spine, nor any other bone structure, and twisted and turned in his grip.

“
Dear God,” he said, holding tightly to the squirming animal.

Nathan took one step toward the cat carrier, stumbled only slightly, but just enough to kick the plastic traveling crate halfway down the hall. Still the cat struggled.

“
You've got to be fucking kidding me,” he whispered.

Holding tightly to the cat, who was growing angrier by the minute, Nathan scurried quickly to the carrier, and pushed the cat inside, but not before taking a nasty hit, compliments of a fistful of claws, to his right hand.

“
Holy Mary Mother of God!” he shouted, and the cat hissed at him from inside the crate. “Look, you little bastard, I don't have to do this,” Nathan said to the cat, as the blood began to drip from his hand. He flipped the cat off, suddenly braver now that a metal grate separated him from the deadly beast, and then, despite the pain in his hand, he chuckled.

The chuckle grew, and suddenly he was laughing so hard he could hardly catch his breath.

“
You know, buddy, I should thank you. I really needed that,” he said to the cat, who eyed him from inside the crate. Suddenly the cat hissed again, and Nathan jumped.

“
Yeah, I feel the same way about you,” he said, setting out toward the bathroom in search of something he could wrap his wounded hand in.

Nathan found the bathroom and flipped on the light. The hand was worse than he expected. He muttered a string of obscenities as he began running the hand under cold water. A pink pool gathered at the drain, and his stomach lurched at the sight of it. He found a box of gauze in the cabinet, and some antiseptic cream. Somehow he managed to bandage his right hand with his left, and he switched the light off and left the bathroom. His right hand looked like a gauzy white boxing glove, and he raised it above his head to alleviate the throbbing. Momentarily dizzy, he leaned against the wall to steady himself, and glanced down the hall toward the carrier. He silently thanked God the cat was where he'd left it. There wasn't enough money, or family commitment in the world to make him attempt that feat again.