The House of Roses (11 page)

“
Incredible, aren't they?” an older gentleman to her left commented. Caitlin jumped at the sound of the unexpected voice. It was a rich bass and sounded like someone she once knew.

“
Yes,” she replied softly.

“
My granddaughter is in there,” he said, his pride evident.

“
My twins are the two right in front of us,” Caitlin said, offering a smile to the stranger.

“
My, my. Look at them. You've got your hands full, young lady,” he said, and Caitlin turned to look at him. He was tall and thin with salt-and-pepper gray hair and a kind face. He reminded her a bit of her father, and she felt a buried pain come to life.

“
Daddy must be pleased,” he said, and her pain deepened.

“
He is,” she whispered.

“
I'm headed to the chapel to give a bit of thanks,” the man said. “I'll say a blessing for them,” he offered, and Caitlin thanked him.

She watched him walk away. He slipped one hand into his pocket as he walked, reminding her again of her father. He'd spent most of his waking hours with one hand in his pocket.

“
Daddy,” she whispered, as her eyes filled, and her heart broke for the men she'd lost.

Caitlin turned after blowing a kiss to the twins, and suddenly her steps had purpose. She knew she had to write the letter. She had to tell Colin about his babies. No matter how much it hurt her to reach out to him, she had to do it. He deserved to know, and his babies deserved to know their father.

The laptop was where she'd left it, as was everything in the small room. The television played softly in the background, and the only addition to the space was the dinner tray that loomed on the rolling cart next to her bed. Pensively, Caitlin lifted the lid and nearly gagged. A round glob of mystery meat swam in a poop-colored gravy. Runny mashed potatoes had seemingly escaped from their compartment and had sidled up to a pile of peas that Caitlin wouldn't have been surprised to find were made of plastic.

“
Jesus,” she muttered, replacing the lid, and separating herself from the foul-smelling evening meal offering.

She sat on the bed and opened the laptop. She suspected it would be a while before Rita returned. Caitlin knew how much her mother loved Ella.
Rita's a good person, and a good friend,
Caitlin thought, as she pictured her mother holding a silent vigil outside the ICU.

The laptop blinked to life, as did the document Caitlin had saved.

“
Dear Colin,” she said out loud. And just like before, her literary ability seemed to cease with those two words.
What could she say? 
She closed her eyes, but not before placing her fingers on the home row keys as she'd been trained to do in college. She inhaled deeply and began to type.

I hope this finds you well. I have spent many hours thinking of you since you left on a rainy morning that suddenly seems so long ago. I am not sure how to begin telling you this, but I guess I'll just keep writing, and hope the words will come. Something amazing happened today, something I should have told you about, but could never find a way to tell you. Now I know I must. In the early morning hours, I gave birth to two beautiful babies. They have my eyes, and your chin. I am already more in love with them than I could have ever believed possible. They are amazing, Colin, two little miracles, made on that last incredible night we spent together. I've picked up the phone to call you one hundred times, and one hundred times I set it back down because I was frightened. I was wrong to do that. I should have called, and I should have told you. I want you to know them, but only if it's what you want. I don't want anything from you...........

Caitlin stopped typing. It was the lie that stopped her fingers. She laid her hands in her lap and read the words again.

I don't want anything from you.......

That part was a lie. She did want something from him. She wanted him to love her, the way she loved him. She wanted him to believe she was the oxygen he needed to survive, that he couldn't live without her, that his life had no purpose without her. She didn't think he felt that way, in fact, she was almost certain he didn't, and at that moment, something deep within her died. It was then she knew. Something she thought would last forever, something she believed in even while they were apart, the very thing that had given her the strength to rise from her bed, alone, day after day, was over. Over.........forever.

“
Colin,” she whimpered, burying her face in her hands.

“
Honey?” Rita said, and Caitlin turned her tear-streaked face toward her mother. She hadn't heard her return. Her mother's expression matched her own, and Rita sat softly on the edge of the bed, and took Caitlin in her arms. Together the two women sat weeping, their hearts breaking, their soft whimpers mixing in a sad symphony.

Thirteen

The shadow filled the doorway before either Caitlin or Rita heard the voice.

“
Rita,” the woman said, stepping into the room.

Both women looked into the sad face of Liz Parker, Ella Simon's sister. Liz sat beside the bed, and immediately reached for Rita's hand. “It's bad,” Liz said, and Rita sighed nervously.

“
I'm sorry,” Caitlin whispered. “Did you see her?”

“
They said it was her,” Liz said, as the tears ran down her face. “I have to take their word for it. There is nothing in that bed that resembles my sister.”

“
Is Noonie with you?” Rita asked, finally finding her voice.

“
He prefers Nathan now,” Liz said, smiling weakly. “Yes, he drove me here. He's a good boy,” she added, seeming to forget, as they all did, that the much loved child they remembered as Noonie, was a grown man, a widower with an adolescent daughter. “He loves her so much.”

“
We all do,” Rita said, giving Liz's hand a reassuring squeeze. “How's Erica?” Rita asked, thinking of Nathan's daughter, who had already suffered more loss than any young girl should.

“
We didn't tell her,” Liz said. “She doesn't need to know this, not now.”

“
She will eventually,” Caitlin said softly.

“
It's just three years since Patti............,” Liz trailed off, speaking of her daughter-in-law, Nathan's wife, and Erica's mother, who had been killed in a car accident nearly three Christmases ago.

“
They're so close to my sister,” Liz said softly, reaching into her purse for a tissue. She dabbed her eyes, and momentarily looked out the window. “How are the babies?” Liz said, turning her face to look at Caitlin.

“
They're doing great and they're so sweet. Would you like to take a walk and see them?” Caitlin asked.

“
I'd like that,” Liz replied, standing and smoothing the wrinkles from her coat. “The ICU nurse said someone can go at 8:00,” Liz offered. “I think you should see her, Rita.”

“
But, what about Nathan?  He's family,” Rita asked.

“
So are you,” Liz said, taking Rita's hand, and the two women exchanged a look that Caitlin didn't understand.

Caitlin led the way through the hospital corridors to the nursery. The babies laid in the front row behind the window, and Liz placed her hand on the glass.

“
They're beautiful, Caitlin,” she said, not taking her eyes from the infants.

“
Thank you,” Caitlin said with obvious pride.

“
Margaret.........,” Liz said, in little more than a whisper.

“
Yes,” Rita said.

“
She looks like Margaret,” Liz said, and Rita turned to look at her.

“
She knew Grandma?” Caitlin asked, and for a moment Liz looked frightened. “Mom?” Caitlin said, taking Rita's hand. “Something is going on here. What is it?” Caitlin said, and although her tone was sharp, she was more curious than angry.

“
Caitlin, please. This isn't the time,” Rita said, without looking at her.

“
So, when would be a good time?” Caitlin asked, her frustration obvious.

Before Rita could answer, they were interrupted by the hospital intercom.

“
Elizabeth Parker, please return to the nurse's station in the Intensive Care Unit.”

The three woman looked at one another, and Liz began to cry.

“
Oh, Jesus,” Rita said, taking Liz by the hand. “I'm going with you,” Rita added.

“
I'm going, too,” Caitlin said.

“
Let's go,” Liz said, her face twisting into an expression of sheer terror.

***

Liz Parker walked slowly toward the nurse's station in the Intensive Care Unit, with a frightened looking Rita and Caitlin close behind her. “I'm Liz Parker,” she said, when she'd caught the nurse's attention. “Someone paged me,” she added, looking stricken.

Ella and Liz had been more than sisters, they had been best friends. Liz had always felt as though life had robbed Ella of many things. It wasn't Ella's time to die, to leave this world, and as Liz waited patiently for the nurse to speak, she felt her heartbeat slow. Her breathing was ragged, and tears slid down her face.

“
Yes, Mrs. Parker,” the nurse said, standing and reaching for a chart on the counter in front of her. “Your sister is awake, and she's very upset. I paged you immediately.”  The nurse turned toward Ella's room, and obediently, Liz followed.

“
Can we come?” Rita asked, sounding desperate.

“
Not just now,” the nurse said firmly, although her eyes were sympathetic. “There's a small room down the hall on the left. You can wait there.”

“
Wait there for me, Rita,” Liz said. Caitlin reached for Rita's hand, and once again was the voice of reason she knew her mother desperately needed.

“
We'll be there waiting,” Caitlin said to Liz, and Rita merely nodded.

Ella Simons looked as fragile as she had when Liz had visited less than an hour ago. The only difference were the wild eyes that looked up from the heavily bandaged face.

“
Sweetheart,” Liz said, taking her sister's hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

“
Lizzie,” Ella said, in little more than a whisper.

“
I'm right here, Ella,” Liz squeaked, as tears flowed down her cheeks.

“
Did Cate get the flowers?” Ella asked, and Liz smiled through her tears. It was just like her sister to have the precious roses on her mind, no matter how dire the situation.

“
Yes,  I saw them, Ella. They're beautiful.”

“
I want her to know,” Ella whispered, and Liz sat beside her. “I need to talk to Rita,” Ella added, and Liz felt a pain for her sister that had nothing to do with sympathy for her injuries.

“
Is that all right?” Liz asked the nurse, who stood quietly near the door.

“
Yes,” the nurse said. “Is she in the waiting room?”

“
Yes,” Liz said, alternately looking at the nurse and back at her sister.

“
Which one is she?” the nurse asked.

“
The one who isn't wearing a bathrobe,” Liz said, and she heard Ella chuckle beside her.

“
I think I might die,” Ella said softly, when the nurse had left the room.

“
Not you, sweetheart. You're the strongest person I know.”  Liz meant the words, although in their younger years, Ella had been more gentle, Liz the stronger of the two. Ella had an inner strength, and had made sacrifices Liz couldn't imagine making. Liz wondered if her sister had done the right thing, although she'd never said so.

“
Even strong people die,” Ella whispered, and Liz stopped a sob with her fist.

“
Stop that. You're going to be fine,” Liz said softly, and Ella winced against the pain.

“
I'm not sure this time. I sure banged myself up good. I don't know what happened. I got lost, just like Noonie said I would, and then I heard something, and then I was here.”

“
You had a bad car accident.”

“
Oh dear God, I didn't hurt anyone else, did I?” Ella asked, sounding terrified.

“
I don't think so,” Liz lied. The man driving the truck was just down the hall, fighting as hard for his own life as her sister was, but it wasn't something Ella needed to know. Before Ella could respond, or demand more information, which Liz knew she would, Rita's form filled the doorway.

“
How is she?” Rita asked, stepping cautiously into the room.

“
She's right here,” Ella said, and Rita smiled. She hadn't seen her friend yet, but the woman in the bed certainly sounded like her Ella.