Authors: S. E. Babin
I stepped out onto mine and prayed when I opened the door Cyndi and Belle would be there and ready to yell at me. Before I could slide the key in the lock, the door flew open. Belle stood there, her spectacles askew and her braid in disarray around her pretty face.
She pulled me into the room by one arm, slammed the door with her foot, and crushed me into a strong embrace. “Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod,” she said and pushed me away from her as she looked for injuries.
I laughed and shrugged her off. “I’m fine. Maleficent patched me up.”
She pulled down the neck of my shirt. “But…you had an arrow sticking out of you! You were like an impaled scarecrow, walking all weird and jerky.” Seeing the wound completely gone, she punched me. “You scared the shit out of me!”
I winced in pain. “Where’s Cyndi?”
Just then the bathroom door opened, and the woman in question stepped out wrapped in a fluffy white robe. “I knew you were fine,” she said. “See, Belle, she’s like a cat. But one with about twenty-five lives instead of nine.”
“She sure is,” Belle grumbled.
My neglected stomach growled to get my attention. “Room service?” I chirped and headed over to the desk to pull out the restaurant menus.
“Definitely,” Belle said. After we ordered, we all sat cross-legged on the bed.
“Tell me what happened. Everything,” I said.
I stopped in the middle of chewing a fried chicken strip. “Shut. Up. That did not happen.”
Cyndi raised her hand in the traditional Scout’s honor pose. “Swear it. Robin slapped her in the face like a prissy English gentleman and told Naomi her mother would be ashamed of her.”
I snorted with laughter. Only Robin would have enough gonads to bitch-slap one of the most powerful sorceresses in the realm and walk away with all his body parts intact. “Is he okay?”
“Naomi singed him a couple of times. He’s missing part of an eyebrow and is limping around pretty good, but he gave as good as he got.” There was an unmistakable note of pride in Belle’s tone. I refrained from commenting on it. For now.
“Good,” I said mildly. “Maleficent should be able to fix him up when she sees him. Thank the gods she’s on our side.”
“True story,” Cyndi said. “I sometimes wonder why, but I won’t question it too much.”
“We all have our stories. I’ve never seen Maleficent be mean to someone who hadn’t lashed out at her first. As long as she keeps the peace, I will continue to count her as an ally.”
Belle’s eyebrows flew up. “I forgot to tell you! Some juicy tidbits are coming in through the tech pathway I opened up from Naomi’s room.”
I leaned forward, chewing my delicious fried goodness. “Do tell.”
She grinned ferally. “Giles is totally passive aggressive toward her. It’s hilarious. He does what she wants to the letter, not one iota more. She’s simmering with rage underneath the surface because she can’t seem to break his loyalty to you. Naomi has big plans. She’s been careful not to divulge much of anything within the confines of her room, but the murmurs I have heard tell me it has to do with you.” Her face sobered. “And Max.”
My heart beat a little faster. “No other information?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. Technomancy can only take us so far. Naomi has been careful not to use the devices much in her room. I don’t think it has anything to do with her knowing about my gift. I think it has more to do with her not knowing how to operate them.”
I wanted to scream with frustration. We couldn’t get a single bit of information because Naomi was too old to figure out how to use a cell phone or the internet.
Great
. “Have you seen Max?” I ventured, ignoring the knowing stares of my friends.
Belle giggled. “He’s got a pretty nice limp going on. Turns out Max sustained a gunshot wound on duty. Know anything about that?”
I grinned. “I shot to wound. That’s all.” I rubbed my shoulder in memory of that arrow wound. I didn’t know how he managed to make that shot while on the ground, but it appeared Max had many talents I wasn’t yet aware of.
“You two put the D in dysfunction,” Cyndi said in between slurps of her milkshake. “I can’t wait to see what happens at the wedding.”
I choked on my food. “Wedding?” I gasped out. “Hardly. Every time we see each other we try to kill each other.”
“Oh, honey,” Belle said sympathetically. “If he wanted to kill you, he would have done it ten years ago.”
Cyndi nodded. “Totally true. The man has got it bad for you. Even under Naomi’s compulsion, his feelings still manage to seep through.”
That’s what I was afraid of. What would happen when Naomi’s hold got to be too much for him? If she broke him? He was already scary enough. What would happen when the monster inside him overtook the man I cared about?
“And Naomi?”
Belle snorted. “That’s the best part. After Robin screamed at us to flee and wait for you back in the room, Naomi took off like her tail was on fire with Robin in hot pursuit. All I could see was arrows flying and Naomi weaving in and out of the trees flinging fireballs at him. It was spectacular.”
Cyndi jumped in. “We were sitting on the patio when we saw her limp up to the entrance of the hotel. Her dress was torn to shreds and I’m pretty sure she’d lost about six inches of hair. And pissed off does not even begin to describe the way she looked.”
My heart warmed a little bit. “Robin is a bad-ass,” I murmured. Not that it should have come as a surprise. He had been avoiding and foiling the Sheriff of Nottingham for years now.
We fell into silence, the only noise was us digging into our food. When we finished and placed our trays neatly outside, I curled back onto the bed. “What’s our plan now?”
I’d managed to reset the clock on the law. Now we just needed to wrest control of the palace from Naomi. I had a feeling that plan had to affect Max, too. He was our biggest stumbling block to getting close to her. After our little tête-à-tête in the woods, I couldn’t imagine Naomi letting Max roam as free as he once had.
“We need to make sure we keep the people safe from Naomi and get the castle back. She needs to be gone.” Belle pushed her glasses up on her nose. “But how do we make sure she stays gone?”
Cyndi shifted onto her side and stared at us, her wide blue eyes sparking with ferocity. “Simple. We kill her.”
“Cyndi!” Belle gasped. “Of all the things I thought you’d say, I didn’t expect it to be that.”
She pursed her lips. “I’m not that innocent. She’s a power-hungry evil bitch of a sorceress. What’s the best way to keep her from being a pain in the ass? Take her out of the picture. Forever.”
“She’s right, you know,” I said to Belle, although I struggled with reclaiming my crown through violence. It didn’t seem like a strong way to kick off my new royal rule. “Unless we can think of something else.”
“What about a curse?” Belle said, and shrugged when we turned sharp gazes to her. “What? It would keep her alive, but off our cases.”
“What kind of curse?” I asked, my mind rolling through all the possibilities.
“Whatever kind we want. A sleeping curse. Aurora could tell us about those. We could put her in an enchanted tower. Maybe Rapunzel would be willing to offer hers up.”
“What a bitch,” Cyndi and I muttered at the same time and dissolved into laughter.
“Or we could talk to Rumpelstiltskin,” Belle finished.
That one dreaded word. I’d rather cut off my left boob than talk to that man, but I feared she was right. We’d have to bring in the big guns if we were going to beat Naomi. And Rumpelstiltskin was about as big as we were going to get. Too bad he was such a fricking weirdo.
“Well, we need to go in with a plan. And mad negotiation skills. None of us can afford to get into a pickle with him.”
Nods all around. He was notorious for giving you what you wanted and, in return, getting much more than you ever wanted to give. “Maybe we can add boils to it,” I said.
“Maybe we could ask that she have to listen to nineties rap every day for twelve hours,” Belle chimed in.
Cyndi smirked. “Maybe we could make her wear clothing out of Snow’s wardrobe for the rest of her life.”
Belle crowed with laughter. “Cyndi wins!”
I threw my pillow at Cyndi’s face and hopped up to get my pajamas on. It was late, I was tired, and tomorrow I had a feeling I’d have to engage in some serious ass-kicking. So tonight, with a full belly and reassurance that my friends were okay, I planned to do the one thing I hadn’t done much of since I arrived—sleep.
The atmosphere in the hotel the next morning was tense. A pall of nervousness lingered in the air. Faces were tired and drawn, and I pretended not to notice the shifty glances I was getting from some of those still loyal to Naomi. I’d managed to get a full eight hours of sleep so I was doing better than normal, but I’d have to be brain dead to miss the fact that something was about to happen. I could feel it, my friends could feel it, and based upon the looks on everyone’s faces, they could feel it too.
The first indication the shit was about to hit the fan was when I spotted Robin at the breakfast buffet, piling his plate full of eggs and bacon. As soon as he saw me, he motioned me over and leaned close. I tried not to flinch at the sight of his two black eyes and cut lip. He still looked roguishly handsome, but the street fighter vibe was a bit off-putting.
“Be on your guard today, love. Rumors are swirling all around this place right now. Plus, look around. You’ll notice none of the regular workers here today. Naomi seems to have done a major switcheroo. Whatever injuries she had yesterday, courtesy of yours truly, wasn’t enough to slow her down any.” He slipped a smooth glass vial of something into my hand. “Sprinkle this onto your food to check for poison. I don’t think she’d resort to it. She likes the madness and attention of all the drama, but it can’t hurt to check, just in case she’s wised up some.” He winked at me, and I tried not to wince at the lack of his left eyebrow. Robin just grinned. “It’ll grow back. In the meantime, it’s good for some of the lassie’s attention around here.” He noticed Belle lagging behind me and waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. My mouth twitched at the disgusted sound she made.
I shook my head at his antics and slipped the vial into my pocket. “Stay close to us. We’ll be together for our classes, but we’re free after lunch.” I looked around. “I don’t see why the events for today haven’t been cancelled. It seems ridiculous to walk around this place like monkeys in a barrel.”
Robin made a noise. “They haven’t been cancelled because Naomi wants to pretend that everything is still normal. Doing so would make her look weak. It would make things seem as if she has lost control. Any good dictator worth her salt knows that.”
He gave me a nod and grabbed a bottle of ketchup. “See ya around,” he said, but winked to Belle as he left us standing there.
Cyndi moseyed up to us with her plate full of waffles and bacon. I swear I’d never seen that woman do one iota of exercise, but her figure stayed the same no matter how much or how unhealthy she ate. I reached over for a plate and a small bowl. Once we had our plates filled, we grabbed the closest available table and sat down to eat. I pulled out the vial and sprinkled a small amount over everyone’s food. At the curious stares of the people next to us, I handed them the vial. “Check for poison,” I said, but at their appalled glance, I shrugged and took the vial back.
I could see no reaction on our plates, so assumed it was safe to dig in. Cyndi dug around in her purse and pulled out the day’s agenda. “I think we should stick close together today. There’s a small business meeting down on the second floor today. Since we all have our own things going, I thought it would be good to sit through.”
It was a good plan as I needed to get more into the business side of my PI practice. It was much more than just finding adulterers. The bookkeeping was enough for me to cry myself to sleep every night. Math and fairytale legends didn’t mesh well together. I had a whole lot of adjusting to do while on Earth, not all of it fun. Keeping the business going while I was away was imperative, just in case things didn’t work out like we were planning them to.
“Good idea. Let’s all plan on going there and then to the taxes class afterward.” I pointed out the description on Cyndi’s agenda and ignored the groans of my friends. “Running a small business takes more than just intelligence about our service. You think Naomi is bad? Try having the IRS on your tail.”
We finished up our breakfast, gathered our things, and headed over to the first class. I felt like a nervous cat, my glance flickering over everyone and everything, waiting for the moment something jumped out at me. So far nothing, which made me look like an overly paranoid old biddy. What could Naomi possibly do? The fact that she’d removed all of the hotel’s employees was enough to make everyone nervous, but we were in the middle of town on Earth, not in a place where citizens are used to seeing magic zinging over their heads. Any use of magic could attract the wrong kind of attention, and the last thing we needed was getting chased out of this realm by citizens wielding pitchforks.
But I didn’t plan to underestimate her. She’d managed to run me out of my own castle with just the clothes on my back, and she’d turned the townspeople against me. Granted, it was magic, but it still had the same effect. We entered into the hotel conference room and found a seat at the back. Again with the paranoia, but it kept me alive, so I was willing to embrace it. The room was slowly filling up, and once the class started I would have to focus more on keeping myself awake than looking out for threats by Naomi.
I felt like Barney on
How I Met Your Mother
. Remember the slap bet between Marshall and Barney? He could have chosen to get slapped all at once or five times at Marshall’s choosing. He chose the five slaps and walked around paranoid about it for years. I felt like him right now. I was constantly tiptoeing around events waiting for the inevitable slap. Peeking around corners, my fingers itching for my gun, never knowing when that slap would come, but knowing that it was just a matter of time before I was taken by surprise and ended in a world of hurt. Of course, it was funny with Barney because he richly deserved it and had made his own bed. Me? A bit of a different story. I didn’t sign up for a slap bet, but that bitch kept slapping me anyway.
The room slowly filled to capacity, but the seats around us stayed empty until Red plopped down beside me. “I’m a little pissed you didn’t tell me what was going on. Seriously…climbing out of a hotel window to get away from us?” She made a disgusted sound. “Drama queen.”
I sucked in a breath, offended. “We needed to make sure Naomi didn’t find out.”
Red crossed her arms and glared at me. “You will be our queen, Snow. Not one of us would have sold you out.” Her gaze softened. “You have to give us your trust to earn ours. You’ve been gone for a decade. And for a decade your people have suffered.”
I turned my gaze to the people sitting around us. The blacksmith in our old village who had yet to say hello to me. The woman who sold fish to me and my father when I was just a girl. All of these people I’d once loved. And I was as bad as them. We’d been tiptoeing around each other instead of working together. I was so afraid of being judged that I never gave them the opportunity to trust me. Or vice versa.
“You’re right, Red.” I patted her on the knee. “No more.”
She nodded with satisfaction and was about to say something when the instructor came in. Instead, she whispered, “Talk more soon. I know you ladies have a plan.”