THE IMPERIAL ENGINEER (17 page)

She helped, so she didn't see anyone but the two other women until Katie called
the family to dinner. Just bringing a bowl of mashed potatoes into the dining room, Lulu
almost dropped it when Luke and Merlin and Tony came in together.

She wore green and gold, the rich colors making her skin glow. Although the
food-stained apron concealed much of the gown, Tony could see that it dipped low in
front, showing the rich upper curves of her breasts. Her arms were bare, almost to the
shoulders, and her waist was cinched in to an impossible slimness. How could she breathe,
he wondered, even as his body reacted to the shape of her, the wonderfully, perfectly
female shape of her.

He responded automatically to the greetings from Katie and Regina. "I got Luke's
telegram a couple of days ago, but wasn't sure I could get here. They're running the
snowplows full time all along the lines."

"Worst winter I ever saw," Luke agreed. "We'll be feeding hay if we get much
more snow."

Lulu set down the bowl and turned to go back into the kitchen.

A perverse urge made him say, "Aren't you going to say hello?"

"Hello, Tony. How are you?" she recited, as if by rote.

"I'm fine, now that I'm here. We need to talk."

"We have nothing to say to each other," she said, slipping past when he would
have caught her hand. "I'm needed in the kitchen."

"What's goin' on?" Luke said. "She acted like you're the last person on earth she
wanted to see."

"Why do you think Katie told you not to invite me?" He hadn't been surprised
when Luke admitted that he'd gone against Katie's advice when inviting Tony. He'd felt
more guilty than anything, being the cause of a rift in the families.

"Women! I'll never understand them." Luke held up the whiskey bottle. "I reckon
you could stand some of this."

"Thanks." Tony accepted the heavy glass, sipped. "It's good to be here. I've been
meaning to come over for a visit, but Eagleton keeps me busy."

"If you fellows would get out of our way, we'd have dinner on the table a lot
sooner," Regina said as she pushed between them. She set a steaming soup tureen on the
table. "Lucy, call your brothers. We're almost ready."

Lucinda had insisted on making placecards, so Tony had no choice of where to sit.
He was at Katie's right, diagonally across the table and well-removed from Lulu, who sat at
Luke's right. Perhaps it was just as well, because if they were anywhere close to each other,
she'd either freeze up or snap at him. Either way, their personal discord would cast a pall
over the entire celebration, and he didn't want that.

But he couldn't help watching her.

"Do you see it too? There's something different about her." Katie's voice was low.
Given the noise level in the room, he doubted anyone else heard her.

"I've been trying to figure what it is." He looked at Lulu again, trying to pin down
exactly what he saw. "She's put on weight," he said slowly, "but that's not it. Her face
looks..." He sought the right word. "Gaunt," he finally decided. "As if she's been ill."

"She says she's fine, but I don't know. Something's wrong."

"If you find out what it is, let me know. She's not likely to tell me anything."

"Oh, Tony, I'm so sorry. I'd hoped--"

"So had I." Not wanting her sympathy, he said, "So tell me about this new stud
Luke's so proud of. He's got to be the biggest ass I've ever seen. Looks mean, too."

"He's not friendly like Salome and Sheba, that's for sure. Luke is sure he's going to
be the making of our herd, though." She laughed. "I should have known he'd take you out
to the barn before he brought you inside. He's so proud of that donkey, he's like a new
papa."

"Salome and Sheba! Are they still around?" He remembered when she had first
brought Luke home. It had been at Christmas, ten or twelve years ago. Luke and a couple
of mules and those two asses, all thin and tired, after a long, cold journey.

"Oh, yes. You don't think I'd ever let them go, do you? Why, they're as much a
part of the family as...as you are."

"Thank you very much. It's nice to know I'm as important as the livestock." He
grinned to show he'd taken no offense.

Katie's cheeks were pink. "Oh, pshaw, you know what I mean."

He just wished Lulu thought he was that important.

After dinner Lulu, Regina and Lucinda chased everyone else into the parlor.
"Lucy's perfectly capable of clearing the table," Lulu told Katie. "You go on in and
entertain the men. Reggie and I will take care of all this."

"Oh, but--"

"Git!"

Katie got, following the men, but looking back over her shoulder. "Just let
me--"

"Ma, I can show them where everything goes," Lucinda said. "You said yourself I
was as handy in the kitchen as you are."

She was, too. The three of them had the kitchen cleaned up in less than an hour.
They trooped to the parlor, to find the men sipping brandy and Katie dozing in her rocker.
Melanie was curled on her lap, thumb in mouth and eyes closed.

"Poor thing. She's getting on in years and needs her sleep," Regina said, holding a
finger to her lips.

"Not so old I can't still whomp you a good one, little sister," Katie said, without
opening her eyes.

Melanie stirred, sat up. "Presents now, Ma?"

"That's right," Katie said, setting her down. "Presents now." She looked
expectantly at her sons. "Who's Santa this year?"

"Me," Mike said. "We drew straws and I won."

"Can I sit by you, Aunt Lulu?"

Pulled from her reverie, she smiled down at Melanie, who was leaning against her
knees. "Of course you can, honey. Here, I'll scoot over." She made room on the chair seat
for the three-year-old and wrapped an arm around her. Just then Luke and his younger son
came into the room, carrying a basket of brightly wrapped packages between them.

The rest of the evening was laughter, confusion, and shrieks of delight from the
children. The last gifts came from the big crate shipped all the way from Australia. It held
something for everyone, including a stuffed kangaroo for Melanie and a boomerang for
Isaiah. Lulu's gift was a colorful length of cloth, hand dyed and block-printed with
kangaroos and koala bears.

"What on earth am I going to do with this?" she said, holding it up for everyone to
admire.

"Make a dress, Aunt Lulu. You'd look real pretty." Melanie held the cloth up, so it
draped across Lulu's bosom. "See. Ain't she pretty?"

Melanie fell asleep on her lap while Luke was reading "A Visit from Saint
Nicholas." The warm weight of her was comforting and comfortable. She smelled of
peppermint and talc. For a moment Lulu envied Katie her children.

But only for a moment.
I have a career, a cause
, she told herself firmly.
I wouldn't be a good mother, like Katie is. I made the right choice.

This silly moisture in her eyes was only because she was remembering other
Christmases.

By eleven everyone was in bed. Regina was sleeping beside her, but Lulu,
probably because of her long nap, found sleep out of reach. She could hear voices from the
next room. Luke and Katie were probably talking over the day.

That was the one thing she missed about living alone. In college she and her
friends had always gathered before bed to talk over the events of the day. It was sometimes
the only quiet spell any of them had, for their days had been full. They would sit around
someone's room in their nightgowns, sipping cocoa and solving the world's problems.

Or thinking they could.

"You had no right to do that! I told you--"

Lulu jumped. Katie sounded as if she were standing right next to her.

"This is my house as much as it is yours, Katie girl. I'll invite whoever I damn
please." Luke's voice was even louder than Katie's.

They were fighting. About her.

Lulu wanted to bury her head in the pillow.

No, she wanted to get up and go to them, to tell them she wasn't worth fighting
for.

A door slammed nearby, then another, farther away. Oh. Lord, someone had
walked out. From the heavy footsteps, it must have been Luke.

Should she go to Katie? She started to get up, then remembered something her
mother had told her, a long time ago when she'd tried to break up a fight between her
brothers.

"Let them settle it between themselves. If you interfere, they might stop fighting,
but they won't straighten out whatever started the fight in the first place."

She hadn't listened to her mamma back then, and bore a scar on her arm as a
result. Micah had thrown a horseshoe at Gabe. She'd walked right into it when she stepped
between them.

So instead of going to Katie, she pulled the pillow over her head and tried to
sleep.

While she was at it, she tried to think of something besides Tony and the mess
they'd made of their friendship.

The thoughts, the fears she'd been holding at bay these last few weeks broke free
of the corner of her mind to which she'd banished them. How could she deny the truth any
longer?

Tomorrow she would talk to Katie, but she really didn't need to.

What was it Mamma always said about nothing in life being free?

RAILWAY TIME TABLE
Trains on the Wood River Branch of the Oregon Short Line arrive at and depart from
Hailey by standard time, as follows:

GOING SOUTH
Arrives 2:50 p.m., Departs 3:00 p.m.

GOING NORTH
Arrives 12:20 p.m., Departs 12:30 p.m.

Wood River News-Miner

~~~

The next morning they gathered before breakfast and listened to Luke read the
story of the Nativity. To Lulu's amazement, he and Katie behaved as if they'd never had a
disagreement in their lives. She watched them closely, saw the secret smiles they sent each
other, noticed how they deliberately brushed hands in passing.

Yet last night they were furious with each other. I wonder how--and
when--they made up.

Family tradition was that only necessary cooking was done on Christmas Day.
Luke, Tony and Merlin had gone out to feed the livestock early and Isaiah and Lucy had
milked, so breakfast was a late, leisurely meal. They drank coffee and munched on
fruitcake, scones, and cold ham. Eventually Luke went into the parlor to read his new
animal husbandry book, Merlin and Tony went for a ride, and the children scattered to play
with their gifts. Lulu, Regina and Katie were left at the table.

"A day of rest is certainly welcome," Katie said, nodding her thanks for the hot tea
Regina poured into her cup. "I've been so busy getting ready for Christmas, I've hardly had
a moment to myself."

"You make me feel guilty. I kept busy up in Portland, but I was certainly not
overworked. In fact, I think I caught up on all the sleep I've missed since I went to
college."

Katie reached across the table corner and caught Lulu's chin in her palm. "I
thought you had a peaked look to you when you got here, and you still do. Are you
sickening for something?"

"I'm fine. I was just tired. It's been a busy year." She pulled away, wondering if
she was going to be able to find privacy to talk to Katie alone.

As if prompted, Regina yawned. "For me too. I think when Melanie goes down for
her nap, I'll join her."

"I need fresh air and exercise more than a nap," Lulu said. "How about it, Katie?
Want to walk down to the river with me?" She caught the quick look Katie aimed in Tony's
direction and shook her head slightly. "I'll bet it's been a while since you went for a walk
simply for pleasure."

"Oh, my, that does sound tempting. No, Lucy, you can't come along. I haven't had
a chance to visit with Lulu for a long time, not just the two of us. She'll be here tomorrow.
After your chores are done, you can have her all to yourself."

The wind had died, but the sky was still leaden. "Let's go to the bench," Katie
suggested. "I'm not sure I'd be able to talk and push through snowdrifts, all at once."

The bench where Lulu had sat in October was all but buried. Rather than try to
remove the crusted snow, they perched atop the mound and wrapped their skirts around
their ankles. "Luke says he's sorry if he upset you," Katie said after they'd sat in silence for
a few minutes. "He's not sorry he invited Tony, though. Christmas is a time for the whole
family to come together, no matter how many feuds are going on."

"I wasn't upset," Lulu said, "so much as surprised. If I'd had a chance to prepare,
I'd have been fine. But you'd said he wasn't coming, so..." She shrugged. "Luke's right.
Our disagreement shouldn't ruin the holiday for anyone. I got to thinking last night of how
I'd feel if you hadn't invited me for Christmas. I would've hated it."

"I'm glad you understand. I'll tell Luke you aren't mad at him."

They sat and watched the water for a while, neither inclined to speech. The river
was frozen almost all the way across, except where a deep channel kept the water running
fast and a little rough. "It's never had so much ice on it," Katie said, at last. "This is the
coldest winter since we settled here."

"It's that volcano, the paper said. Dust in the air or something."

Again a comfortable silence. At least Katie appeared comfortable. Lulu wasn't.
She was trying to gather her courage. "Katie?"

"Hmmm?"

"How did you know when you were pregnant?"

"I--" Mouth gaping, she stared at Lulu. "Do you think--"

"I'm pretty sure I am. But I'd sure like a second opinion."

"Have you been sick? Are your breasts larger, and sore? Are you...of course.
You've been sleepy for three months, haven't you?" She pulled Lulu into a tight hug.
"That's wonderful! I'll bet you're..."

As if realizing that Lulu sat stiff and unbending in her embrace, Katie released her.
"You're not excited, are you? It's the last thing in the world you want, isn't it?"

"Uh-huh. I kept hoping it was just a false alarm. My cycle hasn't ever been
regular, and so I didn't give it a thought that I'd missed a month. But two...I've never
missed two in a row." She did her best to contain the tears that clogged her throat. Failed.
"Oh, Katie, it's been three months, and I don't know what to do," she wailed.