The Impostor Queen (11 page)

“Then let him stay here,” says the acolyte with blue eyes and soothing hands. She has a mole on her cheek, small and round. “We can take her to the dock.”

I float in a fog of hurt as the three female acolytes press cloths to my back, then pull my sleeves over my arms and button my dress. “Those bandages won't hold, Kaisa,” says the spotty one.

“I know, Meri,” says Kaisa, the girl with the mole. “But if we take too long, the elders will be furious.”

“I'll stay with Armo,” says the girl with the wide, pretty face. She pats his back. He's staring down at the bloody whip. “I'm due to be cloistered soon,” she adds with a sigh, “so it won't matter if they make me start it a few days early.” She offers all of us a smile. “Besides, Salli was cloistered a few months ago, and I'm looking forward to seeing her again.”

Meri and Kaisa lift me from the floor and drape my arms over their shoulders. Slowly, they half carry me up the stone stairs and into the maze of the catacombs. My head hangs forward, and it's all I can do to move my feet.

“They've already started the search for the new Saadella,” Meri says quietly.

“I hope they find her soon,” murmurs Kaisa. “People are scared. They need something to buoy their spirits.”

A tear falls from my eye. I'm supposed to buoy their spirits. I would do anything to give my people that confidence. But these two acolytes are speaking as if I'm a hunk of bear meat and nothing more. As kind as they are, I know they're full of doubt, and it echoes in the hollow place inside of me, filling my chest with painful pressure as it joins with my own fear that I am failing everyone.

Meri pulls me to the left, guiding us down a dark corridor with a single lit torch at the end of it. “Did you hear about the fight at the thieves' caverns? Armo was telling me earlier.”

“I heard the same rumor—that two miners were burned.”

“Wielders?” I whisper.
Do the elders know there might be wielders in the outlands?
I want to ask, but the one word I've already said has drained all my energy.

“More likely, one of those sons of weasels tossed a shovelful of flaming pitch at the miners,” Kaisa scoffs. She squeezes my arm as we reach the end of the corridor, and her voice softens. “But even if there was a fire wielder in the outlands, he will be no match for you once you find your magic, my Valtia.”

Kaisa and Meri escort me into a chamber with a long wooden table along one side. Stars, it smells of blood in here. But then again, that might be coming from me.

“Whether it's a wielder or not,” says Meri, “the people need reassurance now.” There's a pause, and though I don't raise my head, I know both of them are looking down at me. I'm what the people need. As soon as I find my magic, I'll settle the issue in the caverns and rid that place of squatters so our miners can do their work. Determination flutters beneath all the doubt. I will not give up yet.

We leave the chamber and proceed down the long, wide tunnel that leads to the dock. Kaisa lets Meri hold me up while she pushes open a rusty metal door, bathing us in the chilly night air. The sound of the Motherlake lapping at the dock is like coming home. It finds me within my shell of pain, my core of numb, and I take a deep, shuddering breath.

Meri strokes a hand over my hair. “Valtia, we're almost there,” she says softly. “You've been so brave, but you will need more than that now. Please.”

She and Kaisa carry me to the waiting boat. “Do you want us to accompany you, Elder?” Meri asks when we reach it.

“No,” snaps Aleksi. “We'll manage this by ourselves. Wait for us here.”

I hiss as Kaisa accidentally touches my back, and she jerks her hands away. “Apologies, Valtia,” she says, her blue eyes full of regret. She steps back as I sink onto the floor of the boat. It's of middling size, with two sets of oars and a large, heavy object sitting at the prow. In the shadowy night, the moon covered over by clouds, I can't quite make it out.

The elders are grim and quiet as they push off into the lake. They don't bother with the oars—Aleksi raises his arms and the boat slices through the water as if blown by a steady wind. Leevi sits next to me. “I'm sorry the last trial didn't help you,” he says. “But this one . . . It has more urgency to it. We think it will work.”

“Good,” I mumble. Because I need my magic. I need to heal myself. I'm certain that my back is a mess of welts and gashes, and my whole body is racked with pain. I'm too hurt to cry now, too tired to fight. Magic is the
only
thing that can save me now.

We reach a spot where the water is inky and smooth. Leevi drops an anchor, and the three elders take me by the arms and lead me to the front of the boat. Metal clanks softly, and Kauko raises a lantern.

In front of me is a bronze cage attached by a thick chain to a boom and winch that's bolted to the deck. Aleksi pulls the door open and gestures inside. “When you're ready,
Valtia
.”

It's as if he believes I'm doing this on purpose, and he wants me to suffer for it.

As I remember Meri's small kindnesses, I will also remember Aleksi's cruelty. Forever.

I try to stoop to get into the cage, but the pull of fabric against the wounds on my back sends me to my knees with a shrill whimper. Leevi and Kauko pick me up and help me into the tiny prison, so cramped that I have to draw my knees to my chest and bow my head over my legs. My back is screaming. Leevi turns the crank on the winch, and my cage is lifted into the air. Aleksi slams the door and latches it.

“You could freeze the surface of the lake before you fall in,” Aleksi says as my teeth begin to chatter. “Or you could grow an ice platform from the lake's floor to lift you out of the water. Conversely, you could use fire to evaporate the water around you and hold it back. There are so many ways to use the magic, Valtia.”

Kauko grips the bars. “Trust your instincts. Don't force it. Just let it come to you.” He reaches into the cage as far as his arm will allow, and his fingertips brush my knee. I know I should grasp his hand, but I'm shaking too much to control my fingers. “We need your magic to survive. Please. We've been waiting so long for this. Remember who you are,” he says, his voice harsh with desperation.

I almost laugh. I used to think I knew exactly who I was. Now?
I have no idea.

My breaths are ragged and fast as they swing my cage out over the Motherlake, dangling me like bait over her frigid waters. Leevi releases the chain, and my cage plunges into the water. The blast of cold shocks my vision white. I'm no longer on fire—now it's the cold's turn. Frozen blades of pain stab into every inch of my skin. An icy noose pulls tight around my neck.

Fire, come to me.

But this time, when it doesn't come, I'm not even surprised. I claw for air, my arms extending through the top bars of my cage and waving just above the surface of the water. It's so close. I jerk my face upward, colliding with bronze. I can see the dark shadows of the elders above me, their upheld torch, the moon that's now visible through a hole in the clouds. The pain in my chest sparks and burns like smoldering charcoal, the hurt moving upward, consuming me. And yet the water stays cold, and so do I.

I'm going to die.

As soon as the thought comes, the rest of me rejects it with the force of a mighty storm. My body convulses, and I fight. Oh, stars, I fight so hard. I claw and kick and grasp and push and shake those bars with all my strength. I suck in a mouthful of water and my chest squeezes tight, my body twisting and writhing against the waters of the fearsome, relentless Motherlake.

This was what it was like for the Soturi invaders. This is how they perished.

“Have you ever killed someone?” I asked my Valtia. We were eating delicate sweet potato pastries, lying on her massive bed after a long day at the planting ceremony, watching our reflections in the hammered copper ceiling.

“Not yet,” she said. “But I probably will, someday.”

“You sound awfully sure.” And awfully calm. I'd just turned thirteen and was amazed by her serene beauty, her smooth surface. Envy filled me.

She took my hand, sending a pulse of ice along my palm. “I do what I need to, in service of the Kupari. Sometimes you are chosen, and sometimes you must choose. If I take a life, I won't regret that choice. I'll know it was to protect our people.” She turned her head and looked into my eyes. “And so will you, Elli, when the time comes. You'll do what you need to do. Never doubt.”

Never doubt.

I rise from the water like a firebird from ash.

But not by magic.

As the elders swing me back over the deck, I vomit a bucketful of water onto their bald heads. Aleksi grunts with disgust. “That was hardly magical.”

I hear him like I'm still underwater. I'm made of ice. I'm bleeding. All they need to do is set me on fire, and I'd be complete: Blood. Copper. Ice. Fire. It is life.

And now I've learned it's death, too.

With contempt etched onto his fleshy face, Aleksi unlocks the clasp on my cage and swings the door open. Kauko and Leevi pull me out. I'm still convulsing and coughing, shivering so violently that they can barely hold on to me. They set me heavily on the deck. I barely feel it. I sink deep inside the empty, gaping space inside me, drowning again, this time in defeat.

The elders talk quietly among themselves as they use their magic to propel the boat back to shore, but their words are carried away by the breeze and the splash of water against the hull. They help the acolytes carry me to the Saadella's wing. I know I'm home when I hear Mim cry out. They set me on my bed, soaking my sheets with pink and red. Kauko sits down next to me and touches my shoulder.

“Did you read the stars wrong, Elder?” I whisper.

“No, child. You were the one it referred to. I am certain.”

“The prophecy, then—you said part of it was missing.”

“That is true.” For the first time, I hear anger in his voice. “We have priests scouring all our texts, trying to find hints of what it could have said. In the meantime . . .” His shoulders slump as he looks me over.

“I . . . I will go back in the copper trunk if you think it would help.” Even though the mere thought makes me shudder.

He shakes his head. “It's not necessary now.”

I nearly choke as the tears come. “I'm sorry for disappointing you.”

His thick lips tremble. “There is one more trial,” he says, sorrow in his eyes. “One more trial, and we're hoping this one will work.”

“Do it, then,” I croak. “I'm eager to face it.”

He squeezes my arm. “You'll have to be very brave. But you are, aren't you? We can all see that. Even Aleksi.”

What they can also see: my bravery is not enough. Not nearly enough.

“I'm courageous enough for one more trial.”

“I wish we didn't have to ask these things of you, but I'm grateful you understand their necessity.” He bows his head. “Rest tonight. Look at the moon. The clouds are clearing.” His voice falters, and he clamps his lips shut for a few moments before continuing. “It is a sight to behold. Lovely, like you are. Then sleep, and may your dreams be peaceful. I will see you tomorrow.”

After he leaves, I squint at a small piece of sky through my open balcony doors. I can't see the moon, but its reflection shines in the Motherlake. I drift outside myself, out of the temple, over the lake, and float toward that gorgeous orb. How heavenly. The weight of responsibility falls away. No one needs me anymore. No one even knows I'm gone. The sweetest sense of freedom envelops me, welcoming me into its embrace. It's so nice, so peaceful. . . .

“Elli,” whispers Mim. “Wake up.”

She shakes me, and I groan. It's hard to draw breath. I slip my hand under the loose collar of my gown. A length of gauzy fabric has been wrapped around my chest and back, binding my wounds. My hair is braided. My sheets are clean. I'm wearing a simple dress of brown wool, like the kind Mim wears every day. But it is still dark out, with no sign of the day to come.