The Impostor Queen (12 page)

“Is it time for the final trial?” I whisper. Stars, I'm so, so tired.

“Sit up, my Valtia. Sit up now.” She pulls my arms and then apologizes when I let out a strangled moan. Once I'm up, she slides a pair of plain leather slippers onto my feet and takes my face in her hands. “You must be very brave.”

“Kauko said the same,” I mumble. “I'm doing my best. Mim, I'm so sorry for letting you down.”

Her blue eyes shine with tears. “Oh, my love, you could never do that. Get up now.”

“Where are we going?”

Her brow creases with fear and sorrow. “Away, Elli. We're going away.”

“But the trial—” My words are cut off when she presses her fingers over my lips.

“I overheard the elders speaking in the domed chamber, making preparations.”

I cringe. “I don't think I want to know.”

“Yes, you do.” She carefully helps me to my feet. “Because in a few hours, they're going to come get you, and they're going to take you deep into the catacombs.” Her eyes meet mine. “And then they're going to cut your throat.”

T
hey're going to kill me. Kauko must have consented to it. Even he gave up on me in the end. I should be shocked. I should be enraged and hurt. But right now, all I can summon is weary resignation.

“Have they found the new Saadella?” I ask as Mim leads me to the door and peeks into the corridor.

“I don't think so. But she's out in the city somewhere, and they're determined to find her. They think that if they drain your blood, it'll strip the magic from you and free it to be awakened in the Saadella. They're desperate to appease the people, and the Kupari cannot be without a Valtia, even if she's still a child. I think it's ludicrous, but I bet Aleksi and Leevi are pleased at the chance to mold an impressionable young queen. The last Valtia was too headstrong for their tastes.” She guides me to lean against the wall.

“Sofia,” I whisper, remembering Aleksi's clenched fists as she refused to bow to his wishes. “Aleksi was trying to get her to act quickly.”

Mim rushes over to a chair and pulls a brown cloak from the cushion. “The acolytes and apprentices are full of information. The elders wanted to get the Valtia to cleanse the thieves' caverns, but she had refused until she knew more about the situation. The elders were offended that she didn't trust them. They're supposed to be her eyes and ears—but she wanted to see for herself.”

“So they're going to make a little girl the Valtia so they can have their way?” I ask in a choked voice.

Mim doesn't seem to hear me as she shakes out the cloak and returns to my side. “I don't agree with the elders' methods, but imagine what would happen if the other city-states knew we had no Valtia. Or even those bandits in the caverns. Our Valtia is what keeps them from raiding the town and taking what they want. We must have a queen.” She probably doesn't realize how every word stabs failure a little deeper into my heart.

“Even with all of that, my first priority is
you
,” she adds. “Elli. You will always be my queen.”

But not your Valtia,
my mind whispers as she wraps the cloak around my shoulders, tying it loosely so as not to aggravate my wounds. I look like a maid now, a common, ordinary girl. And maybe that's what I've been all along. Maybe all this time, I've been a pretender, and now I'm wearing the garments that were always meant for me. “Mim, why do you think this is happening to me?”

Her eyes are shadowed with sorrow. “I don't know, Elli. And it's not my place to know.” As I watch, her sadness seems to crystallize, glittering in the darkness. “But there is one thing of which I'm certain—you've done nothing wrong. Let the elders use
their
magic to give us winter warmth and save us from our enemies. It's about time they did some of the work.”

Mim leads me into the corridor, to the right, away from the domed chamber. Not a single torch lights our way, but Mim appears to know exactly where she's going, and her confidence seems to grow with every step. “Where are the acolytes who stand guard at night?” I whisper.

“Some are helping clean the Valtia's chamber. It was nearly destroyed when she died, and they're working at all hours to fix it. And then I bribed another.” She smiles when she sees my wide eyes. “Elli, if you think for a moment I would hand you over to be slaughtered by the elders, you don't know me at all.”

I lean on her gratefully as she takes me to the servants' stairs and helps me descend. “I love you, Mim,” I mumble against her ear. “I always have.”

She giggles. “You're delirious.”

I think about that for a second. Every part of me hurts, but my mind is clear. And the more I think about what's happening, the more frightened I am. “Where are we going?”

“I'm taking you to my family. But first I have to report in to the temple matron to keep her from raising the alarm, so you'll be on your own for an hour or two. I'll join you as the sun rises, before the elders even know we're gone.”

“You're really coming with me?”

Her grip on me tightens. “I would never leave you.” She chuckles. “Who would dress you in the morning? Who would brush your pretty hair? And we could go anywhere from here. It's an adventure, if you think about it.”

I
am
thinking about it—the possibility of living with her, however humbly, is like a bright torch in all this darkness. And so is her love for me. I know it's the love of a servant for her mistress, perhaps a big sister for a little one, not the same as mine for her. Still, it's real and warm and I need it, especially now that I've lost everything else.

We reach the bottom of the steps and Mim pushes open a thick wooden door, wincing as it grates against the stone frame. The inky wash of night greets us, though I know dawn must be approaching. “If you walk this path here—” She moves her finger along a trail of white stones shielded by a high wall so that the views from the temple and the white plaza aren't marred by servants going back and forth. “You can go around the gates this way—it'll get you to the northern road. Follow it until you reach the square, then wait for me next to the blacksmith's. It's a warm place to sit and rest. I'll bring more food with me when I come.” She presses a hunk of bread into my hand. It's been ripped open and a thick slice of hard cheese has been wedged into its center. My mouth fills with saliva.

“Go,” she whispers. “I'll see you soon.”

Her brown curls are a chaotic tangle around her face, and the brightness has returned to her blue eyes. Her cheeks are flushed. She's so beautiful and cheerful as she saves me from certain death, and it makes salvation seem possible.

“I'm not delirious,” I tell her. “I meant what I said.”

Her face crumples, and for an instant I see the fear she's been working so hard to hide. “Elli, go. Please. If they catch you, I won't be able to protect you.”

“But what about you?” Aleksi might blame me, but what if he blames Mim, too, for giving me information? “Come with me now. We can—”

Mim shakes her head. “We'll have more time to get you hidden if I check in with the matron first. But I'll be with you before you start to miss me. I promise.” She tugs my hood up until it covers my half my face, then gives me a gentle nudge toward the world outside the temple. My slipper hovers over the dirt and grass and stone. I haven't set foot on the bare ground since I was four years old. In all the years since then, I've been carried on a paarit or in a sedan chair. But if I don't take these steps, I'll die.

It makes it surprisingly easy to move forward.

My feet are silent as I tread the white stones that lead me away from the only home I remember, the fortress from which I was supposed to rule. I should be weeping or falling to my knees in despair, but like the magic, I can't find those feelings inside me. I am sad, though. Desperately so.

I let everyone down. I failed my people. I failed my Valtia. And when they find the child Saadella, who will love her and watch over her? I've failed her, too.

Maybe I deserve to be cast out. Perhaps I even deserve to be killed. I reach the edge of the grounds and look back at the domed silhouette of the Temple on the Rock towering above me, majestic and mighty, pale-green copper and snowy marble ice. Am I being selfish? Should I go back and offer myself up?

Or would that doom a little Saadella to an early death after spending her youth serving the will of the priests?

I shiver and keep moving, walking along the road that leads south to the main square. Far off to my right, over by the docks, I can hear the distant rumbling voices of the sailors, our earliest risers, preparing for a day of pulling nets full of shimmering trout from the great Motherlake. My stomach grumbles at the thought of a steaming dish of glazed trout, cooked crisp and dripping. I take a bite of my bread and cheese and moan at the salty taste. Before I know it, I've shoved the entire hunk in my mouth. My cheeks bulge and I chew fiercely. I'm alive. I feel the chill of autumn on my face and hard cobblestones beneath my feet. I breathe. My back aches and itches and burns. My heart beats. Surely I'm not meant to die? Not yet. I'm not ready for that.

I gather my cloak around me as I enter the square, wishing for invisibility. When the elders realize I'm missing, what will they do? Sound the alarm? Reward the first citizen who turns me over to them? I hunch my shoulders and quicken my steps. The blacksmith's forge is a three-sided building with a metal roof and stone walls. The front is fenced and gated. The blacksmith is already at work, his hairy, muscular arms flexing as he shovels charcoal into his forge. He doesn't notice me hovering beyond his fence, a gray-cloaked ghost alone in the square.

I pad to a spot against the stone wall of his shop, right at the front. As he lights the fire, I feel the heat radiating outward. This is where Mim wanted me to wait. I peer at the eastern sky, which is slowly transforming from black to purple. It's so strange to be standing here, huddled in plain clothes, my tender soles aching from the journey I've made. The pain in my feet draws me to the ground, where I lower one of my stockings and peel back my slipper to see a line of blisters below my bony ankle. Have I ever had a blister before? Not in my memory. I don't know how to care for it—but Mim will. She's the only thing that makes any of this bearable.

My fingers trail up under my dress to brush my blood-flame mark. It pulses a numb greeting, sending a buzzing sensation up my leg. Why do I have this mark, if I'm not the Valtia? What else could I possibly be if not the true queen? I grip my leg and look back toward the temple.

I won't give myself up. I'll find a way to wield the magic inside me, and then I'll return to the temple victorious. Kauko said I would be the most powerful Valtia who ever lived. He said I was the one.

“Never doubt,” I murmur.

Stars, who am I kidding? I am
made
of doubt right now.

I lean against the rough stone wall and have to bite back an agonized cry as my flayed back touches the unforgiving surface. Mim did a good job with my bandages, and she must have smeared a numbing cream on them, because the pain has been manageable. But she'll need to dress them again tonight. I'm not sure I want to know what my skin looks like. It used to be smooth, and now . . . now it is probably forever scarred. Perhaps when I find my magic, I'll be able to heal myself. It's a comforting thought.

The sky gets lighter, and my stomach burbles, first happily, and then hungrily. That bread and cheese was the only thing I'd eaten since before the ruined harvest ceremony. I pray for the sun to rise a little faster, because it will signal Mim's arrival with breakfast. She never fails me. I bet she'll bring something special, just to make me feel better.

Finally, the sun tears itself loose from the horizon and begins its arcing ascent. Orange and pink fingers of light stretch across the sky, and the city wakes. The plodding of horses' hooves and shouts of peddlers hawking their wares begin to fill the air, first only a few, and then dozens. Bells clang as the fishermen enter the harbor. The blacksmith's strikes on his forge are shrill stabs of sound. The breeze brings me the scent of meat pies and baking bread and garlicky, spicy sausages. I think I could eat one as big as my own arm.

I watch the space between two stout buildings at the northern end of the square, the road leading north to the gates of the temple grounds. The sun has risen above the city council's meeting hall now, and my heart beats faster. She said she'd be with me before I started to miss her, so she needs to come soon.

And then there she is. Her hooded figure strides down the road, a covered basket in her hands. I push myself to my feet but remain against the wall. I don't want to be seen. Mim emerges from between the two buildings, and I stare greedily at her basket, wondering what she's packed. I also wonder what her family will think of me when we arrive. Will they understand what's happening and sympathize? Surely she wouldn't take me to them if she thought they'd alert the elders.