The Infamous Ellen James (Infamous Series) (30 page)

"Everything. Absolutely everything." The waterworks have started, and I feel no end in sight. My chest burns with each gasping breath.

"I'm here for you, Ellen. I'm always here for you. Take a deep breath, try to calm down, and tell me what's going on, sweetie."

And with that, I tell her everything. Everything that is bothering me. Trent. The attack. The grief and depression that's consuming me. I'm desperately screaming for help, for guidance, for someone to just fucking tell me what I need to do. For someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. And that's what she does. She throws me a lifeline, an inflatable life vest to save me from drowning. She helps me see what I know I'm avoiding, what I'm running away from, what I'm sadly attempting to squash down and ignore.

She's right about everything, and deep down, I know this. I already know this. I know what I need to do, what I have to do, what I
will
do. I'm not weak. I've never been the type of girl to let something take over my life, ruin me every minute of every day. I've never been that girl, and I refuse to start being that girl now. For the first time since the attack, I feel renewed, invigorated with hope that things can get better, that I can get through this. I can get past the horrible things Frank did to me. I'm thankful to be alive, and for that, I should be on my hands and knees thanking God. I should be relishing every second of every day, grateful for how things actually turned out.

I'm not sure what will happen with Trent and me. I obviously love him. I love him so much that I can literally feel my heart trying to escape from my chest, aching for him, screaming for him. He saved my life in more ways than one. He saved me from the girl I was turning into after John. He saved me from myself. He saved me from my mentally disturbed attacker who had my life in his cold, careless hands. I may not get to stay with Trent, but at least I got to
be
with him. I got to experience his love and endless kindness, even if I feel like it was too short.

I'm lying in the bathtub, warm water soothing my tired, achy muscles.

Relaxing me.

Calming me.

I close my eyes and slide farther down into the bathtub, only leaving my head peeking above the water line. I place my foot on the faucet, feeling the cool metal graze my skin. My head is clear for the first time in what feels like forever. I take a huge, profound breath, and it feels like it's been ages since I've been able to breathe without my chest protesting. This feeling is wonderful. I hear the bathroom door open and shut quietly. My eyes flutter open to find Trent, still dressed in his navy blue scrubs, gazing down at me; his smile is breathtaking.

"Getting naked without me, I see?"

My lips turn up into a grin. I think this is the first time I've smiled in days. "Sorry, Casanova. I couldn't wait. My muscles needed some soothing."

Trent squats down near the tub and rests his elbows on the porcelain edge, dipping his hands in and splashing a few bubbles towards my face. “I could help with the soothing…”

“I don't doubt that.” I flick water towards him with my index finger.

“I missed you. How's my Ellie girl?” I see concern cross his eyes for the briefest moment. I can only imagine the hell I've been putting him through over the past several weeks. I've been so closed off, so distant; I'm sure he feels like I've completely checked out from our relationship. Deep down I'm scared that my emotional state has given him reason enough to leave Charlotte and go back to his life in Seattle. I fear that I've ruined us. Ruined this amazing thing we've shared. I just want to enjoy the time I have with Trent from here on out, even if the time is short, nearing an end. I want to savor him, relish in the way he makes me feel.

“I'm better actually. I had a nice conversation with my mom. She made me finally open my eyes. I've got some work ahead of me, but I'm not letting what Frank did take over my life.”

Trent lets out a breath, almost like a massive weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. “You're so strong, baby. So god damn strong. I'm always here for you no matter what, okay?”

I don't let the fact that I know Trent is going to go back to Seattle soon crush this moment. I take his words for what they are right now, right this very second. “Thank you.” My eyes are kind, appreciative for what he's done for me. “You have no idea how thankful I am that you came in that night and saved me. You saved my life, Trent.”

His eyes close and he shakes his head back and forth subtly, running his hands through his tousled, jet-black hair. “I will never let anything or anyone hurt you.
Never
.” His eyes open and the intensity nearly rips my heart out of my chest.

I reach my hand out of the water and place it upon his cheek. “I love you.” Water droplets slowly drip onto his skin.

“I love you too.” Trent places his palm over my hand, his warm caress causing the tips of my fingers to tingle. “I'm not sure if you remember, but I leave for Seattle tomorrow. I'll only be there until Friday, just a few things to get settled with University Hospital and my old apartment. There are some things I want to talk to you about…”

I immediately place my fingers over his lips, quickly shutting him up before I have to hear that he's leaving me for good. I adjust a little in the tub, lifting my chest above the water, my breasts in full view above the bubbles. His glances down and a lustful smirk crosses his face, my lips returning the favor. I want to savor this time with him, bring back the fun, witty banter we're so good at. We haven't been intimate since before my attack, and my body craves him.

“Let's talk about those things later. Where's my kiss, Dr. Thrust Me?” I giggle a little before pushing my bottom lip out, giving him my best pouty face.

He leans in to give my lips a small peck, and I immediately pull him off balance when I wrap my arms around his neck and drag him into the tub with me, water and bubbles splashing everywhere. “Shit! Ellie!” He yells before he starts laughing.

I'm still giggling with a very shocked and still fully clothed Trent lying on top of me, soaking wet. “Whoops!” I say, feigning innocence.

Grinning at my attempt at being coy, he starts to tickle my ribs, making me laugh even harder. Now I'm begging him to stop. “I see how it is, little spitfire!”

I'm cracking up and gasping for air. “Stop! Please stop! Trennnnnnt!”

He is beaming down me with his beautiful blue gaze. He kisses my lips, gently entwining his tongue with mine. My nipples are instantly hard at the feel of his mouth on mine, his warm skin piercing my body through his wet scrub top. I kiss him back intensely, ardently, as I wrap my legs around his waist.

His arms embrace me before sliding around my ass, pulling my body closer to his. Trent takes me off guard by quickly standing up with me still in his arms. Water is sloshing out of the tub, onto the bathroom floor.

“Trent! What are you doing?!” I squeal when the cold air hits my nude body.

He steps out of the tub and heads for my bedroom, a lascivious grin etched on his face. “I'm getting ready to give that sexy body of yours some serious attention.”

“Oh my god! You're getting everything wet!” I whine as he stalks through the hall, sounds of squeaky shoes echoing off of the hardwood floor. Once he steps into my bedroom, he throws me down on the bed, and I laugh as my butt hits the mattress.

Oh god, how I've missed him.

Being with him. Letting him take charge of my body and do wicked, delicious things to me.

“I most certainly am going to get
everything
wet.” He gives me a mischievous grin before starting his assault on my now very wet and stark-naked body. All thoughts of Frank and Trent moving back to Seattle are long gone. Right now, I'm only thinking about how good he feels, how much my body is yearning for him to be inside of me.

And my body gets exactly what she desires for hours and hours and hours…

Chapter Thirty-Three

“In order to get what you really want, you have to take your balls in your hand and put yourself out there, vulnerable and exposed.”

Trent's flight was delayed for a few hours, and Amy decides that it's high time I enjoy a Friday night out with her.
Friday night Karaoke at Murphy's Pub.
This used to always be our little October ritual. Johnny started this tradition a few years back, and every Friday night in October, we'd get sloshed and watch people make fools of themselves singing
Like A Virgin
, as if they were actually Madonna. I agree fairly enthusiastically to the much needed night out, and I'm extremely happy to see my sister Lizzy tag along.

Things have been really rough on her over the past few months, but I've seen a change in her. She's different, in a good way, a better way. She's really taking time for herself, finding out who she is and what she wants. I support her in anything she decides, and right now, Lizzy has decided to divorce Matt.

She just recently got back to Charlotte from another week-long trip to Louisville. She spent time with Matt, with my parents. Things were said, feelings were expressed, and it sounds like divorce is her final decision.

She broke this news to me yesterday. I held my breath, prepared for her to be a sobbing mess, but I was surprised to see that she was calm, collected, and completely rational. I just want her to be happy. I just want Lizzy to have the life she wants, not the life someone else wants for her, and that's what I think really happened with her and Matt. He had an idea of who he wanted Lizzy to be in his head, and well, that wasn't the person she wanted to be.

I've only had a few, far too short phone conversations with Trent over the past couple of days while he's been in Seattle. I'm avoiding the whole conversation of Trent moving back home. Dr. Grey is due to come back from his medical leave of absence in less than a week, and the thought of Trent leaving me is pretty much eating me alive.

I hate it, and I'm too scared to hear him say the words, so what do I do? I continue to be a chicken shit and avoid. I'm avoiding the conversation, I change the subject whenever he brings it up, and I can feel it in his voice that this is driving him crazy. The last time I talked to him, he sternly told me, "Damnit, Ellie. You can't keep avoiding this conversation. When I get home tonight, we are going to have a nice long chat and you are going to listen to every single word I have to say, even if I have to scream it through a god damn megaphone."

What could I say to that?

Trent is a patient man, but when the time comes for him to make his message known, his patience goes out the window. I'd say we're at that point. I just hope I can hold it together when he breaks my heart. I know what you're thinking…

Why don't you just move to Seattle with him?

And I would do that in a heartbeat if he wanted me to, but I'm not sure he does. The past few weeks have been rough, and my subconscious keeps telling me that Trent Hamilton needs a break from Ellen James's craziness. I know the attack and my closed-off, emotionless state I was walking around in for weeks have been a huge strain on him. I could see it in his eyes as each day passed.

So what am I going to do about it?

I'm not sure of my exact plan of action, but giving him some time and then stalking him in Seattle is on the list of possibilities. I just don't think I can let him go.

He's
it
for me.

Amy, Lizzy, and I take a seat at one of the high top bar tables toward the front of the makeshift stage. Johnny brought us over a few beers and now we're just sitting here, enjoying the ambiance that is drunken karaoke. The song list has ranged from
Don't Stop Believin'
to
Baby Got Back
. A whole lot of classiness all up in this pub.

I'm enjoying this time with my best friend and my sister. We're laughing and cutting up about each boozed-up singer that graces the stage. There is nothing like a good night of watching people who think they are the next Adele, sing their little hearts out. There has yet to be any true talent, but enthusiasm and interesting dance moves help to make up for a lot.

Amy's mouth gapes open as James slides into an empty barstool at our table. Yes, the very same James she refuses to speak to, acknowledge, or even talk about. Dr. Limp Dick, as she so fondly calls him. She's still pissed that he refused to sleep with her drunken vagina after the Regency golf charity function. Amy is the type of girl who is proud of her pussy. And I mean this in the most extreme form possible.
Vaginal hubris
. She owns her shit, and the fact that James didn't take her up on the offer for a little boom-boom after the charity function, well… That didn't go over to well with Amy.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Amy nearly gives James whiplash with her curt tone.

Shit, even I felt that sting of that one…

James smiles, which makes my jaw drop. If I were him, I think my balls would have crawled up inside of my stomach. “Everyone keeps talking about these famous karaoke nights at Murphy's and I figured I'd come out and see what all the fuss is about. Plus, I heard you were going to be here… So here am I.”

“What makes you think I'd want to see you?” Pissed off isn't even the word for her look right now. I think she might start shooting laser beams from her eyes.

“I didn't think you wanted to see me, but
I
wanted to see
you
.”

Damn, he's good.

I glance at Lizzy, and we both exchange a knowing grin. I know that James has just dropped the gauntlet on her ass. She's been left a little speechless, and I'm just dying to see what she does with his response.

“W-W-Whatever,” Amy stutters. She is scowling while James is still smiling as silence consumes our table. The bastard is just sitting there, completely relaxed and without a care in the world. A laugh escapes me, and I think Amy is about to shoot daggers into my chest.

God, she's stubborn.