The Invisible Papers (3 page)

The slightest little setback or glitch in the works simply drive one mad! A temper can be as short as the shortest thing in existence. The shortest thing imaginable, never mind a fuse! Shorter than that, much shorter! Whatever you can possibly think up, that’s it. No, even smaller than that!

Can you believe the world today? What is one to do? Especially with all this pressure to look like some fancy-pants overachiever. It makes the rest of us normal folk just feel bad! We’ve got good things to offer too “y’know”! One guesses since our vessels, our packages and the wrapping around ourselves isn’t the sharpest or the trimmest then we simply aren’t worth it. Not worth anything at all.

When you hold evil in your hand and smile upon it you have become intoxicated. This will fade, all intoxicants fade eventually. Nevertheless while intoxicated anyone can do drastic stupefying things as if they were invincible. They tend to act quickly lest they sober up and their plans are thwarted by time and metabolic breakdown.

Sadism makes for the best screenplays, stories, tales and theatre. It grips the one spectating. The only way to create the best villains!

Soups! Soups are always the exception to every rule.

When one looks around and thinks about whether he or she wants to bring a child into this sick world they think exactly that; why would he or she want to bring a child into this sick world? This world is very sick. All one wants to do is mind his or her own business, stick to as much truth and good as one possibly can and make a quick exit out of this pathetic plane of existence. Now this view may be rash and admittedly this existence isn’t always pathetic but this world is a twisted world and one shouldn't willingly subject any creature to live a life in it. If you’re already alive then fine, play the hand you’ve been dealt however one shouldn’t be so arrogant to believe that their spawn will save the world or even make it a better place. Sure their offspring could make the world a better place for some and maybe even for many but the world will still have so much evil in it. Is it all really worth it? If one had the choice to go back from whence he or she came then would they say their goodbyes and go? Regardless, he or she stands here and makes the best of it according to their view since that’s all we really have anyway, our own view.

“Why don’t you join a [trendy] gym?” Why should they? Even if other people think that makes him or her lazy and unconcerned with their health, one doesn’t give it a moment’s concern. Keep your judgements to yourself because he or she won’t hear them. Enjoy yourself and you won’t hear a peep from him or her. One doesn’t need to keep up with anyone else or be a part of their little club. Forget clubs.

Do you want to know what else feels like punching a clock? Sitting in a bar. Loud music, a drink, a crowd of strangers and nothing to say to any of them. That is his or her idea of torture. Well close to it anyway, there surely are more torturous things out there! Still, it is torturous enough for him or her to be in such a circumstance which is why one avoids bars and clubs whenever possible. One would greatly prefer any variety of beverage in a quiet environment, the key being quiet and if it must be in public, there being a minimal number of patrons would be a big plus.

A wish list comes to mind only after the gifts have arrived. We’ve got what we’ll get and there’s nothing he or she can say to change things! Oh if we wished and wished for something else it would be all fine and dandy but it doesn’t matter because we waited too long to tell those who could actually give us what we wanted!

Chapter 6

Suit yourself, sit with your discomfort now. Every single noise they make drives one crazy! How can they live with themselves? Don’t they get tired of their own noises and smells? The maddening thing is they don’t so much as
try
to better themselves. Sometimes one wonders if they even notice at all! God forbid if one brings it to their attention, oh no. One mustn’t go there.

Do they like being the gatekeeper of everything? Standing between others and their freedom of choice? If he or she were to refuse something from them but attempt to acquire that same thing from another source would they try to stop it? What business is it of theirs anyhow? Do they own this table and all the food upon it? If one asked to begin with a smaller portion would they later be refused a second helping from the trough? One knows not for sure whether they will or whether they won’t! They’ll throw away the spoon and leave him or her with nothing more because they are the gatekeepers.

What are his or her plans today? Really? First of all why should one explain themselves to anyone and second of all what if one doesn’t even have any? Maybe one likes to have no plans! Maybe one enjoys going through the day dictated and guided from one moment to the next by the unknowable expanse out there. Who do they think they are? Are they the approver or disapprover of his or her life? Should he or she look to others for confirmation that their plans for the day are up to par with whatever nonsensical standards popularly pushed? Lay off will you? Why won’t you just let it be?

One would rather accept a larger learning curve as long as the knowledge came from a source other than you. Why would he or she subject themselves to a condescending attitude? One doesn’t need to be put down for not swiftly grasping what you proclaim to be the easiest thing on earth to learn.

Forgive them or don’t. They don’t care. He or she will never put themselves in those hands again. One no longer has any reason to trust them. One hopes there comes a day when
they’ll
be lacking the know-how for something and he or she will be the only person who’ll “know-how”. Oh yes that’ll be a sweet day!

Can… They… Hear… One? He or she wishes they could. One wishes they would. He or she will always be the first to extend a hand of forgiveness and peace and the others will always be the hateful ones. Is this biased? Is this being too one-sided? Is this what being “straight-up in denial” is? Entirely possible, one won’t lie. It’s highly probable he or she is just sourcing this from his or her dimwitted imagination!

“Hurry up now!”, that’s what they always hear and what one is always told. It’s a common saying and a common credo. “Silly human!”, is what an alien would say about this whole thing. Insert a laugh right here “would ya"? Let’s cut the rigmarole already.

Silliness is probably what anyone would deem these words herein to be. Who knows if they’d be right or wrong for saying so? At least they had the opportunity to appreciate the words and phrases. Is this literature? One sure hopes so! If they’re opposed to all that he or she has said to date then why are they still reading?

The feeling of inadequacy never fades. It creeps up at night when their guard comes down. Not enough of this, not enough of that. Does this need to be replenished? Are we running out of that? Thinking about countless items and tasks that slipped the mind. The guilt begins to feel like it’s getting you buzzed. One wonders when they’ll learn and when one will stop believing and falling for the guilt trips.

This is inspiring! Yes that inspires him or her. Not some poseur or wannabe pretending to be, but truly a warrior through and through! If you don’t agree that’s fine, different strokes after all, just don’t start proclaiming to them what’s what and what’s not because they’ll refuse to recognize it. Insert an annoying pathetic groan and a contradictory statement right here because you’re nothing but a coward! Yeah, take that and shove it. He or she won’t put down what inspires you and he or she sure as death doesn’t need you shoving opinions down their throat! One would vomit right in your face this instant and mind you these words written here aren’t proverbial.

Don’t you have any sense of decency? You’ve been entrusted with an extremely private matter yet you fail to conceal it for passersby? What if the matter in question belonged to you or someone of your immediate family? One is shocked and insulted at your lack of respect and you owe them an apology!

Curtailed very quickly, too quickly. How else can you keep it up? Is it worth persevering for? Maybe one shouldn’t give up on his or her dreams. It doesn’t even need to be a dream, one is trying to refer to the inner voice. You can call it instinct or listening to your gut, the point is once you have glimpsed or felt and have been shown the magic it holds, there won’t be suitable words to accurately describe what one is pointing at and you’ll just know. It’s universal.

The universe, God, Allah, whatever. It doesn’t matter what anyone calls it.

He or she is a lover
and
a fighter! If you don’t protect them you are hurting them. You need to live kindly towards the ones who share themselves. One will just go with the flow and keep things real, awake, wide-eyed.

It’s amazing when someone puts so much trust in you almost immediately. You need to cherish that and be thankful.

Don’t throw away human beings or something will come and get you late in the night.

One digs deep and scrapes every last bit out and dumps it onto a page. They should count themselves lucky to have been handed such unabridged power and the responsibility that comes with it. All one can say is “Thank you” and take the wheel and step on that pedal and GO!

Just don’t lie and all will be fine!

“What is this?” “Why doesn’t it work?” Why does he or she always have problems with those contraptions?

Can’t anyone see the pain one goes through? Some people cling to their illusion of happiness so strongly that they wouldn’t step toward a man in misery because they fear contagion, as if they were standing tiptoe upon a precipice and only with one slip and tumble would they lose their peace of mind. These types of people have the least peace of all.

So whatever opinion or preference you express with a big enough smile is supposed to apply to everyone? Are they really expected to follow your tastes and expectations? Why would you assume they would or better yet dare to think they should? We can hardly believe how arrogant and self-absorbed you are to go so far with these elaborate and specific criteria set up with the hope that its end result is projection onto others. Leave them be “will ya"?

One already has time breathing down their neck therefore he or she doesn’t need you too. Are they supposed to feel ashamed? Guilty? Guilty for living the way he or she wants to live? Guilty for living differently than you do? No thanks! One is just fine where they are and they’ve no need or desire to be anything like you. If you can’t handle what comes out of their mouth then get out of the way!

So basically when you close your eyes it’s all the same and there is no difference in how things feel. The thing is, it would be nice to have something pleasant to look at. How
does
one get that “something pleasant to look at”? Should one put in the time or is time not enough and is there a higher price that must be paid? Maybe he or she doesn’t have the energy or the patience to do any more than what they’re already doing. Does that mean they’re destined to be with nothing more than what they’re currently getting? It all sounds pretty hopeless, so much so that one ponders rising out of the rut, clear of the groove but at the same time it seems futile and pointless. Out of one’s league. One thing’s for sure is he or she doesn’t want to give up more than they’re comfortable with in order to fulfill a new fantasy!

All right now one is going to lay a few more thoughts out on the table and risk sounding overly repetitive. Even if he or she had "carte blanche” with somebody ultimately it would be preferable to be looking at a remarkable form. One can get along with a barnyard animal if necessary! They don't need a rocket scientist, just a remarkable body. All this being said, the thing one hates most is a prude.

Chapter 7

Everybody knows it eh? Well if everybody knew it then they wouldn’t be discussing it now would they? Excuse him or her for not knowing what everybody knows! One isn’t everybody and you should be well aware of that fact! They make it really easy for someone to suggest they go lose themselves in the woods somewhere. Excuse him or her for not knowing about a matter as simple as that, one must be an idiot!

Hurt and torture them, it doesn’t matter, they can take it. One is here to serve as your aggression dissipator or your whipping boy. Proverbially and figuratively. Why not? One can take it! Take advantage! Don’t you worry about him or her because they’re worthless and undeserving of any concern. Yeah it’s true, truer words have never been spoken.

When you put it that way one can’t help but question and doubt its validity. The more you proclaim something to be true the more he or she believes it should be questioned! Why do you need to reinforce things that much? If it really is truth then it’ll stand the test of time.

One hates going to the dentist! It’s such a burden and a horrible prospect of an experience. It drives a wedge of discomfort deep into his or her soul. This is likely an incredible overreaction depending whom you ask.

One worries that he or she is too fat or too lazy, no matter what one does he or she feels like it’s not enough or not good enough. As for feeling fat well one may not actually be fat however one may not be skinny either. He or she eventually forgets this train of thought and pretty much becomes indifferent to the whole subject but if someone reminds them of his or her wonderfully admirable physique then that’s what makes them feel inadequate yet again.

Words, words and more words. Quickly! Write some more before they start thinking you’re lazy! Hurry up before time passes and then in retrospect it’s judged as irresponsibly wasted! An irresponsible waste of time, life, everything!

Wishful thinking, wishful thinking, incessant blinking. How can they be so insensitive and so unaware? One looks upon the simplest things as the largest burdens! Even absolute necessities come down upon him or her like pilgrimages through forests of stinging nettles, thorns and predatory animals! Why does one have to have decaying parts and pieces of him or her that require such continuous maintenance? One would rather sometimes die or just simply lose all of his or her teeth.