The Journal: Ash Fall (31 page)

“Do you think we should go into Moose Creek
to see if they need help to… to… bury the bodies?”

“We could, if you want,” Mark said. “We would
have to take your car, mine was running really rough by the time I
pulled in yesterday.”

“Rough? Ah, the ash likely clogged up your
air filter. We can fix that,” I said to a surprised doctor. “Would
you like one of the bio-suits? They’re really easy to get in and
out of and surprisingly easy to move around in, too.”

“And just how many extras do you have?” he
asked with a smirk.

“None are extra,” I said with a straight
face, and then smiled. “I stored a dozen of various sizes.” I got
the bin of medical supplies out of the closet and retrieved a
packaged suit for him, along with one of the one-piece masks.

“Please understand, Mark, I don’t mean to be
rude, but how much do you know about your car? Can you find your
air filter? Sometimes they’re not so obvious.”

“No offense taken. I wasn’t always a doctor,
Allex, I think I can remove the filter, and not even need a
scalpel,” he joked.

“Okay, let’s suit up and take a look.” I
grabbed a package of pantyhose on the way out the door.

Mark popped the hood, and undid the cover to
the air filter. He handed the dirty and clogged device to me. I
tapped it hard several times against the nearest tree, loosening an
amazing amount of ash, and gave it back to him. Once the cover was
on again, I fitted the panty hose over the cover, tying the legs
into a knot and out of the way.

Mark stared at me and shook his head. He took
several boxes out of the back seat, handing me a couple and took an
armload himself.

“Did you put pantyhose on my car??” he asked,
aghast, once we were back in the house.

“The fine mesh will keep the ash out of the
filter, and will be easier to clean,” I said with a grin, and then
changed the subject. “What’s in the boxes?”

“I couldn’t very well leave all my medical
supplies and instruments unguarded in my office, could I? Most of
it is pharmaceuticals that need a cool place. Any suggestions?”

“Better to have them here, yes.” I agreed.
“You can store what you need to in the refrigerator. Right now it’s
only cool anyway.” While he unloaded those two boxes into the
silent appliance, I retrieved another jug of ice from the upright
freezer, and put the melted one back in.

“One of the things I do, and I need you to do
too, is rotate the ice blocks when we don’t have power, and to make
sure there is always ice freezing when we do.” It was one of those
many things I didn’t even think about anymore, I just did it.

“I can do that, Allex, anything to make your
work a little easier,” Mark said. “When we come back, or in the
next few days, if you don’t mind, I’d like to look over what you
might have in the way of medical supplies. That’s another thing I
can take completely off your hands, the doctoring.”

When I looked alarmed, he added, “There will
be times when I’ll need your help, you’ve already proven to be an
excellent assistant.”

My FRS crackled.

“Mom, are you receiving?” Jason asked.

“Yes, Jason, I’m here,” I answered quickly.
“Anything wrong?”

“No, I just wanted to warn you that I’m on my
way over. I have something to show you and I need some things from
the barn. Out.”

I certainly didn’t mind delaying what we had
to do.

* * *

As I watched Jason approach I chuckled. My
youngest son’s inventiveness never ceases to amaze me. He was
holding an umbrella that had a heavy, clear plastic bag draped over
it. The bag came down to his knees.

Without me even suggesting it, Jason came to
the greenhouse door and shook his umbrella suit a second time, and
then stepped into the humid heat and removed his face mask.

“So what do you think of my idea?” He grinned
at me. “Good morning, Doctor,” he said, acknowledging Mark.

“Very clever, Jason, and I’m glad to see you
wearing the mask too. What made you think of this?”

“I’m trying to rig something for Jacob. When
I tried the mask on him, he freaked,” Jason frowned. “I do have
some ideas; maybe making a bubble for him to sit in the wagon, I’m
just not sure. Do you have any extra umbrellas I can use to make my
contraption for the others?”

“Of course. I’ll get them.”

When I returned with three umbrellas, it was
obvious Mark and Jason had been in a deep discussion.

“Mom, I think Dr. Mark is right, and that
Eric and I should go with you two into town. It’s the least we can
do, and we can get the task done that much quicker,” Jason stated,
and he wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer.

“Fine. In fact, I think it is a good idea.
I’ll get two more suits,” I said, going back to rummage through the
tub of medical supplies.

“We will need more room than your little
compact for the four of us, Mark, so I’m going to rig my car air
filter the same way. We should be ready to leave as soon as the
boys come back,” I said, “and while I do that, you might want to
look through my little black bag, and make whatever changes you
feel appropriate. I didn’t see one in everything you brought in.” I
handed him my very stuffed black purse.

“Doctors don’t carry little black bags
anymore, Allex.”

“Well, times they are a’changing, Doctor,” I
grinned, heading out the door.

* * *

The four of us, suited up, gloved and masked
with the eye shield units, drove into a ghost town: downtown Moose
Creek. The ash dust streaked across the road and settled in the
church parking lot. We parked near the home Mark indicated housed
our departed citizens.

It was eerie and way too quiet, until I heard
the rumble of machinery. The four of us walked up the main street
following the noise, and as we approached the cemetery, I could see
Pete on the bulldozer, digging up the baseball field next to it. He
was wearing a long sleeved red shirt with the cuffs tucked into
rubber dishwashing gloves, covered by gray leather work gloves.
When he saw us approaching, he stopped. His face was covered with
one of the surgical masks I had handed out, plus a diving mask for
his eyes; odd looking, but effective.

“Pete,” I called out so he would know who we
were. I imagine we looked as odd to him as he did to us.

“Allexa?” he said, climbing down from the
machinery. “I’m so glad you’re here!” He pulled me into an awkward
hug.

“Are you doing this all alone, Pete?” Eric
asked.

“Lenny went home to rest and to get something
to eat. I thought I would get this part done. There’s no room left
in the cemetery, Allex, in case you’re wondering. I’m just about
finished here.”

“Pete, we’ve come to help. Eric, Jason, Dr.
Mark and I, we will help you bury everyone,” I said. “If there is
an open bed pickup truck, we can start loading the… people.”

He tossed Jason the keys to the black
township truck parked next to the ball field. While Jason drove,
the three of us walked the two deserted blocks.

* * *

It was a heart wrenching task. The agony or
surprise etched upon the faces of the townspeople was almost too
much for me to bear. The seven children were the hardest. I picked
up a small child that was perhaps five years old; he weighed next
to nothing and was stiffening with rigor-mortis. I wrapped him
gently in a sheet and laid him in the back of the truck, trying not
to look at his innocent face.

We would not just dump these people into a
hole. I went searching for more sheets and found more bodies.

“Mark, could you come in here please?” I
called out to the doctor. Eric and Jason were making quick work of
this unpleasant task, wrapping each person then moving them to the
truck. The bed sheets were very effective body bags.

“Oh,” he said when he saw the two people on
the bed, forever frozen in lasting embrace.

“Can you tell what they died from?” I asked
from behind my mask.

“At this point, I don’t think it matters
much, does it?” he sounded bitter. “It wasn’t the ash though. It
appears to be suicide.” He reached into a pocket and retrieved the
man’s wallet, slipping it into the bag we had been collecting IDs
in. Some of the victims didn’t have wallets or purses, and it was
getting increasingly difficult to recognize faces. It was July and
it was still warm; rigor wasn’t the only thing we had to worry
about. I searched the next house for more sheets.

* * *

We had all twenty-two people laid in the bed
of the truck and Jason drove slowly to the new grave site. I wanted
to rip off my mask to get some fresh air, although I knew there
wasn’t any fresh air, not here anyway.

Lenny had returned by the time we arrived
with our grisly load. One at a time, we moved the sheet wrapped
bodies into the mass grave, laying them side by side in a final
defiant stance against the cloud of deadly ash. Death shrouds of
flowered sheets and striped, bold colors and bleached white;
everyone was given the tender dignity they deserved as we laid them
to rest.

The five of us stood silent while Eric
recited the Lord’s Prayer. Then Pete climbed back onto the growling
bulldozer and finished the burial. This was the part I couldn’t
watch.

* * *

“Mom,” Jason said, “it’s too late in the day
for me to make more of my umbrellas for all of us to come here, so
why don’t you and Dr. Mark come over to us for dinner? Amanda and I
will cook up the rest of the fish.”

“Thank you, Jason. I don’t know if I’m up to
it.”

“I think that’s an excellent idea, Jason,”
Mark cut in. “We’ll be over in an hour.”

“Allex,” he said, running his hands down my
arms, “you need something to take your mind off of what we did
today. In fact, we all need a diversion, and I think visiting your
family is the best thing I could prescribe.”

I looked down at the floor before answering.
“You’re right, I tend to hide when I’m upset and that’s not good.
I’m going to start the generator so we can take showers first. Even
though I know we were well covered, I still feel…
contaminated.”

While the generator was running for the
second shower, I refilled a couple of buckets of water and washed
our morning coffee cups. The lack of dishes made me realized we had
skipped lunch. I felt like I wasn’t being much of a hostess and
decided I would make an extra nice dinner tomorrow.

* * *

Amanda had fried the fish that didn’t make it
to the smoker and served it with home canned corn and green beans.
Emilee had made her first solo loaf of bread, which delighted
me.

“I’m so proud of you, Emi! This tastes
wonderful,” I told her.

“Dad wants me to learn something new now,”
Emi replied. “I think I’d like to try something sweet.”

“Maybe tomorrow we can make sweet rolls,
would you like that?”

She gave me a big smile and nodded, just as
her father came up from the basement with a pitcher of freshly
brewed beer.

“I had this cooling when the power went out,
so it’s ready to drink, just not real cold.”

Not being a drinker, Amanda had some coffee,
while Eric, Jason, Mark and I enjoyed a second pitcher of beer.

* * *

Night was quickly approaching when Mark and I
walked home. The heaviness of the ever present cloud darkened the
air even further and I held onto his hand as we navigated through
the dim light, more for him than for me; I knew the way in total
darkness.

“I think I had a bit too much of Eric’s
beer!” I exclaimed, rubbing my temples to ease the growing
headache. “Plus it’s been a long, long day. I’m turning in. Good
night Mark.” I turned to leave, when he stopped me.

“You might have that vulnerable side, Allex,
but when it counts, you do what needs to be done, I admire that.
With you as an example, it’s no wonder your sons have turned out so
well.” He pulled me into his arms for a brief hug, and we headed to
different rooms.

I tossed and turned for a couple of hours,
not being able to rid myself of the vision in my head of bodies
lined up at the bottom of a deep, dark hole, laying there in pink
and flowered sheets.

Dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt, I went
into the TV room where Mark slept on the futon. I laid down on the
edge so I was just barely touching him. The comfort of another
person seeped into my bones. He turned on his side and draped a
protective arm over me. And I slept.

July 22

I stretched, and then remembered where I was.
I moved slowly to not waken Mark.

“Don’t leave, Allex, this feels good,” he
said sleepily, pulling me back against him.

I lay back down, snuggling into the covers.
Yes, it felt very good.

“Don’t wiggle like that! It’s disturbing,” he
groaned in frustration.

I froze. Any movement on my part might be
interpreted as an invitation on his part. I stood up quickly, and
embarrassed, I headed for the kitchen to make coffee.

* * *

With the water boiling for coffee, I washed
my face and got dressed, trying to compose myself.

“Mark, I’m sorry …”

“Stop! No apologies, Allex. Look, I’m not
even going to ask why you crawled in bed with me during the night,
because I know why.” He faced me now, with concern and sympathy
etched on his tanned face. “Yesterday was a very traumatic day for
all of us. Human contact can be a good remedy for soothing that
stress. I know there wasn’t anything else you were seeking, Allex,
but you have to understand that my desire for you is real. I can’t
and I won’t deny that, and being together like this and alone is…
difficult. So until you want me the same way I want you, I think it
best if you stayed out of my bed.”