The Key (38 page)

Minno and Anna-Karin stop at the corner where their paths will separate.

‘I doubt much will happen in school today, but I’ll take notes in case. They might have new information or something.’ Anna-Karin pauses. ‘Are you nervous?’

‘Of course,’ Minoo says. ‘But nowhere near as nervous as when I had to drop truth serum in Max’s coffee. We have another scale for nervousness now, don’t you think?’

Anna-Karin laughs, something she’s been doing more often these days. ‘Text me as soon as you’ve left the manor house.’

Minoo nods. They have planned to meet in Nicolaus’s flat afterwards. All she has to do is get through the next few hours. Whatever happens, she’ll meet the others when it’s all over.

‘Shame the fox can’t keep an eye on things,’ Anna-Karin says.

Her fox is refusing to come near the manor house because of a strange smell.

‘I wish I could come with you,’ she adds.

Minoo sees that her friend means it, even though a return visit to the manor house is probably just about the worst thing Anna-Karin could imagine.

Minoo smiles at her. ‘I’m glad you don’t have to.’

Anna-Karin smiles, too. ‘Good luck, then.’

‘And you.’

Minoo walks towards the canal. She hasn’t missed the first day of school ever before, not once. She wonders how she’ll manage to fit everything in from now on. It has been hard enough to combine the tasks of the Chosen Ones with homework and other school commands. Now she’s meant to give up time to
another
circle as well.

Her mobile pings just after she’s crossed Canal Bridge.

GOOD LUCK. L & V
.

She quickly sends them a thank-you text. Checks the time and realises that she is far too early. She walks more slowly, following the canal.

The lock gates are closed but water dribbles through gaps between the enormous timbers and falls gurgling into the water below. This area stirs so many memories of Gustaf and their walks last summer. She sees the wooden seat where they had their row about Positive Engelsfors.

Vanessa has assured her that Gustaf doesn’t hate her and that he is struggling to forgive her. Maybe he will. It’s hardly going to make him want her in his life, though.

She looks at the seat as she walks past it. Wonders if he will ever sit on it again. She has heard that he is going to study law in Uppsala, which was his first choice of university. If he hasn’t moved already, he will soon.

He will be taking his life to a new stage while she will still be plodding on here.

Of course, she reminds herself, this is good for him. He’ll learn lots of new things. Get to know lots of new people. Like new girls. Normal girls who don’t give him truth serum and mess around with his memory.

Minoo stops. Suddenly she longs for Gustaf so much that she loses all her strength. All her energy is focused on her loss and there is nothing left for moving arms and legs.

She stands still for a while until, finally, she can walk again.

During the summer, the manor house has been renovated. The whole building is freshly painted and gleams bright white in the sun. The shutters are open but she can’t see any movement inside.

Minoo considers knocking, but feels awkward about turning up too early. Instead she walks out of sight of the manor-house windows, and starts playing a pointless game on her mobile while she waits.

Vanessa almost steps on a slug as she and Linnéa follow the flow of pupils into the schoolyard. She jumps back.

‘Ugh! What are they doing here? It’s not as if there’s any food for them,’ she says, looking around at the dead trees. ‘The place of evil must appeal to them, like it does to every other disgusting thing.’

Linnéa doesn’t say anything. She seems not to have heard.

The summons arrived yesterday. The date is set now. Three weeks from now, she has to face Erik, Robin and Kevin in the Västerås Magistrates’ Court.

This is a new world, and a new language that makes everything sound so abstract and bureaucratic. The three boys and Linnéa will each have a solicitor arguing their case. Vanessa is alarmed by it all. She’s worried that what happened to Linnéa will be dismissed; that the court won’t even try to understand the effect it has had on her.

Although she’s managed to grasp the facts of the trial, she has no idea how Linnéa feels about it. She has mentally pulled down the shutters, and Vanessa is on the outside. But, worst of all, Linnéa seems to think that Vanessa hasn’t noticed.

Vanessa spots Kevin in the stream of people and senses how tense Linnéa becomes.

At least there’s no risk that Linnéa has to meet Robin or Erik in school. They are still under arrest in Västerås. Vanessa has no illusions about Erik feeling any remorse about what he did. But she is certain that he very much regrets that he kept the baseball bat he used to terrorise and hit Linnéa. It was taken away from his home by the police for analysis in the National Forensic Laboratories. Getting the results often takes months, particularly in the summer. If only Erik had limited himself to beating and kicking Linnéa, the case would probably have been heard in June.

When they come closer to the steps, they see Julia, together with both Hannas. All three stare openly at Linnéa and Vanessa. What they are talking about is glaringly obvious.

‘Look, we can just get out of here if you like,’ Vanessa says. ‘If you can’t stand it.’

She immediately regrets saying the last bit. Sure enough, Linnéa looks at her, annoyed. But at least
looks
at her.

‘I’m not going back now that they’ve fucking well seen me,’ Linnéa tells her.

‘So they won’t think you care?’

‘Exactly.’

‘If you truly didn’t care, we might as well leave.’

Linnéa stares at Vanessa. ‘What are you trying to do?’

Vanessa sighs.

‘Do? I’m just trying to say that it’s OK if you’re not up to being here,’ she says. ‘We can go to your place. Watch a horror movie. Eat sweets in bed.’

‘And then?’ Linnéa asks. ‘Are we supposed to carry on hiding until Engelsfors becomes a nice, cosy place where everyone adores each other? Besides, if I start skipping school, I’ll lose my maintenance grant on top of everything else.’

It’s hurtful when Linnéa rants like that. But it hurts less now, because Vanessa has grown used to it. Although she doesn’t like being used to it.

They come into the entrance lobby. It is full of new faces, but everyone is talking about the same old things. And the smell of school is eternally the same.

Vanessa stops at the corridor where her locker is. She almost expects Linnéa to wander off on her way, but instead she stops, too, and takes Vanessa’s hand.

‘I’d love to stay in bed with you,’ she says. ‘But I can’t.’

‘I know.’

Linnéa seems to hesitate, but then she pulls Vanessa close to her. And Vanessa puts her arms around Linnéa’s neck, closes her eyes and feels Linnéa’s body against hers. How is it possible to be so close to someone one moment and so far away the next?

‘Everything will be all right,’ Vanessa whispers.

It must be.

* * *

Linnéa drags herself upstairs to the art class. It’s as if she has lead weights in her boots.

Vanessa wants to help her, to be there for her. Linnéa knows that. And she wishes that she could be helped. Initially, when they were first together, life had seemed so easy that she had almost dared to believe that she had changed, that she was an easier person to be with.

But she hasn’t changed one bit – the same old crap was just waiting to catch up with her. The more Vanessa tries to be supportive, the more Linnéa’s instinct tells her to withdraw. Is this the way it’s going to be from now on? Vanessa trying to get her to open up, Linnéa raising even higher walls around herself, Vanessa trying harder to get through, and so on: round and round in a vicious circle.

She is so fed up with her fucking self. She knows exactly what’s wrong with her. The ladies from the social, the psychologists and therapists, the teachers – everyone has told her just how damaged she is by her childhood. But none of these well-meaning souls have told her what to do about it.

As she walks upstairs, people are turning to look at her.

She knew it would be like this, so this morning – despite the fact that her supplies were running low – she had put on more make-up than usual; anything to make it easier to face the idea of coming in at all. She needs to stock up, and it would be so much cheaper if she could shop-lift, but it’s a risk she can’t afford. Especially not now.

Linnéa feels a hand on her bare shoulder. The hand is floppy and slightly moist, rather like a lukewarm fish. She turns round. It’s Petter Backman. She withdraws a little.

‘Hello, Linnéa.’ He puts his hands in his pockets. ‘Welcome back. Hope you had a nice summer.’

‘Sure.’

Petter has grown a beard during the summer, presumably for added masculinity and general gorgeousness. It doesn’t suit him at all.

‘Could we have a word in private before the class starts?’ he asks.

‘Fine. We can talk here,’ she says, without moving from the spot.

Petter doesn’t remember how he grabbed Linnéa in the school toilets last winter. He was zombified by Olivia at the time and she had picked up his thoughts easily. And learnt just how much he enjoyed his newfound power over the gabby little bitch who always seemed to know what he was thinking.

Petter remembers nothing, but Linnéa can’t forget. He was right about one thing, of course. She knows all too well the kind of fantasies he entertains about his female pupils, day in, day out.

‘I hear the court case is starting soon,’ he says.

Linnéa nods.

‘All I wanted to say was, you know, don’t worry about your schoolwork. We’ll adjust that to suit your situation. If you need time off, just have a word with me and I’ll see what I can do.’

‘Thank you.’

‘I was genuinely shocked when Robin confessed. What happened sounds awful. I’m so sorry for you.’

He looks at her, waiting for a reply, preferably a gush of gratitude.

But Linnéa can’t bring herself to thank Petter for pitying her. She just wants to get away from him.

‘I do understand that it isn’t easy,’ Petter tells her. ‘But you must be strong now and stand up for yourself. Guys mustn’t treat girls like that.’

‘No,’ Linnéa says. ‘I don’t think so either.’

‘Now, I’ve heard them call girls whores. If it was up to me, we would have a zero tolerance rule about words like that in our school. But that they’d be capable of that kind of thing—’

‘I don’t like talking about it,’ Linnéa says, and Petter looks ashamed.

‘Oh, of course not … I didn’t mean to …’

She hurries on up the stairs ahead of him. In the classroom, she goes to her usual place without looking at anyone. But she has to make an effort not to hear people’s thoughts. Over the years, many of her classmates have been victims of the rule of terror imposed by Erik, Robin and Kevin. Especially the boys who avoid football and hockey, and show a suspect interest in art.

It frightens Linnéa to realise how many of the others think of her as a hero now. They see her as a fighter. The truth is that she feels small and weak whenever she thinks about the court proceedings; she’s far from ready or willing to take on the role of Joan of Arc, fighting for the world’s misfits.

After all, look how it ended for Joan.

* * *

Vanessa enters the classroom at the same time as Betty, the class mentor. Michelle and Evelina are sitting in their usual places, furthest back. Michelle droops over her table, resting her head on her crossed arms.

Everything seems as usual but everything has changed. They have hardly seen each other all summer. Usually it was Evelina who cancelled at the last moment because she had decided to stay over with Leo in Örebro. And Mehmet got a new apartment in the town centre, and Michelle hardly ever wanted to leave it.

Vanessa sits down between her friends. Michelle lifts her head.

‘Hi, darling,’ she says before closing her eyes again.

Evelina just nods in her general direction.

Betty looks at them while she opens her worn briefcase on the teacher’s table. She seems annoyed.

‘Michelle,’ she says. ‘I hope I’m not disturbing your beauty sleep.’

Michelle seems completely untroubled.

‘I’ve turned day and night around,’ she explains. ‘I couldn’t sleep last night.’

Betty sighs, as if she has never regretted her career choice more than now. The ceiling lights buzz. Go out. Light up again.

‘It was because of Lucky, you see,’ Michelle whispers. Her speech seems even more languid than usual as she leans closer to Vanessa and Evelina. ‘I was saying to Mehmet: baby, listen, I’ll move in only if Lucky isn’t there all the time. Now it’s like
he
is the one trying to move in with Mehmet. Though it might be as well if he does, because my parents are so anti me moving in. I hate being eighteen and they still won’t let me make up my own mind about anything. They’re on about how they won’t pay me an allowance if I leave home before my school finals. If I could do a part-time job I might be able to manage, but there just aren’t any in this town. So, why can’t they just give me the money, that’s what I want to know? I mean, I cost them anyway when I stay at home. But, no way. They think it’s fun, being like my prison guards.’

Michelle goes on and on, and Vanessa can’t help thinking about when, a year ago, she and Michelle and Evelina were sitting here, on these chairs, in this room, and planned moving in together.

The few times they’ve met this summer, they have mostly swapped old memories. They haven’t created any new ones; haven’t done anything that’s worth remembering.

And Vanessa can’t talk to them about the truly important events in her life any more.

Vanessa?

Linnéa’s voice in her head.

Yes?
she replies, and tries to listen to Linnéa despite Michelle, who carries on moaning.

I’m sorry
, Linnéa thinks.
I won’t make a habit of stalking you, I promise. It’s just that I’m losing my mind up here
.