The Last Kiss (9 page)

Clutching his arm as if it were her personal life-support, she realized all those long glances over the past couple of years had carved a hole in her chest that was just waiting for him to fill it completely.

***

“Sweetheart, are you ready?” he asked quietly, wrapping his arms around her slender waist, resting his chin on her shoulder as she stared back at their reflection in the vanity mirror. She felt her body tremble under his embrace, and her heart dropped to her knees as his cool breath swept past her cheek.

“Yeah, I'm ready.” Her voice fell as she zipped up her bag.

  
“What's wrong, sweetheart?” Pulling her to face him, his warm hand brushed down the length of her arm, gently easing her closer.

“Nothing,” she lied. “I'm fine, just anxious about flying.”

The grim nod he afforded her said he saw through her bullshit. Yet he didn't call her on it. Simply pressed his lips to her brow and held her close. His hand slipped over hers to retrieve her bag, as he tucked her under his other arm.

The warm feel of his arm wrapped around her back, touching her until she climbed back into the truck felt like that comfy blanket of life support she needed to stay afloat. In just a few short days everything she thought she knew about herself, about her feelings for Aidan, had taken a violent turn toward something she wasn't prepared for.

The drive was quiet, with only soft music spilling from the radio to break the silence. Her breath hitched in odd ways each time she slid a sideways glance toward him. His stoic expression was unreadable even when he thumbed over her hand. What was she to think? Maybe he didn't have the same feelings she did. Maybe he was ready to drop her off for good and go along on his merry warrior way. The thought of him saying goodbye and never speaking to her again, never coming home and pulling her close for a kiss, nearly sent her over the edge. She felt the stirrings of her world careening out of control, ready to crash down on her dreams, and she was helpless to stop it. Dangerously so. How she had let this man get under skin and make her feel, when she was so driven to remain immune to anything and everyone, knocked the breath from her lungs. The thought of never seeing him again weighted down on her like a ton of bricks.

The long walk up to the gate didn't yield much conversation either. Only a few glances passed between them followed by a couple of quick kisses, as her trembling hands searching for his. “I wish I didn't have to leave.” She spoke softly, testing his interest.

“Me either, sweetheart. I wish I could tie you to my bed.” He smirked. His eyes played hell on her as he looked over every curve of her body. Wrapping his arms around her, Aidan refused to let her wiggle from his embrace. “I don’t think my bunk-mate would mind it much either.”

Slapping his arm, Raeve's blush returned in full force. “Brat,” she laughed. The image of her wrists tied with her scarves, similar to the previous night’s round of love-making assaulted her in hypnotic droves. “I bet it would freak him out for sure. Maybe for good measure we should
head back and try it.”

His chest rumbled with his deep throaty laughter as his supple lips curled into a devious smile as he considered her idea.

“Flight 1083 to Manchester, New Hampshire will start to board in five minutes. Please have your boarding passes ready,” the nasally voice called over the loud speaker. Her heart sank, realizing that she was but a few minutes away from leaving him.

“Time to go, sweetheart.”
He motioned her toward the gate, but didn’t pull his hand free from hers. The sadness that stained the edges of his words mimicked her feelings.

Shaking her head, her heart screamed to say the words that were itching to bounce off her tongue. She slid her arms around his neck, and all she could do was bury her face in his shoulder to hide the tear that slipped past her brave facade.

“I'll miss you,” he whispered, and her heart nearly shattered at the sincerity of those few syllables.

His lips captured hers before she could pull away, caressing the warm flesh as he slipped into her sweet mouth.

Raeve sank into this kiss like it was the last. Cupping his head to keep him close, letting him go was the last thing she could do. She didn't care if the rest of the world fell away into a black hole. She was right where she belonged. Wrapped in his arms, enveloped in his kiss… the rest just didn't matter.

Her lips trembled against his as he slowly broke from their kiss. Breath sawed out of him as he stared into the depths of Raeve's eyes. She swore his eyes penetrated her with silent promises of a better tomorrow.

“Go,” he urged, stepping away from her. Nodding to him, she hated the fear was riding her so hard, she couldn't make the words come out as she turned toward the gate.

“Raeve,” looking back at him, her heart sank at the inevitable goodbye. “I'll call you tomorrow, sweetheart.”

Smiling back at him, she hoped it was more than just a pleasant sentiment. “Okay.”

Knots grew and twisted violently in her stomach with each step she made toward the gate. She needed to tell him that which she had fought to deny. She didn’t want to admit it, but looking at him standing there stoically watching her leave, made her break through the barriers of her internal limits. It was now or never, and regret would tattoo her heart forever.

“Aidan” she called out over the swarm of passengers, seeking him out. His ocean blue eyes shot straight to hers as he walked closer to the gate.

  
“Yes,” he smiled.

  
    “I―I think I'm in love with you.” The words flowed from her lips before she could call them back. In that one moment, her body felt lifted as if wings had sprouted from her back. The delicious crimson that stained his cheeks stunned her into silence as she turned to board the plane. She had actually said it, out loud. The last sight of him― beaming with the same smile he had the night of their first kiss― settled over her like a warm blanket welcoming her home.

Sinking into her seat, she saw him standing at the terminal window, his hand touching the empty reflection, watching until the plane pulled free from the gate. A smile stayed stretched across his handsome features until she finally lost sight of him. Biting down on her lip, she was still reeling in disbelief, she had done it. She’d told him. Feathering her fingers over the last place his lips touched, Raeve couldn’t remember a single time when her body had felt more alive. Stirring with a new sense of excitement, her heart fluttered like a hummingbird with the fear that she might never see him again. Sending a small prayer to the heavens, Raeve asked for
some higher power to protect the one person who promised to protect the world.

“I love you,'” she whispered as the plane pulled away from the port.
“Always.”

~Chapter Eleven~

Night descended on them, and Aidan felt the inevitable dread of what his leaving might do to her. He watched the painful display of Raeve trying to behave as she had it all under control, but the truth was obvious. The last time he left, she had fought through her worry to remain strong for him. This time, after so many years, things were different. The silence had stretched on for too long as he sat back, watching and waiting for her to say something, anything.

“I'm going to miss this,” she finally spoke softly.

 
                 “Miss what, sweetheart?”

“Miss being with you.
God, Aidan, two years…I can't be without you for a week, let alone two years.”

His eyes stayed locked onto her profile as she leaned against the railing overlooking the city. Her hair danced in the light summer breeze as she rested her chin on her knuckles. Everything about her screamed
sensuality, but it wasn't until that moment he realized how truly beautiful she was. All she had been through, all she survived, and here she stood, wanting him more everyday. He admitted to himself he had been rough on her when she returned to his life, after years of separation. He hadn't cut her any slack, but here she was, fighting for him.

“Raeve…” Smoothing a hand down her arm, the memory f
rom the first time he went overseas assailed him with a fresh wave of fear that things might repeat themselves. “I need to say something.”

“Yes.” Lifting her head, she turned to face him. Her hand instinctively found his, and she thumbed over the tight tendons.

   “Why did you leave me when I was in Kuwait?”

 
              “We've been through this. Really, must I keep explaining the same reasons over and over to you?” Closing her eyes, her serene posture instantly became rigid as she turned away from him. “Those were dark days for me, Aidan.”

  
“Yes, but I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please… help me understand, sweetheart,” he pleaded, cupping her arms and turning her to face him. He needed to see the truth in her eyes. She had explained it to him, but he still didn't understand her reasons. Nothing about it made sense.

“Why?” she sighed.

                   “I just need to know. Why did you leave me, really? Was it because you found someone else?”

“No,” she bit out. “And why would you assume that?” her voice seeped acid as she rolled her eyes.

   “Because that was what I was told.”

Scoffing at the idea, it didn't surprise her one little bit. “Yeah, by who?” she challenged.

   “Doesn't matter who, is it true?”

  
              “It does matter,” she shot back. Her back went pin straight as she leveled him with a deadly, serious glare. “It matters to me. I know what I've done and what I haven't. Who told you that I left you for someone else?”

Exhaling a heavy breath, he considered her for a brief moment. “Gillian and Andrea.” he finally said.

“Why the fuck am I not surprised by that?”

 
                 “Why would they lie to me about it? Please tell me.”

“Because they hate me!
They always have. You have no idea the things they said behind my back, and to my face, when you left. None. And FYI, I never cheated on you. Nor did I leave you for anyone.” The inner fight he loved about her reared its head again, wondering how much more he could provoke it to come out, as her anger riddled through the room. He loved the fierce way she stood her ground, not backing down even when she knew, he was trying to coax her into argument.

“Then please, tell me what happened. Make me understand. Because as far as I'm concerned, you were the one who broke my heart. You were the one who left me. So excuse me, if my trust in you is a little shaky.”

Raeve backed away from him, throwing her hands up. The past guilt and regrets came flooding to the surface, and Aidan knew, just knew she would explode.  “Fine you want to know? As if I didn't hate myself enough back then, given everything I had grown up with, then to contend with a group of girls all vying for your attention and affection. I basically painted a target on my back for gossip and bullshit. Your precious little liars loved to talk shit, even when I was standing right there.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to hear someone, more than one person, say that you're not good enough for the person you love? Not like I didn't already feel that way. I loved you so much that it scared the hell out of me. I truly believed you deserved better than me. And hearing it from others only reaffirmed that feeling. How many times can I stand by and listen to those bitches say 'Aidan deserves so much better than that trash. He should be back with Emily.' It stabbed me every fucking time I heard it.

Every night after, I would drive down to the beach after work. I couldn't face the crowds, or people in general for that matter. I sat alone night after night for months, hating myself for hurting you, but I truly thought I was doing the right thing by you. Letting you go, to find someone better. To find true happiness with someone who deserved you.”

  
“Why didn't you just ignore it? You knew how I felt about you.”

“Because I hated myself, enough to believe them, to believe that I truly wasn't good enough for you. That you honestly deserve so much better. Hell, I still feel that way! Why you're with me, even now, is a fucking mystery.”

Aidan watched her closely, fighting back the anger of those haunting memories. She had always seemed to shrug off all the bullshit, but this side of her, the hurt she held inside, made his heart ache for her. He reached out for her, needing to soothe away those hurts for her. Pulling her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her, he could feel her breath growing ragged under his touch.

“You have no idea how I felt. It killed me the day I said it was over. I couldn't face myself. All I wanted was for you to have the life you deserved, to fall in love with someone worthy enough to be with you. Someone beautiful and strong, and hearing
that point made countless times when you were away only drove it in harder.” Her silent sobs rolled through her body as she sagged into him.

  
“Didn't you realize how much I loved you back then? How much I love you now?”

“I do, but back then it scared me. I wasn't used to anything you felt for me. I wasn't used to feeling anything like that. After that day, I worked myself into exhaustion, and drove to the beach every single night to be alone and cry. I couldn't stand the idea of going to Red's anymore and having to see the disapproving faces of those assholes, smirking because they had won. So I guess I'm not surprised rumors circulated the way they did. I stopped showing up, but the rumor mill escalated.”

His hand grazed up and down her back, making small circles as her breathing started to slow. Aidan knew he was going at her hard, even as he tried in vain to soothe her.

“It was never my intention to hurt you. I honestly thought it wouldn't have mattered to you anyway. I mean, I was a nothing, a real nobody. Let's face it, every chick wanted you. How could I compete?”

He couldn't have imagined that she held so much regret inside. He remembered that last conversation clearly, and the coldness in her voice when she said goodbye had nearly shattered him.

  
“You didn't seem fazed when you broke it off. In fact you seemed quite relieved on the phone.”

That brought her head up. “It wasn't me you spoke to.” she admitted.

Eying her suspiciously, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Yeah, then who the hell was it? Because, it certainly sounded like you.”

“I couldn't do it. I couldn't hear your voice. So my sis offered to do it for me. I was such a coward. God, I'm so sorry.” her voice grew shaky as she went on. “If I had heard your voice, I don’t' think I would have gone through with it. And, I truly just wanted you to find real happiness. I didn't mean to hurt you.”

Aidan considered her for a moment, considered everything he had heard before, as he stared into her eyes. Now it all made sense. Clucking at the idea of her sister and the detached tone in her voice, it, started to finally make sense.

  
“Wow, well your sister certainly knows how to make a guy feel like shit then.”

“I know. I'm sorry for that. I hated myself for hurting you. I hate myself still for all the pain it caused you.”

His arms tightened around her as he placed a kiss on her brow. He remembered how easily he thought she had cast him off, like an unwanted pebble in her shoe. But seeing her shaking as she told him her account again, seeing the truth in her eyes made him wish he could go back in time and try and change things. He had been so angry at her for so long. She had been the reason he refused to love again.

The cut she made in his heart left an everlasting sting that had only recently started to heal. She hadn't meant to hurt him, he could see that now. Damn, did the sting of her actions burn him back
then. That final conversation with who he thought was her replayed in his mind for the umpteenth time as he held her close. Somehow it took on a different feel when he thought about it now.

***

Kuwait 1999

“God, I hope she got my letter,” Aidan prayed, counting down the time until he could call her again. It had been nearly a week since he had spoken to her, and each day grew harder as he waited to hear the soft rasp of her voice. The last time he spoke to her, something had felt off. She had seemed too nervous, too sad. He couldn't help feeling an overwhelming dread creep up in his veins. He pulled free her last letter, and that sense of foreboding tingled in every cell of his body as he thumbed over her name.

The walk over to the camp office showed a dozen soldiers standing around waiting their turn to phone home.

“Hey Harper, what's up?” his platoon buddy called from across the room. His deliberate walk toward him set Aidan on edge. Martin was a ball-busting ass who loved to hound the guys about their women. Gritting his teeth, he tamped down the irritation that rode him. “Not much. You?” he asked. Folding his arms over his broad chest, Aidan stood back, staring the guy down, ready to hear a round of verbal ribbing.

“Nada, just about to call the little lady.
You?”

  
                 “Yeah, same here.”

“Then why do you look like shit? Aren't you normally all jacked up when you call her?” Martin challenged. He cocked a jagged brow, as his marred smile barely veered on the opposite side of pleasant.

“I'm fine,” he snapped. “Gotta go, I'm up.” Aidan made no effort at a pleasant walk off. Slipping in to the phone booth, his heart thundered uncontrollably as he punched in the string of numbers from his calling card. The long connect time irritated him to Hell, but relief slightly crept in when the line started to ring. Wiping his palms on his fatigues, sweat dripped down the back of his neck as his stomach twisted into knots.

After nearly six rings, the sound of her voice peeled away the swift doubts missing her caused.

“Hello?” she answered.

  
“Hey, sweetheart. How are you?” The long pause left him unsettled, and the rustling of voices in the background immediately set him on edge.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?”

                    “Yeah. I'm fine.” Her clipped voice felt off.

The knot in his stomach tightened more as he felt the wave of dread rush over him once more.

“Listen Aidan, I can't do this.”

 
                 “What? What do mean? What's wrong, sweetheart?” Alarm grew as he received no answers. “Dammit, Raeve, why? Just tell me why!”

              “Because I can't. I―I need to be alone. I'm sorry, Aidan. Please, find someone else.”

    
“Raeve, wait! What are you saying?” His voice came out strangled as her words crushed the air from his lungs.

“I'm saying goodbye, Aidan. You deserve better. Please, move on with your life.”

      “Raeve, don't do this. Please. I'll be home soon, sweetheart.” His heart shattered like a mirror hit by a bowling ball as she continued.

“Good bye, Aidan. You're a good man. Please…leave me alone.” The click of the line came too quickly as his mind tried to figure out what the hell just happened. He punched in the calling card digits once
again, he wasn't going down without a fight. Ring. Ring. After the thirteenth ring, the reality that she was gone was too much to bear. He was amazed the plastic piece hadn't broken off when he slammed the receiver down, not that he'd care much if it did.

Anger washed over him as he stormed back to his tent. “What the fuck!” The tears on the verge of flooding his eyes were forced back. Nothing seemed real. His world had just flipped upside down.

His bunk-mate was lounging on his cot, as Aidan stormed in the small tent seething.

“Get out,” he growled. His world had shattered in those few brief moments, and the last thing he wanted was an audience as he sank deeper into misery. His bunk-mate didn't waste any time asking what was wrong.