Authors: Peter Benson
Tags: #Winner of the Guardian Fiction Prize, #first love, #coming-of-age, #rural, #Somerset, #countryside
Dick got a motorbike, so I could hear him coming for miles, given a calm day, like a paralytic bee. Life changed, a new love in his life; I didn't care, he took me pillion down an old drove, it was all right, but I never had his passion, I drove a van.
Disco time. Friday night. Burrowbridge Hall, ten miles away beyond Stan Moor and the Glastonbury road. I stood in the yard while Dick revved his motorbike.
âComing?' He wasn't asking. My old man appeared round the corner from the orchard, whistling âThe Sun Shines Bright On My Old Kentucky Home', a dead racoon slung over his shoulder.
âAll right, boys?' he said. âNothing like it.'
My mother sailed from the back door with a bucket of potato peelings, yelling, âWhere the hell have you been?'
âYou coming, you listening even?' Dick said, slipping into his crash helmet.
âI suppose so, I don't know.'
âI'll pick you up.'
âOn that?'
He gave it some throttle. My mother looked, came over, âYou put my hens off laying,' she screamed, âand I'll have that motorcycle.'
âSure,' he said. I shrugged, I didn't care, the time had long gone when I was responsible for the ideas we had; brawn had ousted brains, not that we really ever had either.
I was cleaning my teeth when my father shouted Dick was waiting.
âWhy?'
âI'll ask.'
âYou coming?' He was in the house, shouting up the stairs, âWhy you cleaning your teeth?'
âDon't know.'
âCome on. Get some clothes on.' I hadn't thought since the last time it was mentioned. I hadn't thought about anything except whether a greengrocer in Taunton would mind his baskets late. A few days before I'd gone for a walk towards Martock, and seen lapwings in huge flocks. I hadn't remembered it was Friday night and my presence expected on the back of his motorbike.
âI'll bring the van,' I said.
âFather's using it.' Screamed.
âAm I?' came a small voice from the front room.
âHurdles from Chedzoy!'
âOh.'
The men were forgetting things in the house.
âYou're coming with me to the disco?' He spelt the words. I resigned myself to going, spat toothpaste, washed, and dried with slow, deliberate and relaxed actions.
âAll right,' I said, âjust sit on the wall for five minutes.' I displayed five fingers.
âMind you don't,' my mother shouted.
I sat on the bed and stared at the view of South Moor and the valley of The Isle. The Isle is a leak of a river, but a ribbon of clear blue in the dying day. A pair of swans flew in the gentle evening wind, their long necks bobbing in rhythm with their wings; pfftt, pfftt, pfftt. I tied my bootlaces, to meet my chauffeur.
Dick's style of motorcycling was interesting; I got this idea that I was going to fall off. He raced down to the bridge, took the right to Stathe, the bend at Wick, past the houses, throwing old ladies back from their doorsteps, dogs from the middle of the road, and opened the throttle to take the long stretch to Oath Lock. I shouted âThere's no hurry', but he turned round in his seat, swerved in the road and said âI know'. He asked if I wanted to get there any faster. What I said made no difference. We flew the railway bridge and the straight between the tracks and the river, he accelerated past a pair of cars on the road through Stathe, and I felt the taste of apricots come up. My mouth was dry, I saw a water rat in the river, swimming from our bank to the other. A crow, startled by the noise, exploded out of an orchard tree. It was night when we came to the crossroads at Burrowbridge.
The Disco car park was filling with many different cars of similar styles, Cortinas and Escorts with badly riveted flared wheel arches. It was never me. I left Dick to find his mates, and went into the hall for no reason at all. Things were warming up; some Greasers were throwing beer at girls who liked this. Loud music was coming from speakers on the stage as an arrangement of coloured lights played patterns over the walls. People sat in ranked steel and canvas stackable chairs, the crowd by the bar hatch grew, a blue haze of tobacco smoke floated in the air, like a heavenly floor all around us.
Dick slapped me on the back, âEnjoy yourself,' he said. âThere you go.' He put a glass in my hand and took a gulp from his, like he was eating it. His eyes looked wild, his untidy hair its blackest, another gulp, punch to the arm, âGot to go!' and a wink, he was off, back to his friends. I watched him urge one to drink a pint in one, then he did the same with the rest of his, pushed through the crowd and ordered more.
Two girls stood up and danced together, the greasers watched with quick, shy glances, looked at their glasses, drank some more. The girls moved awkwardly in their clothes and shoes, like lame flamingos in clogs or badlyfitting slippers. I didn't see anyone I wanted, so took my drink into the night and stood for a minute with my back to the river, the sky filled with a thousand stars. I heard a few more cars arrive, a motorbike, an owl call, the thump thump thump disco beat sound, and the odd yelp of dancers.
âFinished that yet?' Dick staggered out, two pints drunk, shirt unbuttoned to the waist to display three curly black hairs around his navel.
âDrink up,' he slobbered, âWe've serious â¦' and put an arm out to steady himself on my shoulder.
âDick?' I said.
âYour round.'
âYou're drunk.'
âI know, you my grandmother?' He spilt some beer on my boot. âSorry.' He went back to the hall. I propped myself against the door to watch the moon rise, as a car pulled up, the driver got out, and in the shadows, I could see her, the girl from Drove House. She stopped in passing, stood by the door, and looked at me, for a second, in the half-light, like she knew me from somewhere neither of us had visited.
âHello.'
âHello,' she said, and walked into the hall. I followed her to the bar, leant over the crush and tapped her on the shoulder.
âBuy you a drink?'
âNo thanks.'
It had taken a little courage to get in there, but the refusal was expected. In the lights of the disco, a band of freckles pulsed across her nose. She waved the barman a note, and shouted over the heads of three other people. She carried her glass to a bench by the door.
âI can afford it.'
âWhat?'
âTo buy you a drink.'
She drank, looked around the hall.
âI've seen you somewhere,' she said.
âHave you?'
âWe haven't been here long.'
âWe?'
âMy mum, me.'
âNo?'
âWe came from London.'
âLondon?'
âYou ever been?'
âNo.'
âLike to?'
âWouldn't mind.'
âAnd what about you?' she said.
âWhat about me?'
âWhere do you live?'
âBlackwood.'
âRound here?'
âNear Kingsbury.'
âEpiscopi?'
âYes.'
âThat's near us! Drove House.'
âYes, Iâ¦' I stopped myself.
âYou know it? Under the hill with the tree.'
âHigher Burrow Hill.'
âYou do!'
âA little,' I said, now I had given myself away.
âMaybe,' she said, âyou were the one we saw in the orchard when we moved in.'
âNo. I was working that day.'
âWhat day?'
âThe day you moved â¦' I murdered myself.
âSo it was â¦'
âI. â¦' I got up, âYou want another?'
We stood in the car park while a fight developed by the lamp post. She'd come to the disco as she'd driven back late from Bridgwater and passed by, she'd wandered into it by chance, just fancying a drink.
âI could show you around,' I said.
She laughed again. âAround where?'
âI don't know; the Moor, Kingsbury, Taunton?'
âMuch to show?'
âDepends.'
âI'll see. I've got to go.'
âNow?'
âI was late before I arrived.'
We walked to her car.
âWhat's your name?'
âBilly.'
âI'm Muriel.'
âCall.'
âI will.'
I had to find Dick. I looked round the back, I looked round the front, I looked in the toilets and behind all the cars and motorbikes, I looked in the room behind the stage. He wasn't there. He wasn't at the bar. He wasn't dancing. He couldn't. He wasn't standing by the door. He wasn't with his mates. I looked behind some dustbins. I walked one hundred yards one way along the river bank, and another hundred yards up the bank the other way. He wasn't there. He wasn't in a car. I walked along the road for a while, but couldn't find him. I looked in the hedge and under the wall round the car park. I looked back in the hall. I asked a few people if they'd seen him. Someone thought he was behind the stage. I looked; he wasn't. I sat down on a canvas chair while last orders were called. A few people drifted away, but the disco carried on. I went out and looked round the bank, again, along the bank, calling âDick! Dick!' I thought he'd fallen in the river, drunk, sluiced down the steep, muddy bank into the torrent. By the light of the stars and a vague moon, I scanned the water, hopelessly; a plastic carrier bag, stuck to the mud on the opposite bank, caught my eye. I looked upstream towards the bridge, and saw somebody, leaning over the side, dropping stones into the water. A car drew up and the person climbed in. I walked back towards the hall, looked the other side of the car park wall, but he wasn't there. People were revving motorbikes, his was where he'd left it. I looked back in the hall. I didn't want to walk ten miles home, and was looking for a lift when he appeared, around the back, with a slip and a large bottle.
âWhere the hell have you been?'
âDown Dan's.' He pointed along the bank towards a house, its downstairs lights glowing in the night. âSaw you with a girl, I wasn't hanging about!' He sat on the ground and said, âUrgh!'
âCome on,' I said, âyou're my horse.'
âWhat?'
âMotorbike, remember: brum-brums?' I did some throttling with my wrist.
âOh yeah,' he said, and fell back on the grass, spilling his bottle and stretching his arms above his head. He did not look capable. I went back to the hall, and filled a bucket with water, carried it back to where he was lying, but he'd gone. I found him by the dustbins, so I said, âDick!' and when he looked up, threw the water at him.
âWhaa!' he groaned.
âWake up!' I shouted.
The journey back to Blackwood is not a comfortable experience to remember. Some events from my life appeared in motion in front of my eyes, playing themselves out on the back of Dick's crash helmet. I remembered my father telling a bald man the price of petrol was enough to make your hair stand on end. I remember seeing a police car in Langport, and stopping to wheel the bike behind a hedge in Huish. I heard a voice cry, âWhat bloody time do you think this is?' but my own voice said, âDick brought me home.'
âKink the league!'
âBoth sides?'
âPut your thumb on the spot, where you kink it.'
âIt'll split.'
âIt will. It doesn't matter; let's see.'
âIt's holding.'
âThen pull the ends together. Like this. Tie them; then work the stakes like usual.'
I hate basketmaking. We are working. My old man told me the mystery tour story. He was a boy, taken to stay with his mother's sister, Aunt Janet, in Sheffield, where the snow turns black and Chinese people eat their tea in the rain. One day, he'd been taken by Donald, his uncle, a large man with a steel leg, on a mystery tour. The Hodges Coach Co. offered the trip; leaving at ten, back by nine. On the journey, Donald drank from a bottle he carried in a red duffle leg, unscrewed his leg and put it in the luggage rack. He fell asleep outside Bristol.
When he awoke, the party was disembarking at its Mystery Tour destination, the interesting country market town of Taunton. They had five hours to spend on their own, so caught a bus to Kingsbury, had a cup of tea with his grandparents, and then my father and Great Uncle Donald went back to Sheffield. I've heard it a thousand times.
The sun was shining, another warm day. My father sat in the corner and sorted sticks. I was making shopping baskets, fitting them with split hazel stakes.
âWhen Uncle Donald took his leg off, my mother fainted. He was someone the family could have done without. He was hauling cattle north. Aunt Janet met him at Taunton Market, she disappeared, people thought he'd stolen her.'
My father had met my mother before her parents died and Blackwood came to her, but he'd only lived in Kingsbury, so couldn't steal her anywhere. She came, shouting, âWhere you put my buckets?'
âWhat?'
âMy buckets!'
In five strides she crossed the yard from the house to the workshop door, barring all the light from the place as she stood, framed in the valley of The Isle. One of the jobs I'd inherited from my father was the cleaning of six galvanized buckets every day.
âHave you washed them?' she screamed, âbet you haven't.'
I hadn't. I got up and went to wash the buckets.
I was round the back of the workshop by the taps, when I heard a clanking. It stopped. Footsteps. The egg man? I was on the third bucket, scrubbing it round with a brush when I heard a row break out in the yard. Mother was shouting at the egg man again, he hated Blackwood. I stacked the buckets, carried them around the side of the shed where Muriel stood next to her bike, opening her mouth to shout: âI only came to say hello to Billy. You always scream your head off at innocent people? Does he live here? I met him at the disco. You know?' My mother hung her chin off her face like a banana, stared up and down at Muriel, while I appeared with the buckets.
âHello!' I said to Muriel, ignoring my mother. âI never thought you'd come.'
âI said I would.' She had yellow ribbons plaited into her hair, a blue vest, shorts, again.
âMy buckets?'
âI remember,' I said.
âIf I'm not interrupting anything.'
âBike only just made it,' she said, holding it away from her body and giving it a mean look.
âI heard it!'
âClean, are they?'
âWhat a beautiful day. Are they always like this?' she said.
âSeems like it, at the moment.'
âIf I may!'
My mother grabbed the buckets, and stalked back to the house.
âYour mum?'
âSorry. She shouts a lot.' I scratched my leg. I wasn't sure what to do with my hands.
âMy mother never shouts.'
âNever?'
âSometimes wish she would.'
âSometimes wish mine'd shut up.' I pointed. Muriel laughed, threw her head back. âStick the bike against the wall,' I said.
âYou work here?'
âYes.'
âGrowing willow?'
âMaking baskets.'
âGreat! Show me.' I didn't think it was great, but I'd show her where I did it.
âHere.'
I pushed the workshop door open. We walked into the gloom. My father tried to get up.
âMorning!' he said, to her. âWho are you?' She gave a little jump.
âMy father,' I said.
âMuriel.'
âMuriel? A friend of Billy's?'
âYes.'
âIt's a lovely name.'
âOh?'
âOh yes,' he said.
âYouâ¦' she laughed, he struggled to get off the floor, but clenched the small of his back and slumped down again.
âArthritis,' he said. âI'd get up but can't.'
âI'll give you a hand,' she said, and before he could say no, had her arms under his shoulders and heaved him up.
âMy dear, thank you!'
Muriel was a forward, modern girl, and though I was modern in the sense that I lived now, I could have lived fifty years ago and not noticed the difference. She had a huge, wide smile, and showed it to my father, who couldn't believe his luck.
âCall me Jack,' he said, and stuck his hand out.
âOkay, Jack.'
Okay, Jack?
âElevenses?' he said to me.
âYes; you want some tea?'
âGreat.'
âWe'll be on the bank; thanks Billy,' he said, and by a surprised arm, took Muriel from the workshop, round the back and onto the river bank. He'd charm honey from the bees.
âWhat you doing?' mother shouted, as I made the drinks.
âWant a cup?'
âCourse I do, only one who's worked for it.' She threw a sock at me.
While the kettle boiled, I stood under the porch and watched Muriel wave her arms at the old man. He laughed. The sun shone, the kettle boiled, and I carried three cups outside. My mother was banging upstairs, with sheets, I left hers on the draining board, to cool.
As I climbed the bank, Muriel was saying, âSo when they found her, she was stuck with her foot down a rabbit hole! She'd shouted “Help!” for hours, she said. Any excuse for a bit of attention.'
âTea?' I said, bending to pass a cup first to Muriel, then to him.
âThank you.'
We drank.
âUrgh!' said Muriel. âSugar!'
âSorry?'
âYou put sugar in it?'
âYes.'
âDidn't you bother to ask if she took it?' I didn't say anything. I went and made another cup.
He came down the bank as I climbed back up, âNice girl,' he said, âshe's waiting for that.'
Chedzoy's cows had worked their way across the field opposite, their smell drifted over the water to us.
âBeen doing anything?' I said.
âWe went to Exeter yesterday, shopping. Mum bought me a new dress; she got a hat. Straw one, plenty of plastic fruit.'
âOh.'
âWe're going to Taunton this afternoon.'
âNice.'
âSuppose you go there all the time.'
âSometimes. Saturday, market.'
She followed me to the workshop.
âAre you going to show me around?' She was a straightforward girl, asking me out.
âYou want to?'
âI wouldn't ask if I didn't.'
âNo.'
âYou're so funny,' she said.
âFunny?'
âNo. Not funny ha-ha, just funny; I don't know.' She looked into my eyes. âYou've lovely eyes,' she said. I didn't know what to say; nobody said things like that.
âReally,' she said.
âOh.'
âOh what.'
âNothing.'
She got up and stood by the door, watching my mother walk across the yard.
âThanks,' I said. She looked at me. The light caught her face.
âYou're welcome,' she said. âYour orchard?' She pointed.
âWant to see?'
âGreat!'
âI built a tree house in the orchard at your place.'
âDrove House?'
âWhen I was a kid, with Dick.'
âDick?'
âMy mate. Sort of.'
âSort of?'
âSpends all his time on his bike now, getting drunk.'
âAnd what about you?'
âWhat about me?'
I showed her the apple trees, pointed out three Foxwhelps and the Kingsbury Blacks. I explained they don't require blending to produce good cider.
âTaking the day off?' my mother shouted from behind the chicken house. Muriel looked at her watch.
âI should be home,' she said.
âSo when shall I show you around?'
âAnytime, pick me up, I'll give you the number.'
âWho's that?' my mother shouted, as Muriel disappeared down the road. I told her. I didn't want a scene. I was working in the shed when the old man came back, and sat in the corner.
âYou're a dark horse,' he said. âNever knew you had it in you.'
âMight have done,' I said.
âNice girl,' he said, ânot from round here.'
âYou saw her before, on the bike, down Muchelney Embankment.'
âI haven't got a bike.'
âShe has.'
âDid it make a noise?'
âWe were coming back from Wright's, his cider had us.'
âWho?'
âUs.'
âNo, her.'
âMuriel.'
âSo where's she living?'
âDrove House. With her mother.'
âDrove House,' he said, quietly, and flicked a piece of willow between his thumb and finger.
âI told you then,' I said, âwhen we were sick.'
I liked it that she came out with what she was thinking. She wore ribbon in her hair. She walked towards things so the things she was walking towards knew she was coming. She moved her head when she talked, brushing strands of hair away from her eyes with a casual movement of small, brown hands.
When we were eating tea, my mother asked about Muriel, but the old man told her to stop going on. He ate rice pudding and sat at table with a cigarette.
On my own, that evening, I took a walk over Thorney Moor to Muchelney and stood in the churchyard to watch the sun sink. A gardener was working in front of the priest's house, and carried his fork round the back. I heard the whine of Dick's motorbike, coming up the road from Longport, and crouched behind a gravestone until it was gone. A bowl of wilted daffodils sat beside me; âGone To Sleep.' Nobody came to church, nobody tended any of the graves. An aeroplane roared down towards me, a long, low descent, hanging in the air, waiting to land at Yeovilton. The sun sank when I wasn't looking, behind a bank of thin cloud, but the sky turned red, the gentle heat of the day went âsnap' and was gone.