The Life of Anna, Part 5: Emerged (16 page)

Anna gasped and tears sprang to her eyes. Her
jaw trembled as she stared, bewildered, at Kurt. His jaw was
clenched and his eyes were hard.

“I do not care what you do, just keep it
private,” he added softly.

“Don’t you think people will think it strange
if I don't stay with you?” she asked in a trembling voice.

“Do you want to come and watch?”

Anna felt the knife in her heart and she
turned to unlock her door before he could see her cry. “I’ll be
ready at seven-thirty.”

She slipped inside the dark apartment and
leaned against the door, sliding down to the ground. Her body shook
with grief. It
would
be a loveless marriage. He was
marrying her out of duty and nothing more. As angry as she was, it
stemmed more from hurt than actual dislike. This was not the Kurt
she knew and fell in love with.

Maybe if she hadn’t been so cold she’d be in
his bed instead of on a cold wooden floor. She curled onto her side
and sobbed.

Somehow, she had made her way to her bed the
night before, because she woke up in it. The horrible memories from
the previous night flooded back into her memory and she sat on her
bed staring at the floor. She hadn’t even changed into her pajamas
and her dress was a wrinkled mess.

She went to take a shower and stood under the
hot water for an eternity, hoping it would erase the pain. She
turned it hotter and hotter until she was dizzy from the heat and
knew she needed to get out.

She dressed in her practice clothes, put her
hair up and put the ring on. It was a very impressive diamond, a
few carats at least, and sparkled in the sunlight that streamed
through her windows. The main round diamond was flanked by two
smaller round diamonds and even more round diamonds were
channel-set around the band. It was heavy. If he had given it to
her out of love, she would have adored it. But it was given to her
out of obligation and it seemed a gaudy, taunting reminder of her
lost freedoms.

But she needed to pretend to be happy and in
love. Easier said than done. She decided a quiet contentment would
be as much as she could manage and went out to have breakfast.
Aaron came out as she was finishing.

“Holy fuck!” he exclaimed staring at her
hand. “Kurt?” he questioned.

Anna nodded and put her bowl in the
dishwasher.

Aaron came and took her hand. “That is mighty
impressive.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled and went to sit on the
couch.

“What’s wrong?” he looked around. “And what
are you doing here? I thought you’d be with Kurt.”

“I think he had other plans.”

“Other plans...?” Aaron shook his head. “He
went and fucked someone else?”

Anna shrugged. “I think so. I mean, he
implied it. He said I could watch if I wanted to.”

“What the hell is wrong with him?”

She shrugged again. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll
play the part and he’ll leave...soon, hopefully.”

Aaron frowned but didn’t say anything
else.

Her ring did not go unnoticed at the studio
and there were many admirers surrounding her, both for the ring and
for Kurt. She smiled as best she could and answered the questions,
but was thankful when class began. Hugo had smiled kindly at her
but hadn’t said anything, and he stood on the other side of the
studio.

Anna was miserable, but didn’t dare show it.
She looked around during warm-up, seeing the girls who had been
around Kurt last night and wondered which of them he’d slept with.
He did have a thing for ballerinas. Then she realized she didn’t
really want to know and set to work losing herself in her
dancing.

Her rehearsal went a little long and she was
late getting home, but managed to be ready when Kurt knocked on the
door. She barely looked at him when she opened the door and went to
get her purse.

Kurt took her to a nice restaurant in Times
Square. She didn’t speak unless he asked her a question, but tried
not to radiate dislike to him. She was just quiet.

A thought occurred to her as dinner was
brought out. She waited for the server to leave and then looked at
Kurt. “Are you not sleeping with me because of the whole
Elder-Son’s-wife-has-to-be-a-virgin thing?”

He looked at her for a long moment and then
nodded. “We’re not supposed to sleep together until we’re
married.”

“You really expect me to wait over a year to
have sex again?”

Kurt sighed and took a sip of his wine. “I
don’t really care what you do. Just keep it private.”

Anna looked down at her hands, ashamed. For a
moment she had thought maybe he’d been keeping her at a distance
because he didn’t want to be tempted to be with her. But it was
obvious he just didn’t want her. The knife in her heart twisted
again and she didn’t speak for the remainder of the dinner.

“When are you leaving?” she asked as they
rode back to her apartment after the long, uncomfortable
dinner.

Kurt stared out the window. “Tonight. I was
going to stay and watch you dance again, but...” He shrugged. “I
don’t think it’s necessary.”

“Oh.”

The remaining few minutes in the car were
even more uncomfortable than dinner.

“Can you please let me know when you’re
coming back into town so I can be prepared?” she asked as she stood
outside the limo. She had asked him not to walk her up to her door
because she just wanted to get away from him.

Kurt nodded. He looked at her with a pained
expression for a moment and then turned impassive. “I don’t know
when it will be, but yes, I will call you.”

Anna nodded and then slowly walked away with
her head down.

She heard footsteps and then Kurt’s arms were
around her and he spun her around. He looked at her for a minute
and then pressed his lips to hers in a hungry, passionate kiss.

She pushed against his chest, trying to
escape but he was too strong. He held her against his chest and she
could feel his heart pounding against her hands. One hand held her
around her waist and the other tangled in her hair, trying to
deepen the kiss, but she kept struggling, tears in her eyes now.
She didn’t understand what was going on and she was scared and
confused at his changed attitude.

He loosened his hold slightly and held her
head to look him in the eye. “I’m so sorry,
Engel
,” he
whispered. He kissed her one last time and then released her.

With a trembling hand she touched her swollen
lips and stared at him. “I don’t understand,” she whimpered.

He opened his mouth but closed it before he
said anything. He gave her a sad look and then turned and walked
back to the limo. He got in and the door was closed. She stared as
the limo drove away moments later.

What had just happened? The way he’d looked
at her...it was the old Kurt. The one she fell in love with. But
why was he so cold and why was he leaving her again? Why did he
apologize?

She turned and ran into the building.

When Aaron came home later she was still
crying in bed. He lay down next to her and pulled her close.

“What happened?” he asked softly, stroking
her hair.

Anna told him the events of the night.

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Aaron
commented.

“I don’t know what’s going on. I’m so
confused. It was the old him who kissed me, but then he just
left.”

“I’m sorry, hon. I wish I could help, but I’m
as confused as you are.”

There was a knock on the door and Anna looked
at Aaron. “Expecting someone?”

He nodded. “Cameron.”

“Oh.”

“Let me go let him in,” he said sitting up.
“Be right back.”

She heard muffled voices and a few minutes
later Aaron returned. “You want to come watch a movie with us?”

Anna shook her head. “No. I’m okay. I didn’t
sleep well last night. I think I’ll just go to bed.”

He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “Come
get me if you need anything.”

Anna didn’t hear from Kurt until a few weeks
later when he called her to wish her a happy birthday. It was a
short call.

Aaron threw her a party the night of her
birthday and most of the dancers attended. Those that were
performing that night came after they were done.

Anna had a good time, despite the strained
phone call from Kurt.

Most of the time, Anna was too busy or tired
to think about sex, but it had been weeks now and she was starting
to feel it. Everyone in the company knew her to be engaged and for
her to even flirt more than just innocently would not be a good
idea. She briefly entertained the idea of approaching Hugo, but
they had finally come to a point where their emotions were under
control and they were able to be themselves again around each
other. She didn’t want to ruin that. She valued Hugo too much. And
with Aaron in a pretty serious relationship with Cameron, she
couldn’t even approach him. God, she needed to get laid!

She stood at the edge of the terrace looking
out at the lights of the city, wracking her brain for a
solution.

“How’s the birthday girl?” Hugo came to stand
next to her at the railing.

She inhaled deeply. “I’m okay. One of my
better birthdays.”

“What do you usually do for your
birthday?”

“Not much.” She thought for a minute. “I had
a birthday dinner for my twenty-third birthday. Last year my
fake-boyfriend threw me a surprise party.” She shrugged. “That’s
about it.”

“Fake boyfriend?”

“Someone I pretended to date
because...someone else thought I needed some sort of stable
relationship, even if it was fake.”

“The same someone who wants to control
you?”

Anna nodded, smiling about Peter. “It wasn’t
so bad. He was a really nice guy after a while. Once he got to know
me, I suppose.”

Hugo nodded. “Did Kurt call?”

“Briefly.” She looked up at the sky. “I still
don’t understand what happened to him. He used to be so caring and
nice.”

Hugo put his hand on hers. “I’m so sorry,
Katrina. I wish...I wish there was something I could do.”

“Me too,” she said softly. She looked up into
his kind eyes. One of the best things about dancing with him was
the ability to show how she cared about him in an acceptable
manner. Most of the time she was “over” him, but there were
sometimes that her heart ached for him. Especially when she was
feeling lonely. Like now.

He gazed into her eyes, his eyes darkening as
their bodies moved closer together. “Katrina...,” he whispered.

Anna blinked and looked away. It wasn’t fair
to him to encourage him. “I’m sorry, Hugo.”

“I miss you, Kittycat.”

Anna fought against everything inside her to
not look at him. She wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss
him until she couldn’t breathe anymore. But she couldn’t. “I need
something to drink,” she said softly, pulling her hand away and
going back inside the apartment.

The first week in June marked the last week
of spring performances.
Midsummer Night’s Dream
came
together and ended out the season nicely. She had received a
standing ovation at every performance of the season and had become
a favorite with the press.

The company had a couple of days off dancing,
but started again on Wednesday so that they could get ready for
their July tour to upstate New York. Anna still couldn’t travel
with the Company. Vincent had spoken to Tom in hopes that something
could change, but Tom apologetically told him that there was
nothing he could do. On the bright side, this would give Anna an
opportunity to learn a bunch of the repertoire without the pressure
of an upcoming performance.

Near the end of June, Anna got sick. She woke
up not feeling very well, but didn’t think much of it. She hadn’t
been feeling especially good the last few weeks, but it was mostly
just tired. That morning she felt like she had the flu, or was
pregnant, but she knew she wasn’t pregnant. The only sex she’d had
was with a vibrator she’d purchased a while back.

But she didn’t “get sick,” so she shook it
off and headed off to class. She was shaky and pale when class
started, but she kept telling herself she didn’t get sick and tried
to ignore it. But by the time they’d begun their center work,
Vincent and Aaron were keeping a very close eye on her and Aaron
caught her when she collapsed.

“Why didn’t you stop, hon?” Aaron asked as
she lay on Hugo’s office couch with her head in his lap. He wiped
her face with a cool cloth.

“I don’t get sick,” she protested.

“Well, I think this proves you wrong.”

She shook her head. “I’m not supposed to get
sick,” she said weakly.

“Maybe your humanity finally caught up with
you.”

She gave a weak laugh. “Maybe.”

After she’d rested a bit, Aaron took her home
and settled her in bed with the remote and a cooler full of
drinks.

She remained in bed for the next week without
getting any better or any worse. Aaron called Tom because he didn’t
know if he could take her to the doctor. Tom came over that
afternoon.

“No. It wouldn’t be a good idea to take her
to the doctor. A doctor would do tests and find out she’s not fully
human.

“So what do we do?”

“I don't know.”

She had a low-grade fever and was very pale.
She trembled and sweated as if she had the flu. Tom promised to
stay with her while Aaron was out of town. The day he left she fell
asleep and didn’t wake.

She dreamed strange dreams. Of beaches and
men in white tunics. Of Devin and Alex. Of California and Germany.
She floated on a cloud over the earth as it spun.

Days passed, unmarked by Anna, and then one
day she woke up.

Anna sat up in her bed and looked around.
What time was it? She remembered being sick, but now she felt
better. All better. She smiled and stretched and then got out of
bed and went to get something to eat in the kitchen. Aaron had gone
to Saratoga Springs. She remembered that.