the Light Of Western Stars (1992) (58 page)

"I want to talk to you," said Stewart
.

Madeline started, turned to him, and now she saw the earlier Stewart, the man who reminded her of their first meeting at El Cajon, of that memorable meeting at Chiricahua
.

"I want to ask you something," he went on
.
"I've been wanting to know something
.
That's why I've hung on here
.
You never spoke to me, never noticed me, never gave me a chance to ask you
.
But now I'm going over-over the border
.
And I want to know
.
Why did you refuse to listen to me?"

At his last words that hot shame, tenfold more stifling than when it had before humiliated Madeline, rushed over her, sending the scarlet in a wave to her temples
.
It seemed that his words made her realize she was actually face to face with him, that somehow a shame she would rather have died than revealed was being liberated
.
Biting her lips to hold back speech, she jerked on Majesty's bridle, struck him with her whip, spurred him
.
Stewart's iron arm held the horse
.
Then Madeline, in a flash of passion, struck at Stewart's face, missed it, struck again, and hit
.
With one pull, almost drawing her from the saddle, he tore the whip from her hands
.
It was not that action on his part, or the sudden strong masterfulness of his look, so much as the livid mark on his face where the whip had lashed that quieted, if it did not check, her fury
.

That's nothing," he said, with something of his old audacity
.
"That's nothing to how you've hurt me
.
"

Madeline battled with herself for control
.
This man would not be denied
.
Never before had the hardness of his face, the flinty hardness of these desert-bred men, so struck her with its revelation of the unbridled spirit
.
He looked stern, haggard, bitter
.
The dark shade was changing to gray-the gray to ash-color of passion
.
About him now there was only the ghost of that finer, gentler man she had helped to bring into being
.
The piercing dark eyes he bent upon her burned her, went through her as if he were looking into her soul
.
Then Madeline's quick sight caught a fleeting doubt, a wistfulness, a surprised and saddened certainty in his eyes, saw it shade and pass away
.
Her woman's intuition, as keen as her sight, told her Stewart in that moment had sustained a shock of bitter, final truth
.

For the third time he repeated his question to her
.
Madeline did not answer; she could not speak
.

"You don't know I love you, do you?" he continued, passionately
.
"That ever since you stood before me in that hole at Chiricahua I've loved you?You can't see I've been another man, loving you, working for you, living for you?You won't believe I've turned my back on the old wild life, that I've been decent and honorable and happy and useful-your kind of a cowboy?You couldn't tell, though I loved you, that I never wanted you to know it, that I never dared to think of you except as my angel, my holy Virgin? What do you know of a man's heart and soul?How could you tell of the love, the salvation of a man who's lived his life in the silence and loneliness?Who could teach you the actual truth- that a wild cowboy, faithless to mother and sister, except in memory, riding a hard, drunken trail straight to hell; had looked into the face, the eyes of a beautiful woman infinitely beyond him, above him, and had so loved her that he was saved-that he became faithful again-that he saw her face in every flower and her eyes in the blue heaven?Who could tell you, when at night I stood alone under these Western stars, how deep in my soul I was glad just to be alive, to be able to do something for you, to be near you, to stand between you and worry, trouble, danger, to feel somehow that I was a part, just a little part of the West you had come to love?"

Madeline was mute
.
She heard her heart thundering in her ears
.

Stewart leaped at her
.
His powerful hand closed on her arm
.
She trembled
.
His action presaged the old instinctive violence
.

"No; but you think I kept Bonita up in the mountains, that I went secretly to meet her, that all the while I served you I was- Oh, I know what you think!I know now
.
I never knew till I made you look at me
.
Now, say it!Speak!"

White-hot, blinded, utterly in the fiery grasp of passion, powerless to stem the rush of a word both shameful and revealing and fatal, Madeline cried:

"YES!"

He had wrenched that word from her, but he was not subtle enough, not versed in the mystery of woman's motive enough, to divine the deep significance of her reply
.

For him the word had only literal meaning confirming the dishonor in which she held him
.
Dropping her arm, he shrank back, a strange action for the savage and crude man she judged him to be
.

"But that day at Chiricahua you spoke of faith," he burst out
.
"You said the greatest thing in the world was faith in human nature
.
You said the finest men had been those who had fallen low and had risen
.
You said you had faith in me! You made me have faith in myself!"

His reproach, without bitterness or scorn, was a lash to her old egoistic belief in her fairness
.
She had preached a beautiful principle that she had failed to live up to
.
She understood his rebuke, she wondered and wavered, but the affront to her pride had been too great, the tumult within her breast had been too startlingly fierce; she could not speak, the moment passed, and with it his brief, rugged splendor of simplicity
.

"You think I am vile," he said
.
"You think that about Bonita! And all the time I've been
. . .
I could make you ashamed-I could tell you-"

His passionate utterance ceased with a snap of his teeth
.
His lips set in a thin, bitter line
.
The agitation of his face preceded a convulsive wrestling of his shoulders
.
All this swift action denoted an inner combat, and it nearly overwhelmed him
.

"No, no!" he panted
.
Was it his answer to some mighty temptation?Then, like a bent sapling released, he sprang erect
.
"But I'll be the man-the dog-you think me!"

He laid hold of her arm with rude, powerful clutch
.
One pull drew her sliding half out of the saddle into his arms
.
She fell with her breast against his, not wholly free of stirrups or horse, and there she hung, utterly powerless
.
Maddened, writhing, she tore to release herself
.
All she could accomplish was to twist herself, raise herself high enough to see his face
.
That almost paralyzed her
.
Did he mean to kill her?Then he wrapped his arms around her and crushed her tighter, closer to him
.
She felt the pound of his heart; her own seemed to have frozen
.
Then he pressed his burning lips to hers
.
It was a long, terrible kiss
.
She felt him shake
.

"Oh, Stewart!I-implore-you-let-me-go!" she whispered
.

His white face loomed over hers
.
She closed her eyes
.
He rained kisses upon her face, but no more upon her mouth
.
On her closed eyes, her hair, her cheeks, her neck he pressed swift lips-lips that lost their fire and grew cold
.
Then he released her, and, lifting and righting her in the saddle, he still held her arm to keep her from falling
.

For a moment Madeline sat on her horse with shut eyes
.
She dreaded the light
.

"Now you can't say you've never been kissed," Stewart said
.
His voice seemed a long way off
.
"But that was coming to you, so be game
.
Here!"

She felt something hard and cold and metallic thrust into her hand
.
He made her fingers close over it, hold it
.
The feel of the thing revived her
.
She opened her eyes
.
Stewart had given her his gun
.
He stood with his broad breast against her knee, and she looked up to see that old mocking smile on his face
.

"Go ahead!Throw my gun on me!Be a thoroughbred!"

Madeline did not yet grasp his meaning
.

"You can put me down in that quiet place on the hill-beside Monty Price
.
"

Madeline dropped the gun with a shuddering cry of horror
.
The sense of his words, the memory of Monty, the certainty that she would kill Stewart if she held the gun an instant longer, tortured the self-accusing cry from her
.

Stewart stooped to pick up the weapon
.

"You might have saved me a hell of a lot of trouble," he said, with another flash of the mocking smile
.
"You're beautiful and sweet and proud, but you're no thoroughbred! Majesty Hammond, adios!"

Stewart leaped for the saddle of his horse, and with the flying mount crashed through the mesquites to disappear
.

XXII - The Secret Told In the shaded seclusion of her room, buried face down deep among the soft cushions on her couch, Madeline Hammond lay prostrate and quivering under the outrage she had suffered
.

The afternoon wore away; twilight fell; night came; and then Madeline rose to sit by the window to let the cool wind blow upon her hot face
.
She passed through hours of unintelligible shame and impotent rage and futile striving to reason away her defilement
.

The train of brightening stars seemed to mock her with their unattainable passionless serenity
.
She had loved them, and now she imagined she hated them and everything connected with this wild, fateful, and abrupt West
.

She would go home
.

Edith Wayne had been right; the West was no place for Madeline Hammond
.
The decision to go home came easily, naturally, she thought, as the result of events
.
It caused her no mental strife
.
Indeed, she fancied she felt relief
.
The great stars, blinking white and cold over the dark crags, looked down upon her, and, as always, after she had watched them for a while they enthralled her
.
"Under Western stars," she mused, thinking a little scornfully of the romantic destiny they had blazed for her idle sentiment
.
But they were beautiful; they were speaking; they were mocking; they drew her
.
"Ah!" she sighed
.
"It will not be so very easy to leave them, after all
.
"

Madeline closed and darkened the window
.
She struck a light
.
It was necessary to tell the anxious servants who knocked that she was well and required nothing
.
A soft step on the walk outside arrested her
.
Who was there-Nels or Nick Steele or Stillwell? Who shared the guardianship over her, now that Monty Price was dead and that other-that savage-?It was monstrous and unfathomable that she regretted him
.

The light annoyed her
.
Complete darkness fitted her strange mood
.
She retired and tried to compose herself to sleep
.
Sleep for her was not a matter of will
.
Her cheeks burned so hotly that she rose to bathe them
.
Cold water would not alleviate this burn, and then, despairing of forgetfulness, she lay down again with a shameful gratitude for the cloak of night
.
Stewart's kisses were there, scorching her lips, her closed eyes, her swelling neck
.
They penetrated deeper and deeper into her blood, into her heart, into her soul-the terrible farewell kisses of a passionate, hardened man
.
Despite his baseness, he had loved her
.