The Lighter Side of Large (31 page)

Her words sting as I think of Jae, but it’s not her I’m fuming at. “Mika, you, you bastard. So much for all that crap you’ve been spewing about wanting me back, not that I would have taken you back.” I’m so angry, I’m shaking. “You’re a coward and a liar. You two deserve each other.”

They just stand there, Tiresa angry yet smug, Mika looking down and adjusting his watch. That is it. It’s two against one and I’m the loser. I open the office door. “Damn you both.”

I can hear Tiresa laugh as I bolt down the hallway. It’s several minutes before I can get Dad to stop talking long enough to ask him if he wants to leave, but my stomach lurches as he says no. I want nothing more than to run out the front door, but Dad, who has been without much social interaction for a while, is reveling in good company and good conversation. Abe and Fi are nowhere in sight, probably upstairs watching television as the party continues.
Good. I don’t want them to pick up on my emotions.

I swear under my breath and spot a waiter making the rounds with a tray of champagne glasses. I catch up to him and grab two. Gulping them down, it dawns on me that Mika and Tiresa want me to leave, so what better way to spite them by not leaving? They are back to talking with guests, with frequent annoyed glances from Tiresa in my direction, while Mika ignores me. I grab two more glasses with a smile. This party is just beginning.

I wander into the kitchen and pour myself a shot of whiskey, then another, and then another.
Oh yeah,
I think,
Tiresa expects me to be embarrassing; why disappoint her?

I mix another rum and diet coke, with much more rum than diet coke, and saunter through the house. I bump into Tiresa in the dining room. “You need to leave,” she hisses.

I put a hand on my hip. “Well, it ain’t happening, sister. I’m here to stay, so deal with it.”

Tiresa’s lips press together. “I’m calling the cops.”

I laugh. “Now
that
would be really embarrassing, the cops showing up at your engagement party. Won’t that be fun to read about in the society pages?” Before she can reply, I turn and walk away. The alcohol makes me hot but relaxed - and brave.
Yes, I will enjoy this party after all.

A couple of good-looking business types stand chatting next to the fireplace.
I’m single and available; why not talk to them?
I decide and approach them with a smile.

“Great party, hey?” I ask.

They turn to me. “Yes, it is,” replies one.

I hold out my hand. “I’m Bella, by the way, Mika’s fat ex-wife. This used to be my home. Lovely, isn’t it?”

Both men look startled but smile hesitantly, like they’re waiting for the punchline to a joke they don’t yet understand. “It’s a great house,” says the other man.

I tilt my head in a flirty pose. “I know. I designed it myself. Mika just paid for it. He really wasn’t into designing and decorating - or me, as it turned out. He kicked me out five years ago, you know. A shame, really.”

“Yeah, a shame,” the first man murmurs. “Will you excuse us?” They slip away before I can say anything more.

I continue my trek through the house. “Isn’t this floor beautiful?” I say to no one in particular. “It took me forever to decide if I wanted red oak or pine floors. Back and forth and back and forth: I just couldn’t decide.” A woman nearby gives me a tentative smile and turns away.

I stumble back to the kitchen to refill my drink. A waiter is busy putting more bottles of beer on ice. “Hand me one of those, honey. I need a drink.” The man pops the cap and hands me the bottle. I take a swig. Yuck. I don’t like beer, but what the hell?

A group of people near the big screen television are talking animatedly and laughing. I move closer and listen. “Tiresa will make the perfect bride,” one woman says. “I tried to convince her to have the wedding here. It’s such a fabulous home and my editor was willing to do a feature on weddings at home and showcase the house, but Tiresa doesn’t want to. At least I convinced her to have the engagement party here.”

“I designed this house, you know,” I say. All eyes turn toward me. “Yeah, I spent two years designing it, waited six months for it to be built, then poof! Mika kicks me out a year later. That sucks. Didn’t even get to really enjoy my own house.”

“Bella?” says one man. I try to focus on his face, but there are two of him. “It’s me, Gerald.”

“Huh? Oh, Gerald!” I laugh. Gerald is one of Mika’s associates. “Lawyer Gerald, long time, no see!”

Gerald nods. “It has been a long time.”

“Well, no time like the present to become reacquainted.” I turn back to the woman who has been talking. “You’re right: this house is great for a wedding. All the skylights - I insisted on having those installed. Gotta have my sunshine. And the staircase for the bride to walk down. What do you think of that staircase? I wanted it grand but not ostentatious. There is a difference, you know.”

A couple of people move away, including Gerald.

Jerk-off. He was always snooty to me.

I giggle. “Now, if Tiresa walked down that staircase as a bride, I would die laughing, because my son Abe was conceived on those stairs. Yes,” I snort and beer comes out my nose. “Mika couldn’t wait to reach the bedroom. He just shoved me to my knees and pulled off my drawers and we went at it doggie style!” I laugh so hard I nearly fall down.

Everyone looks uncomfortable but I don’t know why. “Would you like to get some cake?” one man says to a lady. They quickly leave.

“Cake? I love cake!” I blurt. “Did you know it matches my dress?” I stumble through the room and out the patio door.

“There you are, Isabella,” Mama Rose waves me over to the table.

“I’m just getting some cake!” I shout to be heard over the music. For some reason, Mama Rose looks surprised. “I know, I’m on a diet but one little piece won’t hurt!” Mama Rose’s mouth makes a perfect “O.” Some of my other relatives at the table turn in my direction. “Want a piece? Danny, you want a piece?” I call. Why did they have to have the stereo so loud?

The couple I just talked to is getting their cake when I approach the table. I stumble on the patio and slosh my beer on the back of the man. “I’m so sorry!” I giggle. “I got beer on your jacket. It’s not expensive, is it?” I try to be helpful and grab a napkin to dab his jacket dry.

“Thank you, we’ll take care of it,” he says tersely and walks away with the woman.

“Fine. Be that way,” I say. “Just trying to help.”

The cake is already cut and pieces sit on plates around it, but none have enough coloured icing on it for my taste. I take a swipe at one large violet flower with my finger. “Mmm!” I say, savouring the sugary goodness. “That is one good cake.” I take another swipe and then another.

“Bella,” a voice by my side startles me and I jab my finger and half of my hand deep into the cake. I laugh. “Look what you made me do!”

Danny tugs on my arm. “Bella, Mama Rose wants you to sit down.”

“I will, I will,” I wave a cake-smeared hand in his face. “Let me get some cake.” I proceed to lick the cake off my hand. “This is really good cake. Very moist.”

“Bella, you’re embarrassing yourself and Mama Rose. Now come sit down,” Danny insists.

“Have some cake,” I offer and smear some on his face. “Dang, this is really good.” I grab a handful of cake and shove it in my mouth.

Suddenly, Mama Rose is at my side. “Isabella White, sit down this minute! You are ruining the party for everyone.”

“What?” I ask and look around. Almost everyone in the backyard is staring at me. I flash them a huge chocolatey grin. “Yup,” I raise my voice so everyone can hear. “I’m the fat girl that you just can’t trust around a cake. Better hide it before I eat it the whole thing, ha-ha!”

I reach to grab another handful but Danny and Mama Rose pull me away and sit me down hard at their table. “You’re drunk. Isabella, how can you…” Mama Rose scolds me.

“Oh, look, there’s Mika and Tiresa!” I squeal. They step out the patio door and zone in on me. Gerald is behind them. I struggle to my feet, grab a knife and tap it vigorously against my bottle. “Attention, please,” I shout.

Danny swipes the knife and bottle from my hand while Mama Rose tries to push me back into the chair, but I’m bigger than her and she can’t budge me.

“Attention, everyone! I have a toast!” I cry. Everyone’s eyes are locked on me, yet I don’t feel nervous. “I just want to congratulate Mika and Tiresa on their impending nuptials. No two people,” I hold up two fingers, palm inward, to illustrate my point, “deserve each other like they do.” I pause, waiting for applause, but there is none. “And I just want to say how kind and compassionate my big sister Tiresa is for taking such a low-life, teeny-weeny penis from my life, because Mika really is a no-good, cheating dick.”

Mama Rose and Danny resume their attempts to get me to sit down, but I shake them off. By now, more people are filing out of the house to hear my speech. Someone turns off the music, so it’s suddenly quiet. I always could write a good speech, but I never knew how great I was at delivering them until now.

“But Tiresa, let me leave you with a word of advice:
DO NOT
have a baby and expect Mika to stick around, because he will line up someone else to screw and then leave you two weeks later. Then you’ll be screwed!” I laugh at my own pun, grab my bottle and raise it high. “To Mika and Tiresa!” I toast.

No one joins the toasts. It is dead silent. The looks on everyone’s faces range from anger to amusement to shock to shame to sadness.

It is Pa’s face which looks sad. During my speech he appeared on the patio and now approaches me. “Bella, it’s time to go home,” he says.

“I’ll go home when I’m good and ready!” I snap. Who is he to tell me what to do?

His face falls and his shoulders slump, and I immediately regret my words. It’s not his fault any of this happened. He just came to enjoy the party and I ruined it for him. I put down the bottle. “All right, Dad, let’s go.”

Danny gets up from his chair. “I’ll see you home.”

Mika and Tiresa are fuming as we walk by them. When the front door shuts behind us, the music is turned back on and the party resumes. We walk down the lighted driveway, which is waving like the ocean. Danny and Dad hang onto me from either side to prevent me from falling.

Dad drives me in my car to my house while Danny follows behind us in his truck. Without a word, Dad guides me into my house and sits me down in the kitchen. He potters around for a minute before handing me a concoction in a coffee mug. “Drink up.”

“What is it?” I peer at the dark contents and sniff. It was not more liquor, I know that.

“Something to make you throw up. Drink it. I don’t want you choking on your vomit in the middle of the night.”

“Oh, Dad,” I start to protest, but he is adamant. I gulp down the awful-tasting mixture and sure enough, a minute later I stumble to the loo and empty the contents of my stomach.

Nothing can be done for the hangover I’ll have in the morning, but as I crawl into bed, I really don’t care.

“Danny’s giving me a ride home,” Dad says as I pull the covers over me.

“That’s nice,” I murmur. “Dad?”

“Yes, Bella?”

But I forget what I want to ask him and pass out.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

“When you let go and move on, you discover something amazing: there is so much more to life than what you previously thought.”

FROM BELLA’S BLOG
http://www.thelightersideoflarge.com/ch18

It’s Monday morning and the waiting room is crowded. Sands looks skeptical. “I didn’t realise lap band surgery is an assembly line,” she says.

“Not everyone is Dr Wilson’s patient, I’m sure,” I reply. It’s not the first time I wish someone else besides Sands could have driven me to the hospital. She is dead set against the surgery and tells me that often. Nevertheless, she is my chosen chauffeur because Riyaan is working an early shift, Mama Rose doesn’t have a vehicle, and I didn’t have the heart to ask Dad, who has spent enough time in the hospital recently.

Dad took the kids to Mika’s last night and Sands picked me up at 5:30 a.m. so we could be at the hospital by 6 a.m. to prep for surgery. I knew I couldn’t face Mika and Tiresa after how I acted at their engagement party. If either of them never talks to me again, I can live with that. But I fear Tiresa is spiteful enough to manipulate Mika into suing for full custody as she threatened and they will accuse me of being a drunk. They have enough witnesses to prove that point.
That
I cannot live with.

I check in at the front desk and am told to take a seat, but before my butt touches the hard plastic chair, my name is called.

“Good luck,” says Sands, who settles down with a book,
How to Win in Business and Crush the Competition.

“See you in a few hours,” I say, nervous and excited. I am about to take a huge leap to being skinny and can’t wait to get started.

I am led into a room and given one of those awful open-front hospital gowns to change into and told to get on the bed and cover up with a blanket. There’s a knock on the door a few minutes later and Dr Wilson, wearing scrubs, walks in. “Ms White, how are you feeling this morning?” he asks cheerfully.