The List (10 page)

Cami swam over and put her arms around me again. “I told them not to do it.”

“Them?”

“Liam and Ryan.” She rolled her eyes and I watched Ryan and Liam swimming farther out into the ocean. Away from Chris. “They think they're pretty funny.”

My insides tightened. Did Ryan do it because he was jealous?

“Let's get dressed while they're busy,” I said, pulling Cami with me toward the beach.

She held on to me until the water was shallow enough for her to touch, then together we ran onto the sand. My skin was sticky from the salt water, and sand clung to every inch of my body. I didn't even bother with my underwear. I pulled my shirt over my head, then stepped into my skirt, buttoning it up just as the guys ran toward us. The lacy thong went in my pocket.

My heart pounded when Ryan came closer. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. The moonlight shimmered off his damp skin, accenting every dip and muscle on his body. Heat crept across my cheeks. The tingling sensation in my belly intensified. I needed to look away, but I couldn't.

“Did you and Liam have fun?” I asked Cami absentmindedly, trying to distract myself from Ryan.

“Boy, did we. He may be a man-whore, but he sure knows what he's doing.”

“What now?” Ryan asked, pulling his shirt over his head. He stared right at me. “We're staying out all night, right?”

“Hell yeah, we are!” Cami yelled, bouncing around. She was swinging her bra above her head like a lasso. Liam scooped her up and threw her over his shoulder, then took off down the beach.

Cami screamed and banged her fists on Liam's back. Without thinking, I took off after them. I tackled Liam and the three of us fell in a mangled heap on the sand.

Cami was on top of me. She laughed and tugged at her skirt, which had gone up way too high for someone not wearing underwear. “I think I broke something,” she said between laughs.

“I think you're breaking me right now,” I said, rolling her off me.

Liam helped Cami to her feet just as Chris and Ryan jogged up. They reached out to help me at the same time. I didn't miss the questioning look Chris shot Ryan. Ryan dropped his hand and I reached for Chris. Ryan's hand was the one I wanted to take. But what was the etiquette for something like that? I didn't want to cause problems.

Ryan swept his hand through his wet hair. “I'm gonna head on back to the house, see if I can grab us a few drinks.”

My insides felt heavy when he walked away. Cami and Liam were already off by themselves, headed toward the pier. Once again Chris and I were alone.

Chris took my hand and led me toward the water. I pulled my phone out so I could see what time it was. It didn't feel like we'd been outside that long, but it was already after one o'clock in the morning.

I smiled and shoved the phone back in my pocket. “I've never been out this late before.”

Chris stopped walking and did that adorable head scratching thing again. “Really? Never?”

I laughed and shook my head while wringing out my dripping hair. “I keep telling you my dad was strict.”

“But didn't you ever sneak out or tell him you were staying at a friend's house so you could go to a party?”

“This is the first party I've ever been to.”

Chris's mouth dropped open and he shook his head. “Ever?”

I nodded in an exaggerated way. “Yes,
ever
.”

“Well, that sucks.” His eyebrows pulled together and he looked at the ground, and then looked back at me. “Does that mean you weren't allowed to date either?”

I concentrated on my feet while I wiggled my toes through the sand. “Nope.”

“So you've never had a boyfriend.” I shook my head. When I looked up, he frowned. “Which means you've never . . .” My cheeks grew warm and he pressed his lips together. “. . . been kissed.”

The corner of my mouth twitched at his almost-slip, and I whispered, “No.”

“Well, shit,” Chris muttered. “That sucks.” He looked out over the water for a few seconds before turning back to me. His eyes went straight to my lips. My heart pounded and I waited for him to try to kiss me again. It never happened.

“How about I take you out?” he asked after a few seconds. “I mean, I know we're going to be sleeping most of tomorrow, but maybe you'll be recovered enough by dinnertime for me to take you on a date?”

I grinned and nodded. Even though it wasn't Ryan asking me out, I was so excited, I had the urge to do one of Cami's victory dances.

I
t was almost six o'clock by the time Cami and I rolled into our room. All I wanted was to crawl into bed and go to sleep, but I had sand lodged in every nook and cranny. A shower was a must. Unfortunately, Cami got there first. I took the opportunity to shoot my dad and brothers a quick text, so I could take care of my obligation for the day. The last thing I wanted was them blowing up my cell phone when I was trying to sleep.

When Cami was done, I hopped in the shower and gave myself a quick scrub. My eyes were heavy and my legs were like jelly. I had less than twelve hours to get some sleep, so I could get ready for my very first date ever. I didn't want bags under my eyes.

Cami was already curled up in bed when I got out. I didn't waste any time throwing on a pair of pajamas. My eyes were already half closed when my head hit the pillow, and it took literally two seconds for me to drift off completely.

I woke up when the door slammed and Cami flipped the light on in our room. “Time to get ready for your date!”

She jerked my comforter off my body and ripped the pillow out from under my head.

All I could do was moan. “Cami! What time is it anyway?”

“Almost five!”

“Five!” I bolted upright and almost fell out of my partial loft bed. “Chris is picking me up at six thirty!”

Cami thrust a cup of coffee at me and got busy pulling out clothes. “I know. Did you shave your legs?”

I stopped mid-drink. “What?”

“You heard me. You always have to shave your legs before you go on a date. Just in case.”

My cheeks grew warm, but I laughed. “I'm not going to have sex with him. It's a first date and we've never even kissed.”

Cami rolled her eyes and tossed a flowy white sundress on my bed. “But what if you do kiss? What if he kisses you and puts his hand on your thigh and your legs are all prickly? Wouldn't you rather be safe than sorry?”

She had a point, as much as I hated to admit it. I ran my hand over my thigh and cringed when the hairs prickled my palms. “Dammit.”

“Better get moving,” Cami shot at me.

After a second shower and a thorough dehairing, I was ready to let Cami work her magic. Chris had already texted to confirm that I would in fact be ready at six thirty. I had replied that I would, which left me only forty minutes to get my hair dried and makeup done. I never would have been able to do it on my own due to my lack of practice, but Cami was a pro.

At a quarter after, I slipped on my shoes and admired Cami's handiwork in the mirror. “You should do makeovers for a living.”

She laughed and held a bright yellow purse out to me. “I wish.”

I took it and she hesitated for a second before saying, “I put a condom in there, just in case.”

My insides, which were already having a difficult time keeping the coffee in, gave a lurch that was almost painful. “I'm not going to sleep with him, Cami.”

She put her hands up and took a step back. “Better safe than sorry. I've been there.”

“Seriously?” My voice came out high-pitched, like a twelve-year-old boy on the verge of puberty.

She shrugged and looked down at her nails. “I'm not a slut, but I'm no angel either.”

I wanted to drag more information out of her, but I didn't have the time or the courage. I filed my questions away for later. Maybe one night after I'd had a little bit to drink, I'd get up the nerve to ask.

There was a knock on the door. Cami squealed and raced toward it while my stomach dropped to my knees. For a split second I felt like hiding in the bathroom instead of going on a date. I wasn't sure if it had to do with Chris or if it was just nerves. A first date was a big deal. A first date at the age of eighteen was huge. Most girls my age had already had sex, yet I hadn't even held a guy's hand until yesterday on the beach.

Cami opened the door and gave Chris a mock speech about respecting me and having me home by curfew. It would have been funny if I wasn't ready to hurl. I did my best to laugh along with the two of them while they joked back and forth, but it got stuck in my throat.

Chris looked at me, waiting for me to walk toward him, probably, but I couldn't move. Cami was talking his ear off and she glanced at me every few seconds, but I hadn't said a word. Was this how the entire night would go? Chris staring at me from across the table while I chewed my bottom lip raw. I would have done anything at that moment to take Cami with me, so I didn't have to try to make small talk with a guy who ultimately only wanted to get in my pants.

“You okay, Annie?” Chris asked after about five minutes of awkward silence.

Cami looked at me and jerked her head toward Chris, mouthing something at me that looked like
do it.
Was she talking about the date or sex?

Either way, it snapped me out of my daze. I managed to squeeze out a very uncomfortable laugh. “Just nervous.”

Chris grinned and his brown eyes sparkled. He had on a nice pair of jeans with a blue and green plaid button-down shirt. He really did look good. “Don't be nervous. I already like you.”

My shoulders relaxed while my insides tightened, and I managed to get my legs to move.

“Have fun, you two,” Cami sang as Chris and I headed to the elevator.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. “I never thought I'd be picking up a date with Cami as the chaperone.”

“She really is more likely to be the one to
need
a chaperone, isn't she?”

“You have no idea.”

The elevator door opened and he gallantly motioned for me to go first, just like he had the first day we met. I couldn't stop a smile from spreading across my face.

“She was pretty crazy in high school,” Chris said. “Ryan and I had to go rescue her more than once.”

“I know he worries about her.”

Chris frowned, but before he could say whatever was on his mind, the door opened in the lobby. We headed into the moist Charleston night. I hugged my purse closer when we stepped into the crowd clogging the sidewalks. It was a habit. Ingrained in me by my father, who never allowed me to leave the house without letting me know how dangerous the world was.

“I hope it's okay if we walk,” Chris said. “It's only a couple blocks down and I didn't want to have to borrow Ryan's car for such a short trip.”

“Walking sounds nice.” Good thing I hadn't let Cami talk me into heels.

We headed down Calhoun and crossed over to King, passing Marion Square Park. Pedestrians were out in full force. We passed groups of people our age laughing and joking, other couples probably on dates, as well as the occasional family.

“So you and Ryan seem to be getting along,” Chris said after a few minutes of silence.

My heart did a little dance at the thought of Ryan and just how well we'd gotten along the night before. I cleared my throat and focused on the couple in front of me, so I didn't have to look at Chris. “I think we bonded because we both lost a mother.”

Chris slowed and practically turned his whole body to face me. “He talked to you about his mom?” He looked like I'd just told him that Ryan had revealed the secrets of the universe to me.

“A little,” I said with a shrug.

“He told you what happened to her?” Chris asked hesitantly.

“Not really. Just that she'd been sick for a long time.”

Chris exhaled and nodded, then shook his head. “He doesn't really talk about her.”

“I get that.” My own mother's death was something my family didn't talk about, so I understood why Ryan kept it to himself. It still made me curious.

“Let's talk about something else,” Chris said. “How are you liking Charleston?”

We spent the rest of the walk talking about the city. Chris told me about all his favorite places in the area. About going to plantations and beaches on field trips as a kid, fishing on the Ashley River, and the time they found a seven-foot gator in their backyard and had to call animal control.

When we arrived at Joe Pasta I was more relaxed, and by the time we were seated at the table I wasn't struggling to keep the conversation going anymore. It was easy to tell him about living in California and going to the farmer's market with my brothers, or taking the ferry into San Francisco to catch a game. All my awkwardness had disappeared, and I got a real glimpse of what I might have been like if my dad hadn't raised me to be so insecure and afraid.

“So Ryan mentioned this morning that your birthday is coming up.”

It took me a minute of sifting through foggy images of the night before to remember when I'd told him that. Once I did, the memory of how close we came to kissing bubbled to the surface and my cheeks grew warm. Chris watched me closely, so I tried to cover it by laughing and shaking my head.

“I forgot I told him,” I said, running my cloth napkin through my fingers to keep busy. “I think it was right before we decided to strip and jump into the ocean.”

He grinned and took a sip of his water. “You must have had a lot to drink.”

A laugh forced its way out, almost choking me. “I don't know about a lot, but for me it was enough.”

Chris grinned and drummed his fingers on the table before leaning forward. “So what do you want to do for your birthday?”

I automatically ran through the list in my head. Including the date, I'd managed to take care of eight items already. And there were still a few left I could knock out fairly easily.

“Get my nose pierced,” I said. “Maybe my belly button too.”

Chris blinked and sat back. “Really?”

“I just like how it looks.” He stared at me with an odd expression on his face. Like he'd just noticed I was sitting across the table from him. What was he thinking when he looked at me like that? It seemed to happen so often and I was tired of guessing. “Why?”

“I just—” He shook his head. “I'm just trying to figure you out, that's all. I know that you're trying new things. I just want to know what I'm getting into.”

“Does having my nose pierced define me as a person or change who I am?”

“No, that's not what I mean.” He sighed and ran his hand through his brown hair. “Last year I started dating this girl, and we went out for about eight months. When we started dating, she did everything I wanted. We watched football and we went hiking, and she never complained when I took her to a steakhouse for dinner. Six months in, she changed, like that.” He snapped his fingers and shook his head. “It turned out she didn't like sports and she hated the outdoors, and she was a vegetarian! She'd been totally fake with me at the start of our relationship, and by the time it was over, I had no idea who I'd spent the last eight months with. I just don't want to go through that again.”

Finally I got why he was making such a big deal about my shopping and worrying that Cami was changing me. It didn't help him any. I had no idea who I was, so it was impossible for him to know, but at least now we could be on the same page.

“You don't need to worry about any of that with me. What you see is what you get. I'm trying to figure all this out as I go, and you apparently are going to have a front-row seat.”

His shoulders relaxed and he smiled. “That's kind of nice, actually.”

“I'm glad you think so.” I stared at my hands while I tried to figure out what to say next. “I just—”

“What is it?”

I looked up and my eyes met Chris's. They flashed with worry.

“I just can't make any promises about how things are going to be, you know? I have a lot to figure out about myself before I can commit completely to someone else. I don't want you getting hurt.”

Chris relaxed and leaned back. He looked really relieved. “Don't sweat it. This thing is just casual, right?”

I exhaled and my mouth stretched into a grin. “Exactly. Casual.”

The rest of the evening went well. We walked down King Street—which was crowded and wild on a Sunday night—and talked about ourselves. Being with Chris was comfortable and relaxing. It felt a lot like spending time with one of my brothers. I didn't have to struggle to come up with things to say or worry that I sounded stupid, but my heart also didn't flutter and my knees didn't go weak. Those things
had
happened with Ryan, but he was off limits. Ryan and Chris were best friends and I didn't want to get in the way of that. Hopefully, if I spent enough time with Chris, I would stop wondering what Ryan was doing, or thinking I would run into him when I went to Starbucks. That was my plan, anyway.

When Chris walked me back to my room around ten, my heart pounded in a way it never had before. The adrenaline that came with wondering whether or not he would try to kiss me was exhilarating, but I wasn't sure which way I was hoping it would go. I'd managed to cross first date off my list, but did I want the first kiss to be Chris? I couldn't stop thinking about Ryan.

Chris was holding my hand when we stopped outside my door. The noise from the streets pounded in my ears right along with my beating heart. Once again I was completely tongue-tied.

“I had a great time, Annie.”

He shuffled his feet and his brown eyes wouldn't stop moving. He seemed more nervous than I was. His lips pressed together and his eyebrows pulled down like he was thinking something over. I didn't miss how many times his eyes went to my lips or that twice he started to lean forward. My pulse went crazy, waiting for him to either kiss me or end the date.

“So did I,” I managed to whisper.

“Can we do it again?” I nodded and he relaxed just a bit, and finally leaned forward. Then his lips brushed against my cheek instead of my mouth. All he did was squeeze my hand once before letting go. “I'll call you tomorrow.” He grinned and shoved his hands in his pockets, drawing his shoulders practically to his ears. It made him look about five years younger. “If I don't run into you going to class, that is.”