The Lost and Found (20 page)

Crimson made him feel needed and wanted. She was the tie that held him, the glue that bound him. And yet she acted like he was the thing she needed. He caught the looks, the need and longing in her eyes. Heard the peace and relief in her voice. Felt it in her touch. He wished she knew just how much he needed her as well.

The Cravings of Life

Crimson Sage

LAST YEAR I’D THOUGHT
my body had been made for one thing — water. Swimming was the ultimate high for me. I was like a fish in water; I was home there. I still loved water, craved water. Craved the challenge, the resistance, the way I was able to push my body past all my preconceived ideas about its limits. But, in these last several months I’d discovered another craving my body had been made for — Josiah. He brought a whole new realm of challenges, a new level of resistance, a new way to push myself, a new
home
.

My eyes searched for him as I completed my last lap. My breath was coming in shuddering gasps, some of which I was certain was due to the amount of food I’d consumed a few days ago. Josiah sat on the side of the pool, his feet in the water. I slowly made my way over to him; his eyes were already trained to mine.

“How d’you feel?” he asked as I glided closer.

“I can feel it. I need to stay more active, I think.”

Josiah chuckled and said, “I’ll see what I can do to help you with that.”

I blushed under his gaze, and my pulse sped up.

“You done? Wanna get going?” he asked.

“Sure,” I replied as I reached for the ladder.

I climbed out, and Josiah handed me my towel. I changed quickly, taking less than ten minutes to be back at his side. He eyed my still-damp hair critically.

“You got a hat?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” I assured him.

“Here, take mine,” Josiah said he pulled the black beanie from his head and handed it to me.

It smelled like him, like his spicy shampoo. I tried to be inconspicuous as I sniffed at his scent. His low chuckle alerted me to the fact that he’d noticed. I quickly stuffed my hair into the hat and after a heated once-over he led me out to his car.

When we arrived back to the ranch, it had started to snow again. “It’s only ten. You wanna come up for coffee or something?”

I blushed a little, thinking about my recent conversation with Gracie. I couldn’t help but wonder what he had in mind. Josiah caught my slight hesitation; his eyebrow lifted; I read the questions in his eye.

“Sure,” I agreed. “That sounds good.”

“You sure, you’re sure?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Just… making sure.”

“Okay.” I chuckled.

Josiah opened the door to his loft, flipped on the light, held the door for me. “Make yourself comfortable,” he said.

I walked to the center of the room and stopped. My eyes shifted between the couch and his bed.

“You want something other than coffee to drink? Tea? Water?” he asked, pulling my gaze to him.

“Coffee sounds good.”

Josiah turned to his stove; he grabbed his silver tea kettle, filled it with ice-cold water from the tap and turned the burner on high. When he turned back around I was still standing in the same spot. “Crimson?”

“What would you say if I told you I needed a shower?”

Josiah quietly studied me for a moment or two. I could see several thoughts racing around in his head. Finally he said, “Towels are in the cabinet next to the sink.”

“That’s it?”

“Do you need something else?”

“No, I mean… You don’t have any other thoughts about me showering at your place?”

“I’ve got plenty of thoughts about it. I’m trying not to think too hard on them.”

“So… you won’t think I’m making a play? Or think I’ll want you to make a move? Or, that this is a prelude to sex?”

“Not if you don’t want me to.” Josiah slowly walked toward me, his deep blue eyes never once leaving mine. When he stood before me, he lifted his hands to my shoulders. His grip was gentle, but firm. His thumbs rubbed back and forth, causing shivers to run up and down my spine.

“Crimson,” he said. “You can trust me. You want to lock that door, I won’t be offended.”

“Josiah, I…” He stopped my words with a gentle finger across my mouth.

“Shh… I want you, make no doubt. But, I see the line you’ve drawn. I’m not crossing it. I promise.”

“It’s just… I’m a virgin.” I closed my eyes as I blurted that statement out.

I heard his slow, deep intake of breath, felt it when he released it again. Felt the way his body stilled, locked down for a moment. His shoulders, his arms, became tight, rigid.

“I guessed as much,” he admitted after a moment then leaned forward placing kisses along my cheekbone, across my eyes, down my nose, to my mouth. “Will you be disappointed if I’m not?” he asked against my neck.

I shook my head no.

“Go get your shower,” he stated, stepping back from me. “We aren’t having sex tonight. Even if you begged. So don’t bother asking.”

I chuckled as he nudged me toward the bathroom; the teapot was just beginning to whistle as I closed the door behind me. When I was finished, Josiah was seated on his couch; he’d turned it to face the large window. The moon was full tonight; snow still sifted gently down. I had my hair wrapped in a towel and I’d snagged his brush from beside the sink. My coffee sat, still steaming, on the coffee table — he must have warmed it for me. I sat beside him. “You mind if I use your brush?”

“Not at all.”

I pulled the towel from my head, and began carefully brushing through the tangles. With my hair being so pale blonde I’d learned early on that showering after a swim was vitally important to prevent it from turning an ugly shade of green. Josiah watched me for a minute or two and said, “How was my shower?”

“Nice.”

“I’ll bet it was. I did my best… not to imagine you in it… I’m not perfect though.” He chuckled darkly at himself, at his weakness. “I’m afraid I’ll be picturing you there from now on, clothed in steam…”

I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I remained silent. Josiah moved suddenly and climbed behind me, took the brush and began gently working through my hair. The action was at the same time both relaxing and exhilarating.

“Why?” he asked me out of the blue. “Why are you still a virgin? What’s your reasoning?”

“Who says I have a reason? Maybe it’s because no one has asked me before.”

Josiah gently pulled my head back, lifting my face up to his. He lowered his mouth to mine and spent a few minutes kissing and nibbling me.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “I don’t think so. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of opportunity. You’ve made the choice to remain innocent, and I’d like to know why.”

He released my hair and I lowered my head, stared out the window.

“It’s the way I was raised,” I said finally. Josiah continued brushing my hair, the bristles massaging my scalp, relaxing me. “My mom believed it was important. She’d been a virgin… all the way up until someone stole that from her. I only learned that last bit about her after she’d died, when I read her journal.

“She’d told me, back in junior high, to respect myself, to respect and honor my future husband and the vows I intended to say to him, by remaining a virgin.

“I remember asking her, ‘Won’t he think I’m inexperienced? I’m going to get married and not know how to please my own husband. I won’t even know what I’ll like. He’ll be disappointed in me.’”

I felt Josiah’s hands as they tightened, clenched in my hair; the brush stilled for just a moment before he continued. “No man in his right mind could be disappointed in you, Crimson. I’m dead serious about that.”

“You’re not disappointed that we won’t be having sex?”

“Disappointed? No.” I saw him shake his head from the reflection on the window. He chuckled darkly suddenly. “Do I
want
to have sex with you? Yes. You bet I do — more than you can possibly imagine. Am I disappointed in you because you have a standard and morals?
Heck
no.”

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“No, thank
you
. I wish I could offer you a similar gift. I can’t. But I would if I could. And, the way I look at things is, you didn’t say
never
. You only said not until you’re married. That’s a workable goal, an attainable goal.”

My hair was by now free of tangles and nearly dry, so Josiah sat beside me again.

“Will Billy be angry, do you think if I stay here, on your couch tonight?” I asked as he pulled me into his shoulder, arranging a blanket over us.

“Guess we’ll find out — and I’ll be on the couch. You’ll be in my bed. I’m starting to like you there. I have a vivid imagination, and I’ve been remembering you there from last time. It’ll be nice to have the reality for a change, at least to some extent.”

We sat there for a couple more hours. I drank my coffee slowly, just savoring the moment, the time with Josiah.

Josiah

CRIMSON IS A VIRGIN
.
Innocent. Pure. And he could be her first, her only, he hoped. Josiah sat and chewed over that information for a while as he watched her sleeping in his bed. Her admission had caught him a little off guard, especially as she responded to him with such passion. Absently he pulled on the small black hoop in his right eyebrow, just thinking, absorbing all she’d shared with him. A feeling was growing in his chest — a strong and powerful feeling of possession and protection.

She was in his bed. Again. And again he liked her there, wanted her to remain there. His vivid dream flashed in his mind, stirring him, teasing him without mercy. He wanted to be there with her. Even though he’d guessed, maybe deep down he’d known somehow, that she was a virgin, he was still a little shocked by her admission to him that she was, in fact, innocent, had never been with a man before. Not that he thought she looked impure, or anything even remotely like that; she could have been with a dozen guys and would still have looked as beautiful as she seemed to him, as wonderful and as, well, pure. It was more that he’d never met anyone over the age of fifteen who had claimed to be. It was not something he’d ever run into before.

He imagined her strength of character was immense. To stand by that self-imposed rule really took a lot of integrity and a strong will. He was impressed. Immensely impressed. And thankful. So very thankful. The world tended to snicker and chide at people like that, like her, people who lived differently from them. Like somehow their standards and morals were personally offensive. And yet, she’d stood firm. Resolute. She blew him away.

He wished he had something of equal value to offer her. But, he’d squandered that gift a long time ago. And there was nothing that could be done about it now. He could offer and show her respect though. He could honor her decision. Not make things more difficult for her, not make unfair demands of her. Josiah wanted something else as well. Wanted to give her something else. His innocence was long gone; he searched through his mind for something else of value he could offer, aside from honor and respect. After an hour, as he continued to watch her sleep, he reached the conclusion that he could give her whatever knowledge and skills he had. No matter what it was, if she wanted to know it or learn about it, if he knew it and had that knowledge, he’d offer it to her. Freely.

He decided he’d start today…