The Love Letters (5 page)

“That's thoughtful.” Ellie smiled, grateful for her girls' kindly attitude toward others, including their brother. “I'm sure Marlena will be happy to hear it.”

“If need be,” Sally added, sounding a bit uncertain.

“Aw, sweetie, you're our baby here,” Ellie said, smiling at her youngest.

No need for envy, dear one.

Right away, Marlena spotted the red leash hanging from Small Jay's pocket as he stood with his hands folded there in the back of the market wagon. He looked downright timid while his father removed the sturdy maple crib.

I'm surprised Roman's boy came along,
Marlena thought, noticing that Sassafras was missing. It seemed mighty strange, since Small Jay took his cat nearly everywhere.

Small Jay spotted her watching from the front step and waved slowly, offering a hesitant smile. Then, just that quick, he gingerly lowered himself back down in the market wagon, one leg stretched out. She hadn't said more than a few words to him since she'd arrived at her grandmother's for the summer, but when the moment was right, she would. Today the boy was clearly lost in the muddle of things, and she felt sorry for him.

Roman Bitner carried the crib into the house and set it up in her bedroom, on the far wall away from the windows, the ideal spot. She thanked him as he went to get the mattress, which he took time to carry inside and place in the crib before going on his way.

Back outside in the driveway, Marlena caught Small Jay's eye and waved good-bye. He opened his mouth as if he might call something out to her but then shook his head and frowned instead.

Is he afraid he'll fall again?
She remembered hearing he'd tumbled off the back of the wagon some time ago; Mammi
hadn't been worried, though, saying he'd just gotten a goose egg on his head. Still, Marlena was a bit shocked to see him sitting in the open wagon, especially because he seemed somewhat anxious.
At least he's older now.

Aunt Becky's expression was somber when she arrived with Luella's baby later that morning. She carried Angela Rose in from the car in a large wicker basket and set it down gently on the kitchen table. Despite having the crib all made up and hoping she was ready for this responsibility, Marlena felt jittery inside.
I'm scared to death!

Mammi greeted Becky. “How was the drive here?” Mammi asked, going over to peer down at Angela Rose there on the table.

“Well, the Lord saw fit to let her sleep nearly all the way. A real blessing, considerin' there's only one of me, and both my hands were on the wheel.”

Marlena wondered if her aunt had thought to bring along a few soft toys and rattles. In awe of this baby, she watched Angela Rose wave her dimpled hands in the air from her basket while Mammi and Becky talked quietly. Looking into the blanketed little burrow, Marlena smiled down at her. From what she could determine, Angela Rose resembled Gordon. Gently, she touched the baby's forehead. “Hullo there, little one,” she said, and Angela wrinkled up her face and began to cry.

“Aw, bless her heart.” Aunt Becky reached in and picked her up, kissing her cheek. “She must mistake your voice for Luella's.”

“Marlena
does
sound a lot like her sister,” Mammi agreed as she moved closer to the pretty little thing now nestled in Aunt Becky's pudgy arms.

“Maybe Angela Rose senses she's not at home,” Marlena offered, struggling with a mixture of emotions.

Aunt Becky jostled her tenderly. “She prob'ly needs her diaper changed more than anything.” She clucked softly at the baby.

Mammi fixed her gaze on the infant—her own great-grandchild, though Angela looked very English in her pink sleeper.

“I'll go and unload the rest of the things from the car,” Marlena offered as Aunt Becky and Mammi took Angela Rose into the next room to be changed.

Marlena was glad to help in this way, needing some time to let things sink in. It was beyond her how all this could possibly work out—adding the care of an infant to her daily routine. Fortunately, it would just be until Luella returned home from the hospital and was stronger.

No more than a couple weeks, surely.

She could hear Aunt Becky and Mammi talking together, Aunt Becky's voice, especially, drifting through the open window on this side of the house. “If she even pulls through, Luella could very well be paralyzed . . . might never be able to hold her precious darlin' again.”

Marlena caught her breath. If
she pulls through?
She'd had no idea her sister's injuries were so severe.
Luella simply has to get better. She
must!

She pressed her lips together, refusing to get teary-eyed.
Please, God, let Luella be all right, for her sake, and for her husband's and baby's,
she prayed silently, hoping the Almighty wouldn't see this as a selfish prayer. She sighed, closed the car door, and carried the suitcase into the house.

M
arlena was aware of an undertow of apprehension as she sliced the strawberry shortcake for the noon meal, which Mammi insisted Becky stay and eat with them. Her hopes for raising their spirits with the mouth-watering dessert were hollow now, because in the space of a few heartbeats, everything had changed with Aunt Becky's ominous words about Luella.

Presently, Aunt Becky held Angela Rose on her lap, but when she offered a warm bottle, the petite rosebud lips quivered and curved downward. “She's used to bein' nursed, so no wonder she's upset,” Aunt Becky said, handing the baby to Marlena. “See if she'll take it from you, just maybe.”

Hoping her own anxiety wouldn't make things worse, Marlena teased the baby gently with the bottle's nipple, dripping the warm formula on her lips. Angela let out a whimper that quickly turned to sobbing, as if her tiny heart were breaking.

“
Ach
, she must want her mother,” said Mammi, her voice ever so tender.

Concerned, Marlena sighed. She'd heard of some babies rejecting the bottle when their mother was ready to wean. But this?

What if Angela Rose keeps refusing? What'll I do?

Before Aunt Becky kissed little Angela Rose good-bye later on the back porch, she took time to make over her, stroking her round little head. It was clearly difficult for her to leave, and Marlena, noticing the attachment, couldn't help but wonder how often Aunt Becky had seen Luella's baby prior to the accident.

After the car backed out of the driveway and her aunt was on her way to Mifflinburg, Marlena realized they were in need of a playpen to keep Angela Rose safe during time spent cooking, cleaning up the kitchen, and other chores, though at least the little one wasn't crawling yet. “Since we don't know how long she'll be here, maybe it's best we just borrow a couple more items from the neighbors,” Marlena suggested.

“Well, dear, I think it's wise for us—for you—to be prepared to care for Angela for more than a few weeks.” Her grandmother's blue eyes clouded with tears, and when she looked away, Mammi's shoulders heaved.

“Don't worry, Mammi,” she whispered, though she herself felt as worried as she'd ever been.

Mammi nodded her head before she was able to speak. “Luella's truly blessed to have a sister like you.”

“Hope I can live up to that.” Marlena recalled what Aunt Becky had said. She tightened her jaw and finished washing dishes from the noon meal, looking now and then at Angela Rose, who lay upon several layers of blankets on the kitchen
floor, holding a white rattle with a small pink rose on the handle.

Poor little thing has no idea what's going on.
Marlena's breath caught in her throat.
How long before she'll bond with me?

“Did ya remember to tell Marlena what I said?” Ellie asked her son when he walked into the kitchen before supper. He'd made himself scarce after the noon meal, and she hadn't had a moment alone with him to ask about the morning errand.

Small Jay's chest rose and fell repeatedly, like he guessed he was in trouble. “
Ach
, Mamma, I . . . wanted to, but . . .” His eyes darted toward his cat.

She let it drop. Certain things affected Small Jay; things they couldn't really pinpoint. Anything unpredictable could make him freeze up or fall quiet.

Through the back door, she saw Roman walking to the barn, wearing his new straw hat, his strong arms swinging. This wasn't the time to quiz him on what might have set off their son. Besides, it was of no consequence that Small Jay hadn't told Marlena of her willingness to help—Ellie would just have to take herself over to Janice Martin's house after supper to see if there was anything more she could do.

“I wanna take Sassy for a walk,” Small Jay announced, pulling the leash out of his trousers pocket, where a couple of cookies also peeked out.

“The meal will be ready in a jiffy,” she said, looking at him from her spot at the hot stove. She wiped her sweaty brow with her forearm.

“Won't take long, Mamma. All right?”

“Jake, you
heard
me. Just stay put for now.”

He withdrew like he'd been struck. He began to shake his head, most likely out of disappointment. “All right, Mamma.”

But something had already begun to happen inside him. Small Jay's pale blue eyes looked dazed, almost vacant. He was sliding into his thick shell, where he often stayed for days, not speaking to a soul.

And I caused it,
she thought sadly, at a loss now. She said no more as he reached for his cat and slipped into the next room, on his way to the front of the house. He caressed Sassy as he went to sit at the window with his nose pressed against the pane, far, far away in his safe and bubble-like world.

Ellie was glad she hadn't mentioned those cookies he'd snuck out of the cookie jar sometime earlier.
No wonder he's not hungry.

Angela Rose's sobs turned to outright wailing later when Marlena picked her up and carried her to the table to sit down for supper. She tried to figure out how to eat with a baby in her arms. “We need a high chair,
jah
?” she said, lightly patting Angela Rose, whom she held up to her shoulder. But there was no point in trying to make small talk with Mammi. Nothing seemed to stop the baby from screaming.

Mammi frowned at the commotion across the table. “She's definitely hungry, and very upset.”

“Maybe it's just me.” Marlena kissed the top of Angela's silky little head. “I must remind her of Luella, poor thing.”

“Here, let me try.” Mammi held out her hands and took the baby.

Her grandmother looked so drained. Marlena didn't want to let her take responsibility for feeding Angela Rose. At least
not during supper. Besides, there was already too much sadness in Mammi's heart without her having to endure a wailing baby at the table.
Or anytime
.

Angela Rose remained inconsolable despite Mammi's cuddling her. After a time, though, with Mammi's gentle persistence, she gave in and began to suckle, and even Mammi's expression was one of great relief. The peace of the house was definitely at stake.

Once she'd emptied her bottle, Angela Rose was quite content but still blinking her little eyes, wide-awake. Marlena took her from Mammi and rose from the table to walk out to the porch. She patted her niece's tiny back as she prayed silently, stepping out in faith like her grandmother for the second time today.
O Lord, please bring comfort to this little one . . . and healing to her Mamma.

The next time Ellie craned her neck toward the front room, she was relieved to see Small Jay rolling around on the hardwood floor, playing with Sassy, who pawed at him mischievously.

Jah, gut.
She felt a measure of relief. The dear boy had such few pleasures.

When it was suppertime, the girls helped set the table while Ellie carried over the succulent pot roast, tender carrots and mashed potatoes, and the large bowl of chow chow. The girls, along with Roman, kept the conversation going after the first unspoken table blessing. Small Jay, however, made not a peep, sitting straight as can be on the bench.

“Son, where did ya plan to go later?” she asked.

“Just to the old mill,” he replied quickly.

Roman raised his head, his sunburned face stern. “That far?”

“There's a perty white dog over there . . . named Allegro.”

“How do ya know his name?”

All eyes were on Small Jay.

“It's on his collar. And he's got himself an owner who lives in the mill.”

Roman chuckled. “The Brownstown Mill's empty, son. Has been for years.”

Ellie cringed and asked Julia to pass the potatoes, hoping to distract her husband from further problematic declarations. Things that might send Small Jay back into wherever he went in his mind, especially at mealtime or whenever there were more people about.

“Ain't empty now,” Small Jay said softly.

“You're wrong on that, son.” Roman was firm. “Furthermore, it's too far to go after supper.”