The Love Letters (9 page)

I must make up the formula quickly, lest Angela's cries awaken Mammi.
Glad for the electricity, she flipped on the soft stove light. Both she and the baby squinted into the brightness, and she was unsure how she ever would have managed to light a gas lantern while juggling a baby.

As she mixed, then warmed the formula, Marlena noticed it was two o'clock. They'd both slept a good portion of the night, something Marlena hadn't expected, given Angela's long crying spell and then nap earlier. Mammi certainly needed
her
rest after such a tiring day, so this was a welcome surprise.

Marlena tested the formula's temperature on the inside of her arm like Aunt Becky had done, then rubbed Angela's little mouth with the bottle's nipple. As before, Angela Rose closed her lips firmly, pushing the bottle away, her face wrinkling. But Marlena tried again, talking to her in a soothing tone. “I know you're hungry, little one.”

Angela Rose turned toward her voice, and Marlena held her breath as her niece finally latched on to the bottle, her eyes closing, then opening as she settled into a steady sucking rhythm.

“That's right,” Marlena whispered, looking down into the small blue eyes blinking up at her.

Angela Rose raised her dimpled hand to Marlena's lips, which was so dear Marlena willed herself not to cry. “Aw, sweetie, you must surely know I'm not your Mamma.” She held her breath, but miraculously Luella's baby did not cry again.

Daring to hope for more sleep, Marlena remembered to lean Angela against her shoulder and rub her back after more
than half the eight-ounce bottle had been drained. Angela was moving about and cooing sweetly.

Reaching for the bottle again, Marlena was relieved when her niece snuggled down next to her to take it. Oh, the feel of the cuddly girl in her arms! She got up to turn off the electric stove light, hoping to let the baby's now heavy eyelids give in to sleep once more. As for herself, she was ready to return to dreamland. With that in mind, she carried Angela Rose upstairs and gently removed the bottle to put her back down in the crib.

Immediately, the peace of the house was shattered as the crying began once more.

Quickly, Marlena closed her door and lifted Angela out of the crib. Humming softly, she walked back and forth in the room till she was so weary she could scarcely stand. Needing sleep, she decided to take the sobbing infant to bed with her, now singing “Jesus Loves Me” again and again in English so as not to upset Angela Rose with
Deitsch.
An unrecognizable language, for sure.

It struck Marlena—had Luella ever sung a hymn from the
Ausbund
to her baby? She also wondered what sort of beliefs her brother-in-law, Gordon, had. Would his being in the war push him toward God, or away?

Angela's cries mixed now with hiccups; exhausted though she was, there seemed to be no end to them. Reaching for the bottle again, Marlena gave the last of the formula she seemed to desire, cradling her near as she sat up in bed. All the while, she hoped in earnest for a way to bond with this heartbroken baby.

Is Luella worried about Angela?
The thought continued to plague Marlena as she caressed her, the baby's suckling beginning to slow after a time. She'd gone to sleep in Marlena's arms.

Marlena wasn't sure it was the right decision but decided to stay right there for the rest of the night, bolstered up with two feather pillows behind her back, until the sunny brightness of dawn shone on the wide oak leaves that graced the window in shining green.

Sleepily, Marlena looked around the sparsely furnished room—the tall wooden clothes rack, the single maple chair near one window, the crib, and the pine dresser with its modest mirror. She saw that nothing had changed surrounding them, yet she felt strangely different, and it had nothing to do with the lack of rest. Her arms felt numb as she looked into the sweet face of the sleeping babe, but that didn't matter. Truth was, her hope—or was it an unconscious prayer?—had been answered. Maybe the heavenly Father had used her willingness to sacrifice a good portion of sleep.

Leaning down to kiss the baby's soft head, Marlena grasped the precious truth: Her heart had opened wide and gently caught Angela Rose.

T
hursday morning turned out to be mild and less oppressive than the day before. The sun shone bright on the corncrib roof as Ellie peered out the kitchen window, then set to work. Roman had said a number of the outbuildings needed to be reroofed, and a whole stretch of pasture fence had to be replaced, as well.

Ellie automatically wondered where Small Jay might fit in with any of those chores, but she knew the enduring truth. Sighing, she mixed up some buttermilk waffles and made scrambled eggs with cheese for her family. Then, reaching into her apron pocket, she felt the note she'd taken from her son's room last night. It was best she wait to talk to him till he was finished eating.

Without Roman around . . .

Later, when they all sat down together, the girls promptly bowed their heads without touching their utensils. Roman observed and nodded his approval before the silent blessing.

After they said amen, Small Jay kept his attention on his
plate, not asking his father the usual—if he might help him outdoors. This was remarkable, and Ellie felt sure Roman had taken notice, too.

Dorcas jabbered about the needlepoint class Ellie was having tomorrow. “Is it all right if I go, Mamma?”

“Me too!” Julia spoke up, eyes pleading.

Ellie smiled, buoyed by the girls' interest. “Dorcas, you may attend, but Julia, I want you to stay here with your little sister.”

At this, Julia's face drooped, but only briefly, and she turned to Sally and leaned her head against her sister's. “We'll help Mamma by weeding the garden,” she said, which warmed Ellie's heart.

“
Denki
, honey.” Ellie meant it for Julia, but Sally grinned across the table at her, as well. “Right now I have a quick trip to make.”

Dorcas brightened. “Can I come with you, Mamma?”

Always eager to assist,
she thought of her oldest daughter. Ellie agreed, not wanting to make much of where she was going or what she was doing. It felt good to have a calmer atmosphere in the house this morning. Heaven knew it was time for a more peaceful day.

“The vet's comin' any minute now to check on two of the field mules,” Roman mentioned as he reached for his coffee mug.

Small Jay's head popped up, blue eyes shining with hope.

Ellie realized she was grinding her teeth.
Will he ask to follow
the vet around?

But Julia preempted her brother. “Can Sally and I watch?”

“
Jah, des gut,
” Roman replied, then finished off his coffee.

Ellie's heart sank for Small Jay. But like him, she said nothing.

Ellie hadn't had the heart to confront their son after breakfast about the strange note she'd found last night. And once Roman left for the stable to meet with the vet, Ellie and Dorcas loaded up the baby items for Marlena Wenger, then took the family carriage, already hitched to their strongest horse, and left for the Martin house.

When Ellie returned from making the delivery, she could not find Small Jay and assumed he'd taken off walking. She kept the note in her apron and set about preparing for her class tomorrow, uncertain how many young quilters she'd have. Only Amish girls was Roman's wish.
Well, his demand.

Still, she couldn't think of turning away the young Mennonites farther down the road—and her own New Order niece, Sarah—if they came, and had respectfully told Roman so. Word about her classes had spread nearly like a wildfire, and it pleased her to have the opportunity to pass along her skills and love of needlepoint and quilting to others. If only Marlena might show up, but the thoughtful young woman had declined coming once again when Ellie was over there just a while ago. Of course, considering the wee one in Marlena's care, it made perfect sense. Besides, Ellie was privately relieved not to have another reason for an altercation with Roman.

Better this way,
she thought.

Marlena lowered Angela Rose into the playpen and then propped her up with pillows. She took time to shake a soft pink rattle within reaching distance and smiled when the little hand grabbed for it. Marlena had quickly decided the
kitchen was the ideal spot for the cozy play area, just as Ellie had recommended when she dropped by earlier.

Feeling better today about almost everything, Marlena was pleased to have bathed and dressed her niece without a speck of trouble. No crying fits yet today, either. Even Mammi was complimentary of her handling the baby.
“I believe you're a natural, dear,”
her grandmother had declared with the sweetest smile.

The telephone jangled loudly, and Marlena hurried to pick up the phone. “Hullo,” she answered. “Martin residence.”

“It's Mamma, honey.” Her mother's voice sounded tinny and unnatural over the distance. “Oh . . . my dear girl.”

“We've been wondering 'bout Luella. How is she today?”

“I've just had word from Aunt Becky, who called from the hospital.” Mamma's breath was coming fast, then became a long, tearful sigh. “
Ach,
Marlena. I'm so sorry to tell you this, my dear. Your sister didn't make it. Luella passed away not an hour ago.”

Marlena could not speak, her heart cold with dread. She looked over at Angela Rose and felt even more devastated.
The worst possible news!
Stunned, she moved to sit on the wooden bench near the table and leaned her face into her hand, still holding the receiver.

“Marlena . . . honey?”

“So sorry, Mamma. I feel numb.” She moaned. “I can't believe this.”

“I know . . . it's just shocking, and so very sudden. We haven't heard back from anyone about Gordon, either—it could take weeks to get word to him, and even longer by mail. Luella's poor husband doesn't even know she was in an
accident . . . let alone this.” Mamma sighed heavily. “Your father's gone to lie down. He's honestly beside himself.”

The silence between them, broken only by her mother's stifled sobs, made Marlena uneasy, adding to the gravity of the horrendous moment.

“What will happen to Luella's baby?” Marlena asked, trembling. Her words seemed somehow unrelated to the overwhelming reality they now faced.

“I'll call Gordon's aunt Patricia the minute I'm off the phone with you. She may know of a way to contact his parents. They're already on the other side of the world, most likely.”

“Well, won't
they
want to take care of Angela Rose, once they're home?”

“We must lean on the Lord's wisdom in this. For now, are you able to keep Angela a while longer? I'd guess it'll take some time for them to get a way home.”

What could she say? “
Jah
, of course I'll help out till Gordon's parents are back.”

“Surely a baby will bring some comfort to you and my mother during this dreadful time.”

“Angela Rose is a very sweet baby, Mamma.”

“One without a mother.” Mamma's words were jolting, and Marlena's eyes pricked with tears. “Once Anderson and Sheryl Munroe learn of Luella's death, I would think they'd try to alter their plans and fly home for the funeral.”

“
Jah
, you'd think they'd come for Angela's sake,” Marlena said.

Mamma went on to say that the funeral would most likely be this coming Monday, wanting to allow some time out of respect for Luella's husband and in-laws' not knowing. “Your father plans to contact one of our Beachy ministers. Since
Luella grew up Amish, we're hopin' the preacher will agree to have the funeral at the Beachy meetinghouse. We'll let you know where and when as soon as we know.”

Marlena felt weak. “Mammi and I will hire a driver, but we probably won't spend the night.” Her mother knew that Mammi preferred her own bed, and the baby's things were all here, too. “Now that I've mentioned it, I'm not sure Mammi will even feel up to the trip,” Marlena admitted, though for her parents' sake, she hoped so.

Marlena was quiet for a moment; then she asked, “What do ya think Luella would have wanted for her service, considering everything?”

“It's not something she ever talked 'bout, bein' so young and all. And since Gordon's not around to discuss it, what else can we do but make the best plans for our family?”

Marlena pondered that, feeling at a loss to make any suggestions. She knew her parents would never think of having the funeral at the undertaker's, nor would they ask for cosmetics to cover any visible bruises from the accident. Luella may have been English, but such traditions weren't a part of the lives of the People.

“Your father will most likely drive over to their house tomorrow . . . wants to see if there might be a will or last wishes filed away somewhere.” Mamma moaned again.

“A person Luella's age doesn't think much about dying.” Marlena couldn't imagine the quandary her parents were in—so much unknown, and Luella's husband out of reach.

Shaken to the core, Marlena forgot to ask about her younger siblings before she said good-bye. By then it was too late. Her brothers, Amos and Yonnie, and sisters, Katie and Rachel Ann, would surely be just as shocked at this terrible turn of events.

Going to the playpen, Marlena reached down to cup Angela's little head in her hand and looked into her face. The babe smiled up at her. “Oh, you dear, dear baby,” she said softly, tears rolling down. “I'm awful sorry for you, Angela Rose.”

Such a beautiful name.
In her grief, Marlena ached to return to her own childhood, when she and Luella were still little . . . to try to do things another way, wishing for a different outcome.