The Lovely Shadow (21 page)

I recoiled in shock and fear. “Voodoo’s
evil!” I said. “People who do Voodoo curse people, and make
zombies, and stab needles into little dolls to hurt people!”

Miss Lilly smiled and shook her head as she
explained. “No, Child, dat’s no’ de truth. Mos’ folks is scared o’
de Voodoo an’ de Hoodoo because dey don’ understand it. If dey took
de time to understand it, dey would no’ be scared no mo’.”

I still had my doubts, but being ever eager
to learn new things, I listened as she continued to explain.

“It be true dat dey be some dark magic in de
Voodoo, an’ in de Hoodoo, but mos’ o’ de people who practice de
Voodoo don’ never wan’ no-ting to do wit de black stuff, dey only
wan’ to be doin de blessin’. Now we be doin’ de blessin’ wit de
gris-gris, an’ wit de ju ju, an’ wit de help o’ de spirits.”

I asked her what ‘gris-gris and ‘ju ju’ were,
pronouncing them the way she had as ‘gree-gree and ju ju’.

“De gris-gris,” She said, “is de charm dat we
be makin’ for to give someone a blessin’, it be a bag dat got’s de
magic in it wit de roots, an’ herbs, an’ bones an’ such. Then
dependin’ on what kinda blessin’ de person be needin’, sometime we
need to ask de spirits to be blessin de bag to make de magic
stronger, or sometime we jes’ leave de stuff in de bag to do de
blessin’ all by itself wit de spells we done cast on it while we
was makin’ de bag.”

“Dat be de gris-gris. Now de ju ju, dat be
fo’ blessin’ too, but dat be de doll dat we be makin’ to look like
de person we wan’ be blessin’. Everbody be tinkin’ dat we be
stickin’ dem pins in de dolls to be hurtin’ folks—an’ sometime dat
be true—but we mos’ly be usin’ dem pins to be makin’ de doll de
same as de folks we be blessin’.”

My confusion must have showed plainly on my
face because Miss Lilly furrowed her eyebrows slightly as if
deciding how to proceed and then continued with a more thorough
explanation.

“We be stickin’ dey picture, o’ dey name to
de doll wit de pin, den dat doll be a part o’ dat person, an’ de
blessin’ be goin’ right straight up to dat person an’ swallowin’
dem up in goodness like a snake swallowin’ a rat.”

When she told me that most of the weird stuff
in her branch of Voodoo was really just for blessing people, not
for doing anything evil, I couldn’t help but believe her. There was
no darkness in this woman; only a radiant love that shone like
light, and I trusted her completely. I still did not see how Voodoo
and Jesus could comingle, however, so I asked about that next.

“Child,” She said not unkindly, “you got mo’
questions den a gator got’s teeth.”

I smiled and nodded my head. I was well aware
of my rampant curiosity.

“Well, lemme see if I can ‘splain it in a way
dat you be understandin’… Mos’ folks, dey got de Jesus, an’ dey
happy wit dat. But dey never knows dat dey be missin’ sumptin’.
There’s much mo’ to de supernatural world den just de Jesus. But if
de Jesus make dem happy, den dat’s jes’ fine as frog hair, but for
we dat be doin’ de Voodoo, we know what dem folks be missin’.”

“Why, havin’ yo’ whole world wrapped up in
jes’ de Jesus, dat be like makin’ a gumbo wit jes’ de crawdaddies.
Dem crawdaddies be tastin’ good a’right, an’ dey be fillin’ up
you’s belly, but dat ain’t no gumbo, an’ it be tastin’ a whole lot
better when you be tossin’ in some shrimp, an’ pepper, an’
Andouille sausage, an’ bay leaves, an’ all kinda other stuff. Once
you do dat, den you got youself some gumbo, fo’ sho’!”

I asked her what she thought it was that the
‘Christians’ were missing and she began to regale me with stories
about how she can bless her dead relatives, or ask them for
guidance, about how she can get the spirits to influence blessings
and curses, how the spirits can mediate between the earthly and the
divine, and of many other happenings of an invisible spirit world
that we could not see, but which existed all around us.

I was transfixed by her explanations of
Voodoo. I found it fascinating and terrifying at the same time. I
asked her if June knew about her Voodoo and what she thought of
it.

Miss Lilly’s eyes lit up with pride and
adoration as she spoke about June.

“I be knowin’ June-bug since she was jes’ a
tiny bébé, crawlin’ roun’, suckin’ on her lil’ noonie. An’ even
when she be dat small she was full o’ de joie de vivre—de joy of
living.”

I couldn’t help interrupting at this point.
“If you’ve known her that long, then you must have known my mother
too, right?”

Miss Lilly’s eyes darkened, as if a storm
cloud passed over them. Her tone was icy when she spoke again.

“Yeah, I know’d her too, but she was no’ like
June-bug. June was bein’ full o’ life, an’ laughter; full o’ love
fo’ all de people and tings aroun’ her, but you’s mama, she be on’y
full o’ herself. She not be carin’ one bit ‘bout anyting but
herself. Now, I don’ wan’ be talkin’ bad ‘bout nobody’s mama, so
let’s be getting back to talkin’ ‘bout de June-bug, ok?”

I nodded my head and said nothing in reply. I
was sad to know that my mother had been wrapped up in herself even
as a small child, but was not surprised by the fact. The fact that
I was not surprised saddened me even more.

“Now, yo’ Grand-mère and Grand-père, dey pay
me to come keep watch over de children when dey was lil’ ‘uns, and
I done did fall in love with de June-bug, and I been watchin’ over
her ever since.”

“After her Mère an’ Père pass on in dat house
fire,”

Miss Lilly stopped speaking for a second and
crossed herself in a very Catholic fashion before continuing.

“God rest dey souls, dey was good people. But
when dey pass on, June-bug was on’y eighteen year old an’ her was
lost in de big ol’ world.”

“Yo’ mama was a’ready married and had a lil’
child o’ her own, an’ did no’ need nobody else to look after her,
but June-bug, her was broken. My man, Louie was still alive
den,”

She crossed herself again and continued, “an’
I was livin’ wit him in our lil’ house, an’ we did no’ have any
chillun’ o’ our own. I ask him to let June-bug come stay wit us
‘till she be gettin’ her heart back up to pumpin’ right, an’ he say
‘yeah, dat be fine’. Him love de June-bug too, you see.”

“So June-bug come stay wit us, an’ her stay
wit’ us fo’ six year while her be goin’ to de school. Now while her
at de school, her fall in love wit dis man, an’ he promise her de
world, so when her’s all done wit de school, her marry dis man and
dey buy dis farm. Dey not live here fo’ mo’ den two year before dat
man done run out on her.”

I couldn’t imagine anybody ever wanting to
leave June. I’d known her for less than twenty-four hours and
already knew I never wanted to leave her.

“Well dat done broke June-bug’s heart again,
but her be a grown woman by dis time, an’ her got a strong spirit.
Her did no’ wanna say dat she be hurtin’, an’ lonely, so her ask me
if I could maybe come help out aroun’ de place. Now her be tryin’
to pretend dat her’s just bein’ too busy to do it all, but I know’d
her was jes’ lonely, so I start comin’ roun’ a couple times a week
to help clean up de place, and fix her heart.”

“Now I been doin’ dat cleanin’ up here and
der for a few year, an’ June-bug—I tol’ you her be a strong
woman—her got her heart fixed up in no time, an’ her start workin’
hard all de time, so den her really does need me fo’ to take care
o’ de place, ‘cause her ain’t got no time to be doin’ it
herself.”

Miss Lilly nodded slightly and looked around
the open room while she spoke, as if agreeing with herself that the
job of housekeeping really was too big for one woman with a full
time job to manage.

“Den, last year my man, Louie,” Miss Lilly
crossed herself, “him done got all burned up with de brain cancer
an’ him pass on. Now it be Miss Lilly who be needin’ a heart
fixin’, and June-bug, her see dis, an’ her say to me, ‘Lilly, why
don’ you move in wit me. I could use de help, an’ you could use a
friend. So I packed up my stuff an’ I move in.”

“But anyway,” Miss Lilly continued, “I be
gettin’ away from de main point o’ dis whole story. Yeah, June-bug
know about de Voodoo, an’ her’s afraid o’ it, jes’ like mos’ folks
is, but her accept it, an’ her accept me too, because her be so
full o’ love an’ life. Her ain’t gonna judge nobody, because o’
what dey believe, o’ what dey practice.”

“Have you ever used your Voodoo to bless
June?” I asked.

Miss Lilly laughed for a second and then
said, “No, I ain’t never done no magic on nobody dat did no’ ask
for it. An’ June-bug, her ain’t never ask me to do no magic on her,
but her did ask me no’ to do none.”

“An’ now I s’pose I done jes’ made a liar
outta myself, by sayin’ I ain’t never done no magic on nodody dat
did no’ ask. I done did curse dat boy who be breakin’ June-bug’s
heart.”

As Miss Lilly reminisced in her head about
cursing June’s ex-husband, her eyes twinkled with mischievous
delight.

I looked at Miss Lilly through wide, fearful
eyes, and asked, “You didn’t… kill him, did you?”

Miss Lilly broke out into a loud cackle, and
slapped her thigh before she answered. “No, o’ course I did no’ be
killin’ dat man. But I did be askin’ de spirits to be keepin’ dat
cheatin’ part o’ him body soft like a wet noodle fo’ de res’ o’ him
life!”

When she finished speaking she broke out into
another burst of fresh laughter. Her laughter was so infectious
that I had to laugh with her.

Miss Lilly finished laughing and got up from
the table and said, “Ok, now, Boo, Miss Lilly got some mo’ tings
her wanna talk to you ‘bout, but I don’ wanna do it wit all de
dishes bein’ dirty an’ drawin’ de flies.”

“Oh,” I said, and got up from the table as
well. “Ok, then. I’ll just go explore the rest of the house until
you’re ready then.”

“Oh de Hell you will Child!” Miss Lilly said
sternly but not unkindly, “You done ate food off o’ dem dishes,
jes’ de same as I did, an’ now you gonna help me wit de
cleanin’.”

I was somewhat shocked by Miss Lilly’s sudden
sternness. I had already assessed that she was a woman of strength
and character, but I had not known that she was also strict. I was
happy to be helpful, however, since I was really enjoying her
company, and I was so thankful for all the blessings that had so
suddenly been bestowed upon me that I felt anything I could offer
back as a kindness to the women who had helped me was but a small
drop in the bucket of what I owed them.

When Miss Lilly got to working, she spoke
very little, but she sang a lot. She sang in French, in wild
melodies that made my heart leap in my chest even though I could
not understand a single word. I soon found myself humming along to
the tunes she was singing.

The washing, drying and putting away of
dishes was done quickly and efficiently and had actually been quite
a fun task. I had just put away the last dish and turned around to
see Miss Lilly wiping her hands on her big apron and staring at me,
quizzically.

I immediately felt self conscious and
wondered if I had a booger hanging out of my nose. I stared back at
Miss Lilly and wiped a hand somewhat surreptitiously across my
nose. Miss Lilly still said nothing, but continued to look at me,
as if trying to scry my very thoughts out of my head.

Finally she shook her head slightly, the way
you’d do if a fly had landed on your ear, and she took off her
apron and hung it on a hook beside the double bar doors that led
out of the kitchen.

“Come have a sit down wit’ me, Child. I wan’
ask you some tings, and don’ much feel like standin’ on my tootsies
while we be talkin’” Miss Lilly said. Then she headed through the
swinging doors.

I followed her out the doors, past the dining
area and into the sitting area with the couches. Miss Lilly sat on
the far couch, and I sat on the near one, directly across from her.
She sat there staring at me again, like she had in the kitchen and
I began to feel uncomfortable, thinking I was in trouble for
something.

I was just getting ready to ask her what I’d
done wrong when she finally spoke.

“Tell me, Child, how long you be havin’ de
eye?”

In return I asked, “Which one? I was born
with both of them, Miss Lilly.”

She smiled at my obvious confusion and said,
“Not de eyeballs you got in you head, Boo, but de eye dat see de
Shadow.”

At the word shadow, my memory flashed a scene
of the shadow that had passed in front of the upstairs window, but
I assumed that had been my imagination and certainly could not be
what she was referring to, so I said, “I don’t understand, Miss
Lilly. The only eyes I have are these.”

I pointed to my eyes for emphasis.

“No, Child, you got de eye a’right. I can see
dat when I look at you; I can feel dat when I touch you. De eye is
inside you. You got de eye dat be seein’ de Lovely Shadow.”

I still didn’t have the foggiest idea what
she was talking about.

“What’s the Lovely Shadow?”

Miss Lilly paused before answering, whether
to gather her thoughts to give a proper description or wrestling
with herself over whether or not to tell me, I don’t know. But at
last she focused her attention on me and said, “De Lovely Shadow,
Child, be de soul o’ de dead. De soul o’ dem dat has died, but did
no’ move on to de other side o’, maybe jes’ come back fo’ a visit.
Either way dey be hangin’ roun’ here fo’ some reason’ o’ another.
But nobody know dey here, unless dey got de eye to be seein’ dem
an’ de shadow be wantin’ to be seen. An’ you, Boo, you got de
eye.”

Miss Lilly nodded gravely at me as she
finished her explanation, and I simply sat there staring dumbly at
her, processing what she was saying.

Finally, all the wheels and cogs in my brain
slipped into the right places and I understood, and I said, “So,
you mean, like…a ghost, right?”