The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (3 page)

“Please tell me you’re not a virgin.”

“If I find a mate at Lunam, and we have, you know…” I giggle like an immature school girl rather than say the word sex. “It won’t be my first time.” I cover my face with a throw pillow and wait for Tandy’s reaction.

She pulls the pillow away from my face. “Let me guess. Football player your sophomore year?”

“It was my sophomore year,” I say in amazement. “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.” She winks.

“He was a wrestler, not a football player. I jumped him one day after school in a janitor’s closet.” I like the casualness of our conversation. Tandy is easy to talk to, or it could be the beer. It feels good to finally confide in someone about that day. I wouldn’t dare tell any of my school friends. They’d think I was crazy, or worse, a slut. “I freaked out after it was over and ran home. I’ve never done anything like that in my life or since. The urge was so strong I couldn’t fight it. I took a long hot shower then cried myself to sleep. Layla came home around midnight and made a beeline straight to my room; it was like she smelled it on me.”

“She did.” Tandy shrugs. “After Lunam you can sense things, especially when it comes to your children.” Tandy takes a sip of her drink to hide the frown on her face. “Go on.”

“Mom said it was in my nature then put me on the pill and a strict exercise program.”

I ran seven miles a day in desert heat and I’d still wake up sweaty from dreams about that wrestler. After the closet incident I was scared to go back to school. I was afraid he would tell his friends, or even worse, want to date me. But neither of those things happened. It turned out he had a girlfriend. They had been dating for nearly two years. We never really spoke to each other before the closet. We were in the same lab group a few times, but that’s it. After the closet he never even glanced in my direction. The only time he ever acknowledged our encounter was during a fire drill four months later. I was walking somewhere in the middle of the herd inching our way to the exit doors when someone grabbed my hand. I turned to see him smiling at me. He held it for a split second then let it go. My heart just about jumped out of my chest. If it wasn’t for his girlfriend waiting at the end of the hall, I might have pulled him into the closet again. That was the day I increased my daily run to ten miles.

“Layla blamed it on being an alpha. She said it’s a natural instinct to take what we want. Do you believe that? I mean, do you believe we have no control over our actions? That it’s all biological?”

Tandy nods her head as if she understands completely. “We can’t fight who we are or what we’ll become. The sooner you embrace it, the happier you’ll be.”

“You really believe nature makes us sex-crazed sluts?” I never believed in it, even when I was tearing that poor guy’s pants off. I always felt like I could stop; I just didn’t want to. The feeling started in the arch of my feet and traveled up my legs, through my inner thighs, until it was just an uncontrollable burning. I don’t know what drew me to him. Why he was the lucky one.

“When nature calls, we listen,” Tandy says. “Having natural instincts doesn’t make us sluts. Acting on them does. Being on the pill diminishes the urge, and exercising helps, but it takes strength to fight it. That’s why most females don’t make it to Lunam.”

“What do you mean? What does sex have to do with phasing?”

Tandy sits on the coffee table in front of the sofa and faces me. “What do you know about Lunam?”

I reiterate what Layla told me. “It’s where I will phase for the first time and meet my soulmate.” I choke on the last part.

“That’s it?” She looks at me in disbelief. “Layla didn’t explain anything else to you?”

“She just said I would find a mate, phase, and become a strong she-wolf leader.”

Tandy laughs and sets her glass down. “That just about sums it up, but what did she tell you about the rules?”

“The stories Layla told me were mostly about Gaia and how we came to be,” I tell Tandy. “Layla focused more on our history. She wasn’t really big on answering questions about the future.”

“That’s her.” Tandy points to a picture on the wall. “That’s Gaia.”

The picture depicts a beautiful woman in a long gown perched on a cliff, watching a wolf howl at the full moon. The sky is painted black and white, the only color coming from the raven hair of Gaia and the soft pale glow of her gown. I stand and walk to the picture. “I’ve never seen her before. I mean, I’ve never seen a photo or anything really. I know the story of how she lost her tribe to sickness and turned a pack of wolves to human because she was lonely. But it feels like just a story. I’ve seen my mom phase, but Lunam, Gaia, it just doesn’t seem real. Is that weird?”

“No, not at all, considering you’ve been gone all these years. You’re disconnected from the pack.”

I make a grunting sound and return to the couch. I’ve been an outcast my entire life. I thought coming here would be different. That I’d be accepted for who I am. I guess I was wrong. “We’re not all that different,” I tell her. “Obviously you’ve gone rogue, having your son before Lunam. You’re not following tradition.”

“I didn’t do this on purpose. I ruined my chance to go to Lunam. Some people will see me as a failure.”

I don’t want to ask why she can’t go to Lunam. She’s already looking at me like I’m an outsider.

“Do you even know why I’ll miss Lunam?” She can tell I have no clue.

I shrug and shake my head.

“Whenever your body has to regenerate cells from major injury, blood loss, sickness, it diminishes your ability to phase. I still carry the gene, and I can pass it to my children, but I’ll never be wolf.”

“I always thought it was something we were born with that couldn’t be changed.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

“We aren’t that lucky. Broken bones or serious illness like measles or chicken pox will affect your ability to turn.” She picks up her glass and drinks the last of her rum and coke. “I’ll never turn because I had a baby.” She doesn’t deliver this news with a heavy heart or regret. Just fact.

“You didn’t care that you would miss Lunam? That you won’t be part of the new pack?” Joining a pack is sort of like joining the army. The pack provides everything we need. Food, shelter, jobs. We all contribute to the greater good of the pack and our kind. I wonder how Tandy will support herself, her child. I guess I know the answer to that. She’ll do it on her own. The same way Layla raised me.

“I have a good job and someone that loves me regardless of whether I phase or not,” Tandy says with a huge smile that looks painful. I raise my eyebrow at her and she tosses the pillow at me. “Ok, I admit it! It does suck that I won’t go to Lunam. That we won’t be pack sisters.” She makes a pouty face then forces a smile. Tandy was raised in this life and now she’s leaving it behind. We have more in common that I thought. I would trade places with her in a second. Minus the kid.

“You are going to have a great life, Tandy. I know you will.”

She rolls her eyes and sips her drink. I don’t know if Jessie is supportive of her situation. She didn’t seem upset when she was bragging about her grandson earlier, but it could’ve been for our benefit. I take Tandy by the shoulders and look in her eyes. “You are smart and beautiful. I know you’ll be an amazing mother. You’re not a failure.” I smile into her big blue eyes, and she leans her head on my shoulder. I hear her sniffle into my hair and realize she’s putting up a really brave front. Missing Lunam is probably a bigger deal to her than she’s willing to admit.

“You’re going to be an awesome leader, Kalysia.”

I want to scoff at her remark, and fight the urge say something degrading about myself. But I don’t because I hope she’s right. I have no tangible trait that makes me better than Tandy or any other female. I won the genetic lottery. It’s luck. That’s it.

The sun has set but the house is still warm. Tandy opens the front door to let the breeze in and fills her glass with another shot of rum. The air is scented with earthy fragrances that are foreign to me. Cactus and desert soil smell dry and lifeless, so unlike the pine and eucalyptus trees that fill Aunt Jessie’s neighborhood. I stand and feel the effects of the beer. I center my gravity and walk to the screen door. The almost full moon sits above the trees, illuminating the block. Through the screen I see a million stars in the sky. I can’t imagine why Layla would leave this place. I think of the story she told me when I was young. She said we left so that I could grow up to be strong, stronger than she ever was. But what does that mean? Why did she have to leave her family, her pack, for that to happen?

I turn back to the room and see Tandy on the couch cupping her left breast. “You ok?” I laugh.

“Yeah, it must be Warner’s feeding time,” she says sadly. “I miss him.”

I cross the small room and sit beside Tandy. “I’m sorry. It must be hard being away from him.”

Tandy shrugs, she looks like she’s holding back tears. I want to ask where he is, who is caring for him, why she didn’t bring him with her, but I don’t want to upset her any further. “I’m tired, let’s go to bed,” she says and stands up to close the front door.

“Ok,” I say. Then, remember something I’ve been dying to know but was too embarrassed to ask my mom. “Can I ask just one more question.”

She smiles at me and locks the door. “Just one.”

“So, after I phase, let’s say I find my mate. What happens next?”

“Nature takes over.” Tandy has a sly smile.

“We have sex, on the first date?” I feel vomit creep into my throat, and it has nothing to do with the beer.

“Like you said, we’re all sluts.”

Sleep doesn’t come easy. I’m in a strange bed, in a room without air conditioning, with a head full of questions. Mom comes to bed an hour later; she tip-toes into the room and gets in the twin bed beside mine. These are our last days together, and I’ve barely seen her. I feel like I’ve squandered all these years studying geometry and English when I should’ve been learning from her. I could’ve been learning more about who I am and what I will become. Layla thinks she helped me by taking me away, but I’m not sure that’s true. I have so many reservations about why I’m here and what my role is supposed to be. My conversation with Tandy helped, but she won’t be at Lunam. I’ll be totally on my own. The thought gives me butterflies, but not really the bad kind. Could I actually be excited? Am I really looking forward to meeting my new pack, the love of my life?

I’ve never done anything I didn’t want to do. I don’t even understand the concept of peer pressure. The fact that I’m here and not in a dorm room must be proof that this is where I want to be. Where I belong.

Since Tandy left a few days ago, I’ve been bored out of my mind. My mom, Bonnie, and Jessie have spent the last three days prepping for Lunam. Helping Bonnie make the canopy that will cover the ceremony area is out of the question since I can’t sew. Jessie chased me out of the kitchen after I dropped a tray of fresh baked bread. These are my last days of freedom, the last time I’ll be me, and I’m wasting them watching old episodes of
Full House
and binge eating with the twins. They were homeschooled and earned their high school equivalency last year. They aren’t allowed to work outside the pack and are too young to work in it.

Sophie Ann spends her time reading and watching the discovery channel, while Krystal spends all day working up various hairstyles and makeup ideas on her doll heads. For twins, they are completely opposite. Krystal wants to go to cosmetology school when she turns eighteen. I hope that is an option for her, since it is most definitely not an option for me. After Lunam I have to live in the pack and work to build a new division of the pack business. Krystal said the new pack business is a huge mystery. Nobody knows what we’ll be doing, which she assures me is not normal. Everyone is dying to know what the pack elders are planning. The wait is finally over, because today is Lunam.