The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (8 page)

“Kalysia, we can’t,” he whispers into the space between us. “Lunam is beginning.” He brushes his lips across my hand and walks away.

“Are you kidding me?” I call after him, but he doesn’t even turn around. “Nice way to ruin a moment!”

I make my way to the locker rooms and find all the girls have beaten me inside. Clothes are being flung all over the room as they change into the white garments Bonnie and I laid out earlier today.

“Kalysia!” Cassie calls from across the crowded room. She waves a white dress in her arms. “What happened to you?” She gestures to the dirt covering my arms and face. My hair has fallen loose and my dress is a mess.

“I fell,” I say quickly and pull the dress over my head.

“Do you want to wash up?” She pulls me towards a shower stall.

“What’s the point; I’ll be covered in fur in less than an hour anyway.”

“Oh yeah.” Cassie stops. “In that case, take off your bra, you don’t need it.”

“I didn’t realize we’re going commando.” I unhook my bra and fling it on the floor.

“Just the bra. It restricts the upper torso when we phase. You can leave your underwear; those pretty much get shredded.”

I take a few minutes to take my hair down and shake some of the dirt out. I look at my reflection; this is the last time I will be me. After tonight, I am claimed by nature. I will be a slave to her whims. I lift my hand to my nose and sniff it. I smell Dillan’s scent lingering on my bloodied skin. I’d know that smell anywhere. I close my eyes and see him watching me from across the dance floor. I see him near the keg when I pumped a beer, and watching me and Layla in the parking lot. He’s been there all night, but I didn’t notice him until Leah pointed him out. Well, it won’t be hard to find him now that I have his scent.

“You ready?”

I open my eyes and see Cassie waiting as the other girls file out of the room. I reach around my neck and take off the necklace Layla gave me. I stash it with my dress in an empty cubby. “I’m ready.”

I follow Cassie outside and we fall in line with the other girls. The boys are walking around the other side of the building in a single file line. We will enter the canopy on opposite sides. Cassie said it doesn’t matter who we pass through the canopy with, it’s who we find on the other side that matters. My heart is in my throat when we pass the dance floor. I shouldn’t have drunk so much beer. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I sidestep out of line to catch my breath.
What am I doing? I don’t want this. I don’t want to be here.

“Kalysia,” Layla calls from the porch of the farmhouse. There is a crowd of adults lined up, watching us. “You’ll be fine. Trust yourself.” She is as calm as I have ever seen her.
I trust her.

My hands stop shaking. I nod at her and fall back into line. I’m near the end now. At least I’ll have a little more time before my destiny is determined. As we near the canopy, I see a hand wave me forward. It’s Cassie. Being near her will make me feel better. I slip out of line and quickly step in front of her. She offers me a reassuring smile before we are called to attention.

I look through the thin white canopy; the moon looks closer to earth than I have ever seen it. It’s a large white ball that’s been bounced too high and stuck in a web of stars. An old woman stands in front of the two lines, holding a branch of some kind. She lights one end from a fire pit and then blows it out. White smoke billows into her face and surrounds her body. She’s chanting words in a language I’ve never heard. Some of the girls in my line sniffle; I don’t know if they are tears of joy or sorrow. I wonder if anyone else feels as uncertain as I do. I want to look back at Cassie, but I don’t want to break ranks. Suddenly I feel her hand in mine. She squeezes my fingers and releases them quickly. The gesture puts me at ease. I’m so grateful to have her friendship. I’m so happy she is sharing this with me. I just hope we won’t be separated after this is all over. She is Shasta, so if she matches with one of her pack members, she will live in her mate’s branch. Maybe that’s why I was encouraging her to be with a Sierra. I don’t want to lose her.

The old woman stops chanting and begins the ritual. “When you pass through the smoke, you will inhale the spirit of your ancestors, and you will inherit the gift that was bestowed upon us by our mother, Gaia. When you step into the moonlight, you will become one with nature and a child of the moon. Gaia gave us the ability to choose the life we want to live. Choose the form that will give life to your pack, your family, your soul. Come forth and be blessed.”

This is my destiny. My life. My choice.
I chant the words in my head as I edge towards the canopy. I don’t see the first few phase, but I hear howling echo from the trees. When I’m fifth in line, I see Clio pass through the smoke. She walks swiftly down the path side by side with Tripp. It happens so quickly; I don’t even think Clio feels it. One moment she is walking on two legs, and a split second later, she’s running on four in the moonlight. Tripp is hot on her tail.

When it’s my turn, I look to see who is standing beside me and find Dillan staring back. I wonder if he’s been there all along. Why didn’t I notice him? He smiles, and my stomach burns with desire. I’m so focused on Dillan I don’t remember passing through the smoke. I don’t realize what I’m doing until I see moonlight splayed across the dirt in front of me. I feel Dillan’s eyes on me; he’s waiting for me to go first. I’m stuck, I can’t move. I don’t want to be claimed by nature. I don’t want to be claimed by anything or anyone. I think about Gaia. She turned a pack of wolves into humans to save her from loneliness. We are a species born from one woman’s desire for companionship. You can call it a gift, but it can also be seen as a curse. The wolves had no choice, I do. I lift my foot to step into the light, but instead I step back. I hear Cassie gasp behind me. A voice in my head is chanting.
Go. Go.
Only I don’t know which direction it wants me to move in. I start to turn around when I feel his hand grip mine.

“We’ll do it together,” Dillan says. We lock eyes, and he gently pulls me forward. We stand at the edge of the canopy. Our past behind us, our future before us, hand in hand.
We’ll do it together
. His words echo in my head. He is the one. He will be my partner.
We’ll do it together.

The morning sun is bright behind my eyes as I creep back into consciousness. I stretch my arms over my head and kick my legs free from the sleeping bag. I’m sort of surprised to find myself in a tent, dressed in the tank top and shorts I always sleep in. I’m even more surprised to see that I’m alone. I try to remember what happened after I walked through the Lunam canopy. I remember holding hands with Dillan, his smiling eyes through the smoke, and the sting in the center of my palm from where I fell then everything goes blank. I turn my hand over. The scratches are gone, just like my memory. I don’t know how I got here or where I am. I don’t hear anyone rustling around outside. I do smell something. Bacon. The smell of breakfast makes my stomach growl. I find the bag with my clothes and bathroom stuff strategically placed so I wouldn’t miss it. I put on my Vans, sling my backpack over my shoulder, and head to find food. The air is cool and feels nice. My tent is a few hundred yards away from the picnic area where the Lunam Ceremony was held last night. The canopy has been taken down, and tents have been set up all around the edge of the clearing.

The Sierra boy that danced with Cassie passes by me with Leah on his arm. “Morning,” I say and wonder where Cassie is. I need to find her. Leah and the boy smile and mumble good morning as they walk into the woods.

I don’t find Cassie in the clearing where we ate and danced last night, so I head to the locker room. The room is humid from the showers. There are ten or twelve girls waiting in line; none of them are Cassie. I should probably shower too. I check my cubby and find my dirty dress, along with the necklace Layla gave me. I put my backpack in the cubby and take my toiletry bag with me. I use the restroom and brush my teeth. The line for the shower has grown by the time I’m done. I grab a towel from a bin and take my place at the back of the line. Clio is the next girl to come out of a stall; her towel is wrapped tightly around her head instead of her body.

“Morning, Clio. Have you seen Cassie?” I ask her as she parades past the line.

She stops abruptly and blushes. “Hi Kalysia, I didn’t see you.” She pulls the towel off her head and wraps it around her naked body. I don’t understand why she is suddenly embarrassed just because I’m in here. The other girls sneer behind her back. Clio tells me she hasn’t seen Cassie and asks how my night was. I tell her it was ok. My less than enthusiastic reply causes strange looks from the other females, but none of them comment.

“Are you waiting for the shower?” Clio asks. I hold up my towel and toiletry bag, stating the obvious. “Why don’t you go next? Rachel won’t mind.” She turns to the girl prepping to enter the stall she just used. Rachel looks less than thrilled, but nods in agreement and gets back in line.

“No, that’s ok,” I tell them. “I’ll wait.” Now the entire line insists I go next. They don’t just insist; they beg me to go ahead of them. Their pleading is so desperate that I finally agree, just to make them happy. I wash my hair and face quickly. I’ve never had to shave; we don’t grow hair on our legs or under our arms. It’s one wolf perk I always liked.

After my shower I dress quickly in a pair of chino shorts and a white quarter-sleeve button-down shirt. The material is thin, so I wear a blue bra with white and yellow daisies printed on the cups underneath it. Layla always hated this outfit, but now that I’m a woman, she can’t say shit.

The picnic area is crowded with people when I leave the locker room. I spot Layla at the same time she sees me. A smile spreads across her face. We meet at the buffet table, and she hands me a plate filled with my favorite things—pancakes, sausage, and a banana. I pour myself a glass of orange juice, and we sit at one of the empty tables in the sun. I bite into a sausage link and pour syrup on my pancakes. I feel her eyes on me as I take a bite. Syrup drips down my chin and she whips out a napkin. “That’s classy,” she smirks.

I take the napkin from her with a dramatic eye roll. I know she wants to talk about last night. Even if I could remember, hashing out the details with Layla is the last thing I want to do. I eat my entire stack of pancakes and another piece of sausage before I look at her again. “Look, I don’t remember what happened.”

“I know. It will come back to you slowly, and after you phase a few times, your recall will be quicker.” She pushes my juice towards me. “Drink, you need to hydrate.”

I take a sip. “Why is it all so fuzzy?”

“Your mind needs time to adjust. We think differently when we phase; our actions are based on instinct. We do what comes naturally, without question or doubt. Unlike a human, who overthinks, plans, predicts.”

“How did I get in the tent? Who dressed me?”

“I left your bag in the tent, do you remember finding it?” Layla’s question jogs my memory.

I see the tent; I smell my clothes. The next thing I know I’m standing at my bag pulling out my t-shirt and shorts. I don’t see myself do it; I just see what’s in front of me, the door to the tent, my hands unzipping the bag. “I guess.”

“Do you remember anything else?”

I concentrate harder this time, and I see Dillan. We’re outside; the moon is behind his head. He smiles at me and we kiss. The memory is like a scene from an adult movie. He’s sitting on a bed, I’m on his lap. I feel his hands on my bare back; my fingers tangled in his hair. “No.”

Layla smiles like she knows I’m lying and stands. “I have to help Jessie in the kitchen. Make sure you eat and drink. Phasing takes a toll on your body when you’re new to it.”

I give her a fake salute and gulp down the rest of my orange juice. I wait around the picnic area a little while, hoping to see Cassie. I eat the banana and have two more glasses of orange juice before I spot her walking towards the parking lot. I bolt from the table and call her name, but she doesn’t turn around. I pass through a group of couples making their way to the food when his scent stops me in my tracks. I turn and find Dillan standing behind me. He wraps me in his arms and lifts me off the ground. I bury my face in his neck and inhale. His smell is tainted with soap. I hate it.

“How did you sleep?” he asks as my feet land back on Earth.

I barely remember anything that happened after I passed through the Lunam canopy, but I feel connected to Dillan. Comfortable and connected. “Good, I guess.”