The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (27 page)

“It’s not you.” I look at my feet and debate on how to tell him that I’m not free. I have no right being here, pretending like my life is my own. “My life is complicated.”

Jase takes a step back. “Ooh, that’s a problem,” he winces. “See, I don’t do complicated.” Jase steps back further like I have germs or something.

“Really?” I challenge him and step forward even though I should run in the other direction.

“Yeah. I do casual. On very rare occasions I’ll do complex. But never complicated. Complicated always turns into messy. And there is no way in hell I’m doing messy again.” Jase starts to walk away, and even though he’s rejecting me, it puts a smile on my face.

I walk back to the party and see my truck pull in and park next to Jase’s. “I thought I would save you a trip to the garage tomorrow and personally deliver your vehicle, ma’am.” Lucky hands me the keys. “And, I couldn’t carry all that beer back on my bike.” He winks and closes the door. Lucky hands Bill a beer and pops one open for himself.

Bill takes a long pull from the bottle. “Oh, this is not good, my friend.” He points his bottle to me. “See, I have friends at Shasta Brewing, and when they find out about this, they won’t be too happy to know they have competition.” I know Bill is just joking, but the accuracy of his statement causes a knot in my stomach.

“How did you get this gig?” Lucky asks as he pops open his second bottle. “Pretty sweet company truck to boot.”

Delilah slides up beside me and hands me a fresh red solo cup then prances off. I shrug and take a big gulp. “I have friends in high places.” I wink at Lucky.

“Sweet.” Lucky nods. He seems like really a cool guy, someone that would’ve been perfect for Cassie. I can’t believe I’m still trying to match someone with her. She doesn’t need a match now. She has mine. I shudder at the thought and down half of my cup.

I don’t want to think about her or home. I look around for the one thing I should stay away from. As I’m scanning the crowd, Deb walks outside, carrying a cake. The party pauses to sing “Happy Birthday” to Lacy. She blushes and blows out her candles. Afterwards, Lucky plugs his iPod into the truck’s stereo system and cranks the volume. Delilah pulls me over to dance, and I don’t fight her. Tonight I am Kali, the Howlin’ Ale delivery girl, and I want to dance. I dance with Delilah for two or three songs. I lose count. The one thing I don’t lose sight of is Jase. I’m aware of his presence, where he is in the crowd. Whenever I look for him, he’s always staring back. When a slow song comes on, Delilah ditches me to dance with a cute blonde boy. I’m walking towards the barbecue when I feel someone tap my shoulder. I turn around and see Jase.

“Can I have this dance?” He holds out his hand, and I take it without a second thought.

He walks me behind the bed of the truck, near the rest of the couples, and spins me around before pulling me into his arms. I think of Dillan. Being in Jase’s arms is a betrayal to him, to what we share. Then I think of him in Cassie’s bed, and the sick feeling of guilt dissipates. My head is foggy from the alcohol. It doesn’t feel the same as the buzz I get from wine or beer. This is stronger, sloppier. It makes what I’m feeling a little easier to bare.

“Do you believe in fate?” Jase whispers into my ear.

I shrug. “I don’t know. I thought I did, now I’m not so sure.”

“I think I was meant to meet you today.”

“It was a coincidence. I wasn’t even supposed to be on that road.” I shouldn’t even be here. I wouldn’t be if Dillan wasn’t with Cassie.

“That’s exactly what I mean. Something forced you onto the wrong highway. If you would have pulled off the road a few inches farther north or south, your tire wouldn’t have popped. You would have turned around and went home.” His grip tightens around my waist. “It was fate that I found you.”

It wasn’t fate that brought me here. It was me playing God with other people’s lives. If I would have just accepted my destiny, I would be home in Dillan’s arms right now. I would want to have his child, not offer my best friend as a proxy. “I don’t want to think about fate right now. Can we just live in this moment?”

“Absolutely.” He pulls me close and gently rocks me back and forth to the music.

I rest my head on his chest. It would be so easy to give in to him, to the feeling I’m trying so desperately to deny. I feel Jase press his lips to the top of my head, and my body melts into him. He is something I can’t have. I will never have. He is what I gave up for Lunam. I am bound to Dillan in a way that I can never be with Jase. Even though I feel his warm breath on my face and his strong hands wrapped around my waist, Jase is a fantasy. None of this is real.

When the song is over, I break away. This is as far as I go. I don’t know what will happen when I return home. But I know that I love Dillan. On the off chance that I’m wrong about what I saw, what I heard between him and Cassie; I won’t jeopardize my relationship for a drunken mistake. I step out of Jase’s arms and try to smile. He has a longing in his eyes that makes it hard to walk away. I don’t want to leave the warmth of his body. Not yet. I can stay in this fantasy a little longer. One more song. I’m about to give in to the voice when someone calls his name.

“Hey Jase, gimme a hand with these heaters, will ya,” Bill calls.

Thank you, Bill.

Jase nods to Bill then looks down at me. “Thanks for the dance, Kali.”

He called me Kali. He doesn’t even know my name. When I leave here, we’ll never see each other again. He will be fantasy in my head. Something I will never speak of to anyone. Ever. Jase walks away to help Bill, and I go on a search to find my red cup. I end up getting a fresh one from Delilah, then I head back to the parking lot and pretend I’m not watching Jase as he hauls heaters from the supply closet.

Bill calls to Lucky as he crosses the parking lot with a cute redhead on his arm. “Luck, would it kill you to give us a hand?”

“My hands are full right now,” he drapes his arm over the girl’s shoulders and lifts the beer in his other hand.

Lucky spots me sitting on the tailgate of my truck and winks. Then let’s go of the girl and walks towards me. “I forgot to tell you.” He disappears into the cab of the truck, then returns with my cell phone in his hand. “You have like a million missed calls from someone named Layla.”

Oh shit.

I run inside Bill and Deb’s apartment and lock myself in the bathroom. I click the voicemail app and brace myself. The messages are various stages of Layla demanding to know where I am, pleading for me to call her back. I think she even sounded scared in one, like I’d been kidnapped or worse, ran away. The last one is calm, too calm.

“I won’t bother you anymore tonight. Just take this time to reflect on what’s important. It’s not too late to fix this. I know you’ll do the right thing. Trust your instincts, Kalysia. They will never steer you wrong.” I doubt she would say that if she knew what my instincts were thinking right now.

There’s no way I’m calling her back, but I do need to check in with Rusty. He must be freaking out. Not to mention Dillan. As I dial the brew house, I feel like I may puke. I lean on the sink and stare at my reflection in disgust.
This is all your fault.

“Hello?” a tired voice answers.

“Drake?”

“Kalysia! I didn’t believe it at first, but when I saw Clio bringing food back to her cabin, I knew something was up. Then Tripp told me Rusty called him and, well, I figured it out. What were you thinking?” Drake is hyperventilating.

“How’s Dillan?” He’s the only one Drake didn’t mention.

“Uh, what do you mean?” He clears his throat.

“Where’s Dillan? Does he know?”

“Well, uh. Yes, and no,” Drake stammers. “Rusty told him you were snowed in. The weather got pretty bad here too.”

“Well, it’s not really a lie. I am snowed in. I also got a flat tire.” I hear someone in the hall outside the door, and I turn on the water.

“Where are you?” Drake sounds like he’s trying to deflect my questions.

“I’m in Quin... Where is Dillan?” The fact that Dillan isn’t at the brew house and Drake is tells me what I need to know. “He’s still with her?” My throat cracks and I fight to keep the tears at bay. It’s difficult with all the alcohol in my system. “Tell me the truth, Drake.”

“Yes, but it isn’t what you think,” he adds quickly. “After Rusty told him you were ok, Cassie called, and I don’t know what she said, but he went back. He didn’t want to, Kalysia. He really didn’t.”

“But he did,” I say louder than I should. “So, he thinks I’m stuck in some hotel alone and he just rushes back?” I yell into the receiver. I start to unravel as thoughts of them tangled together on her sofa bed fill my head.

“He doesn’t think you’re alone. He thinks Tripp is with you.” If he doesn’t know Tripp is at camp, he must really be preoccupied. “Rusty said you were stuck. Dillan still assumes he went with you.” Drake sighs loudly. “When he finds out what really went down, we’re all fucking dead.”

“No, you’re not; this is between him and me. I’ll make sure he knows that.” I pound the wall with my fist and feel it give slightly. “How’s my sister?” I ask to calm my nerves.

“She’s unquenchable.” I like the way Drake’s voice lightens when he thinks of her.

“Ewww. TMI, bro.” I tell him not to keep her waiting long and that I will be home as soon as the roads open. He says he will relay my message to Rusty, not Dillan, and we hang up.

When I leave the bathroom, Deb is waiting on the other side of the door. “Is everything ok, Kalysia?”

“It’s great.” I smile and move past her so she can use the restroom.
Wait. What did she just call me?
I spin around, and she escorts me into the bedroom.

“Your mother called.” She closes the door and sits on the end of the bed. “She said she traced your phone here with a GPS thingamajig.”

Of course she did. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her you broke down and that my nephew towed you to his shop. She seemed relieved to know you were here with us.”

Why would she think Layla is relieved that I’m here? She doesn’t even know where here is.

“Does Jase know who you are?” Deb fixes the corner of the bedspread and avoids eye contact with me. “I recognized your mother’s name from her caller ID. I know her family. I know who you are, what you are.”

I step back towards the door, ready to bolt. Deb stands and moves towards me. “Don’t.” I warn her and step back.

“I don’t mean you any harm. I’m a friend.” Her voice is calm and even. “I have a half-sister, Gale, who is Shasta. She’s Jase’s mother.”

I relax my stance and process what she’s saying. “Jase’s mother is part wolf?” That makes Jase a half-breed.

Deb tells me her father had an affair with a female from Shasta, and they had a baby girl. “My mother took her in because the pack wouldn’t allow the baby to stay with them. When Gale turned eighteen, her real mother came to take her to Lunam.”

“Half-breeds aren’t allowed at Lunam,” I tell her.

“Shasta has their own ceremony.” She says this like it is something insidious, dirty. “An older alpha, a pureblood, chose Gale. She didn’t want him, but she couldn’t refuse. You can’t refuse. That is how Jase was conceived.”

“I don’t understand. Lunam is about matching with your soulmate. Your life partner—it’s a mutual thing.” Maybe Deb doesn’t know as much as she thinks.

“At the official Lunam, maybe. Shasta has their own rules.” Someone yells for Deb, and she tells them to hold onto their britches.

I can’t get over the fact that Jase is the product of some poor girls’ stolen innocence. “Does Jase know all of this?”

“Of course. There are no secrets in our family.” Her words sound like a warning. “Gale ran away with Jase. She left him here with us then left the state.”

“What about Delilah?”

“She was born a few years later to another female. A friend of mine in the Dunsmuir pack reached out to me and asked if I would take her. When I found out she was Jase’s half-sister, I couldn’t say no. His father is a powerful man. He’s also an egomaniac that thinks he can take what he wants from whomever he wants. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a dozen more children.” She stands and moves to my side. “We’ve gone through a lot of trouble to keep the kids safe. Jase is special. You being here puts him in danger. If you leave and never return, I won’t tell him who you are. But if you stay, he has a right to know who he is dealing with.” Deb’s message is firm, but her angelic smile at the end softens the blow. She thinks I’m someone that will bring harm to Jase, but she’s wrong. I would never cause any problems for Jase, for any of them. “We keep clear of the pack, both packs. We don’t want to draw any attention our way.”