The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (23 page)

I leave Clio and radio Dillan. It’s close to eleven; he is most likely in the brew house. To my surprise, Dillan replies that he is in our cabin. When I arrive, he’s sitting in the kitchen with a glass of wine. It isn’t normal for him to drink this early.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t you at the brew house?” I take my coat off and toss it on the table.

Dillan kicks out the empty chair and pours me a glass of wine. I sit down slowly and take the glass from his hand. He doesn’t need to say a word; I can see it in his eyes. “Cassie called.”

He nods and pours himself what’s left of the bottle.

I don’t want to drink; if I drink I’ll puke. I stare at the wine in my glass and think about the vineyard outside Dillan’s bedroom. Cassie has never seen the sunrise from Dillan’s bed. She will never have what we have. She may share her bed with Dillan Dukes, but she will never have his heart. I reach for Dillan’s hand. He doesn’t move when I squeeze his fingers. He stares into his glass, his eyes amassed with pain. “It’s ok, Dillan.” I force a smile that is so painful, I want to scream. But breaking down now won’t help. I need this to happen so we can leave here. I need to be strong for him.

“What am I supposed to do, run to her cabin and…” He stops before saying something horrible. “I don’t know if I can go through with it. Just thinking about you sitting here waiting for me. It kills me to think of you alone.”

He’s right; I can’t just sit around here. I’ll go crazy. “I’ll go on the run with Tripp.” He grips my hand so tight I hear my knuckles crack. “It will be best for both of us if I’m not here.” Dillan’s jaw tenses, but he doesn’t say no. “I’ll leave in the morning and be back by dark. It’ll be like it never happened.” I shrug like it’s no big deal.

“Ok.” He drains his glass and kisses me gently. The moment is full of so much love, yet I feel like a fraud. I say this is for both of us, but really it’s for me. I’m being selfish. I have to be. When he pulls away, I can’t meet his eyes. “I need to get to the brew house. Cassie will have to wait one more day.” He finishes the wine in my glass, tilts my pain-stricken face to his, and says, “I love you.” It takes everything in my power not to break down and cry.

After he leaves, I think about my conversation with Clio and wonder if Cassie has been monitoring her temperature. I wonder if today is her day.

I knock on Cassie’s door and wait for her to answer. I know she’s here, she rarely leaves her cabin these days. She opens the door like she’s surprised to find me on her porch.

“Can I come in?” I ask when she doesn’t move from the doorway.

She steps to the side and I see her bed is out. The sheets smell freshly washed. Bitch.

I don’t know why I’m so angry. This is what I want. I planned it. I have no right to take this out on Cassie. “Dillan isn’t coming.” I try to soften my tone. “You’ll have to wait one more day. Will that work?” I glance around the room and see a bottle of wine on the table. I agreed to let all the couples take a bottle in celebration of the mating season. That was before I knew Dillan would be with Cassie. It takes all my strength not to pick it up and slam it against the wall.

“Uh, I guess so.” She wrings her fingers together. She’s nervous, I can smell it on her. I want to apologize, but my ego won’t let me.

“Are you monitoring your cycle?” I use Clio’s words to sound like I know what I’m talking about.

“Oh, yeah, it looks like today or tomorrow.” She looks everywhere but at me. She can’t look me in the eyes. If this really were the business proposition we said it was, then why is she so nervous? So guilty? Why am I so angry? I need to get out of here. I move towards the door and she opens it. I don’t say goodbye when I brush past her. I’m a few steps from her porch when she calls to me. I turn around and the morning sun bounces off the window, blinding me.

“He’s still…I mean, everything is still going as planned?” she stammers.

“Yes,” I shoot at her and walk away.

The one day in my life I want to never end flies by like Mother Nature is on fast forward. I spend most of the day alone in my office. I update my work distribution spreadsheets, make a new list for the next food run, and try like hell to get on the internet. When I bother June and Sam about it, they say once the storm clears they will put up more antennas. June has a small radio that gets the local road updates. She tells me there are back-to-back storms coming in, so the likelihood that we will get internet is nil.

Dillan radios me around three to say he’s pulling a late shift; he has to get this next batch done tonight since there won’t be anyone around to monitor it tomorrow. I tell him I understand. “Will you come see me before I leave in the morning?”

The radio is silent for a few seconds before his static-filled voice comes through. “Even if I’m not finished, I will come say goodbye.”

Oh God, don’t tell me that. Don’t say you’ll come to say goodbye. Like you’re the one leaving me. Leaving me for her.
I squeeze my eyes closed to fight back the tears. I’m so glad he can’t see me, see how much his words hurt.

“I gotta go, I love you.” A loud beep echoes behind his words, it’s the timer.

I click my radio to tell him I love him, but it’s just dead air. “I love you, Dillan,” I say, even if he can’t hear me.

I drop my radio on the desk and rest my face in my hands. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the next twenty-four hours. I need a distraction, something to keep my mind off Dillan and Cassie.

“Sorry,” Mara says from the door. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, come in.” I sit up and smile like my life isn’t in total chaos. “What’s up?”

Mara is holding Taylor in her arms. “The kids are getting tired of cold sandwiches. I was hoping there would be a hot meal tonight.”

Oh shit. Leah and Patsy are still locked in their cabins. I grew up two blocks from a Whole Foods. Their deli doubled as our kitchen. I’m great at warming things up.

“I’m not asking you to cook.” Mara senses my distress. “I just need someone to keep an eye on the kids while I whip something up.” Taylor giggles in Mara’s arms and reaches for me. This is just the distraction I need.

Mara gets to work in the kitchen making something called Hungarian Goulash. She cubes what is left of the steak, adds a bag of chopped potatoes, tomatoes, an entire jar of paprika, then tells me it will be done in an hour. While Mara cooks, the kids and I share some quality time. I play peek-a-boo with Taylor, and lose three games of Candy Land to Roger and Madeline. This is the first time the lodge has been filled with kids since we arrived. Somehow the kids make the lodge feel even more like a home.

Before the timer buzzes, the lodge smells amazing. When Mara deems the meal complete, she tops it with sour cream, and serves it with the almost stale bread from the pantry. It’s a step up from Leah’s chili, that’s for sure. Mara radios the children’s parents and tells them dinner is ready. They start to trickle in a few minutes later.

Gavin’s parents are older betas. Pete works in Genny with June and Sam. He’s an electrical genius. His partner, Elle, is part of the group of females that run the laundry and clean cabins. It doesn’t take long to see why the children usually eat in the nursery; the kids are loud and messy. Madeline and Roger, literally, haven’t sat still since their parents arrived. They run around the tables, knocking over chairs while screaming at the top of their lungs. Mara and the others scold them for my benefit, but I really don’t mind. The joy on their little faces lifts my spirits. You can’t help but smile and laugh with them.

“Who wants ice cream?” I yell, and the kids stop in their tracks. They raise their hands and yell, “ME! ME!” Even Taylor, who is sitting in Mara’s lap, raises her hand. I wonder where Carrick is. It isn’t like he’s with anyone tonight, and he’s always in the lodge around dinner time. It would be nice to see him with Taylor. I’m sure she misses her father.

I grab my coat and head over to Hopi to get the ice cream. I’m halfway there when I see Clio walking towards the lodge. I wave her over. Her eyes are even more swollen than they were today. I forgot to radio her earlier and tell her my plan. I pull her into Hopi with me. “Dillan agreed to let me go on the Truckee run,” I tell her as I lift the top of the freezer and pull out a tub of ice cream.

“How does that help me?” Clio’s bitter tone is unlike her. “Sorry, Kalysia, I’m just edgy tonight. I know my window will be closing soon, and there is nothing I can do. I don’t see how you going with Tripp tomorrow will make it easier. He will still be gone all day.” Clio takes the ice cream from me and heads towards the door.

“No, that’s just it. I’m going to Truckee tomorrow, and Tripp is staying here, with you.”

Clio turns around with a horrified look on her face. “You’re insane.” She closes the door to Hopi and pulls me farther into the pantry. “You will never get away with it. If Dillan finds out…” She shudders at the thought.

“Dillan will be occupied.” I clench my jaw. Clio’s eyes dart to the floor. She’s embarrassed for me. “All you have to do is keep Tripp in bed all day. By the time they realize I went alone, I’ll be back.”

“Who is going to tell Tripp he doesn’t have to go? He will want to confirm it with Dillan.”

She’s right, he will. I need to enlist one more person to help me pull this off. I send Clio back to the lodge with the ice cream and head to Rusty’s cabin. It takes him a few minutes to answer the door. When he does, his hair is disheveled, and he’s dressed in a loose pair of sweats with no shirt. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I need your help.”

Rusty listens to my crazy plan and adamantly refuses. “No way.” He paces on his porch. The fact that he didn’t invite me in leads me to believe he has someone inside. “I can’t lie to Dillan.”

“You won’t be lying to Dillan; you’ll be lying to Tripp. All I need you to do is radio him and say you found someone else to go on the run. Coming from you, he won’t question who it is.” I take his bare hand in my gloved one. “Please, I need to get out of here.”

Rusty’s stance falters when he sees the pain in my eyes. “What do I tell Dillan when he finds out? Because he will find out.” He’s right. Dillan will know that I went alone, but what can he say? He will be so guilt-stricken that he can’t be mad at me. Especially when I return safe and sound.

“Tell him I told you it was ok.” Rusty shakes his head; he knows that won’t be good enough. “Ok, then tell him I told you he agreed because I didn’t want to stay in camp while he was fucking Cassie.”

“That’s even worse, Kalysia.” Rusty runs his hand over his head. “I’ll deal with his wrath when the time comes.” He pulls me into his arms. As cold as it is outside, he feels warm.

I may have only met Rusty a few months ago, but we have a bond. We’re family, true family. “Thank you.” I bite my lip to keep from tearing up. “Now get back inside and tell whoever is in there that I’m sorry for keeping you.” Rusty doesn’t deny my accusation; he smiles mischievously and closes the door.

I return to the lodge and help Mara clean up the dinner dishes. When we’re done, I find Taylor asleep in her highchair. I kiss her sweaty forehead and hand her to Mara to take back to the nursery. The lodge is eerily quiet. Every movement I make echoes, and I feel how alone I am. I can’t wait to get out of here tomorrow. Other than a couple of food runs, I haven’t left camp. It’ll be nice to be out on the road, on my own. I’ve never been alone before. The idea makes my stomach tingle, in a good way. I turn off the lights and close the door. I wonder if Dillan is heading back soon. I check my watch—it’s past midnight. I round Leah’s cabin and hear her laughing. They must be enjoying every second of their seclusion. I wish. I wish nothing. I don’t want to get knocked up, which is the whole point of all of this. They aren’t just having sex; they are trying to make a baby. A baby that will grow up in this life and have no say over their own happiness. No thank you.