The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (34 page)

“Are you ok? You look like you’re about to puke.” I don’t realize what I’ve said until I see the sorrowful expression on her face. I don’t outright ask her and she doesn’t confirm, she doesn’t need to. This was the whole point, the reason I allowed Dillan to sleep with Cassie, so she could give Lowell an heir, so I wouldn’t have to. I should be happy. I should be ecstatic. This means I’m free to leave.
We
are free to leave, as long as Lowell keeps his word.

Dillan and I haven’t spoken about the time I was away. We went to bed that afternoon and stayed in our cabin for two days. We never spoke about Cassie or the Truckee run. We played our “what if” game, made love, and slept. Our list of places to visit when we leave has grown to two pages.

I pull a post-it note from the pad on the desk and fold it in half, then in half again, until it’s too small to fold in on itself. I remember the sex-education class from school as I hold up the tiny square and realize this is the size of Cassie’s baby.

“I wanted you to be the first to know.” She unscrews her water bottle and takes a small sip. “And I want you to know how grateful I am.”

I make a disgusted sound in my throat that stops Cassie from speaking. It makes me ill to hear her thank me for letting Dillan get her pregnant even if I was on board with the plan. I didn’t anticipate feeling this emotional. “Just stop…” I close my eyes and put my head in my hands. When I look up again, she’s gone.

I open the laptop and close the window to Jase’s website. I’m about to click off my email when I see a new message come in. It’s from Layla.

Kalysia,

Welcome back to the real world! I hope you and Dillan have found a happy medium. I understand why you did what you did. I might have done the same if I were in your shoes. But I don’t regret any of the choices I made. I want you to have all the opportunities available to you. I’m working to make sure that happens. I’ve been doing some research on that thing we discussed. The question you had about the Shasta pack and their lineage. I found some stuff on phasing that I thought you may find interesting. Once I know more, have more concrete information—you’ll be the first to know. In the meantime, do what makes you happy. You’re the alpha female, don’t forget that!

Love always,

Mom

I know she’s talking about Jase, so I delete the email, then empty my trash. I don’t know if anyone is monitoring our computers or can hack into them. I wouldn’t put it past Sid. I wonder what Layla meant about concrete evidence? It must have something to do with why Jase can phase. Conall knows they phase; it’s the reason why he has been trying to legitimize the half-breeds in his pack. I just wonder why he doesn’t tell Monte and Lowell? Unless Shasta has been trying to build their numbers all these years so they can overthrow Sierra. Now that Lowell is on Conall’s side, it’s just a matter of time until they get rid of Monte.

I spend the rest of the afternoon modifying the work schedule. It’s just a temporary reassignment to allow the betas a break. Once the females confirm they’re pregnant, the whining and complaining will ensue. This is the only week I have to try this out. I’m just finishing when I see Dillan walking towards the office. I close the blinds and turn back to the spreadsheet on my screen. I take a deep breath when I hear his heavy footsteps on the stairs.

“Kalysia,” Dillan calls out as his head appears around the door. His eyes are narrow, angry. His reaction to Cassie’s baby news isn’t what I thought it would be. I don’t know what I thought. He paces in front of Leah’s desk like a, well, like an irate wolf.

I close the laptop. “It’s ok,” I start, but Dillan’s cold glare silences me. There is nothing I can say to console him. Being with Cassie was my idea, my fault, just as much as it was Lowell’s.

Dillan places his hands on top of my desk and leans in towards me. I think for a moment he might kiss me, but his steely eyes tell me otherwise.

“What’s ok?” he hisses. My mouth falls open, but I don’t dare speak. “You have nothing else to say?” His words are harsh, harsher than they should be, especially towards me. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and stands before me, a wall of muscle. This has nothing to do with Cassie. This is something else, someone else. I feel my heart in my throat. Was he monitoring my web searches?

“Let me explain…” I stand up, not liking the weak position I’m in with him standing above me.

He steps away from my desk, glaring at me. His arrogant stature is starting to piss me off. He has no right to treat me like this, no matter how guilty I am. I’m still a pureblood, and I deserve the respect of one. I kick my chair out from behind me and it crashes into the wall. I cross my arms in front me and we stare each other down; I won’t dare be the first to speak. I need to know how much he knows before I say a word. If he was monitoring my email from Layla, he’d know something was up, but she never mentions Jase or Quincy. I hear Leah ringing the annoying bell that Drake hung for her. The lodge is right next door; everyone will be headed to dinner. “Do you really want to do this here?” I think our cabin is a better venue for the fight that is about to happen. I really don’t want any of the others to overhear. The pack will see my night with Jase as a betrayal, even though Dillan was here, doing the same thing with Cassie.

“It doesn’t matter.” Dillan walks back to the door and closes it. “They already know.”

The blood drains from my face. “Who knows?” I’m ruined.

“Drake. He took the call from Gallup.” Dillan leans against Leah’s desk.

“Gallup? What about Gallup?”

“You must have made a pretty good impression, because they doubled their order, but insisted you make the delivery.” Dillan’s jaw tightens.

I sigh in relief and fall into my chair. “Drake spoke to Bud from Gallup Saloon?” I can’t help but laugh a little at Dillan’s overreaction. If he saw Bud, he wouldn’t be jealous. “Bud is a married man.” I open my laptop and wait for it to load.

“So? Humans don’t give a shit about their wedding vows,” Dillan spits back.

I open a web browser and search for Gallup Saloon, praying to find a pic of Bud and Sissy. “He’s also old enough to be my grandfather.”

I see Dillan’s resolve falter slightly. “Men shouldn’t be calling for you.”

The possessive, jealous boyfriend thing does not work for me. I find Bud’s picture on the front page of his website and spin the laptop around. “This is Bud.” I point to the round, balding, short man in the photo.

Dillan leans onto my desk and peers at the screen. His face softens. “Oh.”

I turn the laptop around and click off the page. I deleted my internet search of Jase’s shop, but you never know. “I think you owe me an apology.” I feel like an asshole for demanding Dillan to say he’s sorry. I did do something unforgivable when I was on the Truckee run, he just doesn’t know about it.

“I’m sorry.” He backs away and shoves his hands in his pockets.

I should let it go, but it doesn’t feel right. If I were innocent, I wouldn’t let him get away with this type of behavior. “What was that all about?”

“I don’t like men calling here for you. I don’t care how old or short they are.” He cracks a smile. “Come here.” He reaches his hand to me. I walk around my desk into his arms. “It drives me mad to think of another man wanting you.”

I feel the same way, but I let it happen. I let him be with another woman. “I would never hurt you like that.” I mean the words; they aren’t a lie. I would never hurt him by telling him or even worse, seeing Jase again. He will be blissfully ignorant for the rest of his life, while I will always have a reminder of his time with Cassie.

“Let’s get dinner. I’m starved.” Dillan releases me, and I grab my coat from the hook on the wall. I flick off the light and walk out behind him.

I see Carrick carrying Taylor into the lodge and I realize Dillan must not know about Cassie yet. Dillan reaches for my hand and brings it to his lips. We’ve been so happy these past two weeks, but all of that comes to an end the moment he knows she is carrying his child. I want one more evening where he is mine and I am his. I want to share one more meal with Dillan while I’m the most important thing in his life. We say the baby won’t mean anything, but I’m not sure anymore. Even if it doesn’t mean anything to Dillan, it might mean something to me.

Leah and Patsy have made the most of our current food run. The lodge smells of fried chicken and biscuits. I see Tripp and Rusty with mounds of mashed potatoes on their plates—it looks like they are having one of their eating contests. Carrick is trying to balance his plate with Taylor in his arms. She is gripping an ear of corn while her father attempts to pour gravy on his potatoes.

“Let me help you.” Dillan reaches out to Carrick, but instead of taking the plate, he takes Taylor. Taylor looks curiously at Dillan with her big blue-gray eyes, Sierra eyes, and a frown forms on her mouth.

“No, no, no,” I soothe her. “Dillan is a nice guy. He’s my friend.” I kiss Dillan on the cheek, and Taylor laughs. She leans in with her corn and butter-covered tongue and gives Dillan a fat baby kiss on the cheek.

“Uhhh, thanks Taylor.” Dillan tries hard to sound enthused by her show of affection. He bounces and she cracks up. Dillan’s face is filled with joy. For the first time since all of this started, I see that Dillan may want to be a father. I consider telling him Cassie is pregnant, he’s fulfilled his duty. Only this isn’t just some duty, some chore like doing the dishes. I will tell him after dinner, for sure. He needs to know; he deserves to know. Dillan and I finally take our seats at the center table. Leah, Drake, Clio, and Tripp are halfway through their meal when we sit down. Drake looks at Dillan with a strained expression. He’s dying to know about Gallup.

“I heard you spoke to Bud.” I scoop a spoonful of mashed potatoes into my mouth. Drake raises an eyebrow to my question. Maybe he’s surprised at how casual I’m being. He’s the one that made a big deal out of nothing. “He’s a sweet old guy; his wife is an amazing cook. I’ll bring back a bottle of their famous barbeque sauce for you on my next run.”

Dillan chokes beside me. “What do you mean your next run?” He sips his water bottle and looks across the table at Drake, who looks just as shocked.

“I figured I would make the next run.” I look at Leah; her eyes are fixed on her plate. “I mean, I thought since he requested me—”

“I don’t think so,” Dillan scoffs.

“Yeah, I mean, we have the man power now,” Drake adds.

I toss my fork onto my plate and potatoes fling across the table, nearly hitting Tripp’s beer. I recall Layla’s email, her words in my head. I will do what makes me happy. “He is a customer that doubled his order because of me. He won’t order from us again if I don’t make the delivery.”

“You’ve done enough.” Dillan bites into his corn as if the conversation is over.

I push my plate away and excuse myself. Dillan doesn’t even bother to look up when I leave. Clio is the only one that says goodnight.

I hear the tinkling of my cell phone as soon as I open the cabin door. I run to the nightstand where the phone has sat useless for weeks. I guess cell service has been restored along with Wi-Fi. My phone is buzzing with missed messages and texts. Most of them are from Layla when she was trying to track me down. I delete them all. Then I see one from an unknown number.

HI!!!! It’s Delilah. Just wanted to remind u bout my bday party on the 14
th
. Bill and Deb didn’t go for the Elks, so it’s at Lariat’s, but it’s gonna be WAY better than Lacy’s. Hope you can make it.

How did she get my number? I check my call log and I find a five-three-zero area code. That sneaky runt called herself from my phone to get the number. I smile despite the devious trick. I can’t be mad at Delilah, she’s just a kid. That’s not really true though. She will be eighteen. By pack standards, she is old enough to find a partner and have a child. It seems ludicrous. Thankfully, she is not in a pack. She’s just a normal girl with her whole life ahead of her.

I wish I could go to her party. I’d love to tell her not to grow up too fast and to enjoy her freedom. I consider texting her back, but I know she will see it as an invite to chat, and I can’t explain to Dillan how I know her. I delete her text and put my phone on silent.

Thinking of Delilah makes me think of Jase. I lie on the bed and imagine a world where I could visit Delilah and go to her birthday party. A world where I lived with Jase in his little trailer, and I went to school while he worked at his garage. And Jase didn’t demand things from me. He didn’t try to run me or power trip on me. Jase would love me for me, Kalysia. He doesn’t care about my bloodline or who my parents are. He doesn’t care about pack rules or duties. Jase is free to live his life the way he wants. I want to live in that world.