The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (37 page)

I sit on the bed and run my hand over the comforter. “My life is complicated,” I start to tell her who I am, but Delilah waves her hand in the air like she’s heard it all before.

“Yeah, pack life, I get it. But you have a connection with Jase, don’t you?” She kneels in front of me. “He told me that night—that you were the one, Kalysia.”

My heart is in my throat. I want to tell Delilah she’s right, but I don’t know anymore. When I’m with Dillan, I think he’s the one. When I’m with Jase, there is no denying that I want him.

“What are you doing here?” I look up and find Jase standing in the doorway. “Are you trying to get me killed?” His face holds a fierce

My heart falls to the floor. He hates me.

Delilah is on her feet, face to face with her brother. “She cares about you, Jase.” She looks back to me, encouraging me to speak up, but I’m frozen. “She wouldn’t be here otherwise.” I’m grateful to Delilah. She’s saying the things I can’t say. “I’ll leave you two alone to talk.” She raises an eyebrow at me and socks Jase in the arm. “Be nice.” She closes the door and cuts us off from the rest of the world.

Jase stands near the door, while I sit on the bed. He looks at me like he’s waiting for me to start. I’m tired of waiting for someone else to make the first move. I’m tired of being let down. I stand, because what I’m about to say seems more appropriate standing. Jase looks amused by the determination on my face.

“Look, I know I didn’t handle things very well when we first met. I should’ve told you who I was. That I wasn’t available. Things have changed now, and I came here to apologize.” Jase leans on the windowsill and crosses his arms. “Delilah is right; I do feel a connection to you. That’s part of the reason I signed the note with my real name.”

“You mean this note.” Jase places two fingers into the pocket of his work shirt and pulls out a small folded piece of paper. It’s crumbled and dirty, as if it’s been read hundreds of times.

Seeing the tiny sheet of paper in his fingers sends my heart into hyper drive. “You saved my note?”

Jase smiles and tucks it safely away without saying a word. He doesn’t have to. The fact that he kept the note is everything. I know what I want to say. “I never believed in destiny or fate, not really. Even when I was standing under the canopy at Lunam, I never believed that a magical force was going to draw me to my soul mate.” Jase sits up a bit straighter. “I was raised like you, out of the pack. I didn’t know my father either.” Jase raises an eyebrow when I tell him this. “There was this huge deal about me pairing with a pureblood, and when I did, I thought maybe it was fate or destiny. I don’t know, but I bought into it. All of it.” I cross the room and stand in front of Jase. His scent is mixed with car oil and exhaust. “Then I met you, and everything they told me made sense. I felt the pull of the moon, the string that seemed to tether us together. It was strong, unbreakable. If you had gone to Lunam, if you were allowed to go. I know we would’ve matched.” Jase stands and moves towards me. “It wasn’t right for me to deceive you,” I say as he reaches for my hand. “Please don’t hate me.” My eyes fill with tears. “I didn’t know how to make sense of what I was feeling. I didn’t know if I was being selfish or selfless by being with you. I still don’t know.”

Jase places two fingers on my lips. “You don’t have to say anything else.” He holds me in his arms while the party rages outside. Two, maybe three songs play before we break apart. “What do you want to do?” he asks.

I haven’t given any thought to what all of this means, why I’m really here. Am I running? Did I just leave Dillan for Jase? “I don’t want to go back. I can’t stay here. I have no idea where I belong. When I’m with you it feels right. But I can’t just leave, people depend on me.”

“Kalysia.” Jase interrupts. “I just need to know one thing.” He raises my hand above my head and twirls me around. “Do you want to dance?”

“Dance? You’re asking me to dance?”

Jase shrugs with a crooked smile. “Did you think I wanted something else?” I fall into his arms, laughing. “Or we can make use of that bed.” He grips my waist and pulls me against him.

“Tonight that bed belongs to your sister.” I remind him.

“Then let’s dance.”

I love the way my head fits in the crook of Jase’s neck and the lazy way he smiles at me, as if me being in his arms is the most natural thing in the world, and not something so wrong it will crush another man’s soul. The song ends, and Jase leaves me to get a drink. Everything about him is so relaxed, unhurried. He hands me a cup of Howlin’ Ale and sits in the chair beside me. The music stops, and Delilah begins opening her gifts in the center of the dance floor. She steals glances at me and Jase in between gifts. I take a sip from my cup and smile at her.

“She’s afraid you’re going to disappear and leave me heartbroken, again.” Jase grins behind his red plastic cup, pausing for a second to let the words sink in before taking a drink.

I look at him with an apology on my face. I hate that I caused him any kind of pain, and the fact that I’m here can cause even more. Dillan and I may be over, but that doesn’t mean shit to the pack, or to Lowell. Going to Lunam made me part of the Sierra pack. It isn’t something I can just walk away from. I need support from the council. My parents. Even permission from Dillan, to release me after Cassie has his child. I will fight until my dying breath for my freedom.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, I was joking.” Jase strokes my back.

I love the way he can sense my mood. I lean into his touch, and he slides his arm around my shoulders. “I don’t want to cause you any trouble, with the pack I mean.”

Jase shakes his head arrogantly. “I’m not worried.” His eyes sparkle under the twinkling lights.

“What you said earlier, about me getting you killed…” I try to tell him the threat is real, but he won’t let me finish.

“I was joking, Kalysia. I’m not a threat to them because they think I’m just another half-breed that doesn’t phase. As long as it stays that way, I have nothing to fear.” He places his cup on the ground and pulls my chair in between his legs. The chair scrapes against the blacktop. Without the music on, it echoes through the party. Heads turn in our direction, including Delilah’s. Seeing us together is her favorite gift of all. She smiles and yells for the DJ to turn the music back on.

“I don’t believe in any of their myths about matching or soulmates. You wouldn’t either if you’ve seen the things I’ve seen,” he says. I won’t ask him to elaborate, I don’t want to know the horrible things that happen to half-breeds. “The only thing I have to worry about is a jealous boyfriend, and I’ve dealt with my fair share of those.” Jase smiles and tilts his head to the side with a smug look on his face. Even though he’s trying to pretend he’s got game, I know he’s just messing me.

“How do you explain us? Our connection is not a human one; it’s so much more than that. It feels like Lunam. Something strong and absolute.” I’m lightheaded at the thought of falling in love with Jase.

The grin slips from Jase’s lips and he leans towards me. “Why do we have to label what we feel?” Jase looks at the ground. “Can’t we just enjoy this moment?”

“This moment? Like this is all we will have?” My chest constricts when I see the look on Jase’s face. “Are you saying you don’t feel our connection?” Was Delilah lying? Did he really tell her I was the one?

Jase’s grin turns humorous.

“What’s so funny?” My cheeks flush when he doesn’t answer. Maybe I was wrong, and what I feel is nothing more than lust. I was wrong with Dillan. I convinced myself I loved him, that I could love him for the rest of my life, until I met Jase.

I pull my hands free and stand up. My chair falls backwards; the way it did in the kitchen yesterday when I was breaking up with Dillan. The thought of him with Cassie or me with Jase becomes too overwhelming. I need air. More air than this space offers. I need to run.

“Where are you going?” Jase yells as I bolt for the woods. “Kalysia!”

My name bounces off the trees as the world blurs in front of me. My skin grows warm like I’m about to phase. I haven’t phased in weeks, not since the morning I returned from Quincy and phased with Rusty and Carrick. My breathing turns shallow and my heart patters out of control. Something’s wrong. I fall to my hands and knees and grip my stomach. I heave and vomit into the dry leaves. Jase runs up behind me, and I yell for him to stop. “Don’t come closer!” I wipe my mouth with the sleeve of my jacket and sit back on my knees. The trees swirl above me; I see the full moon peer through the bare branches. Its light pierces me, and the world turns dark.

I hear Delilah’s voice nearby. She’s whispering to someone. I open my eyes and find her and Deb standing in the middle of Jase’s trailer. “Kalysia.” Delilah rushes to the bed. “Can you sit up?” She helps me sit and then hands me a bottle of water. I take a small sip. When it goes down easily, I drink the entire bottle. I must be dehydrated; the beer didn’t help.

“I’m ok.” I swing my feet onto the floor and notice I’m not wearing shoes. The trailer floor is freezing. Delilah makes a big deal about me standing. “I’m fine, really. I think I had too much to drink.”

“You had two beers,” Delilah says. “You had ten times as much at Lacy’s party.” Delilah releases my arm and moves towards the sink, where Deb is standing. They look at each other like they know something I don’t.

I find my shoes and sit on the bed to put them on. “I don’t know what the big deal is.” I stand up and flatten my hair. “I just got dizzy.”

Deb looks stressed, like what she’s about to say is going to be bad. I had a feeling she resented my coming back; maybe she’s choosing this moment to let me have it.

“Jase and I were talking.” I recall our conversation and how I’ve been a fool this entire time. “I was just overwhelmed.”

“This might seem intrusive, but did you and Jase sleep together the last time you were here?”

“Deb!” Delilah looks at her aunt as if she’s lost her mind.

“It’s a valid question.”

I’m so humiliated. Deb must think I’m a slut. I am. If there is a special hell for people like me, I want to go there now.

“I’m not trying to judge you,” Deb says softly. “The last time you visited us, it was during a certain time of year.” I look at Deb and realize what she’s getting at.

Oh my God.
It can’t be that.
I shake my head no. “I’m a pureblood.”

“And Jase is a half-breed,” Delilah adds.

“Where is Jase?” I don’t want him to hear our conversation.

“I sent him to the store for ginger ale.” Deb shrugs. “It was the one thing we didn’t have.”

“This can’t be happening to me. This isn’t my destiny. I have another plan.” I look at Deb and Delilah with tears in my eyes. I can’t finish my sentence because I no longer know what my plan is. I had a plan with Dillan and now I don’t know what I have.

Deb sits beside me and puts her arm around my shoulders. “It looks like the world has its own plan, because I’m certain that you are pregnant.”

Deb and Delilah leave when Jase’s Bronco pulls to a stop outside. I can’t hear the words they exchange but Jase looks really nervous when he walks inside the trailer.

“Deb said you need this,” he hands me a bottle of ginger ale then backs away like I’m contagious.

I put the soda on the table and clear my throat. I should tell him I’m pregnant, but I can’t. I’m so embarrassed of my behavior. One minute I’m declaring my loyalty to Dillan, the next minute I’m rolling around naked with Jase. There is something seriously wrong with me. Aside from the fact that I’m pregnant.