The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (33 page)

The lodge is filled with quiet conversation. Pete and Elle are in the corner, coaxing Gavin to eat. His face is covered in chili. Elle sees me watching and waves. I remember what I wanted to call Layla about today. “Mom,” I say. Layla turns her attention away from the males and looks at me. “I was wondering if I could rotate responsibilities. You know, spread the work around so the betas aren’t always stuck doing the same jobs.”

Layla smiles and nods in approval. “Absolutely.” She smiles in approval and sips her wine, then remembers who she’s dealing with. “You mean just the betas, right?”

“Um, no.” I brace for her wrath. “I mean for everyone. It isn’t fair that the alphas get to choose their jobs, while the betas are stuck with the laundry and cleaning.”

Layla breaks into a huge smile. “See, this is why I took you away. You don’t see things the way the others do. I think it’s a great idea, but it will be a hard sell to the alphas, especially your half-sister.” She gestures to Leah, who is hanging on Drake’s arm. “She’s been raised in pack life; she won’t like the change. She’ll think you are punishing her and the others. They will see it as a power trip.”

Layla makes sense, but I know I can talk Leah and the others into it. “I can make them see things my way.” I say with confidence.

The door opens, and a cold breeze chills my back. I’m afraid to turn around. I watch Layla’s face. When she has no reaction; I know it isn’t Dillan. A few minutes later, I feel a tug on my pants.

“Taylor!” I scoop her into my arms. She’s warm and cuddly and smells like maple syrup. Taylor claps her hands when I set her in my lap. “Taylor, this is my mom.” I take her hand and wave at Layla. If I didn’t know my mother, I would think seeing Taylor in my lap choked her up, but it must be the spice in the chili. Layla clears her throat and says hello to Taylor.

Taylor claps again and then looks up at me. “Mumm,” she dribbles. My eyes dart to Layla’s.

“Did she just call you mom?” We say at the same time to each other. Before either of us recover from the shock, Carrick arrives.

“Come on, princess. I’ll get you some mum-mum.” Carrick smiles at Layla and takes Taylor from my lap.

Layla and I exchange a smile. “I thought she was talking to you.” I point at Layla.

She shakes her head and says, “No, sweetie, she was talking to you.” Layla pats my hand. “You’re a natural.” I feel my heart tug a bit at the thought of giving Layla not just an heir to her family line, but also a grandchild.

“You ready to hit the road?” Monte caresses Layla’s back.

“You’re drunk.” She stands with her hand held out. Monte places the keys to his Mercedes in her palm. I love their dynamic.

“Who will drive your car?” I ask.

Layla waves it off. “Next time someone heads our way; they can bring it down.” Layla winks at me and whispers, “Until then, I guess I’ll have to get a new car.”

Layla is always two steps ahead. I hug Mom, then Monte. He tells me to call him Dad, and a tear forms in the corner of my eye. I’ve never called anyone Dad. My mom and
dad
are about to walk out when Leah yells from the kitchen. “Wait! Let me pack up some chili to go!”

Layla gives me a wide-eyed look, but calls to Leah and tells her she would love to take some home.
Who is this person?
The Layla I know was never this sweet. Monte’s pleasing personality must be rubbing off on her. Layla drags Monte to the kitchen to retrieve their doggie bag and to say goodbye to his other daughter.

“Mum mum mum,” Taylor cries from her high chair in the corner. I wave and she claps her hands. Carrick turns to see who is making his daughter smile.

“We have a thing,” I explain. Carrick looks thrilled to know I care about Taylor. “Don’t we, Taylor!” Taylor claps again and reaches out for me with chili-stained hands.

Carrick turns around to say something then stops. I hear the door open and close behind me. His scent is still mashed with hers. I wonder how long it will last. I walk away, my back to him. I pluck a napkin from the buffet and take it to Carrick. He mouths thank you and wipes his daughter’s face.

“Kalysia,” Dillan calls my name and the lodge goes silent, except for Monte, who is laughing as he returns from the kitchen with Layla and Leah.

I don’t want to turn around, but I have to. No use avoiding the inevitable. Seeing him here, in public, may be the buffer we need. Neither one of us want to make a scene in front of my parents. When I turn around, my eyes find his instantly. I can’t read his expression. It’s part anger, part guilt, part love. Or maybe that’s how I’m feeling. Then I see her, standing timidly behind him. The air in my lungs deflates. How can I stand here as if nothing is wrong? My eyes turn to daggers as a low rumble builds in my throat. The next thing I know Taylor is in my arms. Her chubby hands find my face. I can’t help but laugh.

Dillan remains frigid at the door with all eyes on him. Monte looks from me to Dillan. Then he looks at Layla, who is trying to maintain a level of calm. “Looks like the honeymoon is over,” he bellows as they walk out. He slaps Dillan on the back when he passes him and says, “Take care of my girl.” Dillan’s jaw tightens. He doesn’t reply.

“Come on, Monte.” Layla pushes him out the door.

Dillan and Cassie quietly get their lunch. Cassie takes her bowl back to her cabin, while Dillan sits at the center table, his table. The room has turned cold since he arrived, but this is his pack. He won’t be ignored. It was probably his idea for Cassie to come get lunch. She will be the mother of his child if all goes according to plan; it’s only normal for him to make sure she’s properly fed. I wonder if she told him I made her phase. I don’t care. That’s between me and Cassie. Just like what happened over the last two days is their business.

The reaction of the pack shocks me. I thought the males would see Dillan taking Cassie as a good thing. It’s a trickledown effect, what’s good enough for the pack leader is good enough for the pack. That doesn’t seem to be the case. The pack is on my side. Although their allegiance feels good, I know it’s wrong for them to shun Dillan. I tell Carrick to join him while I finish feeding Taylor. He doesn’t argue. Soon other males sit at Dillan’s table.

I’m new at this feeding thing, and Taylor’s face and clothes can prove it. I hold the bowl too close to Taylor, and she knocks it to the floor. Elle runs over to clean it up, but I wave her away. “I got it.” I look up and see Dillan watching me clean the floor. He continues to watch as I clean Taylor’s face and hands. When Carrick is called to the tower, I keep Taylor, promising to take her to Mara when she gets tired.

Eventually everyone returns to work. Leah and Clio clear the lunch dishes and disappear into the kitchen to prep for dinner. Before I know it, it’s only me and Dillan in the dining room. Taylor is sleeping in my arms when Dillan sits beside me. He puts his arm over the back of the couch. I look over Taylor’s head, at him. She’s the buffer we need—a warm, soft, loveable little buffer. I feel Dillan’s fingers in my hair and close my eyes. My heart flutters, but not like before. There is something else there, something that makes me want to vomit.

“You look so beautiful with her,” he says quietly. “I didn’t know you helped in the nursery.”

“I don’t, I mean, not usually. I just helped out during…” I don’t finish. He knows what I mean.

“It suits you.” He places his hand on my shoulder and I shudder. The reaction surprises us both. Dillan removes his arm from the couch and leans forward with his head in his hands. “I don’t know if you want me to touch you or leave you alone.”

I don’t know either. I clear the lump in my throat and stand up. Taylor twitches in my arms. I lean my cheek on her sweaty head and I look at Dillan. “Do you
want
to touch me?”

His face is a tangled mess of emotion. I want to care about his feelings, but I can’t. He smells like her. It’s faint; I can tell he showered. Probably at the brew house where they have a small apartment set up for overnight shifts. “Of course I want to touch you. I love you. That hasn’t changed.” But something has. I can tell by the way he lets the sentence hang there, unfinished.

I take Taylor to the nursery then head to my cabin. I walk slowly. It’s the first time since we met at Lunam that the thought of being alone with Dillan makes me nervous. In fact, I wish I could just avoid him altogether. My parents’ arrival this morning couldn’t have been more perfect. Their visit gave us the excuse we needed to avoid the awkward conversation that is about to take place. What am I going to say? What will he say? I love him,
that
hasn’t changed, but so much has. Even if he doesn’t know about Jase, my night with him, the connection we had, it changed me. I will never see Jase again, but he will always have a small place in my heart.

I find Dillan standing in front of the unlit fireplace. He turns when I close the door; his eyes are glossy, his hands hidden in the pockets of his cargo pants. Whatever he’s about to say is something he’s thought about, agonized over. It’s something I don’t want to hear. He’s still looking for the courage to speak when I approach him. He takes my hands in his and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes and concentrate on his lips touching my skin. There is a spark, a tingle. I know that after it’s all said and done, I love Dillan. I don’t want this to end. I don’t need an apology. I just need to forget. Forget Jase. Forget Cassie. I want to rewind back to when it was just me and Dillan.

I look into his pained eyes and place my finger to his lips to prevent him from speaking. My heart beats like a jackhammer as I walk him to our bed.

“Pete, you are my hero!” I tell him as I watch the MSN home screen scroll through today’s top headlines. “All the cabins have Wi-Fi now?”

“Yes.” Pete smiles proudly. “I made sure Mara was up and running first so the kids could start on their school work, just like you requested.”

I decided that I want the betas with school age children to have an option to leave. Mara said she is certified to homeschool, but I want these kids to have every option available to them. Getting them up to speed on their school work is a top priority. I already sent requests to the council to have some of the families relocated to cities so the kids can attend a real school. Layla is helping to find jobs for them within Howlin’ Ale that won’t require them to live at camp. Monte is looking at space to open a restaurant and brewery along the San Francisco bay. Once it opens we can start moving people out to live and work in San Francisco.

After Pete leaves, I log into my old email address. My inbox has over a thousand emails, too many to weed through and find any worth keeping, so I delete them all. Layla never allowed me on social media, so other than email, there isn’t really anything else for me to look up online. Except, maybe. I get up and close the office door. My heart is in my throat when I return to my chair. It slides sideways, and I crash into the wall. I hold my breath as I type his address in the search bar. I’m looking up his business website; there’s no harm in that. It isn’t like I’m going to talk to him. It isn’t like I’m going to sneak him chocolates or something.

I hear the birds outside my window trying to out-sing each other and the screaming children in the playground nearby. The weather is getting warmer. It’s still cold, but a sunny cold. I’m pretty sure everyone is where they should be; no chance of Dillan showing up here unannounced. Suddenly, the front of his shop is staring back at me. It’s a photo taken from the street; the sign above the garage and the entrance to the office are centered on the screen. I click through each page, scanning, searching. When I click the About Us page I find what I’m looking for. His blue-gray eyes smile from under a baseball hat. He’s laughing at something, probably Lucky. I stare into his eyes, and I feel his hands on me. I smell him. I close my eyes and see him smiling beside me in bed.

The door to the office creaks and I slam the laptop closed. My eyes dart to the door and find Cassie. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” She is always apologizing. Everyone is so cold when she’s around. Dillan didn’t ask me to be nicer; he didn’t have to. I’m really not catty by nature. Not like Leah and the other females. Even the betas refused to wait on her. I finally had to ask Elle to take over her cabin. She gave me a little resistance until I told her it would be a personal favor to me.

“What is it?” I lean protectively over the laptop.

Cassie shifts her weight from one foot to another as she fidgets with the water bottle in her hand. She places her hand softly to her belly then makes a sour face.