The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (29 page)

This must be what my mother and Conall were discussing. This is why the blood test is so crucial now. Will it even matter once they find out half-breeds can phase? “Do you realize what this means?”

Jase shrugs like he doesn’t really care. I know he does, he has to. He’s still part wolf. It has to mean something to him.

“The one thing that keeps half-breeds out of Lunam, out of the pack, is your inability to phase. But you do. This means you are the future of our kind. The purebloods, like me, are getting too close in relation. We have one or two more Lunams at most before the blood lines are too close to match. If we include your kind, or even just open up to the idea that we no longer have to limit who we love, we can create a new pack. One of diversity and acceptance, yet still powerful.” I sit up and move closer to Jase. “You are the beginning of an entirely new breed.”

“Whoa, wait a minute.” Jase sits up. “I don’t want to be the start of anything. I just want to be me.” He smiles and pulls me close. “Me with supernatural abilities.”

I have so many questions, but I doubt Jase has the answers. Cassie will. This is her fucked-up pack, her heartless father. I reach for the Shasta paw dangling around my neck and pull the chain until it snaps off. I don’t want any part of Shasta. I keep the necklace clasped in my palm. It was a gift from my mother, something I thought I would pass on to my daughter one day. Now it’s a symbol of evil. I toss the necklace on the nightstand and turn back to Jase.

He looks at it then turns his eyes back to me. “I won’t be controlled by anyone, nobody should be.” His jaw tightens. I feel his body temperature rise. I kiss his shoulder and his heart rate slows down. He squeezes me to him. “You’re not going to rat me out, are you?” Jase sounds like he is only half joking. “You don’t believe in all the pack bullshit, right?”

“No, I wasn’t raised in my pack.” I don’t want to say any more. I don’t want to tell him I went to Lunam. He might hate me if he knew. I would hate me. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Jase tangles his hand in my hair and kisses me. My chest swells with emotion. Usually it’s the burn, the itch that drives my desire. But with Jase, it’s something different, something new. Jase rolls on top of me and my legs part, inviting him in. I’m about to lose myself in pleasure when a cloud shifts and the full moon shines through a crack in the window curtains.

Jase pulls himself back. “Stop.”

I kiss his neck and nibble his ear lobe. “Do you really want me to stop?”

“No, yes, no.” He can’t make up his mind. Jase’s mouth crashes into mine, and I gladly take him in. His tongue slides against mine and I moan. Then he pulls away again. “No, we have to stop.” He moves from between my legs and lies beside me.

“Is everything ok?” I pull the sheet over my naked body, feeling totally rejected.

“Yes, it’s amazing. You are amazing.” He kisses my hand. “But you know what time of year this is?” He gestures to the full moon. I’m surprised he knows about the season and the moons. “Deb warned me about all of that.” He waves his hand around my head. “Believe me, the conversation was as bad as it sounds.”

I laugh and sit up, letting the sheet fall away. “I can’t get pregnant by you,” I say. “Once you go through Lunam, you can only get pregnant by an alpha.” I feel my cheeks flush.

Jase looks wounded. “Oh.” He seems to be processing what I said, like he was told something different. “I always thought…I don’t know, I thought I was an alpha.”

“If your father was a pureblood you would be an alpha. But your mother’s human blood makes you just a half-breed.”

Jase still looks upset, like he’s been lied to his whole life.

“This is a good thing.” I stroke his chest. He grabs my fingers and brings them to his lips.

“Well, in that case.” He flings the sheet off the bed and pounces on me.

Making love to Jase is a whole new experience. His kiss, his touch, and the way we fit together—it’s like he was made for me. I anticipate his desires and he reads my mind. I don’t want to leave. I want to stay in his arms forever. That is a fantasy I know will never come true. Dillan, Lowell, hell, even Layla would kill him if they ever found out.

When the first hint of dawn creeps in the window, I know my fairytale has come to an end. I dress quietly; I don’t want to wake him. I can’t stand the idea of saying goodbye. I’m afraid I won’t be able to leave. I look back one more time, and I can’t do it. I can’t walk out on him like this. I take the notepad from the nightstand and write him a note.

See you next lifetime.

Love, Kalysia

He at least deserves to know my name. And the love part, well, it just feels right.

The parking lot is peppered with empty red cups and beer bottles. I make it to the truck and start the engine. It roars to life, and I hope it doesn’t wake anyone. I put the truck in reverse and look down at the clock. It’s barely five a.m. I pull out of the parking lot and edge onto the road, when I see Lucky’s iPod sitting on the seat.

I leave the truck running and hurry to Bill’s door. I’m trying to shove it through the mail slot, when the door opens. Bill stands before me with a cup of coffee in his hand. “And here I thought you were going to leave without saying goodbye.”

“Uh, yeah.” I look at room three to make sure the door hasn’t opened.

“Are you returning your key?” Bill looks at my hand.

“Oh, no, um, this is Lucky’s iPod. He left it in the truck.” I hand him the iPod. “I gotta go.” I motion to the truck idling in the driveway. White smoke billows out in the cold morning air. “Thanks for the room and everything. It was nice to meet you. Tell Deb I said bye.”

I jog back to the truck; the icy morning air burns my throat.

“Hey Kal, hold on,” Bill’s voice echoes through the parking lot. I pray he doesn’t wake Jase. I spin around. “The key to the room?”

Oh, shit. “Um, yeah. Jase is still using it.”

Bill breaks into a grin and waves me off.

I stop at a gas station and fill up on the edge of town. I need to put as much distance as possible between me and Quincy. I look in my rear view mirror every few minutes, expecting to see his headlights flashing behind me. The road remains empty. I make it back to the fork where he rescued me and my heart sinks. It’s over. Whatever that amazing feeling was, it’s gone forever. The closer I get to home, the more Jase and his family feel like a dream. I know what I’ve just done is wrong. So wrong. I was selfish and reckless; two traits I’ve fought hard to avoid my entire life. Considering why I left camp and what I’m going home to, makes my actions over the last twelve hours seem justified.

When I’m two miles out, I radio camp. Rusty’s anxious voice calls back. The gate is open when I pull up. Rusty is bundled up, but I see the smile on his face. I pull inside and stop to let him in.

As soon as he closes the door, his smile fades. “What did you do?”

I shrug. “What are you talking about?” I drive up the road to the parking lot, biting the inside of my cheek. “I got a flat tire. I stayed at a motel in Quincy.”

“Where the hell is Quincy?”

“They closed highway eighty-nine, so the tow truck driver had to take me north. I called Layla,” I huff. “She knew where I was.” Thanks to her sneaky GPS.

I start to pull into the line of trucks in the lot, but Rusty tells me to keep going. “No, this truck smells like…you smell…just go to my cabin.”

I pretend not to know what Rusty is talking about, even though I smell traces of Jase’s scent in my hair and on my skin. He smells like sweet jasmine and mint, not as earthy as the Sierras. I wonder if it’s a Shasta thing or just a Jase thing. The thought of him causes an unexpected grin.

“Oh Kalysia.” Rusty puts his head in his hands. “What’s his name?”

I bite my lip and straighten up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about?” I clear my throat.

“You can deny it all you want. Hell, I’m the king of denial, but you reek of sex.” Rusty laughs as I stop in front of his cabin.

I pretend to be offended as I watch him jump out and run to his door. My jaw falls open when I see Carrick walk out.

Rusty paces on his porch while I gawk at Carrick. “I, I mean, how… You have a daughter?” I finally choke out.

“Actually, I was married.” Carrick kicks at the snow and stares at his hands. “She was my best friend and she knew about me.” He is quick to explain that he never deceived her. “We saw an opportunity to help each other. She wanted a child and I needed a diversion. My father suspected I was different, and he wasn’t the kind of man that accepted different.”

Rusty places his hand on Carrick’s shoulder; it’s a simple gesture, like a friend comforting a friend. “We’ve seen how they treat males like us. It isn’t like we can just be ourselves. Taking a female partner is the best way to hide.”

“Deann was a sweet girl. She accepted me for who I was and never judged me. I loved her.” Carrick looks at Rusty and shrugs. “In a different way.” My brother breaks into a smile and socks Carrick in the arm.

“You’re not hiding, Rusty.” I look at him in admiration. “Aren’t you worried?”

Rusty walks down the steps and hugs me. “I don’t have to worry here, not with you and Dillan. You two are the future. Once you set the tone, the others will follow. By the time Taylor reaches Lunam, who you love won’t matter.” Carrick walks down the steps and hugs me, too. He looks around to make sure nobody is nearby, and then kisses Rusty. I guess he’s still not completely convinced the others will let go of their ways just because Dillan and I are accepting.

A pain stabs at my heart. If we leave, what will happen to them? All the horrible things Carrick has seen could happen again. Especially, if the packs merge. With everything I’ve learned about Shasta, there is no way they will accept my brother and Carrick’s lifestyle.

“Whoa.” Carrick steps back. “Where have you been?” His eyes narrow at me, and I can’t help but smile. After all they’ve shared with me, the least I can do is share my secret.

I tell them how I met Jase and about his family. I leave out the fact that he phases.

Carrick and Rusty smile nervously and exchange worried looks. “Sweetie, you know what will happen to him if anyone ever finds out.” Rusty takes my shoulders and looks me in the eye. “You have to forget about him.”

I shake loose and walk away. “I know.” I feel tears building. “I know Dillan will kill him. I know I’ll be shamed and maybe even outcast.” I think of Dillan taking Cassie as his partner. “But, I don’t want to.” I swipe a tear from my face. “I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen. Why should I be ashamed when Dillan doesn’t have to be?”

Carrick throws his hands in the air and walks away. Rusty sighs and watches him pace in front of the truck. “Carrick, roll the windows down. Better yet, get the pine tree.” Carrick opens the door and waves at the air, shaking his head in disapproval. Rusty turns to me. “Is that what this is about? Dillan and Cassie?” Rusty rubs my back.

“I don’t know, maybe.” I would have never been on that run if they weren’t together. I know I sort of condoned it, but now I don’t know if I can live with the aftermath. My time with Jase makes it easier to deal with.

Carrick reappears from Rusty’s cabin holding a small green air freshener in one hand and his walkie in the other. “That was Drake. He’s checking to see if she’s back.” He points the walkie at me as he crosses over to the truck. He hoists himself inside and puts the air freshener on the dash. “That should kill the smell. But what about her?”