The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (24 page)

I open the door to my cabin, and Dillan’s scent smacks me in the face. I wish he were home now, although I think I know why he’s staying away. He doesn’t want to test our resolve. If we spend the night together, we won’t be able to control ourselves. The thought soothes my conscious. I thought it was just me not wanting Dillan’s baby, but he stopped this morning. He doesn’t want me to get pregnant either. We have plans. We want to travel and see the world. Having a baby, even if it is for the pack, will bog us down. I don’t think I could leave my baby behind, not anymore. Not after spending time with Taylor. She isn’t even mine and I know I will miss her when we leave. I think about Leah and Cassie, how blindly they follow the ideals of the pack with no regard for right or wrong. This is a result of being raised as a pack child. One that is cared for by people like Mara and taught that their worth is measured by their bloodline. Whatever becomes of Cassie’s baby, I know she will always be there to care for it and love it, even if Dillan isn’t. I just hope that leaving after the baby is born, doesn’t cause Dillan any pain.

There is too much going on in my head to sleep. I open the back door and look around. It’s quiet, the way it gets before it snows. I walk to the woods, undress, and stash my clothes. I leave two sticks crossed over each other as a marker, in case it snows and my clothes are buried. I phase quickly, before my human feet turn numb. I run along the edge of the perimeter gate, behind the tower, to a small opening I discovered in the far east corner. It’s blocked by a large shipping container, but I am small enough to slip underneath. I make no sound as I trot up the hill, towards the brew house. It only takes me a few minutes in wolf form. I don’t like being this close to the building; I don’t want to be spotted. I stay close to the wall, edging along until I reach the back stairs. I just want to see him. I put one paw on the step to go up, when I notice a snowmobile is gone. I sniff the air and catch Sid’s scent. We only have three snowmobiles in camp. There are two here now, which means someone is using the other. I sprint back to the perimeter gate and slide through. If Dillan is on his way home, I need to beat him there. I decide to take my chances and run through camp rather than skim around it. I can hear Leah and Drake talking. Ray is singing to Patsy, and then I hear him. I hear Dillan. I skid to a stop and sniff the air. He’s close by. I slink to the last building, the one with no back door. His scent grows stronger. I hear his laughter, followed by her voice. A low growl builds in my throat. I have to see him; I need to see him. It’s a risk, but I stand on my hind legs, my front paws steadying me on Cassie’s back window. He is standing at her door. The bed is open, but untouched. I concentrate on my hearing.

Dillan’s voice is like an echo in my head. “I just wanted to stop by and make sure you were still ok with this?” I detect something in his tone− fear, anxiety, anticipation.

She tells him she is fine and asks him to come inside. She is nervous, excited.

“No, I can’t stay. I have to get back to the brew house. I just wanted to, I don’t know. See you.”

I hop down and run, I can’t hear anymore. I don’t want to feel the tension between them. The sexual tension. I run to our cabin and phase back. I run up the steps and slam the door shut just as I hear Dillan’s snowmobile in the distance. I listen until the hum of the engine fades as he heads back to the brew house. He didn’t even stop to see me. He drove back to camp for her. He’s probably counting the minutes until I leave. Another great idea, Kalysia. Leave camp so he can screw Cassie in peace. He’ll probably make love to her in our cabin, in my bed. He’ll probably feed her chocolates, in my bed. Lick wine from her skin, in my bed. He’ll ruin the sheets. Ruin everything.

She can have him, those two deserve each other. Following their parent’s orders like sheep. They may be brainwashed morons, but I’m the fool that didn’t see they were setting me up all along. That Dillan was doing this for
our
future. I was wrong. And now I can’t stop him. If he doesn’t do it, his father will disown him. I definitely can’t condone it. Not now that I know he wants her. He’s probably always wanted her for years. Long before either one of them knew my name. She is probably his real match, his true soulmate. I don’t belong here. I never did. All I can do now is leave.

I don’t wait for Dillan to come say goodbye. As soon as the sky is light, I radio Rusty and tell him I’m ready to go. To my surprise, he is up and says the truck is loaded and waiting at the front gate. I dress quickly and head out to meet him. I don’t want to see Dillan. I don’t think I can hold my tongue about last night. I just need to get out of here.

Rusty and Carrick are having one of their never ending debates when I arrive.

“He can’t take this truck.” Carrick points at the back tire.

“We don’t have time to unload and reload the other truck. Besides, this one has a full tank of gas.” Rusty walks to the driver’s side and sees me listening. “Hey, there. You’re all set; I even warmed up the cab for you.”

Carrick looks at me, then back to Rusty. “What the fuck?”

Rusty ignores Carrick’s surprise. “You got your cell?” Rusty grips my shoulders and looks me in the eye. I hold up the worthless cell phone Layla gave me. It’s never caught a signal; I have no idea if it actually works. “When you clear the mountains, you should get good reception. Here is Monte’s number just in case.” He hands me a business card and kisses my cheek. “Piece of cake.”

I’m grateful for Rusty’s hurried demeanor. The sooner I leave, the less likely it is I’ll be caught. “I’ll be fine.” I force a small smile, but I can’t hide the hurt from my brother.

“Are you ok? You look…tired.” He studies my red eyes.

I like his choice of words. “I’m ok. I need to go.”

Rusty nods and steps aside so I can climb into the truck. “Your packing slips are clipped to the board on the passenger seat. You shouldn’t have any problems finding the drop-offs. If you do…”

“I got it, Rusty.” I close the door and roll down the window. “I doubt anyone will know I’m even gone.” I try to make light of the situation, but I keep hearing the longing in Dillan’s voice when he stood in Cassie’s door. I can’t get it out of my head.

“Does Dillan know about this?” I hear Carrick ask as I roll my window up.

Rusty waves goodbye as I pull out of the gate, then closes it behind me. I can’t help but feel I’m leaving for more than just a delivery run, like I will return a whole new person. I know one thing for certain, when I do come back, things between Dillan and me won’t be the same.

I find all the drop-offs without issue. When I get to my last stop, Gallup Saloon in Truckee, it starts to snow. The parking lot is nearly empty, aside from a beat-up camper parked alongside the worn down building. I put the truck in park and look at the address to make sure this is the correct place. Snow quickly piles on the windshield, but I make out a blur in the doorway. I push down on the windshield wipers to clear my view. A short, round man in a cowboy hat is waving me inside. I guess this is it. I get out of the truck and run to the door.

“Can I help you?” the man says in a southern drawl.

The snow is slick with oil and mud. The old guy offers me a hand and pulls me under the awning. “I’m from Howlin’ Ale. I have your delivery.” I realize I left the clipboard in the truck and start to walk back into the snow.

“Hold on there, darlin’, you get inside. I’ll get my ranch hands to grab the kegs.” He ushers me in before I have a chance to object. The inside of Gallup Saloon is lit up with neon signs. It looks like Las Vegas threw up in here. “I’m Bud.” He offers me his hand.

I start to say my name when all of sudden music blasts into the bar.

“Goddamn!” Bud covers his ears and yells something in Spanish. I have no idea what he says, but the music evaporates as quickly as it started. “Sorry about that, we’re workin’ out some kinks in the sound system.” He sticks his finger in his ear and jiggles it around. “Kali, was it?”

“Uh, yeah.” Sure.

“So, how many of them kegs did I order from that slick-talkin’ sales rep of yours?” Bud moves around to the back of the bar and fishes around for something.

“I left my paperwork in the truck, but I think its two kegs.” Since that’s all I have left, aside from the couple of cases I have in the cab. Rusty left a note saying I should drop off some samples to a list of bars in Tahoe City if I have time and the weather holds up.

“Ah hah.” Bud holds up a slip of paper and confirms it was two kegs. “He tried to sell me four, but I told him folks around here like plain ole beer. It’s hard to sell that fancy shit.” He smiles. “No offense.” He tips his hat and bows his head.

“None taken.” I smile and check my watch. It’s 2:30. I’ll be back at camp around four, six if it snows the whole way. I just hope Dillan and Cassie are done by then. Who am I kidding, I hope they’re done now. It isn’t like they need to do it more than once. Do they? I should know these things. I wish there was someone I could talk to. There is one person that would know. “Do you have a bathroom I can use?”

Bud points me to a small hallway that leads to the unisex bathroom. I pull my phone from the pocket of my coat and check for a signal. It’s full strength. I push Layla’s picture and wait for her to pick up.

“Kalysia? Are you ok? Where are you?” She knows there is no signal at camp, so she must assume I left, and she’s right. She’s always right.

“Chill mom, I’m fine. I’m in a bathroom stall in Truckee,” I say just to freak her out.

“What! Why? Where is Dillan?” I hear the TV in the background go silent.

“I went on a delivery. Dillan is back at camp.” I stop there. I don’t want to tell her what he’s doing. I’ve effectively blocked it from my mind until now.

“Why are you on the run? Where are the others?” She asks irrelevant questions that I don’t bother to answer. “Why aren’t you with Dillan?”

I know exactly what she means by
with
. She knows that the season has started and I’m out gallivanting in the snow wasting precious mating time. I bite on my cheek and debate on how I should tell her that I’m not going to have a Lunam baby. “Things got complicated.”

Layla suddenly gets quiet. She knows something is up. Just like when I was a kid, she knew I was going to do something stupid before I did. The longer she says nothing, the more worried I get. “Mom?” I finally say, hoping I lost signal.

“I need to know exactly what is going on,” she says in a slow, controlled tone.

I sigh into the phone and look at my reflection. I don’t know why I’m so scared of her now. She isn’t here; she’s off living her own life, making her own choices, just the way she always has. This is my choice, my decision, my life.

I launch into the story quickly, glossing over the minor details and sticking only to the ones that matter, like Dillan getting disowned and me being passed around the pack if he didn’t produce an heir. When I get to the part about Dillan and Cassie, she explodes.

“You did what!” I hear something break, a glass maybe. “You have a duty, to me, to your father. Does that mean anything to you?” I haven’t heard her this angry since the night I snuck out to go to a party my freshmen year in high school. “I commend you on being selfless. I know how much pressure is on Cassie, believe me, I know. But we have a bloodline that you need to protect. Not to mention Monte will lose control of the pack to Lowell.”

Monte, Layla, and Lowell care only about themselves. “I don’t understand why you, of all people, can’t understand why I’m doing this. You left your pack…”