The Lunam Ceremony (Book One) (19 page)

“I don’t need verandas or sitting rooms to be happy. You should have seen our apartment in Nevada.”

We kiss, and I think he will flip me on my back and take me again, but he stops. “I want to give you the life you never had. I want to see the world with you, and then settle down somewhere so you can go to school. We need money for that. The pack stipend for new members won’t be enough for us to live on, especially with a baby.”

I feel all the air in my lungs deflate. I forgot about that. More like I try not to think about it. The stipend is something I never really gave any thought to. I know the amount you get depends on your job and how much time you’ve spent in the pack. It’s paid like a paycheck. We’re all employees of Sierra-Duke, LLC. Once our license comes through, our branch will be employed by Howlin’ Ale.

Since we’re years away from making a profit, Dillan’s plan to leave isn’t very realistic. What do I know about reality? Most of the time I’m faking it, pretending to know the answers to things I am completely clueless about. Like being a mother. I sit up to give myself some space. If we are being honest, then I need to tell Dillan how I feel about motherhood. “I know I wouldn’t have the role of a normal mother if we stayed in the camp. Nannies would take care of our baby.” I swallow hard. “It just doesn’t feel right bringing a child into a world that I would gladly run away from. It’s so hypocritical.” Dillan processes what I’m telling him, but doesn’t say a word. “If we leave, that means all responsibility falls to me, and I don’t think I’m ready for that. Going to college is my dream. I just don’t see it happening with a baby on my hip.”

To my surprise, Dillan feels the same way. “I know. I think about that all the time. My father had so much riding on me. He invested a lot of money on my education, to make sure I would be capable of taking over for him one day. The pressure to succeed was too much.” Dillan tells me he kind of cracked when he was thirteen. He started acting out, fighting with the other boys in the pack. That’s when Lowell sent him away to school.

“Boarding school and surfing kept me busy. I didn’t have time to think about Lunam, what it meant. Males look at it from another perspective.” Dillan nuzzles my neck. I know exactly what he’s talking about.

“You were just thinking about the sex.” I slap him playfully on the arm. “So, you weren’t looking for your true love at Lunam?” I don’t hide the sarcasm in my tone.

“Hell no,” Dillan boasts. “I was just trying to get laid.” He braces for another slap, but I don’t punish his honesty.

“So everything you told me was bullshit?” It stings a little to think he was feeding me a line of crap the morning after Lunam when he said he loved me.

Dillan throws his leg over mine and holds me between his arms. “No, I really did fall in love with you. I just didn’t go in believing I would.”

I want to tell him I didn’t believe in it either. I didn’t fall in love at Lunam. I didn’t know I loved Dillan, not one hundred percent sure, until tonight.

Dillan’s shoulders slump a bit. “You’re just going to leave me hanging?” He allows me a little breathing room and leans back to examine my face. He knows I didn’t fall in love with him at Lunam, but I think he’s finally confident enough in my feelings for him to ask the question.

“I did go to Lunam thinking I would find my true love,” I say.

“And?”

I run my hand through his hair and pull his forehead to mine. “And, I found it.”

The idea of losing him to Cassie kicked my ass into gear. Whatever was holding me back from loving Dillan has disappeared. For the first time in my life, I know what it is to be in love. And it scares the shit out of me.

Dillan pulls me to him and wraps me in his arms. “I want our child to be born out of love, not obligation. I would never use it as a weapon or to gain power.” He’s thinking of himself when he says this. Lowell is counting on Dillan’s success to help him rise in power. He won’t let us go, not unless he gets what he wants.

School, leaving, traveling. It’s all a fantasy, and we both know it. “We don’t have a choice. We were born into this life, and now we have to bring another life into it.”

Dillan pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. “We’ll figure something out.”

For once, I wake before Dillan. I take a quick shower, replaying highlights from the night in my head. He still makes my insides burn when I think of him, but now I feel just as strongly in my heart. I turn off the water, grab a towel, and step out of the shower. I’m drying my hair when I hear someone pounding on the door. It must be important if they aren’t using the walkie.

I grab my sweats and a fleece jacket from the chair in our room and slip them on. Looking at the clock beside the bed, I see it’s almost noon. I hurry to the door and peek through the front window to see who is on the porch. My heart stops. Lowell Dukes is at the door with Drake, Ray, and Sid.

I run back to our room and see the shattered wine bottles glistening on the kitchen floor. Double shit. I don’t know if I should clean the mess, wake Dillan, or get the door. The pounding gets harder, more impatient.

“Kalysia?” Dillan’s groggy voice calls out from the bedroom. “Is someone here…” his voice trails off then. “Fuck, I overslept!” I appear at the door as Dillan jumps into his pants. He throws on a shirt and bolts past me to the bathroom. “What are you doing? Get the door.”

I don’t want to get the door. I don’t want to see Lowell, not like this. I stop at the mirror in the hall—my hair is a tangled mess. Dillan flushes the toilet and opens the bathroom door with his toothbrush stuck in his mouth. His hair is wet, like he dunked his head in the sink. “Guh da dore,” he mumbles.

“No, it’s your father!” I whisper loudly.

Dillan’s eyes bulge and he violently spits toothpaste from his mouth. “What!”

I nod, mocking his shocked face in the mirror. He drops his toothbrush, wipes his face on a towel, and spins to face me. “What the fuck is he doing here?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. He’s probably here to check on us, check on the camp.” I hope that’s all he wants. I don’t need him here trying to brainwash Dillan into screwing Cassie during mating season, which begins in two weeks. All children born this year will be Altum Lunam alphas, future leaders. If Cassie doesn’t have a child her family loses control of the Shasta pack.

Dillan walks to the front door on his toes and looks out the window. “Fuck,” he says quietly and pulls his boots from their spot beside the door. He moves to the sofa and puts them on while I freak out in the hall near the kitchen.

“Are you going to let him inside?” I whisper.

Dillan lifts his finger to his mouth to shush me.

“I just need to know if I should clean this.” I motion to the mess in the kitchen. Dillan ties his boots and joins me at the kitchen door.

“No, I’ll tell him you’re still sleeping. Wait until we’re gone then call one of the betas. I don’t want you to cut yourself.” He strokes my back and kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry I lost my temper last night. I’m sorry I doubted you.” He takes me in his arms for a quick hug, then lets me go and takes a deep breath, preparing himself for his father’s wrath.

I accept his apology with a nod. I remember the way he grabbed me. If we didn’t heal so quickly, I would have a pretty nasty bruise on my arm. Dillan’s radio beeps from the kitchen counter. “Shit.” He runs and grabs it; the battery is almost dead. “I’ll come find you when he’s gone.” He kisses me then heads to the door. He pauses with his hand on the knob before he opens it.

I duck into our room and close the door just in case Lowell demands to come inside. I hear Dillan greet him as if he hasn’t been pounding on the door for the last fifteen minutes. After the door closes, I run to the window and move the curtain to the side. Lowell is storming down the path towards camp central with Drake by his side. I see Dillan stop Ray and gesture to the cabin. Great, he’s probably telling him to radio Rusty to have someone clean the mess. I better get dressed.

A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door. I yell for the beta to come inside as I finish drying my hair. “It’s in the kitchen, I think there’s a broom in the closet,” I babble as I leave the bathroom. I look in the kitchen, it’s empty. I turn and see Rusty standing in the living room. “Oh. Sorry, I thought you were someone coming to clean the glass.”

“Ray called it in, so I knew you were alone.” Rusty shifts his weight and stares at the floor. “I wanted to uh, talk to you about…” He trails off like someone turned down the volume on his voice. He clears his throat. “I’m assuming Dillan told you why I won’t match with Cassie.”

I nod, embarrassed for him, for me. “He did, and I’m totally fine, with, you know.” I wave my hands around. “I love you no matter who you love.”

Rusty lets out a loud sigh. “Phew.” He pretends to wipe his brow. “I was worried you wouldn’t take it so great.” He wrings the beanie in his hands. “You know, since now Dillan is sort of stuck with Cassie.”

“No, it’s totally fine.” He doesn’t know that Dillan is going to tell his father to piss off. “He isn’t going to do it. Cassie will have to find another sperm donor.”

I pluck my boots from their shelf. Rusty continues to wring his beanie. “Are you sending someone to clean the mess?” I ask as I put my boots on. I want to go find Leah and see what’s going on with Lowell. I lace my boots and reach for my jacket. Even though the sun is out, the air is still freezing.

“Kalysia.” Rusty watches me move around the room like he’s rooted in place. “Are you sure about Dillan and Cassie?”

“Yes. Dillan told me he wouldn’t go through with it. He wouldn’t do that to me.” I pat Rusty’s hand and smile at his concern. It warms my heart to know he cares about me.

“That’s good news. I really thought he was going to do it, especially after the deal Lowell offered him.” Rusty releases the death grip on this beanie. “I’ll send someone right away.” He puts his beanie on his head and opens the door.

“Wait.” I stop him. “What deal?”

The color in Rusty’s face drains. “Lowell told Dillan that if he mated with Cassie this season, he would release him from the pack.”

“What does that mean, release him? He would be kicked out of the pack?”

“No, being released is like a get-out-of-jail-free card. Dillan would still be Sierra and would get benefits, full benefits, for the rest of his life. He just wouldn’t have to live in the pack; he could have his own life. How amazing would that be? Reaping the rewards of the pack, but leading your life, by your own rules?”

I sit on the sofa, feeling like someone just pulled my happy card.

Dillan is giving up a life out of the pack, a life that we could have together, anywhere in the world, for my ego? All the plans we made last night, they could become reality if Dillan gets Cassie pregnant. We wouldn’t have to wait until the business made money, we wouldn’t have to worry about money at all. And I wouldn’t have to have a baby.

I find Cassie in her cabin. She lets me in without a word. I notice she’s cleaned up. Her bed has been folded back into the sofa, like she’s expecting company. I wonder if Lowell came to see her, to plot against me.

“Kalysia, is something wrong?” She stays near the door in case she needs to make a quick getaway.

I need to keep my cool. She will never agree if I lose it. “I know why you’re here. Dillan told me.” I wait for her to say something, apologize, but she just stares at her feet. “I thought we were friends?” I struggle to get the words out without breaking into tears.