The Making of a Princess (9 page)

“You would cut me out of your lives?”

“You’re not going, so it’s not an issue.”

“Oh, I’m going.”

“I said no.” Grandmother’s tone held steel.

“But you don’t make my decisions for me anymore. You kept the information about my father from me. Now he’s found me, and I choose to act on the invitation he’s issued.”

Ingrid lifted her chin. “Then you’ve made your choice.”

“Yes.”

Amanda came here to find comfort and reassurance. Instead she received a large dose of truth she’d been unprepared to handle. But she wouldn’t accept the blame for the deterioration of her family. Not when she was simply trying to find her way. She grabbed her keys.

“But remember this, you forced it.”

* * *

Xavier shifted gears allowing the tension to drain from his shoulders. He recognized the streets and realized Amanda was headed home.

She’d been so upset earlier he’d felt compelled to follow her to ensure her safety. He knew from his report on her that the address she’d gone to belonged to her grandparents.

If she’d hoped for sympathy, clearly she hadn’t found what she sought. From the body language he observed through the front window, her visit had been more confrontational than comforting.

She looked paler and even more distressed after talking to her grandmother than she had when she left him.

He wouldn’t have thought it possible.

She found a parking spot on the street and he pulled into a loading zone to watch until he saw her safely inside and her lights go on. It took remarkable restraint not to go up and make sure she’d properly locked her door.

And not because of any sense of duty.

He felt disjointed, out of sync, at odds with himself when it came to Amanda. Her safety was the most important thing in the world to him, but not because his Prince had ordered it.

He’d hurt her. It killed him knowing all the misery she’d borne today zeroed back on him. He’d never forgive himself for putting his desires before her welfare.

Drawing his mobile phone out, he quickly dialed a number.

“Yes,” Amanda answered, her tone cool as the night air on the other side of his window.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “You had much information to process today,” he added to keep her from guessing he’d been following her across the city. “Do you have any questions for me?”

“There were only three pages.” No sign of a thaw in her voice. “It wasn’t that hard to follow.”

“Of course.” So it had been a sad excuse for a question. His
maman
always said a poor excuse was better than no excuse at all. “I know you were upset.”

“I’m fine.”

“Please do not let my mistakes influence you against the Prince. You deserve this opportunity to meet your father.”

“Why does it have to be so soon?” she demanded. “It’s difficult to make arrangements on such short notice.”

“Tell me what you need. I will make any arrangements necessary.”

“I don’t need you to fix my problems.” She bristled. “When do you need an answer?”

“I can hold the flight until eight o’clock Tuesday night.” Encouraged by the query he pushed back the flight plan by several hours to give her as much time to elect to travel with him as possible. “Call me...if you need anything.”

“I won’t—” She stopped and he heard her suck in a deep breath. “Thank you.”

“Amanda—”

“Xavier,” she broke in. “I can’t talk to you right now. I have to separate you from my father in my head or I won’t be able to think clearly. I’ll call you when I’ve made my decision.”

Silence announced the call had ended.

He sighed and stared up at her window until the light went out. He wanted to help her, to make this situation easier, but he didn’t know how.

Finally he reached for the keys and then hesitated. Leaning back he checked the time, did a quick calculation in his head, and hit a new number. A few moments later a familiar voice answered.

“Hello
maman
.”

CHAPTER TEN

We made love today. And it was as special as I’d hoped. He was gentle and caring, and oh so passionate. He stole my breath and my heart. I love him. And I can’t believe he could be so tender, so giving, without having feelings for me, too.

The girls say it’s time for us to move on, but I don’t want to go. I want to spend every moment I can with my prince.

I know we have no future. We’re from two different worlds. But I can have now. I can make the most of every day I do have with him. Build memories to sustain me when the time comes for me to leave him for good.

A
MANDA
FLIPPED
THE
PAGE
, but there was nothing more, just blank page after blank page. No! That couldn’t be all there was. She dug through the box but all the other journals were from earlier times.

She set the book in the box, closed the flaps, carried the box to her closet, and thrust it into a back corner.

In the dark, curled on her side, she let the tears fall. She knew her mother’s pain, felt it as her own. Both of them falling for men who could never be theirs, who were not who they claimed to be.

Why hadn’t her mother finished her journal? Amanda had hoped to learn more about her father, the man who had summoned her to him. How had it ended? Had she left still loving him? Had she ever made an attempt to tell him about the baby they’d made?

Had she ever found out who he really was? And if so, had she been able to forgive him? Or would the betrayal have hurt her so badly she’d given up on any notion of a happily ever after?

* * *

“You’re remarkably calm for all you’ve been through.” Michelle observed from her pedi massage chair. “If it were me, I’d be faceting a certain royal guard’s family jewels into a matching set of earrings.”

“You mean cufflinks?” Amanda sat with her eyes closed, body humming due to the vibration of her own massage chair, and thanked the Lord for sending her best friend.

After leaving Grandmother’s yesterday, Amanda retreated to the safety and comfort of her own little apartment, where she promptly fell apart. She spent the night crying over lost relationships and brooding about the possibility of new beginnings.

She went over every moment of her time with Xavier wondering how she’d so tragically misread the chemistry between them.

In the end she decided he was the world’s best actor, and Hollywood was missing a great talent.

She ended the night pouring her hurt and betrayal, her hopes and newfound independence into an email to Michelle and Elle, before dropping into an exhausted slumber.

Eight hours later a pounding on her door woke her. Michelle swept in, wrapped Amanda in a hug, declared Xavier a bastard, announced Amanda’s grandparents had never really appreciated her, and when nine o’clock rolled around she dragged Amanda out to her favorite nail shop for a massage pedicure.

This early they had the place to themselves apart from the three youthful Vietnamese women who welcomed them. One stayed at the reception desk while the others led Amanda and Michelle to the massage chairs and cheerfully went to work.

“No, I mean earrings. And I’d wear them proudly. He doesn’t deserve to keep them.”

Conscious of the women working on their feet Amanda turned a wide-eyed stare on her friend. “You are scary.”

“You bet.” She smiled evilly. “Better, I’m engaged to an ex-Army Ranger. You want him to beat up Xavier?”

“Tempting. But I don’t think that’s a good idea. Nate is impressive, but Xavier is also a professional soldier.”

“Nate could take him,” Michelle asserted confidently.

“Maybe.” Amanda thought of the grace and controlled strength Xavier exhibited during his sword demonstration at the museum. Her nerves tingled at the memory. “But not without suffering damage. It’s not worth it.”

“As if a beat down was actually an option.” Michelle reached out and socked Amanda in the arm. “You’re still stuck on the guy.”

“I don’t want to be. I’d give anything to flip a switch and turn it off.” The Lord knows she’d tried every argument she could think of last night. “I’m angry. I’m hurt. I feel used. But, yeah, I’m still stuck on him.”

“Dude.”

“I know.” Amanda sighed. “Nothing about these feelings has been convenient. First they were a problem because he was leaving. Now they’re a problem because he wants me to go with him.”

But she had her answer regarding his feelings, didn’t she.?And no, he definitely wasn’t enchanted.

A trill of laughter ran through the room as the staff chattered away in Vietnamese. Glad the women were caught up in their own conversation, Amanda turned to Michelle.

“How can something as positive as love hurt so much?”

“Don’t ask me. I’m bemused by this love business more than half the time. If Nate weren’t the most dogged man in the world, we wouldn’t be together.”

“That doesn’t surprise me considering your trust issues. The fact you fell for a sheriff, now that was a shock. But you definitely look happy together.”

“We are. I can’t believe how much I love him, how much it grows day by day. You know the best part? I like who I am when I’m with him. I’m stronger, kinder, more open. I’m just a better person. But you’re right, if someone told me I’d marry a lawman after playing second fiddle to my dad’s career in law enforcement my whole life, I’d have laughed my head off and advised them to get a brain scan.”

“But here you are looking at wedding dresses.” Amanda nodded to the bridal magazine poking out of Michelle’s tote.

Her friend scowled at the errant magazine and pushed it further down in the bag. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to rub my happiness in your face.”

“You’re not,” Amanda assured her. “My life may be a shambles, but I’m genuinely happy to see my friends in loving relationships.” Did it hurt? Yeah. She’d live through it. “Any advice for me?”

Michelle reached for her hand, squeezed. “Give yourself time. I almost lost Nate because my knee-jerk reaction was to run away. I saw Xavier with you the other night. He’s not as detached as he claims. Nobody is that good an actor.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking he missed his calling in Hollywood.”

“Or he really cares about you.”

“It was pretty clear he doesn’t.” Amanda smiled sadly. “He’s a royal guard. He protects the royal family and I have royal blood. A sense of duty is all he feels for me.”

“So you don’t think he may be hiding his true feelings?”

She couldn’t allow herself that fantasy. “Honestly, I don’t know what to think.”

“And are you going to go with him? You told your grandmother you were.”

“That’s because she was so dead set against the idea. And I wasn’t putting up with that ultimatum.” She grimaced. “Look at me, finally rebelling at twenty-five.”

“Better late than never,” Michelle cheered. “And I really mean that. So you’re not going?”

“I don’t know. But I’m not going to be manipulated one way or the other. I have to do what’s right for me.”

“You’ve always wondered about your father. This is your chance to get the answers to all your questions.”

“Yes, but how do I go all that way and spend all that time with Xavier knowing I’m nothing more than an assignment to him?”

* * *

Amanda didn’t know what to do with her hands. She sat in the lounge of the Prince’s—her father’s—private jet, waiting for takeoff. Resting her hands in her lap seemed too missish. On the armrests seemed too confrontational. Which was ridiculous—what were armrests for but to rest your arms on?

Michelle brought Amanda to the airport, saw her off at the gate, giving Xavier the evil eye as only a righteous BFF could. Michelle’s support meant the world to Amanda. She’d even offered to accompany Amanda to Pasadonia, which nearly brought her to tears. Elle had made the same offer, and Amanda had been tempted, but she couldn’t disrupt their lives just because hers was in total chaos. So she’d hugged her friend goodbye and boarded the plane alone.

Now she sat not knowing what to do with her hands.

The problem came from the fact this seat was more like an armchair than the regular airline seats, and the sides were higher. When she propped her arms up she felt rather arrogant, so she took them down and felt too submissive. Better arrogant than submissive, she decided, and went with that.

Where was Xavier?

He’d seen her seated and then promptly disappeared. Leaving her alone with her thoughts, her worries, her growing nerves.

Not about whether to go, she’d made her peace with that decision. Especially after the Prince—her father, as she had to keep reminding herself—called to talk to her. He’d apologized for inconveniencing her by making her come to him but he was unable to get away at this time and he felt an urgency to meet her. He told her of his wife and twin two-year-old sons, saying they were excited to meet their sister.

Sister! It was a shock to hear the word. Of course she’d already learned about the boys from the web search she’d done on Prince Jean Claude Carrère. But it was still unreal. And she hadn’t quite related it to having siblings.

Baby brothers, how cool was that?

But she couldn’t really claim them, could she?

That’s what had her stomach in knots, the uncertainty of her position in Pasadonia. The call with her father had been brief and didn’t include any specifics of her visit other than the request to come. She’d asked Xavier, but he’d put her off, which left her to speculate.

Surely they had a plan beyond a broadcast message to the masses that she was the Prince’s bastard daughter. The press would have a field day with that. Yeah, she could see the headlines now:

PRINCE WELCOMES LOVE CHILD FROM AMERICA

She closed her eyes. She didn’t want to deal with the press. The scrutiny would be worse than the anything she’d ever known on campus. Still, it was better to concentrate on the paparazzi than think of Xavier. And she couldn’t think about the call from her father without speculating that Xavier had something to do with the sudden contact.

“Miss Carn?” A voice with a lovely French accent called her name. Early in their relationship Xavier had informed her French and English were the two main languages of Pasadonia.

Amanda opened her eyes to a petite woman in a white and burgundy uniform. Her brown hair was swept up in a sleek twist and her gaze was warm and genuine.

“I am Calli, I will be serving you on the trip. May I offer you something to drink?” the woman asked softly. “Champagne? Or perhaps coffee?”

“If you have it, hot tea would be nice.”

“Of course. It would be my pleasure. First, may I show you the amenities on board?”

Amanda followed Calli on a brief tour of the luxury jet. Besides the well-appointed lounge, there was a conference area, a full sized restroom including a shower, and a bedroom with a queen bed. Decorated in soothing cream, gold, and browns, the amenities offered high quality comfort at thirty-five thousand feet.

One good thing about the spaciousness, she wouldn’t have to be near Xavier once she had their game plan for touchdown in Pasadonia.

“Your baggage is stored in the closet for your use during the flight.” Calli released a latch and opened the dark wood door to show Amanda her luggage. “Please allow me to assist you in accessing the bags when you are ready.”

“You’ve been very helpful.” Amanda smiled at the other woman. “I’ve never flown in such luxury. I feel like a—” Princess. But no, she couldn’t say that. “A celebrity.”

Calli’s eyes sparkled as she nodded. “Let me know if I can do anything to make your trip more enjoyable.”

Just knowing where the restrooms were was a help. Amanda needed to talk to Xavier about the protocol and strategy for when they reached Pasadonia. The rest of the time, not so much. Ignoring him worked for her, so not having to ask for directions to the bathroom made her happy.

“May I say I am very pleased to meet you.” Calli flashed a friendly smile.

Amanda’s enthusiasm in the moment dimmed. Had her identity already been announced to the people of Pasadonia?

“Xavier is a good man.”

“Oh. Yes.” Amanda relaxed. The woman had mistakenly linked her to Xavier. Her mind applauded the reprieve even as her heart winced missing the closeness she’d shared with him less than a week ago. Except the closeness had been a mirage, made up of wishful thinking and a deliberate charade.

His betrayal stung. How could she trust anything he told her? He was such a private man that she’d cherished every personal revelation he’d given her, especially the stories of his family.

Now she wondered if any of it had been true. Had he made up stories just to keep her hooked? She must have seemed so needy.

“Thank you, Calli.” Xavier’s deep voice came from the doorway. “Please strap in, we are ready for takeoff.”