Some love themselves enough to not want to lose themselves, immortality can to them mean nothing but this thing. Some love themselves negatively, then impersonal future life is for them alright, a good enough thing. Some love themselves and others so hard that they are sure that they will exist even when they won't, they do to themselves exist even when they don't, these have a future life feeling, an individual thing, some love themselves and they are it and that is all there is of it in them and they do not have future life in them to be an important thing. Men and women have being in them all of them when they are living. Many men and women have in them a feeling of future life in them, very many of them, some for this life, some for another life, some for both lives, this and another one, some have a stronger, some have a weaker feeling of themselves inside them, some have more, some have less loving in them for themselves than other ones have in them, some have more some have less loving in them for other ones than others have in them, some have more some have less feeling for some thing than other ones have in them and all these things in each one are part in them of the virtuous feeling, of the religious feeling they have in them each one, each man and woman, each one having man or woman being in them, each man or woman has some being in her or in him.
There are some who have not any feeling of virtue in them. There are not very many of them. There are perhaps some millions of them. Mostly every one as I am saying has in her or in him some kind of feeling of being of virtue in living. Some from the things they feel as weakness in them, some from the things they feel as strength in them. Phillip Redfern had it in him to make a virtue for him of a thing he felt as a weakness in him. There are very many of this kind of them, many, very many men, many women.
Mostly all of this kind of men and women have some kind of religion in them. This is now a little a discussion of the being in some of them.
As I was saying Phillip Redfern was of the kind of men and women, and there are always many men of this kind of them and some women of this kind of them, who have in their living a good deal of reputation from the living and the being in them and then they are not successful in living successful in the whole of their living and to many knowing them they are romantic in their living, or beautiful, or dramatic in their living and to some, saints in living, and Redfern was such a one and to most every one he was a man always failing in his living, and to Miss Dounor he was a saint among men and to Mrs. Redfern he was wonderful in the honorable courtesy in him and mostly every one sometime thought he was a bad man and mostly to every one he was a man given to lying. He said once of some one, “Lathrop tells a lie as if it were the truth and I tell the truth as if it were a lie.” He was to himself a man simple, sensuous and passionate and that was to himself the whole of him. As I was saying his weakness was to himself the strength in him and so always all his living to every one who ever came to know, excepting to some to whom he was a saint in suffering, to every one mostly he was failing from the weaknesses there were in him. To himself as I was saying he was a simple, sensuous, passionate being from whom chivalry demanded he should be always yielding when he himself was not active in feeling. He was a man always on guard, with every one always able to pierce him. That was the living he had in him.
For the rest of his days he was a literary man and sometimes a politician. He plunged deeply into the political life of his time and failed everywhere, in this life as in all of his human relations his instincts gave the lie to his ideals and his ideals to his instincts. It was interesting to many to witness the life of this man, to see him go up again and again, against the yielding spirit in him, go up with unwearied courage only to meet with certain defeat. He was himself the only one of all the lookers on who dreamed of victory. The others whether watching with indifference, with deep sympathy or stern condemnation, with malicious or righteous triumph knew that he would fail, but he always struggled on filled to the very end with hope and courage, always defeated and always ready to make the fresh assault.
As I was saying there was a Johnson who had made some reputation in his living, by the living that was romantic to every one knowing, by the being in him and always he was certain in telling, feeling, and thinking that everything that had happened to him when as was the way in him, he was finished with that thing, that it was because he was weak and open to any suggesting and that made, it happen that he was in a relation and he had the right to get out in any way he wanted for that was the right he had to defend himself when every one had him where they wanted to have him because he was so weak to every one's suggesting. He would brag of things he had done when he was filled up with them and always he was filled up with them and he would know he had a right to run away or do anything to defend himself for every one could hold him by suggesting to him by the sensitive suggestibility in him and this was his great weakness in him and he made of it the principle of his living to himself in his talking, thinking, feeling, and he was of the kind of them and perhaps Lord Byron and Oscar Wilde were of this kind of them, he was of them who become romantic, heroic, beautiful, saintly by the weakness in them that is there always acting, that is true of them, but always these are doing things and boasting of them in their active living. There are very many of such of them. Redfern was such a one. A Johnson I was describing was such a one. Some have only this a little in them enough to make them very sentimental in their living, some have it a little more in them than those having it just as sentimental being in them and some of such of them are men's men and some of such of them are women's men. And Hackart that I was just describing was one of such of them. Some have it just a little more in them than the sentimental ones and they are dramatic in their living and there are very many women and there are very many men who have this being in them and a Sarah Sands was such a one as I was just saying. There are some who have this way of being only in spots in them. There are many such of them, many women and many men of such of them.
As I was saying such a one as the Johnson I have been just describing, when he forgets his emotion that made him do a thing, always declares it to have been all the other one's doing, attributes his having yielded to his own weakness of being very susceptible to suggesting that being the thing in him uppermost in him to make a principle continuous in him of living. This is all different from self-righteousness which is a way of being that everything in one is right and should be so considered by every one, self-righteousness is believing that the one acting is so right that if every one acted like them everything would be right in living and every one would be a good one. This is a very different thing from the feeling that I am describing. These that I am describing make a principle to free them, from the weakness in them. It is a weakness, they are always saying it of them, one that he is too susceptible to suggesting, another that when a woman needs protecting of course he must give her that because she is a weak thing and he is always weak in yielding protection to a weak woman, another because she is so unobserving that she has no realisation of what anybody is doing though maybe it is her vanity that keeps her from really seeing. All these things are true as characteristics in each one of them that make a principle of them, these things are in each one of them, that is quite true of them but they all think that characteristic is the whole of them and so they have not to themselves the responsibility of the condition. Some are noble in it, some are not, but all of them are sure of it, for that is the principle of their being, to each one of them In short, they all, each one of this kind of them forget their emotion they had in the thing they were doing, and so to themselves after, it must have been the other person's fault that it happened, this thing, and these then after have no emotion of this thing, unless they are living it again in imagining and then they are the same as when they had it really in them, always else they have not the emotion, it is the other person's fault the thing happened between them, these have no emotion that they are remembering except the kind of weakness they know always to be in them each one and so they had no emotion then, they knew that well in them, and so it must have been their weakness and the other person's willing them that made them have this thing in them.
As I was saying Phillip Redfern was such a one. As I was saying all this is very interesting in the meaning of virtue and religion that such a one has in them. This kind of being can be in them having independent dependent or dependent independent being in them, having any kind of being in them.
Johnson when he forgets his emotion and declares it to have been all the other one's doing, attributes his having yielded to his own weakness, that being the thing in him to him uppermost in him. Frank Hackart attributes his to philanthropy, she was lonesome and threw herself on him, took possession, and what did he do but take care of her. Melanctha put it down to that they wanted it and she gave it but she had no responsibility, it was because she was so game that she did it. Sarah Sands puts her yielding down to unsuspiciousness, that is the reason she yields, she is so easy and that's it. All these things are true as characteristics in each one but they all think that characteristic is the whole of them. It isn't. They all forget their emotion and so it must have been the other person's fault it happened and they have now no emotion and so they had none and so it must have been the other person's.
Phillip Redfern as I was saying was of this kind in men and women. He was always on his guard and always a woman could reach him inside his guard and he must do then what it was right for a man always on guard to do when he was touched inside the guard. He must give them their revenge and always again they would touch him. He must always be elaborately on guard and always he must give them what they asked of him when they touched him in spite of his guarding himself from them. This was the way his being worked in him.
As I was saying many men and some women, many women and some men of this kind of them make a good deal of reputation in their living from the living and the being in them. Mostly all of them, at least very many of them, any way it is not uncommon among them that they make a failure of the whole of their living, mostly they want to succeed in winning recognition, mostly they get some from their living, very many of them are failing in the whole of their living, often some one thinks one of such of them a saint, a hero, a very noble person, often very many think such a one to be a very bad one. Phillip Redfern as I was saying was such a one. There were very many different ways of feeling the being in him as I am saying. This has been now a very little description of the being in him. As I was saying, to the ending of his living he had the same living in him and as a whole living, his living was failing.
Phillip Redfern then had to himself a feeling of the being in him that was to him in a way a simple thing. Phillip Redfern was to Miss Dounor a man of saintly strength and courage and chivalrous feeling and self-sacrificing. Phillip Redfern was to Mrs. Redfern a man before whom she wanted to be intelligent, and honorable in acting and in feeling and delicate, and to be pleasing by knowing Greek and naive realism. Phillip Redfern was to very many a man who was always lying. Phillip Redfern was to very many a very brilliant man gone altogether wrong. Phillip Redfern was to very many a man always wronging every one. Phillip Redfern was to many a very brilliant man and a very weak one. Phillip Redfern was to some the kind of man I have been just describing. This has been now a little history of him.
Virtue and virtuous feeling in men and women is a very peculiar thing. More and more there will be a description in this writing of all the kinds of ways any one can have virtue in them. Now there will be a very little description of virtue in men and women and then there will be a little more description of their sensitive being.
Every one has then their own way of being important inside them from the things in them each one that are virtues in them to them, or vices in them to them, or strong things in them, to them, or weaknesses in them to them. Mostly every one has some kind of way of having some distinction inside them to themselves to their feeling and their thinking and their talking. Mostly every one has some kind of way of feeling some distinction in them, some from the tastes in them, some from the not having tastes or any way of doing anything in them, some as I was saying from the strong things in them, some as I was saying from the weak things in them. Mostly every one has some way of finding themselves inside them more or less distinguished, they have this feeling mostly every one, more or less inside them always in their living. Mostly every one is in some way a distinguished man or a distinguished woman inside themselves to themselves from something, from doing, being something, from not doing or being something, from doing things like some one, from doing things like every one, from doing things better or worse than some one, from doing things not so well or better than almost any one, from doing something and not doing some other thing, from doing some things and never doing some other things, there is every kind of thing that can give distinction and mostly every one has some kind of distinguished feeling in themselves to themselves inside them.
Being virtuous, being sentimental, being dramatic, being religious, being anything is interesting in each one having in them that thing that they have in them. Being distinguished each one inside them by something, to themselves in their feeling, is very interesting.
Sometime I want to understand every kind of way any one can have the feeling of being distinguished by the virtue they have in them. Sometime I want to understand every kind of way any one can have the feeling of being distinguished in them and every kind of thing that can give any one a feeling of such distinction in themselves inside them. Sometime I want to understand the complete being in each one and all the details of their coming to have in them their kind of feeling, imagination, thinking, knowing, certainty inside them, virtuous feeling in them, anything in them that gives to them inside them the feeling of being distinguished to themselves inside them.
