They had not enough customers to pay them to keep going, Mary Maxworthing soon used up all the money she had saved up to begin this undertaking, soon then the two of them began quarreling, soon then they had for a while to give up dress-making; Mary had to go back to her place and once more begin to earn a living by taking care of children.
This was the way it came to an end for them the first effort for freedom, for Mary from nursery governessing, for Mabel Linker from sewing other people's cutting and fitting.
Mary Maxworthing had in her something of a despairing feeling when her undertaking came to such a helpless ending, when she had to go back to nursey governessing, when she had not any of the money left that she had been saving for five years for this undertaking. Mary Maxworthing always had a certain stylish elegance in dressing, she had a good sense for fashion and a feeling for gayety without any wildness in her living. There was nothing wild in her being, nothing reckless ever in her feeling, she had pride but not too much pride in her being, she had a reasonable amount of good sense and conscientiousness in living, she had started her undertaking with too much ambition for the money she had been saving and the talent she and Mabel Linker had between them. That is to say more money so that they could keep on longer waiting for people to know them or more distinction in their working might have kept them going; but with the money they had for waiting and the talent there was in the two of them they were too ambitious in their beginning. What they had between them was not enough for such an ambitious beginning as they had made of their undertaking. Mary Maxworthing liked distinction, she had a certain ambition, she had not much attacking in her for winning but she had a certain kind of certainty of successful doing; she had impatient being, she had a certain gayety in her being. Mabel Linker had not any sense in her to keep any one else with her from doing anything foolish, not that she would of herself have made such a beginning but she had not the energy in her for beginning, she had not the kind of sense in her for judging, she could never have any judgment of any way of beginning. Then they had trouble in their living. As I was saying Mary Maxworthing had gayety in being, she had very little almost not any anxious being; she had independent dependent being and attacking was her natural way of fighting but there was very little fighting in her being, she had in her as a bottom a little but not very much sensitive being; she had in her as a bottom almost not any stupid being. She had in her some impatient being, she could have in her a little injured being, she could have in her angry feeling, but mostly it was the impatient being that sometimes was nervous impatient being that made her interfering, that made her always sure of knowing, that was the stupid side to her being, that made the trouble between her and Mabel Linker when they were then working together. Mabel Linker had very little common sense, she had little twittering flighty ways in her but she was a good sewer, she was a good cutter and fitter, she was almost a brilliant dress-maker, but she had very little stability in her character. Mary Maxworthing began with almost an idolising of her and then there came trouble when they began living together. Then the money was all gone and they both had become a little bitter. Mary had then almost a despairing feeling in her. Mabel took it all as a thing that had happened to her and now there would be some other thing to happen to her. She took it not so much lightly as as a thing that was over and that was all there was about it to her.
This was only the beginning of trouble for her but she always took it as it came to her, not lightly but simply and flightily as it happened to her.
Mary Maxworthing had in her something of a despairing feeling at the failure of her undertaking, at her return to nursery governessing. At first she did not even get a position so she lived on with Mabel Linker who did enough work to support her. Mary Maxworthing had a miserable feeling then in her, she had not an anxious feeling in her because a living for her was always around her, she could always find people to employ her she had this always in her, but she had for the first time in her living in her a discouraged sense of failure.
Mary Maxworthing then had, for her, a very helpless dreary feeling at the failure of her undertaking. As I was saying it was not in her anxious being for she knew very well she never would have any real trouble earning a living but there was then for her no freedom in living, no distinction for her in the future. So she had in her, for her, really a despairing feeling. It was not a desperately despairing feeling but it was really, for her, a despairing feeling. She and Mabel Linker still continued to live together. Mabel Linker went to work right away for another dress-maker, it was hard work for her but this did not make really any very great difference to her. For a little while then Mary depended on Mabel Linker to support her, after a little while some one employed her to help out in a little store near her. She stayed there all of that summer. Later she went to a friend of the last person who had employed her as a nursery governess for her, and every one who knew her thought that the future now was settled for her.
Every one who knew her had a certain feeling about her. Every one who knew her had a secure feeling about her. There are many ways every one knowing any one feel in them the character of that one. There are very many ways then for people to feel other people around them. There are some who make almost every one who knows them have the same kind of feeling about them. In a way Mary Maxworthing was such a one. Mabel Linker was not the least bit such a one, almost every one who knew her had a different feeling. With Mary Maxworthing it was a different matter, some liked her and some did not like her, but whether one liked her or did not like her each one had about the same feeling about her, about the same estimate of her. It is a queer thing though with women and with men too like her, they can astonish every one and Mary Maxworthing had this in her. There are always many millions of women and of men being made like her. This is now a history of the feeling about her, the estimate every one who knew her had of her, of the thing in her that was a surprise to every one who knew her. The kind she is will then always come to be clearer. Always one must remember each one has their own way of feeling other people's nature.
There are then some kinds of men and women, some men and some women of some kinds of nature who have it in them to have every one who knows them have about the same idea of them. Some may like, some may dislike them, some may be indifferent to such a one but all of them every one who ever comes to know that one has about the same estimate of such a one. This is now a history of such a one.
Mary Maxworthing was then such a one. She had a certain gayety in living but no wildness no recklessness in her being and no one would think such a thing from the certain pleasant gayety she had in living. She had attacking in fighting but really very little attacking fighting in her living and no one ever expected not to have it more strongly in her being than it really came to be seen as it came out of her. She had no reserve of fighting in her, every one who knew her knew just about how much strength she had in her. She had a little impatient being, a little unpleasant temper in her, a little insistence on interfering in her, a small amount of pride in her, enough of sensitive response to make a reasonable sweetness in her, a little tendency to angry and injured feeling in her but not very much of this in her not more of this in her than any one would expect from her. She had a reasonable sense of responsibility in her, a reasonable efficiency in her, she was in short what every one thought her. She could still then surprise every one who knew her. She was still then really what every one had thought her. It was what no one who knew her ever thought of her that the quality of being in her could ever lead her to have a certain thing happen, it did happen to her, this is a history of her then and how she really was what every one thought her. She really was what every one thought her, every one who knew her had about the same estimate of her, every one who knew her was surprised by something that happened to her. This is a history then of what happened to her and then how later a reasonable success came to her.
After she had to give up the dress-making, after she had used up all the money she had saved for that undertaking she had in her almost a despairing feeling, not anything of an anxious feeling, a little impatient feeling, nothing then of an angry or injured feeling. She had not then as I was saying anything of an anxious feeling, she was always certain of being able to earn a living, she had no fear in her in living, she had a despairing feeling for the loss of freedom and possible success and distinction, she had an impatient feeling, not altogether an irritable feeling, it was more in the nature of a purely impatient feeling because she had to go back to taking care of children.
This altogether made in her something very nearly a despairing feeling in her. She was then as I was saying still living with Mabel Linker. She had not yet found a position but this was not then worrying her, she knew she could always earn a living, she had in her then her kind of despairing feeling. Mabel Linker was earning then enough to support herself and her. This is now what happened to both of them.
Mary Maxworthing as I was saying was really whatever any one who knew her thought her and yet she now had something happen to her that surprised every one who knew her.
She had as I was saying in her then a kind of a despairing a little an impatient feeling, she had no really anxious or excited or fearful being then in her, she knew she could always get a good place for people always wanted her. She was then as I was saying not a very young woman. For the rest of the summer she finally began working in a store near her, then later she got a good position as nursery governess and everything was satisfactory to her. Mabel Linker was working then in the beginning of winter around in houses sewing but she expected soon to begin again working for herself, it was she now who had a chance in her of a future. Mary Maxworthing said nothing then of working with her. One day Mary Maxworthing took a day off to go to the hospital to see a doctor. She went alone not even Mabel Linker was with her.
As I was saying Mary Maxworthing was what every one thought her. Every one had about the same estimate of her. Something happened to her that surprised every one who knew her, surprised them that it should happen to her.,
Mary Maxworthing had not any recklessness or wildness in her. She had very little weakness in her. She had a certain ambition a certain desire for freedom and distinction. She had no anxious being or fear in her, she had not very strong desires in her, she had a certain gayety in her, she had a reasonable sense of responsibility inside her, she had a certain delicacy and good sentiment in her, she was what every one who knew her thought her. She had a little impatient feeling in her.
She went in to the doctor, the doctor asked her a few questions and then examined her, “you know what':, the matter with you", he said to her. She grew red, she had a little impatient feeling in her, she had no fear in her and no angry feeling in her. “I don't know what's the matter with me Doctor,” was her answer.
She had I was saying never any anxious feeling in her, she never really had any fear in her. She did have a little impatient feeling always in her. She had had after the failure of her undertaking a little of a despairing feeling. Now she did not have this in her. When the doctor said that to her she had no fear or anxious being in her, she grew a little red, she had a little nervous impatience then in her. “You know what's the matter with you!” said the doctor. “I don't know what's the matter with me,” was her answer. The doctor was a young man, he grew angry and he told her. She grew redder, she had more impatient feeling in her but she had very little shame or anxious feeling in her, she had a little more impatient feeling in her. “You'd better get him to marry you,” said the doctor who was angry with her.
It is very interesting that every one has in them their kind of stupid being. It is very important to know it in each one which part in them; which kind of feelings in them is connected with stupid being in them. Sometime there will be a history of every kind of stupid being in every kind of human being in every part of the history of each one from their beginning to their ending.
There is then stupid being in every one. As I was saying Mary Maxworthing had very little stupid being in the bottom in her being, her stupid being was mostly mixed up with her impatient being with her possible angry or injured feeling. The doctor was angry at her saying that she did not know what was wrong with her, he thought it was stupid bottom being in her or a way of deceiving in her, it was the stupid being in her that went with the impatient being in her. Sometime this will be clear in her. The doctor then was angry with her, “you know what is the matter with you!” he said to her.
She did not then say anything farther, she was not interested in what the doctor had further to say to her. It was of no importance to her. She had then finished the stupid being in her that went with the impatient being in her. She was through with being stupid in that kind of way of not knowing whether it had really happened to her. Later impatient feeling stupid being would be again in her, this will show in the later history of her but now she knew what was the matter with her; she went home and it got told to Mabel Linker. It was told to Mabel Linker, Mary Maxworthing told it very directly to her, “I don't care I want a baby, so much the worse for me getting it in this way but I want it anyway.” Mary said this always after she had told her.
Mary Maxworthing then had a baby in her, it had happened to her and it was a surprise to every one who knew her who learned it about her. It was the very last thing any one would have expected to happen to her. One would have thought surely Mary Maxworthing would make a man marry her before such a thing would happen to her. It was a surprise to every one who knew her. But she was always then the same that every one thought her only, as she said, alright there is nothing to say about it, it had happened to her. That was the end of the fact for her, that was not the end of the trouble for her, that was the end of the fact for her. As I was saying Mary had stupid being in her connected in her with the impatient feeling she had in her, with the injured feeling she could have sometime in her. She had no stupid being as a bottom to her, by and by this will be clearer. Mabel Linker had a hard time taking care of her. Gradually the people who employed her knew what had happened to her. They were surprised too that it could happen to her, she said nothing to explain how it had happened, she said, alright it has happened and she liked children and now she would have one. There was no hardness in her, there was then no really anxious being in her. It had happened and that was the end of that matter to her. Soon every one who knew her had the same feeling about what had happened to her. Every one continued to have the same opinion of her whether they liked her or whether they did not like her as they had had before this happened to her, then every one who knew her had still the same estimate of her.
