There is then a whole to living, mostly everybody has for this an anxious feeling, some have not any such anxious feeling to the whole of them, many have the anxious feeling in every minute of their living, every minute is a whole to them in an anxious feeling which each minute ends them.
As I was saying there are many ways of having anxious feeling in them in men and women. Anxious feeling in some is almost the whole living that they have in them, some have the anxious feeling every minute of their living every minute is a whole to them with an anxious feeling which each minute ends them. Some have very much anxious feeling in them but not every minute in their living, with some of such of them anxious feeling never makes an end to them, it goes on repeating in them but it does not ever to them make an end of them. Lillian Rosenhagen was such a one. Anxious feeling was in her always inside her coming to be strong in her whenever any little new thing was demanded of her, whenever she had to finish arranging anything whenever in a way there was any adjustment inside her to anything in her working or to any one around her.
There are then many ways for men and for women to have anxious feeling in them. Sometimes it is a wonder to any one who sees anxious feeling in almost every one, in every one's making a bargain, or selling, or buying, or hearing some one calling, or going to sleep, or wakening, in cooking, in ordering, many times in eating, in drinking, in coming and going. Mostly every one has in them more or less an anxious feeling, mostly every one has in them more or less impatient feeling, some have more anxious than impatient feeling in them, some have almost the same amount in them of anxious as impatient feeling in them, some have much more impatient than anxious feeling in them, many have every minute impatient feeling in them and every minute there is a beginning for them, many have impatient feeling in them and this has nothing in it of beginning for them, some have impatient feeling in them as always an ending to them inside them, many have it in them just as their own way of going on with their living. Anxious feeling can be in some as always an ending to them, it can be in some as always a beginning in them of living, there are some who have it in them as their own way of living.
In many, anxious being is impatient feeling and sometime there will be a history of many of such of them.
Lillian Rosenhagen had always repeating in her an anxious feeling, she had very little in her of impatient feeling. As I was saying Lillian Rosenhagen was very good at sewing, she was very steady at working, she had always in her repeating an anxious feeling when she had to do any ending or beginning.
Some have in them nervous feeling, this is different from an impatient feeling, this is different from anxious being, many have all of these mixed up in them. Lillian Rosenhagen had one kind of an anxious feeling, she had very little impatient feeling in most of her living, she had very little nervous being in her. This will now be a long history of the kind of anxious being in her and how it is different in her from in others who are made more or less like her.
There is a servant queerness in some, a queerness that comes out in them from the kind of anxious being, from the kind of impatient feeling sometime in them which comes to be from the kind of living servants have in them comes to be in such a one a servant queerness and every one in the house knows it in that one. There is then a servant queerness in many women and in some men who are working as servants and have a servant living in them. They have many of them a servant queerness in them and that comes out of them according to the nature of them, according to the kind there is in them of a bottom nature in them and the kind they have in them of mixtures inside them which gives to them the kind that is in them of the impatient being and anxious being in each one, the kind in them of such being inside them that with the servant living makes inside such a one servant queerness. There are many ways of having queerness in many men and women. There are many who have not any such queerness in them, many have things in them that others around them sometime think queer in them but there are many who have not such a kind of queerness in them that makes really a character in them. There are many men and women who have queerness in them, sometime there will be a history of all the kinds of them. Just now there will not be a history of such a one. Some dress-makers have a dress-making queerness in them, a queerness that comes from sitting sewing and always lying and there own kind of anxious feeling and their own kind of creating and own kind of nervous being, there are many of such of them. Lillian Rosenhagen was not of such of them, she had in her as I was saying anxious feeling, she had in her very little of impatient being, there never came to be in her a queerness inside her.
Lillian Rosenhagen never had any man who really wanted to marry her. They all liked her. Mostly every one who knew her liked her. She lived together with her mother and sometimes her sister. Sometimes the sister sewed with her. Often this one did not live with her mother and her sister. She had a very unpleasant nature.
Everybody is always in their living repeating, some all through their living have strong feeling in every moment of repeating in each time their repeating comes out from them. Some have feeling only in the beginning, repeating then goes on and on inside them; some have feeling in them in the repeating coming out of them when they are changing in repeating; many have very little feeling in them in most of the repeating coming out of them in their living; many have not enough feeling in them to make it real repeating, in such of them it comes to be a copy of the repeating that once came out of them in feeling; some copy others around them and make of this a repeating in them, some make of such a copying a repeating in feeling, some never have in such a copying a real repeating feeling.
There are then many as I was saying who all their lives are repeating and each repeating has in it as strong feeling as any part of their being, there are many millions always being made such of them, sometime there will be more understanding of the meaning in this saying. There are always many millions who only sometime in repeating have much feeling, in many of such of them repeating is just going on because they are living and in living one always goes on repeating, there are some who have not enough activity inside them to go in this way in their repeating, these have to copy themselves with a certain impulsion so as to go on repeating, they copy themselves in their way of talking, sometimes in their loving, often in their way of walking, of moving their hands and shoulders, in their ways of smiling, there have been some and always will be some who copy themselves so in all their living, in their eating and drinking, in every moment of their daily living.
I say some who have not much activity inside them have a kind of indolent and lethargic way of repeating, something in between just going on repeating and copying themselves to start them to keep going; Lillian Rosenhagen was one of such of them.
I say that anxious* feeling comes out of each one according to the nature of them, this has in almost every one every time it comes in them out of them more in it of real feeling in repeating than many things in many men and women. There are some men and women always living who can have in them anxious feeling repeating without much real being in such repeating. Lillian Rosenhagen was a little such a one.
Sometimes then the sister Cecilia Rosenhagen would be living with her mother and her older sister Lillian. Often she would leave them and live away from them. The Rosenhagen sisters were both born American. The father was not living. The mother was old then and did nothing but a little cleaning and cooking, the daughter Lillian did most of the supporting of the mother. Sometimes Cecilia would be helping but she never got as much money for working as Lillian and often she was not living with them.
As I was saying Lillian Rosenhagen did not have men want to marry her. She was good looking, she was tall and dark, she was a stupid woman. She had good dress-making instinct in her working. She was steady in her working. She had in her anxious feeling as I was saying, a little, every time she had to do something. Cecilia had in her anxious feeling as excitement always in her. She had a very disagreeable nature. She had always suspicion in her of every one around her, anxious feeling was always an excitement to her, she had a great deal of it in her.
Every one then has in their living repeating, repeating of every kind of thing in them, repeating of the kind of anxious feeling almost every one has more or less always in them, repeating of the way each one has of being stupid in their living.
Almost every one, always each one has a way of having a kind of stupidity inside them always repeating in their living. Every one then has in them some kind of stupidity inside them. In each one it is of the nature of that one, of the kind of stupid being that is natural to their kind of them. With some their stupid being is mixed up with anxious feeling, with some with their impatient feeling, in some with other things in them, in some it is just there in them it never mixes up inside them, it is just there, always in them, it is so steady and stilly in them it does not come out of them as repeating, it just lies there quiet, as the bottom of them.
Lillian Rosenhagen was such a one. She was a stupid woman. She had anxious feeling in her whenever any little new thing was demanded of her, whenever she had to finish arranging anything, whenever in any way there was any adjustment inside her to anything in her working or to any one around her. This was the anxious feeling in her, this had nothing to do in her with the stupid being in her that made her.
In many, anxious being is impatient feeling in them, and sometimes in many, it is a suspicious feeling always in them, in many it is an excited feeling that keeps them always changing and acting. In Cecilia Rosenhagen there was a little of all these three ways of having as feeling her anxious being. Mostly it was the last kind of them the excited way of being that was strongest in her in her anxious feeling, she had it in her to have a good deal of suspicious feeling, she had less in her her anxious being as impatient feeling. In some anxious being is in them a nervous condition.
As I was saying mostly every one has in them more or less anxious being, with some it is part of their stupid being, this was not so in the sister Lillian, it was true of the other one. Each one of them had in her her own stupid being and now this is a history of it in each of them.
Lillian Rosenhagen was four years older than her sister Cecilia. Cecilia had a very unpleasant nature, she had nervousness in her, she had suspicion in her, she had anxious being as excitement always working in her. She was not a good worker, she was not a bad worker, she could find people to employ her and they would always be ready to keep her longer than her suspicious temper would let her. As I was saying sometimes she would be living with her sister and mother and then anxious being would be such an excitement inside her that she would go away and live with any friend who would let her. She always had a new friend who would take her, then she would have her anxious being as a new excitement in her and she would come back to her mother and sister. Lillian never began again with her from any goodness inside her. She had no use for her sister, they had no use for each other, they both had stupid being in them and they put up with each other when they were together, they did not quarrel with each other, they did not enough touch one another to quarrel together.
They each one of them had in them their own kind of stupid being. In Lillian stupid being was the vague bottom to her that was always there when you looked at her. It made her, it had nothing to do in her with the anxious feeling sometimes in her, not with any trouble she had in her with her mother or her sister or a customer or the daily living and everything then that happened to her. She went on repeating because in living one goes on repeating, because that is the way one does in living. Lillian Rosenhagen went on living, sometimes she had a real feeling in her living, often she had in her a kind of anxious feeling, this she had in her whenever she had any adjusting of herself to her working, her work to a fitting of herself to any one who had then something to do with her. As I said she always then had a kind of anxious feeling in her, this never came to be sorrow in her, this never came to be a puzzled or a worried feeling in her, it was just such a kind of anxious feeling in her that made a little feeling inside her that was not just going on living in her, not a copying of herself in repeating in her, not just a drifting in her, it was pretty nearly a really anxious being in her. As I say she had a vague stupid being as a bottom to her. Mostly she went on repeating because repeating goes on always when any one is still living. She had a vague stupid bottom being, this was hardly repeating, this was just there lying in her as a bottom. She had a physical something that made an impression, that was some attraction. Mostly men did not want her for marrying, no man ever wanted her enough to have her marry him. She just went on living and dress-making.
Every one has in them their own history inside them, in each one the history comes out of them in the repeating that is always in them that sometime when all the repeating in them has been done by them and they are no longer living and so do no more repeating, that sometime will be a whole history of each one of them.
Sometime then each one will be dead and they each one will do no more repeating; there will then have been, there will then be a whole history of each one. In some as I was saying repeating comes almost without any changing any differing from the other repeating in them, in some repeating always has some changing, in some repeating has each time real feeling, in some it has so little real feeling it is only copying their own repeating. There can be then every kind of repeating with every degree of changing to some which takes strong looking to be sure it is repeating. There can then be repeating with every degree of changing, with every degree of feeling. There can be strong feeling in each repeating and the repeating have almost no changing. There is every kind of mixing, there is excitement and nervous feeling in repeating that sometimes makes it seem to be changing, there is nervous or excited or anxious being around repeating that makes it sometimes seem like a fresh feeling. Even in anxious being there can be repeating without fresh feeling. There can be every kind of mixing, this is a history of some of them.
