Repeating then is always coming out of every one, almost always in the repeating in every one and coming out of them there is a little changing. All the repeating in each one makes a history of each one always coming out of them. There is always repeating in every one but such repeating has almost always in it a little changing, the whole repeating then that is always coming the whole repeating that comes out of them every one who has living in them and coming out from each one is a whole history of each one.
Lillian and Cecilia Rosenhagen each in their own way of being had both of them very little changing in their repeating, very little fresh feeling in their repeating. Lillian Rosenhagen had as I was saying always when she had to do finishing or beginning or a little adjusting of anything or of herself to any one around her, had always then a little anxious being that had always in it a little feeling, that had always in it very little changing, it was very much the same repeating. Mostly, in her ways of doing there was very little in her of fresh feeling, mostly when she was with others there was in her very little of fresh feeling, she was just copying herself in her movements in repeating or else she had in her a little drifting; she had in her as a bottom her indolent and stupid being that was in her but hardly came out of her as repeating. She had almost nothing in her ever of impatient feeling.
Cecilia Rosenhagen was very different from her sister Lillian. She had in her anxious feeling as the bottom and the whole of her being. No man wanted her to marry him. It was different with her from her sister Lillian, it was for a different reason. Cecilia Rosenhagen had in her anxious being as the bottom and the whole of her being. In her, anxious being was always in her excited feeling, any one who saw her knew this in her; in her, injured feeling was always suspicious feeling, every one felt this strongly with her after a very little of her; she always had a new woman friend to pity her and to commence with her, she never had any man who wanted to take care of her or marry her. It was different in her from her sister Lillian, neither of them ever came to marrying.
Cecilia Rosenhagen was a true spinster. Lillian Rosenhagen was not married because nobody had came to want her enough to take her. These two were very different in nature.
There is every kind of being in women who have it in common to have a spinster nature. Later there will be much discussing of this spinster nature. Now it is enough to know that Cecilia Rosenhagen had it in her.
So then they went on with their living to their ending Lillian and Cecilia Rosenhagen. No man ever married either one of them. They both went on in their own way living and dress-making to their ending. Mrs. Hersland liked to have Miss Lillian Rosenhagen in the house working. She was a good young woman for dress-making, she never gave to Mrs. Hersland anything of an injured or angry feeling.
It is very common to have in one injured or angry feeling inside one. Injured or angry feeling it is common to have inside in every one. Injured or angry feeling it is common to have sometime in almost every one. Anxious feeling and impatient feeling are more or less and sometime in almost every one. Every one has sometime something of such feelings in them. It is very common to have the injured or the angry feeling in one mixed in one with the impatient feeling and the anxious feeling sometime in almost every one. Anxious feeling, impatient feeling, injured feeling, angry feeling are all sometime in each one in almost every one who ever was or is or will be living. In many then impatient feeling and anxious being are mixed up in them in the injured feeling and the angry feeling almost every one has sometime in them. There are many then that have this mixture in them. The way it comes out of them, the way these feelings mix up in them, the way they mix up with other things in them make of each man or woman their kind of man or woman, make them one of the two kinds of men and women, make of them one of the many kinds in each of the two kinds of them.
There are then many who have mixed up in them anxious being, impatient feeling, injured and angry feeling. Almost every one has in them their kind of stupid being, mostly every one who knows any one knows this in them. There are some who have their stupid being mixed up in them with their kind of anxious being, their kind of impatient feeling, their kind of injured, their kind of angry feeling.
Lillian Rosenhagen had very little of any of this mixing. She did have a very little sometimes in her injured feeling in her, there was never very much of such feeling in her but when there was such feeling in her when there was a little an injured feeling inside her it was never in her impatient feeling or anxious feeling or even angry feeling; but she could have sometimes in her a very little injured feeling inside her and this in her was connected inside her with the vague stupid being that was a bottom to her. That makes the being clear in her, there was almost nothing in her ever of impatient feeling and very little in her ever of angry feeling inside her. There was in her anxious being but that never had anything to do with the vague stupid being that was the bottom to her. There was in her not often but real in her sometimes an injured feeling that was not in her ever connected with the anxious feeling often in her with the anxious being of her, it was connected when it was in her, this injured feeling which was very real in her the times it came to be inside her it was connected in her it was part in her of the vague stupid being that was the bottom to her. This had very little in her ever to do with a love matter, almost never, almost never with her sister, a little more with her mother, almost never with a customer, it just sometimes came to be in her. As I said of her she had a physical something that went with the vague stupid bottom of her, that was pleasant in her, it was vague in her, she had never impatient feeling, or in living, anxious feeling, or in loving injured or angry feeling. No man came to ever want to marry her, she went on to her ending living and dress-making and now this is all the history of her.
With Cecilia Rosenhagen it was a different matter. Cecilia had a very different nature from her sister. No man ever wanted to marry her but it was a different matter from that in the case of her sister. In Lillian's case it was that no man had ever come to want her, no man ever wanted to have Cecilia; that was quite a different matter. Everything in her came from her bottom nature, she always had excitement in her, she always had repeating in her and all the repeating in her was filled with the excitement always in her. She had not much impatient feeling in her, she had very much anxious feeling in her, she did not have very much real anger in her, she had always very much injured being in her. In her, injured being, anxious being, was a suspicious excited state inside her, these were always in her, these filled her when she was living with her sister, when she left her, when she came back to her sister and her mother, when she was living with any friend who would have her, when she was working for or leaving any one who employed her. Anxious being was always in her, it was always in her as injured feeling and an excited suspicious being, that made the whole of her. This did not come to be active in her very much from her sister, a little from her mother, more from any friend who let her live with her, a little from any one who employed her, but mostly she had it in her from everything around her, from every moment of being in her. Excited suspicious living of anxious being and injured feeling, that was the whole of her. She always had a new friend who let her stay with her and then she went to another and so on until she came back again to her mother and her sister and so on to begin again with another. This was a history of her, she was not a good workwoman but not a bad one either, she was good enough so that she would always find some one to employ her, she would always leave them while they were yet willing to keep her, she would have anxious feeling then in her as excitement, as a suspicious feeling, as an injured feeling in her and so then now there is a whole history of her. Sometime perhaps there will be another history of her.
There were then in Gossols in Mrs. Hersland's middle living three sets of women who did her dress-making. There were Lillian Rosenhagen and her sister Cecilia who worked for her in the house with her to make the ordinary dresses for her and her little girl Martha and sometimes for the governess then living with her, there was the woman who lived in a small house near the Herslands then in that part of Gossols where no other rich people were living, who did just working over and ordinary sewing, and there was then another dress-maker who lived in the richer quarter who made Mrs. Hersland's best dresses for her. There will be now a history of her.
There is a certain kind of women who have in them independent dependent nature in a certain kind of way in them. They have not servant girl nature in them. They have their own way of having independent dependent nature in them. This is now a history of one of them.
Such of them have more or less fear in them, they have very little in them of anxious being, they have some impatient feeling in them, they have courage in them and they have fear in them and they have a little impatient being and they have in them almost nothing of anxious being. As I was saying they have not in them servant girl nature in them.
They have not in them servant girl nature in them, they have in them very little of anxious being, they have in them only a little impatient being, they have not in them much injured being, they can have in them angry feeling. There are many ways then for women and for men to have anxious being in them. These then have very little anxious being in them, they have independent dependent nature in them and so they have attacking in them as their natural way of fighting. There are many women who seem from the kind of movement in them when they are doing anything in any way attacking anything in their living, there are many women who have then always in them something that seems anxious being in them. Such of them have attacking in them as their way of fighting but they have weakness in them or a sensitive being in them or a vague being in them or an empty being in them as the bottom of them. These then have attacking as their natural way of fighting, many of them have attacking in them always only from some one else acting on them, some one else giving them ideas for fighting, some one else using them for living, some one else needing them for protecting or else because they are at the last need in them for some other thing. There are many many millions always being made of such of them, they are wonderful instruments for other people's living, they never know it in them that it is other people's lives they are living. As I was saying these have in them always in attacking something that is like anxious being in them, but this is mostly not true of them, it is mostly not true of them that they have anxious being in them for most of them and there are many men and many women of them most of them have not it in them to have consciously and most of them not to have any kind of fear in them. One must have some kind of fear in one to have in one really anxious being, servant girl women have always such fear in them, dependent independent men and women have almost always fear in them, these have bottom earth feeling in them, they feel their pulses to see if they are living, any one with bottom earth feeling in them can have at some time fear in them, but this is not what is now being written.
Independent dependent men and women have attacking as a natural way of fighting in them, all independent dependent men and women have attacking as the natural way of fighting, the kind of independent dependent men and women, these of that kind of them who have very much in them of weakness or sensitive being or vague or vacant being as the bottom of them such of them have in them when it comes to them to have fighting in their living and most of them have a great deal in them of fighting, some of them have it in them then to conquer whatever it is in the bottom of them that does not help them in fighting, some of them harden themselves harden the weakness in them so that it does not stop them, some fill themselves with angry feeling to concentrate in them the vague being they have inside them as a bottom to them, some just go ahead with the vacant being lying there in them they go ahead and it gives to such of them a being like an anxious feeling but it is not fear in such of them it is only the vacant being in them, some get so strongly in them the fighting for some one around them that it takes away from them in attacking the sensitive feeling that might stop them. In all of such of them there is to one looking at them anxious being in them but this is not really in them, it is only the halting that comes to them in attacking from the kind of bottom in them, from the weakness or sensitive being or vague or empty being that makes the bottom of each one of such of them. These then have in them halting in attacking, they have not in them really anxious being, they have not in them really fear in them, they have not in them servant girl nature in them, they have not in them dependent independent nature in them, they have not really resisting in them, they may help their attacking by a kind of stubbornness in them but this is never in such of them real resisting in them and sometime every one who lives near them learns to know it in them. The halting in them then in their beginning an attacking gives to such of them then an appearance to them not of timidity in them but of anxious being in them, sometimes anxious nervous being in them. They have not then really anxious being in them. Some time there will be here a history of many of them.
The other seamstress who did sewing for Mrs. Hersland in her middle living, the one who lived in that part of Gossols where richer people were living, the one that made for Mrs. Hersland then all her best dresses the ones she used for visiting, this woman then was of a kind of woman as I was saying who have in them very little of anxious being or impatient being, sometimes impatient being, a little of angry feeling, sometimes some injured feeling. She was not of them I have just been describing. She is near them but not altogether of them. She has not much attacking in her living, she has more gayety in being. She is of the kind very closely like the kind I have been just describing but she is of a different kind of women from them. She has not in her any servant girl being, she has in her independent dependent being, she has in her attacking as her way of fighting but she has not much fighting in her being, she has gayety in her being, she does good dress-making, this is now a history of her kind of women and there are men too who have this kind of being. This is a history of a kind then of men and women. This is a history of one woman of this kind of men and women.
