The Memory of All That (15 page)

Chapter 29

Marnie tried to relax by taking the hot bath she had mentioned to David. Drawing a tub of soothing water liberally laced with bubble bath, she lit the candles that sat on the rim and placed the poufy bath pillow at one end. The relaxing water and atmosphere should have calmed her, but it didn’t.

Bubbles tickled her chin as she sank deeper into the water.
What is going on in his mind? The first kiss was only a throwaway for him, I’m sure of it. It meant nothing to him, even if it did shake me to my toes. But the second one! That one was mind-bending, muscle-melting, can’t stand up, stupendous! And then he just walked away. What’s with that?

She had been told she did not love her husband. She had used pregnancy to trap him into marriage because she wanted his money. She didn’t love him. Her repeated infidelity proved that. She and her lover schemed to get more money out of David via a son she planned to use for ransom.

But all of this didn’t line up with the way she felt. She didn’t understand why she wouldn’t be in love with David. He was kind; a loving father; generous, even with his wayward wife; handsome; and a great kisser. There most certainly was passion between them, as this day had proven.

The stories she had been told were from other people’s viewpoints. What Marnie didn’t know was her side of the story. There was bound to be a lot they weren’t telling her.
I know I wouldn’t marry just for money
, she reasoned.
There had to be more to it than that. And maybe I didn’t cheat on him. Maybe that was just the idle gossip of people who were jealous because I married the boss. Maybe Ruth perpetuated those stories, spread them among her friends, and told them to David. Maybe she encouraged him to believe them because she thought my mother had an affair with her husband. Ruth wants Celeste as a daughter-in-law instead of me, and she’ll say anything to make that happen.

I’ve been beating myself up because I thought all those things about me were true, but maybe they aren’t. Maybe they’re stories that have gotten twisted every which way and blown out of proportion.

The water cooled, so Marnie got out of the tub and dried herself. Wrapping the oversized towel around her, she rummaged through a drawer for something to wear for the night. Ordinarily, she put on a pair of pajamas like the ones Alice had dressed her in when she stumbled home that first night, weak and sick. She hoped, though, that her husband’s kiss might be a prelude to more, and she might have a visitor.

She donned a silky pink gown, sheer and willowy, and misted herself lightly with lily-of-the-valley scent. All preparations completed, she went to bed. Alone. And tossed. And turned. Hours went by. Sleep did not come. Neither did David. Anger did, however.

What did he think he was doing, kissing me like that and then leaving? He’s a tease! He’s my husband, for heaven’s sake! He knows he can come to my bed, and that kiss was proof he was thinking about it, at least. So where is he? How can he treat me like this? Was it some sort of repayment for the way he thinks I treated him?

She fell asleep for only a few minutes before she was awake again, agonizing over the situation. Finally, she threw the covers back and got out of bed. Determined to not give in to the desire for her husband, she had to find something to do. She didn’t want to wander around the big house in the middle of the night, so she entered her closet dressing room and put on a warm robe.

“I might as well get to this now,” she said, as she started through the clothes on the rack.

A pile of discarded clothes grew on the floor. Out went the mini-skirts. Out went the shirt with “bitch” written across the front, along with all the tees she judged to be a size too small. Dresses that were as short as the mini-skirts topped the stack. Dresses and blouses with a plunging neckline started a new pile. A few things were added to the growing stack that were acceptable in style and size, but Marnie was puzzled as to why she would ever buy the particular color.

The last rack held the evening dresses. “Surely I didn’t attend this many parties,” she muttered as she discarded dress after dress she judged suitable for a teenaged exhibitionist, “and if I did, why in the world would I wear something like this? No wonder men came sniffing around. It’s like these clothes say, ‘I’m a tramp, come get me’,” she said, dejectedly. “No wonder people formed a bad opinion of me when I dressed this way.”

It was four o’clock in the morning before she was tired enough for bed. The shoes and items in the drawers could wait for another time. She drifted off to sleep quickly, again thinking she must have earned the reputation people thought of her.

It was after 10:00 a.m. before she woke up. She dressed in jeans and a sweater and headed to the kitchen, looking in at the empty playroom on the way. David had already fetched Jonathan and fed him breakfast.
If I were a good mother, I would have been up earlier and checked in on him already
. It was another thing she let herself feel guilty about.

She fixed herself a bowl of cereal and milk. After she ate, she rinsed the bowl and put it in the dishwasher. She might as well get it over with—facing David had to be done. She found David and Jonathan in the TV room. Jonathan was working his new puzzle on the table in front of the window, and David was on the sofa reading the newspaper.

“Good morning,” she said. Jonathan rushed to her and hugged her knees, his usual form of greeting.

“Good morning,” David said. “I was beginning to wonder if you were going to spend the day in your room.”

“No. I had trouble sleeping, so when I finally fell asleep I overslept.”

He gave her a piercing look but said nothing about her sleep habits.

“It’s raining today, so we thought we’d stay in,” he remarked.

“I’m working the puzzle you gave me,” Jonathan said. “Come see.”

He pulled her toward his project, where she admired his puzzle-working skills. She vacillated between sitting down with Jonathan and joining David, when he asked, “Want part of the paper?”

“Sure.” She took the sections he held out to her and sat down on the other end of the sofa.

It had never occurred to her that reading the local paper might be an excellent way to jog her memory about the town and the people in it, so she studied each article and picture, but none of it seemed familiar. Soon, she stopped trying to find anything that sparked recall and started reading articles that interested her.

“Next month there is going to be a big exhibition of paintings and blown glass at the Center for the Arts,” she remarked. “Could you show me how to get there?” she asked.

“You’re looking at the Centerview newspaper,” he answered, “not the local paper. Does the exhibition interest you?” David looked at her quizzically.

“Yes, it does. Shouldn’t it?”

“I just never heard you express an interest in the arts before.” His paper lay unread for a few moments. “We’ll try to go, if you want to. It’s only about an hour from here. Remind me next month.” He went back to reading.

He must expect I’ll still be around in a month
, she thought.
At least he’s not going to throw me out before then.

When she came to the book review section, she folded it so that a book that sounded like a good read was visible and placed the paper on the table at her end of the couch. David got up and started to gather the papers scattered about the couch and floor.

“Are you through reading all this?” he asked.

“Yes, but don’t throw away this one,” she said, indicating the article on the table.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a book review. I plan to go to the library this week and get a card. I thought I’d see if they have it—maybe check it out when I get Jonathan some books.”

Again, David gave her an odd look. She assumed she hadn’t made a point about liking to read before now
. Maybe he hasn’t been paying attention to what I’m really like. Maybe he’s been so angry about being ‘trapped’ into marriage he’s ignored the real Marnie
.
Well, too bad. It’s time for him to face up to the woman he married.

“It’s time for lunch, Sport,” he said to Jonathan. “I’m going to the kitchen to fix us some sandwiches. You go wash up.” He turned to Marnie. “Come to the kitchen with me. I need to talk to you.”

She followed him into the kitchen, both dreading and wondering what he had to say.

“I want to apologize for last night,” he said, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. “I should never have kissed you.”

Marnie closed her eyes
. So he doesn’t want me. The kiss means nothing if he regrets doing it.

“We both know this marriage isn’t working,” he said.

I know nothing of the sort. That’s just what you’ve told me
, she thought, but she couldn’t bring herself to voice it aloud.

“So, I have no business kissing you like that. I’ve already admitted you have a strong sexual pull, but I have no intention of letting you sucker me back into the situation we were in before.” He straightened, turned toward the cabinet, and started removing plates. “Our marriage is over. I’m not going to end up in bed with you again.”

Chapter 30

Marnie’s life quickly developed a pattern. Each day, she arose, dressed, and joined Jonathan and Mrs. Tucker for breakfast in the kitchen. Afterwards, she spent time with her son, playing a game or working a puzzle. She read and reread the half-dozen books he possessed.

By Thursday the rain that had plagued the earlier part of the week had disappeared, and the day was sunny and warm. She went to the library and signed up for a card so she could check out books. Filling out her name, address, and phone number, plus the name of a relative who lived in the same town, seemed odd to her. Of course she put David’s name, but she wasn’t sure he would vouch for her if called. The form asked for a non-relative reference also, but she didn’t have one. She thought about putting Alice’s name down, but she didn’t know Alice’s last name, much less her address and phone number. When she returned the form to the desk, she told the woman she couldn’t think of anyone to put down for a reference. When the woman read the application, she smiled at Marnie and said, “Oh, that’s all right, Mrs. Barrett. Everyone knows where to find you.”

Marnie browsed through the children’s section and picked out half a dozen books she thought Jonathan might like. She chose one about dinosaurs, a picture book about big trucks, and several books with stories that sounded interesting.

Going to the section marked “new arrivals,” she found the book that had been reviewed in Sunday’s newspaper and added it to her pile. She then searched the card file on the computer for a book about amnesia. She scanned the shelves and picked one that seemed simple enough to understand.

Jonathan was thrilled with the books and fascinated by the idea there was a place where one could borrow books. Marnie explained that they could keep them for two weeks but then she would have to take them back to the library.

“I can get more books when I take these back,” she explained to him. “And if you get tired of these, I can return them early and borrow others.”

Reading became a more enjoyable part of their daily routine. After lunch most afternoons, Marnie settled on the couch in the TV room and read to Jonathan, who snuggled close to her and looked at the pictures as she read. They had discussions about dinosaurs, earthmoving equipment, and the plots in the books she had chosen for him.

In the late afternoon, Jonathan returned to Mrs. Tucker’s care, and Marnie retreated to her bedroom to dress for supper with David. She changed from jeans into a skirt or dress. Since ridding the racks of clothing she considered to be unacceptable, she didn’t have many options, but she didn’t mind wearing the few things over and over. She liked the pink knit dress and the swirly blue and green skirt. Lately, she had started wearing trousers and a silk blouse with a scarf or necklaces as accessories. She was able to put together several outfits with the separates she kept.

After showering and dressing, she took a few minutes to read the novel or study what the book on amnesia had to say. She wasn’t learning anything new, since it said the same thing Doctor Means had told her. Namely, amnesia could be caused by a lot of things, most commonly trauma, either physical or emotional, and the memory usually returned at some point.

By five-thirty, she was in the kitchen helping Mrs. Grady. She set the dining room table with places for David and herself. She seldom saw Ruth, who no longer ate supper with them and left the room without speaking any time Marnie walked in. Marnie helped carry the bowls and platters of food into the dining room right at six o’clock so it would still be hot when David arrived to eat. She was finally able to convince Mrs. Grady and Mary she could get anything they needed, including the dessert left on the counter for them, and she could clear the table, put the dishes in the dishwasher, and run it if it was full.

One afternoon, Marnie was dragging her two bags of clothing along the hall. Having determined they were too large to fit in the dumbwaiter, she approached the top of the stairs when David came bounding up.

“What in the world are you doing?” he asked.

“Getting rid of clothes I’m not going to wear anymore,” she panted, out of breath from trying to fit them into the dumbwaiter.

“Where are you going with them?”

“I’m giving them to Mary to take to her church thrift shop. They outfit people who need clothing and don’t have money to buy any.”

David doubled over with laughter. “I can’t imagine anyone who needs clothing bad enough to wear any of your castoffs,” he said. “Sequins and miniskirts and tee shirts with sexy sayings on the front.” He chuckled. “And what does that leave you to wear? Are you planning on a whole new wardrobe?”

“I have plenty to wear, thank you very much,” she tartly replied and pulled the sacks, bumping, down the stairs.

Marnie entered the dining room for supper wearing dark gray wool slacks and a lighter gray silk blouse. The blouse plunged a bit deeper than what she was comfortable wearing, but she liked the color and style, so she kept it from the discard pile. She used a colorful scarf to pull the collar together a little higher.

“You look very nice tonight.”

“Thank you,” she said, glancing down at what she was wearing.

They ate in companionable silence until dessert.

“You look nice every night. I’m sorry I haven’t told you before,” David said.

She patted her mouth with her napkin. Unable to find anything more appropriate to say, she simply repeated, “Thank you.”

They cleared the table together, as had become the custom, and David retired to the TV room while Marnie finished wiping off the counters. Since he had been thoughtful enough to compliment her on her clothes, she decided to say good night before heading upstairs. When she arrived in the west hall, she heard the sounds of the TV, and when she got closer, she heard David cheering. She watched the TV from the doorway for a few minutes.

“Is that the Suns playing?” she asked.

David turned to her, startled by her appearance and by what she had said.

“Yes, it’s the Suns. I’m surprised you know them. I didn’t know you followed basketball.”

“I didn’t know I did, either,” she replied, “but I recognize them.”

On the screen, a ball circled the hoop, falling outside, and the crowd moaned. Marnie moaned along with them. “Aww, bummer,” she said. David continued to stare at her, the game forgotten.

Finally, he patted the couch beside him. “Come and watch with me.” She settled herself at the other end of the sofa and became involved in the game, cheering or moaning as the Suns and their opponent battled on the court. Although David was watching the play on the screen, Marnie noticed that part of his attention had settled on her. At last the game was over. He switched off the TV and turned to Marnie.