The Mirror of Her Dreams (43 page)

'I must have been eleven or twelve years old at the time, and I had never been away from home. Oh, there was hardly a mile of Domne where I hadn't ridden or worked, trailed after my brothers, doing the jobs I was given, or'-he smiled-'trying to avoid my chores. I don't care what anybody else says. Domne is the most beautiful of the Cares-especially in the spring, when the apple trees and dogwood and redbud come out, and some of the hills as far as you can see are wooded in blooms-and I loved exploring it, playing in places like the Closed Fist, riding like wild around the skirts of the mountains.'

He sighed happily. 'But Houseldon was the centre of my life. My father, the Domne, is a man who loves his home more than any place in the world. He prefers the company of his family to anyone else-even though people call him one of the King's dearest friends. Every year or two, he had to go somewhere to do something for King Joyse or Mordant, and he always took at least two of my brothers with him. That was how Artagel discovered his talent for fighting, which he would never have done at home. But I was always too young to go. I was my mother's baby, of course. And when she died, Tholden-he's my oldest brother-he and his wife took over as if they thought I was never going to grow up.

'In some ways, it's difficult to describe why I didn't take after my father. Tholden certainly did-when he becomes the Domne, even our father's beloved cherry trees will hardly notice the difference. So did Minick and Wester-he's the handsome one of the family. And the only reason I don't count Stead is that he would rather court every village girl in Domne than do his share of the shearing. Did I tell you that our family raises sheep? We do all kinds of farming, of course. All the Cares do. But wool and cloth are what we're known for.' He sounded proud. 'As soon as my brothers found out how clumsy I was,' he continued wryly, 'they refused to let me near the shears. But one summer I did so much herding that I knew every sheep within five miles by name.

'Looking back on it, I think my father's love should have been irresistible. He can still take off a sheep's wool in one piece so even it can be used as it is. His eyes light up when he sees a new seed sprout or a new crop come up. And he enjoys the company of his sons as if they were the best people in the world. He even manages to appreciate
my
good points-whatever they are. Whenever I go home, I spend the first five days amazed at my good luck and wondering why I ever left.'

Then he shrugged and grinned. 'I spend the
next
five days trying to figure out how to tell the Domne I have to leave again. Maybe it's because I never got to go with him when he travelled. I had to wait until he and my brothers came back and spent the next entire season telling stories about all the exciting things they saw and did. I was like Nyle in that. Except for me, he's the youngest. He had to stay home a lot, too. When Artagel went into training with the armies of Mordant, Nyle and I treated him like visiting royalty. We wanted him to tell us everything.

'Or maybe it's because King Joyse sent Queen Madin and their daughters to stay with us for more than a year when I was five or six. What was happening, I think, was the Alend Monarch and High King Festten were becoming desperate to defend their Imagers, and King Joyse was afraid they might try to stop him by attacking his family. Anyway, the lady Elega and I were about the same age, and we played together most of the time. Even then'-his fondness was evident-'she was so full of being a king's daughter that I hardly knew what to do with her. But I admired her for it. I loved her stories of wars and power, even though she credited herself with saving the realm more often than most five-year-old girls can manage. Young as I was, she made me ache to explore the whole world the way I did Domne.

'Or maybe it was simply that the most exciting thing I knew about my father was his friendship with the King.

'Whatever the reason, I haven't been content with the idea of being a farmer or shepherd for as long as I can remember.'

Abruptly, he stopped and looked at Terisa. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go into all that. I just wanted you to understand what kind of boy I was when I first met King Joyse.'

'Don't apologize,' she replied gently. She was grateful for anything that kept him from questioning her. And she liked hearing about his family. His background was as alien to her experience as Mordant and Imagery were; but it was also attractive-as strange and wondrous as a fairy tale. 'If you didn't point it out, I would never know you were digressing.'

He bowed playfully. 'You are too gracious, my lady.' Then he resumed his story.

'As I say, it was probably thirteen years ago. Mordant was approximately at peace because Adept Havelock wasn't ready to expose the arch-Imager and his cabal, and King Joyse was doing a royal circuit, getting ready for the days when his wars would actually be over. After Termigan, he came to Domne.

'The day he arrived, I was weeding corn in one of the fields near Houseldon. It was as far away as I could bear to be, and I only went that far because the field was on a hill that let me watch the road. I was so excited that I kept forgetting to look where I swung the hoe. By the time the King and his party finally rode into view'-he chuckled to himself-'I had left a swath of ruined corn right through the middle of the field.

'But that didn't bother me. As soon as I saw him coming, I dropped my hoe and ran.

'There's a stockade around Houseldon, mostly to keep the animals out, and unfortunately there was a large pigwallow between me and the nearest gate. However, one of my brothers in an enterprising mood had tossed a long log into the wallow as a shortcut, and I headed for it to save time.

'You can imagine what happened.' He grimaced in mock disgust. 'But I didn't stop, I absolutely
had
to meet King Joyse as fast as possible. It was the most urgent thing in my life. So I managed to arrive in front of our house just as the King and his people-Queen Madin with Elega, Torrent, and Myste, Adept Havelock in his scruffy chasuble, Castellan Lebbick and a handful of guards, two or three of the King's counsellors, and a small number of servants-you see, I remember it all-I got there just as they were dismounting.' He chuckled. 'I had cherry pits in my hair, orange peel on my clothes, melon rind sticking to my feet, and I was still dripping mud.

'A lot of people laughed-except Elega, who got angry-but my father and the King didn't. The Domne said, 'My lord King, this is my youngest son, Geraden,' as if he had never loved me as much as he did right then. Then the King beckoned me to him. In spite of the muck, he put his hands on my shoulders and gripped me hard. 'I like you, boy,' he said. 'Come to Orison in a few years.' Just like that. 'You already have one fighter in the family, and Artagel does it well. You will be an Imager.''

Again, he stopped pacing to face Terisa firmly. 'He made me happier than I had ever been in my life. And I can't forget that. I'm not as loyal to him as I should be-he doesn't want me to talk to you, remember?-but he is my King, and I won't stop trying to serve him as well as I can.'

Then he laughed self-consciously. 'Anyway, that's the best explanation I can give you. At the rate I'm going, if you ask me any more questions, I'll never give you a chance to tell me what happened to you yesterday,'

A pang went through her. Not quite able to meet his gaze, she said, 'I like hearing about your family. Did you hear Saddtth mention a tour? She was going to give me a tour of Orison. I would like to know this place a little better.' Deliberately duplicitous, she added, 'This room is starting to give me cabin fever.'

Forgetting self-consciousness, Geraden became immediately sober and intent. 'I'll gladly give you a tour. After yesterday, I can use the escape myself. But that meeting of the Congery is too important to talk about in public. With my luck, somebody would overhear us. Why don't you tell me what happened after I had to leave? Then we'll go.'

If he secretly wanted to know what she had done with Master Eremis, he concealed the desire well. Nevertheless she needed some way to deflect him again and didn't have any better ideas; so she said, 'Are you sure it isn't Master Eremis you want to hear about? You were eager enough to interrupt us.'

She tried to make the words teasing-and failed completely. In fact, she sounded just like her mother, feigning playfulness to disguise the intended hurt in what she said.

Involuntarily, Geraden scowled to keep himself from flinching; his face darkened. 'Was I wrong, my lady?' he asked stiffly. 'Does Master Eremis mean you well?'

She couldn't answer that: she was too ashamed of herself. Softly, as if she were apologizing, she said, 'Do you know what he did? He proved I don't exist. Or I didn't exist until you found me in the mirror. You must have created me somehow.'

Suddenly, the Apt was angry. His eyes burned. 'He convinced
you
of that?
You.
That must have been quite a display of logic. What did he actually say? What argument did he use this time?'

Surprised and a bit frightened by Geraden's reaction, she answered, 'Language. Mirrors don't translate sound.' Confusedly, she repeated the gist of what Master Eremis had said to her.

In response, Geraden threw up his hands. Stalking away to the window, he glared out at the winter. 'That son of a mongrel,' he rasped. 'Why does he
do
things like this?' Then, roughly, he swung towards her again.

That's all pigslop, and he knows it. It's an interesting argument, but it doesn't prove anything.'

She stared at him dumbly.

'There is at least one alternative explanation. Translation changes things. That's part of the magic. Language isn't the only issue. When I put my head into that mirror-the one with the champion-I didn't have any trouble breathing the air. But surely a world like that would have different air than we do. Why would a mirror create alien landscapes, alien people, alien power, alien creatures-and not alien air? That doesn't make sense. I must have been changed by the translation so I could breathe. If those people hadn't been so determined to kill me right away, we might have been able to talk to each other.

'I can't prove that either, of course. But proof isn't the point. The point is, the answer Master Eremis gave you isn't inevitable. There is another explanation.

'It isn't love that makes him talk to you like that.' His tone was hard, like a clenched fist. He didn't seem to be aware that she was panicking in front of him.

The past
was
real? She couldn't simply turn her back on it and go ahead, as if she had a role to play and a right to play it? Then she didn't belong here-and everything she did was too important. Her mistakes might do serious damage: the risk she had taken for Prince Kragen against King Joyse might have terrible consequences.

She hardly heard Geraden saying, There's some reason why he wants you to believe I created you. He wants something from you.' He grimaced bitterly. 'He wants to bed you-but that isn't what I mean. If it were that simple, he wouldn't take the chance of upsetting you.

'My lady, what happened during the meeting of the Congery after I left? What did they decide?'

She hardly heard him-but all at once the words came into focus, and she grasped what he had said. The colour drained from her face. 'Decide?' she breathed, trying not to pant. Even this might be wrong, the decision to protect him. Maybe she shouldn't trust Master Quillon. Or maybe Geraden needed to die-maybe he was a danger to Mordant in some way she could never understand because she didn't belong here. She didn't know enough: the right answer wasn't available to her. A feeling of weakness washed through her, and darkness swirled around the edges of her vision. Her knees started to fold.

Somehow, Geraden crossed the distance between them. He was holding her up, his hands clamped to her arms. Terisa!' he hissed like a blaze. 'What did they decide?'

She couldn't stand. If he let her go, she would be lost. A moment later, however, she found that the urgent need in his face brought her strength back. He was more at risk than she would ever be. Master Quillon was right about that: Geraden was too passionate and determined to be safe. She couldn't let him be killed, couldn't give his enemies an excuse to kill him.

But as she straightened her knees, took her own weight, she realized that there was no way out. She couldn't let him be killed. What good was that? She also couldn't lie to him. It would be impossible for her to lie to any man who looked at her like that. Even if she had never existed before in her life, she would have become real at that moment because of the way he stared at her, simultaneously outraged on her behalf and desperate for her help.

One after the other, she shrugged her arms free. Still feeling weak, she said, 'They told me not to tell you. They told me that if you knew what the Congery was going to do your enemies would have you killed.'