The Moment She Knew

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

– Maya Angelou

Chapter 1

“So, what’s your story?” H
e asked. She sat there, hand frozen in air with her wine glass inches away from her lips. The wine was the only good thing about this evening so far. She wondered if she should continue on drinking or stop and answer his question. He was good looking; rugged, built, tall, blond hair, green eyes. She couldn’t remember for the life of her what his profession was.
Carpenter?
She asked herself.
No, landscaper, was it a landscaper?
She didn’t think that was it either. It really didn’t matter what he did, but she was sure he wasn’t in a profession that required communication, his conversation skills sucked, plain and simple. She noticed he was now staring, waiting for her to answer. She regrettably put down her red wine and said what came to mind.

“I don’t know what my story is because it isn’t finished just yet. I can however give you a little summary thus far.
My life is pretty simple, so I guess my story is as well. It something like a woman whose best friend is her dog; he has seen her when she has hidden herself from everyone. She is at heart, a hopeless romantic but will never admit that to anyone. It’s the idea of love that appeals to her but she is pretty sure she isn’t capable of seriously loving anyone. Her family has a weird way of showing their love. She has worked her ass off to get where she is and still she sells herself short because there is a part of her that believes she doesn’t deserve happiness. She became forever changed at the death of her best friend, something that still haunts her. Living in her fantasy world is what keeps her going each day; so she takes comfort in wine and reading. So,” she picked up her glass to take a sip, “what’s your story?”

H
e sat there silent, processing it all. She knew his mouth was just at the point of hanging wide open, but did he realize it? He must have because he closed it and swallowed hard. He straightened his posture as he responded, “I am studying to be an architect,”
ahh architect, that was it
, “buildings and structures fascinate me. So I’m entering a city wide contest where the winner with the best plans gets to…” and that’s all she heard as she sipped her wine and quietly went to her fantasy life, pretending he was someone else.

When
Callie got home she slipped off her ‘date wear’: dark wash jeans, plain gray tank top and heals. She wore the same outfit on every date. She slipped on her shorts and tank top, if only she could live in her pjs. All Callie had on her mind was her bed. It was 10:30, on a Friday night, and in her apartment is where she wanted to be. Her apartment wasn’t much, but it was hers.

Callie
lived in an old brick building that once was a school. The company who bought the school and turned it into apartments, kept the school name, Whitney Manor. The name sounded like a school for bad children and as it turns out, it was. The school was for ‘troubled girls’, Callie avoided the laundry room in the basement, the storage room in the basement and pretty much the whole basement. Whitney Manor stood about 4 floors tall with 4 apartments on each floor. The exterior of the building had nothing to offer but a small patch of grass in the front, while the rear of the building was used for parking. A small used book store was located to the left of the apartment building and an Irish pub sat directly across the street. There was a local market just a few feet away in a plaza with a bakery and, ironically, a fitness studio. She knew all of her neighbors and most were around her age, the ripe young age of thirty. She liked living in New Haven; she was born and raised here and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. She was in walking distance of some of the best shops, restaurants and entertainment. Callie was also 5 minutes from everything she knew; her family, friends, the heart of her city and the beach.

Entering her room, she plugged in her ever dying phone to charge but not before she remembered to send her friend, Dani, a quick text about her
date. She was sure Dani was asleep. They had been friends since high school, part of a small group. Much like the rest of that small group, Dani was now married and a mother to two boys, three if you counted Dani’s husband. As Callie sent the text, she was reminded she was the only one of her friends that was single. Not only was Callie not a mother or wife but she didn’t even have the resources to be either. It wasn’t a big deal, kids and marriage weren’t part of her plan, or so Callie thought. The previous year Callie attended more baby showers and kids birthday parties than she could count. She kept it classy and usually stopped at the package store on the way to the child’s party. Everyone would sit around the table and share stories on why their child was the smartest or cutest. Callie would just sit back and drink her spiked fruit punch. She didn’t mind kids. She had babysat for friends and her sister many times, it’s just she never got it and maybe she wouldn’t until she had her own kids,
IF
she ever had kids of her own. She tossed the thoughts of that aside and got into bed. She had to maneuver around Charlie, her dog and Lady, her cat. They had already fallen asleep on the pillow top, queen size bed and took their spots for the night.

Callie let out a sigh of contentment as she started to drift off into sleep.
Moments went by and she was woken by the usual thunders and crashes outside her apartment that happened every weekend from her drunken neighbors coming home. She didn’t mind, she had been that neighbor before. Just as she was drifting again a knock on the door startled her. She knew by the knock exactly who it was. She got up, threw on a sweatshirt, and checked the peephole just in case she was wrong. Nope, it’s exactly who she thought it was.

She opened the door.
“Ryan, what the hell are you doing?” She asked as he was dancing outside her door. The hallway wasn’t made for break dancing and neither was he. “Callie, come outside and have dance off with me,” he offered in the slurry mess he called speaking. “No,” she shook her head while laughing hysterically. Just as Ryan was doing another move he tripped, she went to grab him but didn’t make it and Ryan face planted on her ‘wipe your paws’ welcome mat.  A few guys came stumbling out of the Ryan’s apartment across the hall to help him. She had recognized some of the guys from work.

Ryan
Edwards was not only her neighbor but he was her coworker. They both worked at a local community college in New Haven, South Central Community College. Ryan was a full time professor, teaching business management classes. Some of the guys were other adjunct professors, ones Callie only saw every now and again because she worked in the English department.

Ryan
had wavy dirty blond hair and kept it longer than most guys. It was quite… shaggy; yes shaggy was a good name for it. He had dark eyes that looked as black as night. He stood about 5’10’’ tall. If Callie had to define his body type, it was skinny. There were no visible muscles although Ryan did manage to lift plenty when he helped her move to the fourth floor. Ryan had become a good friend over the past few semesters of her working at the college, so she knew busting his chops in the morning about this, was going to be fun.

The boys helped Ryan into his apartment.
Returning inside, Callie laid back in bed and relaxed. She started imagining him. Reed was his name, sure he was made up but his presence felt so real and as soon as she started mentally thinking about him and talking to him, he appeared in her dreams. He made himself known about 3 years ago. It was right after Callie had been through what she would call the worst time of her life. She lost her best friend unexpectedly and that brought her life into prospective. She canned her jobs that were leading nowhere and found one decent job. She finished school and was getting her life in order, she was going to be someone no matter what it took. Before she had gotten to that point, she was in a slump. She walked around in a fog, still not believing her best friend was gone. She didn’t know days or times; she went to work and then went home. Soon days started to blend together. She looked for guidance and found nothing. After crying herself to sleep for the umpteenth time, he appeared in her dream. Now all she had to do was think of him and he was there.

She was on a train; the train was packed as it always was.
She looked around and found him standing there, waiting for her. He always wore the same outfit; fitted jeans, a tight white tee shirt with a black bomber style jacket and black boots that came to a square toe in the front. He always looked very ‘Tom Cruise: Top Gun’ and the look fit him.

“Hello
Callie,” he nodded for her to follow him. “Hi Reed,” she replied excitedly. “How was your day?” He asked, while finding them a seat together on the train. “Well school is done so I’m happy about that. I am teaching a couple summer classes and then I start teaching full time in the fall semester which I’m nervous about. I went on this horrible date with a friend of a friend and I’m not exactly sure I want to be friends with this friend anymore.” She chuckled a little as she gave him the rundown of the three hour date she feared would never end. “What was so wrong with him? I think he sounds like a pretty ok guy.” She hesitated, “I don’t know, I just didn’t see us having much in common.”  She knew what he was going to ask next. “Did you actual listen to what this one had to say?” And there it was. “Of courssss… not really. He was boring. I tried though, I really did.” She knew that look on his face. She rolled her eyes. “What are you so afraid of Callie?” Afraid, she wasn’t afraid, just not interested in any of the men she was set up with. “I’m not afraid. I want to be comfortable. The kind of comfortable where an awkward silence isn’t awkward; we can sit in silence in a room and read our separate books and be fine with it. Or at least have something in common, anything, I mean you really should hear these guys. It’s just, I want to feel some type of connection, that would be great.” He looked straight ahead, “I know what you mean, so if it isn’t there than move on but first make sure it isn’t there. You can’t dismiss everyone.” He was right; she did dismiss all of them, but there was no connection and she saw no reason to waste anyone’s time, including her own. “Well maybe I’m looking for someone I can talk to, someone who listens, someone more like you.” He chuckled a little, looking back in her direction.

They had a comfortable friendship. She wasn’t in love with Reed but she would
n’t mind dating someone like him. Reed possessed qualities she liked. “Maybe I don’t need anyone in my life.” She figured she was probably going to end up alone anyway. “No? Well maybe someone needs you in theirs? Maybe someone needs you to save them, so to speak or show them the way. Show them there is more to life than what they think and how they feel.” She laughed, “I can’t save anyone. I wouldn’t even know how to do that.” Callie thought the idea of that was just ridiculous; you can’t save someone they have to save themselves. “You do that just by being you. You are meant for someone.” Callie never pictured herself as meant for someone; she was as her mother put it, a ‘special’ type of person. “Nah, all I need is you Reed and I’m good.” He glanced away and then his eyes pierced into her, “Callie, this, us, isn’t forever.”

Callie
woke up to her phone ringing and those last words Reed said echoed in her head. Reed wasn’t forever. She knew that he came around a few years ago and she wanted to him stay. She had made him up everything from his crisp, short, jet black hair to his navy blue eyes. It wasn’t like she was going to meet anyone anyway. She enjoyed her talks with Reed. He was like a mentor almost, helping her through life when she didn’t think she would have made it through the past few years and …
Who the hell keeps calling me
she thought. Picking up the phone she should have known.

“Where the hell have you been? I
must have called you ten times!” She check her missed calls, there were only two. “You go out on a date and don’t even call or text me when you get home saying you’re ok, what the fuck Caitlyn Marie! I almost drove to your apartment to make sure you were ok! Jesus, you are going to put me in the grave earlier than expected!” Oh no, her middle name was used, that wasn’t good.

“Mom, you called twice. Not ten times
,” Callie stated with a slight yawn. She loved her mother dearly, but she did over exaggerate on occasion. Her mother also wasn’t the type of mother to sugarcoat anything, which worked out for Callie. Her mother had a unique way of raising her and her sisters. Curse words were in all of their vocabularies.

“That’s what you say, Jesus
help me, this kid is really going to be the death of me.” She knew her mother was yelling to Callie’s step dad, she felt bad for him on occasion. “Mom, I’m fine but the date was a bust.” She stretched her arms and legs, not wanting to leave her bed.

“Yea
yea, all the dates are a bust. I’m starting to think it might be you kid. You are just too picky.”
Here we go again
she thought and let out a big sigh.